Marie Osmond is...WHAT? Facebook ruined by FAKE NEWS and 'Sponsored" Ad Garbage

They don't call him SUCKERBERG for nothing.

Mark Zuckerberg, boy genius, is worth about $64 BILLION and yet the cheap bastard can't stop festooning FACEBOOK with fake news and irritating "sponsored posts."

Facebook users are routinely seeing completely useless, unimportant and scam-filled garbage interrupting their MEMES, photos of lunches, and pictures of brats and other garbage.

Click to banish an annoying ad, and you get an annoying prompt: "What didn't you like? How can we bring you ads you'll prefer? Help us do better..." etc. etc.

The media is reporting on how Suckerberg made a lot of money off Russians who threw all kinds of ads and fake news on Facebook in order to help tilt the election to Trump. Less nefarious, but quite irritating, is Facebook's habit of allowing scammers to pretend celebrities are dead in order to do a "made you look" game.

How about this eye-catching squib that implies Marie Osmond has died:

"Vegas BIDS FAREWELL..." Considering how similar spots have "BID FAREWELL" to Betty White and others, it sure seemed like an obit. It SEEMS like the information is being posted on a real news site, the FRESNO BEE.

No, when you click the link, you're taken to some shyster website where the bait and switch is that Vegas is bidding farewell because Marie Osmond is retiring (oh, really) and devoting the rest of her life to hawking face cream.

Aren't you relieved that lovely Marie is not dead? That she only MIGHT be retiring from playing Vegas? That she probably isn't retiring at all, and is going to be like Cher and do farewell tours for 20 years?

So, go ahead, buy some gunk to help remove the wrinkles put there by "sponsored ads" and other SUCKERberg crap:

SUCKERberg apparently could care less what scammers and con-artists use Facebook. Not long ago, a "suggested post" for me was about MONTY PYTHON T-SHIRTS.

The comment section was dominated by a variety of knee-jerk nitwits shouting Python catch-phrases and cheering the idea of buying the shirts. The link led to...no, not the official Monty Python website, but a page on one of those "Do It Yourself" sites for putting logos on mugs, mousepads, t-shirts or anything else. Oh, the glory of knock-off technology.

The company making the shirts and mailing them out? "We don't know what's legal or not, and we are not obligated, by DMCA law, to ask our clients. If someone from Monty Python sees the item, fills out the forms properly, offers identification credentials and a valid phone number and address, we would certainly consider a takedown." PS, if a brazen thief wants to file a counter-notice, he can. He can dare, in this case, the Python lawyers to spend thousands of dollars to file an injunction and lawsuit. Ha ha, and for what? To keep some clod in Utah from selling a hundred shirts and making $2,000 profit? It costs more to sue, and guess what, no "punitive damages" unless you can prove malicious content.

I left a comment: "Is your shirt authorized by Monty Python? Are they getting royalties?" No reply.

Facebook itself is carefully rigged so that it's difficult to complain to anyone about anything. They're too busy making money for Mark Suckerberg. $64 BILLION isn't enough for the skinny, cheese-faced grinning son of a bitch. When it comes to being another powerful, soulless Internet greed-tool, Suckerberg has left his Mark.

Another Award for The World's Greatest Living Artist: TOMI UNGERER

Last week TOMI UNGERER received the "GOLDEN ILLUSTRATOR" Prize from The Professional Association of Illustrators of Catalonia.

(Yes, Mr. Fawlty, they're in Barcelona.)

Tomi Ungerer couldn't make it to the festivities, which honored "an illustrator whose professional career, we consider, has made an important contribution to graphic creativity." He sent a humble letter.

Many actors won't watch themselves on the screen. And yes, some in most any profession from illustrator to author to politician or sports hero might echo Tomi's words: "I still find no satisfaction in my work." Meaning, they see the flaws, while most everyone else sees perfection.

The full text:

“At the age of 86, I realize that even with 70 years of apprenticeship, I still find no satisfaction in my work. I just finished a new book for children and adults, it has been greeted with enthusiasm by my publisher, yet, doubt already sets in. Once printed, I shall discard it like all the other ones; flawed, misbegotten children, all.

I shouldn’t complain. Showered with prizes, with a museum sheltering my work, over 140 books on record – I still struggle with my nagging insecurity. Success has never reassured me.

For many I am known as a children’s book author. I conceived these books for the child in me, a little rascal indeed. Haunted with a restless imagination, I need the challenge of new styles and techniques.

This frustrating attitude of downgrading myself is fuel for my searching drive. Oh yes, I am enthusiastic once immersed in a project, possessed with sparkling despair, giggling at my own ideas. Then, once done, my vanity deflates and I start another book as if it was the first one.

