Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Kim Kardashian...talentless trashy media whore...and CHEAP, too. EBAY "CHARITY" AUCTIONS

Kim Kardashian? Right, the slutty nobody who came to fame because of a leaked porn video. As if "daughter of a creepy lawyer who helped get O.J. off" made her so newsworthy. Now that Kim is a multi-millionaire, you'd think she's at least try and change her image by dressing well, and...always good...giving money away.

Who knew the tacky airhead was CHEAP, too? The latest news is her "charity" auctions on eBay...make more money for HER than for the charities!

Miss Selfie couldn't even go halfies...as in "50% of the auction will go to charity." She squeezed it down to just 10%.

Most good charities are non-profit. Her excuse is that eBay and Paypal take out a high percentage in fees. NO, they don't. If you auction off a dress for $100, they'll take 10% each. There's no excuse for not at least going 50-50.

Oh yeah...Miss 10 Percent to Charity has enough money for...GOLD TOILETS!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Ronnie Smith "Libya's Best Friend" de-Friended by Sniper

A 33 year-old teacher from Texas, Ronnie Smith decided to educate kids in Libya, and called himself "Libya's Best Friend."

In case you can't guess what happened next, here's one of today's news reports...

Some say he should never have gone to Libya.

Well...you might remember my YouTube video and Groucho imitation after Moammar was shot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTquHnLvzXY

But really, if you'd care to Google the name "Philip Chism," you'll know that it's just as risky to be an honest, dedicated teacher in Massachusetts. Or any other state of the Union. What 14 year-old Philip did would probably sicken even a Libyan sniper.

You could say this Ronnie Smith was a hero. Or at least, a great optimist.

He was also a bit odd, as you'd expect from somebody named Ronnie Smith. Here, on Twitter, just days before his demise, he tells the world about...a butt sprayer...

What does this teach us?

Use your butt sprayer while ye may, because there's no warranty on your ass, and it may not last as long.

In addition to Warren Zevon's "enjoy every sandwich," now there's Yomna..."enjoy every peanut butter cookie," whether you can sing Happy Birthday in Arabic or not.

As Groucho said of Harpo, "he was a nice man, and that's as good an epitaph as any." Ronnie Smith: a nice man; and a humanitarian, an idealist, an optimist, and for a little while, a maker of peanut butter cookies and smiles. Hopefully his teachings will not be forgotten.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The PITH of SMITH

I'm in the latest cyber-issue of PLANET PROCTOR (edited by Firesign Theater's Phil Proctor)

Just a little bit of wit. Or is it?

Huh? Well, maybe it's profound.

Or funny.

When I was putting together the "Comedy Quote Dictionary" (Doubleday) I noticed how many sages (from Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain to P.T. Barnum and Yoko Ono) were quoted for some bit of wisdom. If you say it with just the right gravity, or while carrying a rolled up copy of The New Yorker, your funny remark might be taken seriously. Or vice versa.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Are you SURE you don't want to read more likable death stories...

No proofreaders.

After all, the phrase "YOU MAY ALSO LIKE..." is ALWAYS appropriate at the end of a story...

...and the bots ALWAYS make sure to match up likely links for you to click...

Monday, November 25, 2013

TYPO POSITIVE: Crazy Net Swingers Needed a Helper?

Funny...I don't see that third person...

But the DAILY NEWS says this couple had help.

This story is either a) true...with a husband being awfully generous in showing his wife's nudity or b) staged...with these swingers getting off on being exhibitionists, as long as it "seems" the wife doesn't know. Either way it's pretty stupid.

And where IS that third person who allegedly had something to do with helping these two? Check out that last line...

Ron's Re-Captioned Cartoons

RE-CAPTIONED CARTOON Some are Photoshopped a bit as well. Thanks to the original cartoonist, Mr. Twohy.