The holidays. People are busy doing so many thing, like cutting down trees to put in their homes. Buying stuff. Buying more stuff. Eating a lot. Enduring family get-togethers for the sake of the kiddies, or for a hoped-for banquet of food, and a few presents...
So let's say that the dismal ratings for Mort Sahl streaming on something called Periscope.TV have something to do with the holidays. The Thursday after New Year's, 78 people watched. On December 19th, 57 people did. On December 12th, 46.
Since taking over from Mort's actual manager, and setting up a website to have total control, the woman behind Mort for the past few years has managed to get him booked -- nowhere except at a tiny theater she runs. That's every Thursday, for an hour, in front of a few dozen people. It's sad that live streaming on the Internet doesn't increase the number by very much. What, 20 or 30 people in the theater, and 57 or 78 watching online?
It's a bit sad, because Mort's still pretty sharp at 92. Yes, he'll use references to Sam Kenton, old Burt Lancaster movies, and of course, find some excuse to discuss Kennedy, but he's also aware of guys named Biden and Trump. Problem? If people really want to hear about current events, they can watch Stephen Colbert every night with his fleet of writers giving him a ton of material. There's also Bill Maher and many others.
People have gotten used to the Carson and Leno style of FAST jokes, not parenthetical anecdotes, and the number of quotable and accessible JOKES from Sahl was never high.
Fans who like Mort, or want to hear vintage tales of Kennedy seem to number less than 92. His own age.
There are some interesting things in Mort’s shows, if you can actually hear them (he’s not wearing a microphone, so it’s camcorder-ambience). There are also plenty of his "actual if not factual" anecdotes that either didn't happen at all, or didn't happen to him.
A recent mutter about Groucho Marx, which the audience took as fact, was particularly disappointing, even coming from a guy known to smirk about whether people should actually believe him, or just accept him as a "boat rocker" and somebody who is basically known for being a comedian and not a lecturer.
He told me once that he liked to attribute gags to dubious people (like Alexander Haig) because he didn't want his monologues to just include stories that made him look witty. I suppose the other part of that, is that turning dullards into wits helped raise his profile among the powerful. Haig had to enjoy being mentioned, and being quoted as a clever satirist.
On the January 2 show, Mort name-drops (among many others) “Woody Allen…who is many ways is my best friend.”
Well, yes, Woody was always a fan. Early on, Woody was rightly in awe of Sahl's pioneering style of tuxedo-less quips, ad-libs and parenthetical digressions. That informal behavior gave Allen hope that he too could attract hip crowds who didn't want to see Jack Carter or Jan Murray being slick.
Mort didn't always say "friendly" things about Woody Allen. In "Heartland," (page 110) he writes: "I was his patron saint. He sat at my feet at the Copacabana one night in 1959 and asked me how to get into show business."
Mort mentioned that his bookings had dwindled because he kept talking about the Warren report and Kennedy's death. Like Lenny Bruce reading from legal texts and trial transcriptions, nightclub audiences were sympathetic -- up to a point. Quoth Mort:
“I asked him if he was aware of why I wasn’t more active, and he said, “You can find work — you can always write a book about the assassination I should have beat the hell out of him, but it looks like somebody did already.”
Fortunately, Woody, like Steve Allen, me, and many others, accepted that Mort was an “iconoclast,” who would insult anyone. Woody also knew it was in Mort's nature to be difficult for no reason, and stick somebody on the "enemy's list" also for no reason. Or a half-baked one. As one long-time friend of his put it, "I don't go chasing Mort. I don't ask what I did wrong. If he stops returning calls, I wait until he calls me." It might take six months, a year, or never. For an iconoclast, the man shows great sensitivity in feeling wounded by another iconoclast (such as John Simon one memorable talk show night) or by a critic not wholly positive in a newspaper review.
Despite the various digs against him, Woody remained loyal to Mort, and put his money where his heart and admiration were. And if anything is going to convince you that you’ve got a friend, it’s getting a six figure check to bail you out of your financial troubles.