I am happy and honoured to accept this prize. With my eternal insecurity it is reassuring, comforting to be acknowledged. To know that others appreciated my work is a stimulant for me, to keep on going, trying out new directions in swallowing labyrinths.”

Tomi Ungerer is the World's Greatest Living Artist because he covers the widest spectrum, from cartoons to architecture, from the most commercial magazine pop art to pen and ink drawings that are serious masterworks. His subjects range delightfully and wildly between the most innocent and joyous of children's books, to the most cynical depictions of political corruption and the love and hate behind sexuality.

Just a few examples, starting with the kindergarten "cat house" he designed:

Simplicity of line:

The soft and rich nature of his books for children, many made into films:

POLITICS

The extremes of sexuality

I got a chance to meet Tomi a few times, at lectures and signings. I once asked him if he'd ever met Spike Milligan. He said no, and wondered why I asked. I said it was because he and Spike both had a great humanity to their work, a delightful sense of nonsense and the naive, but also a sober conscience about what's wrong with the world. Tomi did know another hero of mine, Shel Silverstein, who I think was the only other artist to navigate between children's books and more "raunchy" material.

I'm actually IN the documentary on Tomi, in the scene where he demonstrates his art techniques to an audience of enthusiasts. It was amusing to see his work at a diverse gallery where his colorful kiddie stuff and his political magazine material were out in the open...and his erotica was in another room, with a cautionary sign on the door. Generally, an art show attracts a certain type of person who dresses and acts a certain way. Not so with an Ungerer exhibition, where you'll see, side by side, the young, the old, the frowning radicals and the open-minded liberals, the humbly clothed and the dedicated and outrageous followers of fashion. Tomi Ungerer is beloved, respected and admired...and The World's Greatest Living Artist.

Kathy Griffin is Back, and Anderson Cooper is a "Spineless Heiress"

Joan Rivers is still dead.

So, we've got Kathy Griffin back from purgatory, revoking her Trump apologies, and doing mean Tweets on her creepy ex-lawyer (daughter of Gloria Allred, an even creepier lawyer). She's promoting her shows and...taking a catty swipe at Anderson Cooper, the gay guy who was once her straight man.

OK, if she can make fun of Son of Gloria, and call him a "Spineless Heiress," she must have a reason...

I keed, I keed. Actually Kathy's payback is over how Cooper instantly turned on her when her "severed head" joke thudded to the floor. He instantly Tweeted how appalled he was, rather than continuing to find Kathy a campy queen of comedy.

The last laugh is Kathy's, as she's launched her "Laugh Your Head Off" comedy tour. She sure knows how to promote it.

NEVER TRUST AN ANCHOR OVER 50. Or 60 - The GLOW OF GLOR

CBS just announced they've got a new puppy.

It's Jeff Glor, who at 42, is a year younger than ABC's whelp, David Muir.

Hi there, Jeffy. Glor-y be.

Why, he's another Jimmy Olsen. He's cu-u-u-u-u-ute. But, gosh, David Muir at ABC is a HUNK. Oh, Demographics! What's your target audience of moist women to do?

The Evening News, like Late Night, is dominated by demographics. Puppy Jimmy Fallon was the new trick and NBC kicked old dog Leno out. Leno of course, had eased Carson out, back when Leno had black hair. The number of white-haired or gray-haired anchors, daytime hosts, quiz show hosts, or late night hosts keeps dwindling and doddering to nearly none.

CBS was unhappy with Andrew Mason (61) who was filling in for the departed (not dead, but just sounding that way) gray-haired Scott Pelley (60). Pelley was sort of in the avuncular style of Walter Cronkite, once "the most trusted man in America." Old Scott's main flaw, for me, is that his delivery is ponderously slow. Let's say he moved from a Dan Rather 45 rpm to a more numbing 33 1/3rd. But let's not say that if you're under 40 and don't know what records are or turntable speeds.

So now, CBS has themselves a young pup who can compete with ABC's stud puppet. What about NBC, you say? They had smirky Brian Williams (58) earning ten million a year. Brian once won the Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Journalism. It turned out that he stretched the truth a few times too many, and was replaced by dull Lester Holt (58). How dull is Lester Holt? He's so boring nobody even cares if he's ethnic. His ancestry includes people "of color" (not colored people) from Africa by way of Jamaica, but he's not ETHNIC the way lovable Al Roker is, or more studly anchors who turn up pair with white women on local news broadcasts. He's just...LESTER. Les isn't Muir, and now Muir has competition.

Who will emerge as the big winner? Well, actually...none of the above. Once a money-making showcase, the "Evening News" as hosted by Cronkite, Huntley-Brinkley, Reasoner, even Rather, is now playing to a much lesser audience. The Internet is the culprit, along with the zillion cable channels that include, for news junkies, FOX, CNBC, C-Span, etc. etc. The hope is that moist females, still sitting down after watching Ellen and quiz shows and judge shows, will stay glued to GLOR or MUIR, just to watch the anchor, not necessarily to care about numb foreign news, the latest climate-change catastrophe, or something Trump said.

As for Lester Holt, NBC probably hopes "serious" viewers will prefer getting their news from a guy with no sex appeal at all. But he IS 58 already. While George Foreman once declared "50 is not a death sentence," it's TERMINAL in certain categories of show biz, and the evening news IS show biz. The news at NBC is...right now they are probably looking for somebody NEW.

TAYLOR SWIFT NASAL SPRAY

Have you seen the UPS delivery trucks with TAYLOR SWIFT'S CD ON THEM?

Like, what, they deliver CDs? UPS could stay in business shipping $10 CDs a week late to the few people on the planet who don't know how to download music free?

Taylor Swift's machine never stops....

The world is SO excited about the new Taylor Swift album, which is about to...oh, it's not about to be RELEASED. That's an "old school" term.

In the old days, you'd be excited over a new rock album being "released." Like it was something wild.

Now, a new album "Drops." Like a load of shit.

Mayor De Lousio Says SHUN Amazon...then puts in a BID to Bring Amazon to NYC

OK, many say Mayor De Lousio is a weasel. That's a bit unfair. He's got more of a capybara head. And, lest we forget David Letterman's appraisal, he's "freakishly tall." Dave was so sickened by this mayor, that he was not invited to be on Dave's show. Consider how often Giuliani and Bloomberg appeared.

You remember De Lousio. He's the guy who said that the FIRST thing he'd do as mayor would be to outlaw the carriage horses in Central Park.

He never did it. But when it comes to crazed homeless psychos taking dumps all over New York city, and other horse shit, this guy comes up smelling like...he knows his shit.

Jeff Bezos, the Mussolini of the Internet, is an interesting assassin. He first gained fame by putting Mom and Pop stores out of business with his great prices on books. "Psst, heard of this new place called Amazon? They sell the latest books at great prices, and...FREE SHIPPING!"

Typical of bait and switch, Amazon would soon declare that FREE SHIPPING only applied on items meeting a certain price total. And then, the front page of the website was given over to something called the KINDLE, which was designed to destroy the publishing world entirely. Bezos made sure book companies played by his rules or not at all, and was not above telling very big companies that he wouldn't stock their stuff if they didn't appease him.

He made sure that used and promo copies of books were listed RIGHT NEXT to the new copies, so that authors could be further screwed out of royalties. Yes, why buy a new book when a used or promo copy in perfect condition was available? And how about setting prices on KINDLE versions, and encouraging every asshole in the world to create awful fiction and crappy, badly researched non-fiction to sell via Amazon? I mean, just to put MORE money into the pockets of the dickhead Bezos who has moved to Washington D.C, bought a town house bigger than Trump's, and could be eyeing a run for President. Or dictator.

De Lousio, could be angling to be Bezos' running mate or something. Meanwhile, the guy is talking out of both sides of his Capybara-like skull.

Support local business by not shopping online. But...let's put in a BID and beg Bezos to bring Amazon offices (and stores and drones) into Manhattan? Ah. De Lousio claims 50,000 new jobs will be created with Bezos around. Right, how many hand, and how many blow?

Who is Copyright-Nastier, PUTIN or GOOGLE, EBAY and PAYPAL?

One of the websites that monitors piracy had an interesting report on The Russians.

You thought that in the Soviet Union copyright means nothing? It would seem so. On eBay, Russian CD and DVD bootlegs are regularly sold and it's up to copyright owners to file "VERO" forms for a takedown. Communist countries routinely manufacture everything from fake Gucci bags to bogus Disney toys. But INTERNET piracy?

It seems that if piracy affects Russia's own products, or doesn't put enough money in Putin's pocket...it's STRONGLY opposed. You know, like Judaism.

Yes, policing the Internet is tiresome, even for an ex-KGB guy like Putin. But he's actually doing it.

Compare this to GOOGLE, which runs Blogger and YouTube, and of course makes a fortune with a search engine that leads people to all the blogs, forums and torrents that offer illegal material. Google doesn't do much to prevent piracy. On YouTube for example, you regularly see assholes posting copyrighted material and ADMIT IT:

"I do not own copyright. I'm just posting it. Rights belong to the owners!"

But, copyright means that you are NOT allowed to COPY, right? It means that the OWNER is in total control of the item and determines what can be done with it...RIGHT? And Google would have a red flag available so that a YouTube video that flaunts copyright would be removed...no? NO.