The "actual if not factual" stories usually have some basis in truth; they just get twisted in the re-telling.
There’s the story he loved to tell about being on a plane with Kennedy when there was turbulence. Mort says that the plane dipped and he ended up falling forward, sliding toward where Kennedy was seated. Kennedy said, “What do you think if we really piled this up?” Mort: “I hesitate to speculate.” Kennedy points to him: “Your name would be in very small type!”
Funny. Yes. True. Yes. But it didn't happen to Mort. The book “Presidential Anecdotes” has this tale, but the incident is attributed to Kennedy and one of the beat reporters. Mort just did an audio-Photoshop and inserted his head.
Now, about that Groucho Marx story.
Mort confided this to his audience during the January 2nd show:
“I was with him one night on PBS in Hollywood. (An interviewer asked) “Mr. Marx what do you think would make America a better ocuntry?” And Groucho said, “First you’d have to kill Nixon.” And the FBI came out of the wings and arrested him. They handcuffed him. Government authority is not shy about exercising its power….”
Sahl fans are drawn to him because he's a self-proclaimed insider. He knows everyone. He's written scripts for every major star. He's banged a Playboy centerfold, Batgirl Yvonne Craig, Tippi Hedren. He knows every conspiracy theory, including the time (on "The Dick Cavett Show") he claimed to have evidence of a homosexual conspiracy to only hire their own for ballet and opera.
His audience had to figure Mort was there, saw Groucho get led away in handcuffs, and this was yet another example from Sahl's dossier of FBI fascism and bullying. Right?
Why else would he not only say it, but say it as an eye-witness?
BUT...
Did you ever read about Groucho Marx being led away in handcuffs by the FBI?
Groucho never said so. Because it didn't happen.
Here's Groucho (page 151 of "The Marx Brothers Scrapbook") mildly recalling the incident:
"I voted for McGovern. I'd love to get Nixon out of office. In fact I once made a statement in which I said that the only thing that could save this country is the assassination of Nixon. I shouldn't have said that because I don't really believe in assassination. I beleive in votes. If you've got the wrong man in office you should vote him out of office. You shouldn't kill him. Now he's in his second term. Luckily he can only run two times...."
You'd think Groucho would've mentioned that the FBI grabbed him while he was on PBS and carted him off in handcuffs...if it had happened.
What's factual is that Groucho was interviewed not on TV or radio, but by a kid working for an underground newspaper.It seems Groucho may not have even realized he was being interviewed for the record; he may have thought he was just tolerating a fan who wanted to have a few minutes of his time.
The guy asked Groucho about Nixon and wrote down this quip: “I think the only hope this country has is Nixon’s assassination.”
The incident is quoted (page 101) of David Greenberg's book, "Nixon's Shadow." He writes:
"In May 1971, editors of the underground paper Flash interviewed Groucho Marx...mischievously, the editors high-lighted the quote in synidcating the piece to underground papers..."Marx (the one we love) Says Nixon's Assassination Is the Country's Only Hope," read one headline. When no one came to arrest Groucho, Paul Krassner, the puckish editor of The Realist, facetiously complained to the government about the double standard applied to (Black Panther David) Hilliard..."
United States Attorney James L. Browning Jr. wrote the following back to Paul, pointing out the difference between a member of the Black Panther party advocating murder, and Groucho Marx:
“It is one thing to say that "I (or we) will kill Richard Nixon" when you are the leader of an organization which advocates killing people and overthrowing the Government; it is quite another to utter the words which are attributed to Mr. Marx, an alleged comedian. It was the opinion of both myself and the United States Attorney in Los Angeles (where Marx’’s words were alleged to have been uttered) that the latter utterance did not constitute a "true" threat.”
OK, Mort is no longer a "true threat" to the government, and that goes from the Reagan administration to the present. Still, it's quite amazing to be still performing at all, even if it's an informal talk and a Q&A session that has the devotees home in time to make dinner. It's just a bit weird that somebody showing that dinner on Facebook or Instagram might get more views and likes than Mort does on Periscope.