Google also has the most complicated HOOPS of any major Internet site. If you own copyright, and you notice somebody is abusing your work, you will prefer being on line at the DMV, or studying the US Government's Guide to Health Insurance, over filling out their forms.

Google also has a nasty little website where they stow all the takedown requests they get...so everyone can see. This is sort of like reporting rape to the police, and the police posting all the information on a website, including photos. Oh, but maybe the face is blurred and a phone number "redacted." As if that wouldn't be hard to figure out. Or hack.

EBAY and PAYPAL? Ebay is Sgt. Schultz and Paypal is Col. Klink. Ebay "knows nnnnnuthing, sees nnnnnuthing," and it's up to the copyright owner to VERY SPECIFICALLY make a complaint. The ONE item would be removed, not the other obviously illegal stuff. Paypal? They have more hoops than you'll find in a 3-ring circus, and quite an assortment of ferocious beasts denying you justice. This, along with dumb elephants who will stare at the forms and simply say, "Duhhhhh, you didn't fill them out right. Fill them out again and fax them." Over and over and over.

It's certainly INTERESTING to note that Putin is actually more energetic about piracy than three companies here in America.

NOW you've done it, Trump! Look who is ANGRY AT YOU!

Wow. A BASKETBALL COACH is annoyed with Trump. This is big news today.

What next? The CEO of Jiffy Pop? The weatherman for the NBC affiliate in Spokane? The Best Boy working on Miramax movies? The latter, being male, is not likely to have anything to say about Weinstein, but maybe, oh, JESUS maybe, Trump!

Yes, it's nice that Trump gets criticism from Twitter trolls, late night comedians and several carp-lipped impersonators. It certainly helps that a basketball coach has dared get political and risk whatever it is that sports leagues do in cases like this. But for it to be front page news?

Maybe it's MY problem for not following basketball. I never got the homoerotic thrill of seeing sweaty men in squeaky sneakers running back and forth in their colored boxer shorts and undershirts, making a big deal out of shoving a ball in a hoop that should be a foot higher than it is.

I'm not impressed with white haired white guys who get red in the face over what black players do. Or roly-poly referees.

Put it this way, I wouldn't be impressed if the WBA Heavyweight Champ mouthed off against Trump. Punched him in the mouth, yes.

Effeminate Hack James Corden Fails to get Titters

It must've been a big surprise for oh-so-cuddly James Corden. At an AMFAR banquet where badly behaving heterosexuals could surely get derisive laughter, the pasty-faced pudge's jokes fell flat.

Newspaper reports said that the campy queen of "car karoake" merely got groans when he revved up on easy target Harvey Weinstein. Weinstein, it should be noted, actually hired the lumpen British fop Corden for the film "One Chance." You might remember the shrill, histrionic hissy-fit film Corden made about Joe Meek, which I think was released as "No Chance."

That's screen captures, that's not me slanting a story or taking quotes out of context. Corden STUNK.

Cowardly Corden came out from his dressing room closet ready to get roars of approval for bitch-slapping the pubic-coated face of gruesome Harvey. He was going to pander to a gay audience and rip apart a casting coach fiend (as if there aren't more, as if there aren't plenty in the gay world too, as if powerful people of any sex or persuasion are never abusive). He got scorn.

So ends the stereotypical cliche that a gay audience loves "dish" and has a fondness for bitchy kicks-to-the-balls of any hetero who is down and out. Nope, the first real in comedy is the joke should be funny. It also helps if it's being delivered by an actual comedian, and not a pork-faced self-righteous hack.

Corden, who loves his show tunes, adores his karaoke, and his in garishly bad drag more often than Carol Channing, misjudged the crowd at AMFAR. After all, all through his bad performance, he kept denying that he sucked.

Rose McGowan Had Her Peeps Help with Fascist TWITTER

"Freedom of Speech" is a funny thing in this country.

It's a twisted thing. Morons think posting copyrighted videos on YouTube is "Freedom of Speech." It's a refrain from all the big companies such as Google and Wikipedia and even the jerks who own the "I Has Cheezeburgers" Cat-Parody site. See, if you STEAL photos, if you DON'T back up your sources, if you PLAGIARIZE, it's ALL good because it's covered by "Freedom of Speech."

Downloading the latest albums from a blog? "Freedom of Speech." Disrupting a football game to sorrowfully take a knee because your country isn't perfect? "Freedom of Speech," even if it takes place in a private stadium. Except a fan who starts yelling racist remarks in that stadium will be escorted out, with no ticket refund. "Freedom of Speech" has its limits, which are judiciously applied. Or, not so judiciously, since most people don't know anything about law.

The "Good News" is that after a trending hashtag urged people to BOYCOTT TWITTER, Twitter decided that Rose's suspension would be temporary. They even explained why she was suspended, which they don't usually do.

TWITTER, along with FACEBOOK, EBAY, PAYPAL and the rest, play Fascist games with "Freedom of Speech." Their ace in the hole, is that to use their services, you must agree with their TOS ("Terms of Service"). The TOS pretty much gives them ownership over your account. They can interpret the rules any way they like. Leave a "bad" comment in the Ebay "community forum," especially about their inept phone support or their peculiar CEO, and BANG. "You can no longer use the community forum. Another infraction and you are suspended." Post fake nudes of Rose McGowan, and that's ok with eBay. In fact, it seems to be OK with Rose herself, as when someone on Twitter alerted her to the problem and advised her to ask for a takedown, she didn't respond. That's her Freedom to Not Speak. Which is strange for such an ardent feminist. When do feminists go silent over creepy guys posting fake nudes and "fantasy" photos of actresses being whipped and beaten?

The Great Tweet, or whoever the CEO is, never told Gambling Rose what made her crap out. Their form emails simply say "You have violated our rules. You are suspended," blah blah. It was only after Rose fought back and got her Peeps to Tweet up a storm, and to rally the media, that she was reinstated:

"....her account was temporarily locked because one of her Tweets included a private phone number, which violates our Terms of Service.

"The Tweet was removed and her account has been unlocked. We will be clearer about these policies and decisions in the future."

Here's more from ABC News, including the little tidbit that TWITTER can be SELECTIVE about phone numbers, and whether Tweeting them is an offense or not. Heh heh, Internet bullies ALWAYS have "options" when it comes to "interpreting" the "terms of service."

McGowan successfully got a settlement out of Weinstein years ago, for $100,000, for "an alleged incident in a hotel room at the Sundance Film Festival in 1997." Her beef with the Mussolini of Internet Sales, Bezos of Amazon, is that Bezos is apparently still doing business with Weinstein in some way. Weinstein has been fired by Miramax and doesn't seem to be in any position to produce anything but feces in a toilet.

Meanwhile, back at Twitter: "WE WILL BE CLEARER ABOUT THESE POLICIES AND DECISIONS IN THE FUTURE."

You think they've explained their policy to however many 100's of people they've shut down today? You think they've given these people an email or a phone number to call so they can discuss the situation with a REAL PERSON? Twitter suspends people every day for speaking their mind, and being watchdogs, and sending out maybe a half-dozen Tweets to key media sites (the same things one might send out in a press release, if people still new how to use paper and stamps).

Let's acknowledge that "Freedom of Speech" doesn't mean that some asshole can have a Twitter account just to vent racism. But let's also acknowledge that if you say one word against Trump, and you have any kind of following, you'll find yourself snowed under with shouts of "Snowflake" and "Libtard" and, as Art Garfunkel once phrased it, "the old two-word suggestion." And Twitter would explain, if they bothered, that opinions are allowed because it's..."Freedom of Speech." As THEY interpret it.

Rose McGowan got an IMMEDIATE suspension with NO explanation.

If you go to Tweetie-Pie's "TOS" page, you'll find a long, long list of ways you can be thrown off the site. Many of them simply deny "Freedom of Speech." If, in their opinion, you've posted too many Tweets, that's enough to be suspended. There's nothing called "Freedom to be a Yenta," I guess. If you want to get five or ten different people to read your opinion of something, THAT could be considered "spamming." You didn't know "Freedom of Speech" had a limit on how many people you can speak to?

SPAM? Spam, spam, spam, spam, spammmity spam. Some drone at Twitter will decide if you've crossed that pink, smelly, slushy line into SPAM:

That's just PART of it. That's only one aspect of Twitter's "Terms of Service." HOW did Rose make a stink? Maybe we'll never know. Twitter, like the rest of the Fascist Goons who run the Internet and are a monopoly, is under no obligation to explain anything.

Well, THANKS, TWITTER for keeping people safe from Rose McGowan. You know, if she sent me a Tweet, it would never occur to me to just BLOCK the woman. But now I'll never get a Tweet from her, so I can sleep at night. Oh. I actually DO sleep at night.

You think Donald Trump hasn't violated Twitter's TERMS OF SERVICE?

Harvey Weinstein's Wife - The Rat Deserts the Sinking Shit

What was wrong with this picture? What was RIGHT with it?

There are no surprises in this world. We all know that ugly rich fat executives are often PIGS. We know that the "casting couch" still exists. We know that people of either sex in power positions tend to be arrogant and abusive.

We're supposed to be SHOCKED...SHOCKED...that a woman who obviously married for MONEY is now walking away from a guy who just lost his job? Take a look at that photo again. The caption from her doesn't read: "He's SO handsome, he's SO young, and Holy Moses, I'd marry this Jew if he was just a waiter at the Second Avenue Deli."

Just as we ALL know that some movie moguls have no manners or morality, we ALL know that a beautiful young woman does NOT marry an ugly old man unless he's RICH.

Harvey still has his Academy Awards but not his trophy wife from the Stepford Collection.

Oh, the lessons we've learned. Movie producers can still be nasty. Actresses can still be stupid. Rich bitches can still marry for money.

Elizabeth Taylor once said that "fame is a good deodorant." But when you're famous for being a stinkier...well, even Lisa Bloom (the shark lawyer who went after Cosby) suddenly backed away from a big payday. She left faster than you could say "hypocrite." Harvey sent emails to all his bigshot pals begging them for a break...and they all came back "Mailbox Full Of It." He's supposedly now in the Anthony Weiner Wing of some "Sex Addiction" clinic, wondering how long it'll be...when it gets sucked again. Or, "When's my COMEback?"

All that we've seen over the past few days with the Great Harvey Scandal, is that human nature doesn't change. Rich people are abusive. Sometimes they get taken down. Nobody knows you when you're down and out. Your friends will turn around and stab you in the back. And the wife who thought you looked like potato salad in a suit is taking you to the cleaners.

Breastfeeding : The New Yorker goes Gawker

In case you don't know by now, breastfeeding is perfectly natural.

In case you also don't know by now, The New Yorker needs your money. So do all the other starving newsstand magazines. This is because it's perfectly natural for people to get their reading FREE online.

Pssst, The New Yorker, anyone can Google "lactation" or "milk spurting" and see much, much more interesting pictures than your pretentious hack photographer is offering.

How ironic that The New York tries to get people to buy their mag...by TWEETING

Remember when The New Yorker was known for its articles? For its cartoons? Now it's trying for soft porn?

Is it "perfectly natural" for a woman to take off her dress when breastfeeding? Why is she in her panties? Does she have a slightly older child who is teething, and needs to gum her labia? Will that be in NEXT WEEK's issue?

The New Yorker may be hedging on how much anyone cares about a potato-faced movie mogul still playing the casting couch game. The New Yorker spent a lot of time and publicity on an expose of Harvey Weinstein but...aw, The New York Times did one, too. And once ANY reporting is out there, the Decider and Huffington and ALL the other news aggregates come in, freely quote all the "good parts," and steal away the precious banner ad money.

The New Yorker staff doesn't see the irony of any of this. And considering that the last funny guy there was Lee Lorenz, nobody at The New Yorker can see the humor in anything. Just look at their cartoons. So, when they discover that there was no sizable gain (like from C cup to D cup) for the breastfeeding issue, what WILL they do? Cry over spilt milk?

DOLPHINS FIRE A COACH...FOR DOING HIS JOB?

Aww, NFL players, TAKE A KNEE.

TAKE A KNEE for this POOR COACH.

The man is hired to be an OFFENSIVE coach. Here he is, being offensive, and he gets fired. v

He was doing a line. What's wrong with that?

OFFENSIVE LINE COACH, people.

You give the man a job to do, and he does it. What more can you ask?

KAEPERNICK TAKES A KNEE ... and a deep breath

Taking a knee. Hard twerk.

PETTY LARCENY - death becomes EBAY

The ghouls have all heard the news, so they're uploading their "GUARANTEED" signed TOM PETTY items.

Funny, how Tom's signature changes a little bit here and there. Fortunately, all the items have lines like "this was signed in person" and "this is a signature, not a pre-print." Any pictures of Tom actually signing these? Of course not.

At a time like this, sellers are taking a knee. Or rather, doing knee-jerk posting to grab quick sales. Many veterans of the game know to do "ONE DAY" specials. It's that first day of shock and awe that gets people to bid with their hearts, not their heads.

EBAY has that reputation (undeserved) for honesty. Surely, eBay doesn't allow forgeries. Surely, they also don't allow bootlegs and counterfeit Gucci bags and there are many safeguards in place. Ahem. As a VERO rep for some celebrity friends, I've seen many a bold forgery and many an outrageously bad one. I've seen reputable sellers (or ones who claim to be, and even have their own websites) selling forgeries. I've even bought a few to see how they did it. As in, "Was this a free-hand fake, or did they use Photoshop to trace a real signature and then print it onto a new photo." Very fascinating.

Maybe fans think that Tom Petty's wife is a VeRO (verified rights owner) rep on eBay and is, at this very moment, sending in DMCA's on the items she thinks are obvious forgeries.

A few wise, wise people bought their items from sellers who posted BEFORE Tom died. Surely, those all have to be the REAL DEAL. Sellers can't be so craven as to use scanning equipment to slap professional-looking genuine ink signatures on any photo or CD booklet or album cover they like. Surely, sellers couldn't keep making a living on eBay if they were known to be crooks...even if they use different selling names and routinely switch item locations around.

It's an odd form of mourning, to suddenly want a signature on something or other. You didn't want it before? You need it NOW? It's a tribute? It's a fantasy, like, "well, I was hoping to see him at a memorabilia show, or go to a concert sometime and wait at the stage door...." This is ink that came out of a pen. It's possible Tom Petty never even TOUCHED the item. No forensic scientist could lift a single fingerprint.

$250 for an autographed baseball? Do allow for the fact that the signature might NOT be completely accurate because the surface is round. $600 for an album jacket. A seller with 10 of them? Heck, he's a pro, he just waltzed over to Tom, and said, "Sign all these so I can make money," and Tom did it. Any excuse will do. And remember the seller who says "I guarantee this with my OWN "Certificate of Authenticity." If you can PROVE it's fake, you get your money back. I WON'T BACK DOWN! And I'll write on the envelope - HANDLE ME WITH CARE."

EFFECTIVE AGGRESSION

Social media today, is predictably full of two types of oh-so-helpful TWEETS.

One set gasp: "R.I.P." and "Bless the angels who perished" and "My heart goes out with condolences."

Another set gasp: "Where's gun control?" and "Isn't enough enough?"

And in a day or two, TWITTER will be back to its usual bird-brained nonsense. Nothing will change. The NRA is popular, gun owners are jittery about home invasion, and people are just plain stupid about locking up their weapons (the Adam Lanza case). Various states will happily allow people to openly carry weapons, not bother with background checks, and look the other way on Internet sales of assault weapons.

All that we have now, is the morbid curiosity of whether an incident of mass violence breaks any records. Wowie, folks. The Vegas killing tops the Miami killing for "worst gun tragedy in America." SO FAR.

So, despite a lack of effective aggression, some people will still grumble about gun control. Because they have to do SOMETHING to feel better for a little while. Or less angry.

Meanwhile, for a day or two, this incident has pushed aside the valiant brain-damaged millionaires in Spanx, who have taken a knee. We know all about them. At first they did it because the National Anthem was written by a racist and contained secret racist lyrics. When that stuff was disproved, it became, "no, no, we're taking a knee because black people are disproportionately getting shot by police. Especially blacks with police records as long as your arm."

Anyone want to at least toss in two words: Justine Damond? Nah. It's a black thing only. You wouldn't understand. Or care. About a white woman shot dead by a black cop in Minnesota. For no reason. Shit happens.

Let's take the spin away. If you drag your athletic ass over to St. Louis and march in the street after a racial incident, if you drag your athletic ass over to Baltimore, or anywhere that has seen an incident of race relations that offends you, then you are targeting racism. If you take a knee while the National Anthem plays and the flag waves, you are targeting America. The message you're sending is that you can't support this country, period.

The white Liberal millionaire actors and actresses, who go to an awards show and start grousing about their causes, are taking up their own time. They'd rather talk about a social issue than thank their parents and tell their kiddies "you can go to bed now," fine. They aren't disrespecting everything about their country.

Jim Brown, George Foreman and many others have stated that taking a knee for the flag and the National Anthem is simply NOT the way to get things done. The mother of Colin Kaepernick, the guy who started all this, felt the same way. But she's white. So she's part of the problem, as opposed to Colin's black father, who ran away before he was born.

Simply put, marching or taking a knee is not going to eradicate the problem of police violence As long as you have a man in uniform with a gun, and somebody coming toward him with bad intent, or seemingly bad intent, lethal tragedies will happen. Some by accident. Some on purpose.

But taking a knee? It's become a fad, like twerking. It's become ridiculous.

Three possibilities here. One, since this is private property, owners can demand the players abide by rules or leave. Two, the anthem could be retired; who said it has to be played before a sports event anyway? Third, let these people do as they please until they get bored with how useless the protest actually is.

Effective aggression. Taking a knee will not save a single life. Not one.

FUN WITH COLIN KAEPERNICK

As we see, everyone's TAKING A KNEE. It's become the new fad. It beats TWERKING.

Why, here's happy country singer Tift Merritt proud of teaching kiddies how to TAKE A KNEE. "Remember kids, the National Anthem is a horribly racist song. The guy who wrote it put racist messages into it. And don't believe that he was a lawyer who once went to court to free slaves!"

It's a good thing everyone's forgotten about Justine Damond, inconveniently shot by Mohamed Noor, a Somali-American Minneapolis Police. Or any other case of injustice or brutality against, oh, women, Latinos, gays, Jews, etc. etc. Or climate change, pollution, hunger, Boko Haram, slavery in Russia, etc. etc. This IS a "one issue" nation, and things won't get better till the National Anthem is replaced by, oh, something by Beyonce.

The NFL is full of sensitive people, you know. They abhor racism, or anything that might be considered offensive. Just ask the Washington REDSKINS.

Meanwhile...

Al seriousness aside, it's important to note that Colin Kaepernick couldn't possibly participate in a march. His knee isn't up to it.

He could've spent the off-season visiting schools and churches and speaking out at rallies. Since he wasn't such a good football player, he probably could've spent some time during the season expressing his opinion via YouTube videos or showing up at a trial where a police officer was accused of injustice. He might've simply sent a thank you note to his white adoptive parents, with a line reading, "You know America isn't THAT bad. Not every white person is racist. I surely don't want to send THAT message all over the world by taking a knee during the National Anthem of my country."

Surely, we ALL agree that when someone has personal beliefs, they should express them. Just ask the fine folks at Boko Haram, Hamas and ISIS.

A lot of cheerful white people are blinking brightly and saying, "This is a GOOD thing. Come on, People, protest is the American way!" To quote the fabulous Sarah Palin, YOU BETCHA!" Damn right. YOU BETCHA!

Hopefully in the future, EVERYONE will take an appropriate moment to talk about what bothers them.

How about, before the Asian waiter bring you that plate of Chow Fon, he takes a knee and says, "Last century, my people were practically slaves, building your damn railroad." And the waiter bringing you sushi? "My grandfather was forced out of his home because some idiots worried he might be a Japanese spy. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN. I will keep taking this knee till your tempura gets cold!"

How about, before you pay for that pound of hamburger meat, the check-out girl takes a knee and says, "I'd like to take a minute to read to you from this PETA brochure."

Maybe your Indian cab driver will stop in traffic, leave the meter running for a minute and explain his anger over how he gets gets dirty looks from a lot of people who think he's Muslim.

Let's not think that any group has experienced injustice, certainly not the Native Americans who were pushed off every bit of their native land. Hell, they are respected with that beautiful looking mascot for the Cleveland Indians. And in Atlanta they grunt and do the "Tomahawk Chop." That could be more empathetic to the Redskins?

The waiter in the deli? He's ALMOST brought that over-stuffed pastrami sandwich to the table, along with that glass of Cel-Ray, but he's taken a knee. He says, "Did you know that Roger Waters and Peter Gabriel want to starve all the Jews in Israel with sanctions against them? That the little sliver of sand that the Jews have acquired after 2,000 years of persecution, extermination and slavery is in danger of being blown off the map?"

Dick Gregory said, "You see, we ALL have problems."

Everybody is dealing with something. Something that they feel isn't fair.

Or as Rodney Dangerfield put it, "No respect. No respect at all." Anyone see a whole lot of tolerance in this world?

Bob Dylan sang that we should "strengthen the things that remain." Jim Brown, a football player who lived in an era where the NFL was not 70% Black, thought taking a knee was disrespectful.

Perhaps some PC-minded people would think that since 70% of the population is NOT Black, maybe the NFL should show some DIVERSITY, and make it so that no running back was over 150 pounds, and these running backs were Asian, Jewish and Lesbian. Or all three.

George Foreman also thought "taking a knee" disrespectful and divisive. Do you know where "taking a knee" came from? It's in the sport of boxing. If you've been clobbered, you momentarily take a knee, to give yourself 9 seconds to clear your head. Guess what. George Foreman NEVER took a knee. Neither did Ali or Frazier or any of the greats.

Colin Kaepernick's mother went on record saying that taking a knee was not her idea of an effective way of protest. She's white, by the way. His father? He didn't even stick around for Colin's birth. But maybe he was protesting the fact that white women deliberately don't use the Pill when they should, and try to entrap the black man into marriage. Or something.

This is an angry country full of frustrated people. It's easier to hate than to love. It's easier for Colin Kaepernick to tell the world that some cops are quick on the trigger (as if that's a surprise. Ask Justin Damond's friends). It's not so easy for him to tell the world that a white couple raised him as their own and gave him every opportunity to find acceptance and prosperity.

Colin could also protest by changing his name from Colin Kaepernick, which is so WHITE and hard to spell, to COLIN X.

At least go from Kaepernick to Pumpernickel. Remember when Arsenio Hall said he wasn't replacing White Bread Johnny Carson, just giving late night viewers some Pumpernickel?

Nah. Can't go with Colin X; the checks he gets all say Kaepernick. And it would be such an effort to cross that out and put in an X. Like it would be much more effort to march than take a knee.