Is this something that appeals to a lot of people? I'd prefer Blythe Danner, actually.
She sells it via her company, GOOP, which is apparently named after some other bodily function of hers.
But the interesting thing is that her vagina apparently has a candle perpetually burning in it.
So she might smell like John F. Kennedy's grave.
Do I know this DICK? No, I don't. Did he get my email address from ME? No, he did not.
He wrote a book called "DON'T BE A DICK" and...he's BEING A DICK? Yes.
Second opinion - he looks like a dick.
I'm not an expert in sending unwanted SPAM EMAILS to people, and being a DICK.
It would seem to me that "DON'T BE A DICK" would involve advice on NOT pestering people. Perhaps it would also useful to NOT have such a swelled (DICK) head as to think, "the rules don't apply to ME. People I send unwanted emails to, will THANK ME."
There are probably 50 ways (if not 500) to get shit-listed by a DICK like BORG. I'd hate to think that a reputable publisher, literary agency, author's group or even desperate organization like BOOK EXPO, would stoop to SELLING EMAIL ADDRESSES. All I can do is shrug like Dylan: "Whoever it is I wish they'd cut it out quick, but when they will, I can only guess." IDIOT EMAILS...
THANKS...for having that UNSUBSCRIBE link at the bottom of your tedious waste-of-time presumptuous email scolding people to "DON'T BE A DICK."
My chat (we've chatted several times, it wasn't really a formal interview) did cover some other topics. She and I had some laughs over the oddball world of memorabilia shows and signings, and some of the delightful-if-desperate denizens going into orbit for the chance to get a selfie. BUT...as it turned it, most of that got edited in favorite of the "Star Trek" (what else) moments. (Well, also getting edited, my middle initial, which ATTEMPTS to differentiate me from a few thousand other Ronald Smiths.)
Should I tease about one of the highlight anecdotes? It's when she explains why she was going to leave the show and WHO persuaded her to stay. (Hint...America just celebrated his birthday and mail delivery was suspended).
Nichelle told me a pretty odd (but maybe not surprising) story about that Shatner roast, and his little squabble over where his former co-star should or should NOT be allowed to sit.
I know all fans of ALL her memorable work wish her peace, tranquility and good will in her current situation with the problems that so many have in their "golden" years.
The mag's long-running reputation is to focus on horror, sci-fi and cult movies, and devote space to copious DVD reviews. Yes, die-hard fans STILL buy DVDs and SUPPORT the companies who digitize and offer commentary tracks and other goodies. Not everybody steals shit, throws it around on the Internet and calls it "sharing." Among the notable new releases, by the way (and Warner Archive paid for a FULL PAGE ad) is the Blu-Ray version of "The Set-Up." It's "80 savage minutes of punch-packed emotion ripped from a man's battered body and a woman's tormented soul!" Nice.
The original book was written by a favorite of mine, the odd Joseph Moncure March, who, after a signed collectors edition of his short poems, went ALL OUT with two FULL LENGTH raps: "The Wild Party" and "The Set-Up."
Yes, the tradition of the "epic poem" goes back to the papyrus days, but March's cadencce was tuned to a different eardrum. "The Wild Party" was coincidentally made into two competing Broadway shows a while back, one of them starring Eartha Kitt. Neither was a hit, though.
"The Set-Up" was made into a film while March was still alive and able to see it. It's a credible noir, even though it can't match the book (and doesn't try). The book takes you along on jagged rhymes, sort of like Ali-Gone-Wild. An unfortunate problem with the first edition, was that the protagonist was black, and the poor guy was subjected to racist language by some of his enemies. March attempted to neaten things when he was allowed a revised edition in the 60's but it's rarely a good idea for a poet to try to "improve" on the original by "fixing" a rhyme here and there, or even watering down things to apologize for the earlier authenticity of the times.
Among the highlights in the WINTER edition:
A four-page interview with Gary Kent (and where else would you get something like that?)
A fine piece by Rob Freese on video pioneer Greg Luce, who helmed the underground VHS company "Sinister Cinema," which as I recall was the first outfit to offer up the brilliant "DEMENTIA" for home viewing. (I once asked Shelley Berman if he had anything to say about his brief cameo as a jazz club druggie...he didn't).
As always, there are lots of reviews of movies you never heard of, or that you didn't realize were VERY much worth watching. Oh, gee, Universal has put out an entire box set of ALL their Abbott & Costello films. Just in time for quizzical people under 60 to ask, "Who are they" and "When do we get an entire gift box on REAL geniuses like Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell?"
They're SO sensitive when it comes to DIVERSITY.
Cartoonists trying to sell their unfunny ink drips know this. They know that UNFUNNY is not an instant rejection, because The New Yorker, like National Public Radio, caters to the dullest, most boring, uptight and grim butch of money-and-status suckers on the planet.
What makes the difference between UNFUNNY rejected and UNFUNNY accepted is if the cartoonist decides to draw TWO MEN instead of a straight couple. The caption, of course, has nothing to do with gayness, but hey, hey, GAY GAY! Two GAYS in a cartoon! That's something to talk about while passing around the Whole Foods-catered platter of party cheeses. Like so:
Another sure way to sell an unfunny cartoon? Don't be afraid of BLACKFACE. Go ahead, cartoonist, SHADE that face into a SALE. The New Yorker probably has less than 5% readers "of color," but at least 50% who are white and like to be reassured that they are the kind of liberals that Phil Ochs sang about.
So, is there still a safe target for ridicule?
There sure is: OLD PEOPLE. Their lifetime subscriptions aren't gonna bring in much money anyway. They don't all have a lot of money to spend on the self-indulgent shallow crap sold in New Yorker ads. They're still hoping to find a Woody Allen short comedy piece in the magazine.
While cartoons featuring gays or blacks don't ridicule them, or confront in any way, with humor, the actual gay and black lifestyle in New York City, a cartoon of an old person is going to be heartless. Hey...that's FUNNY! Isn't it? Take a look:
That's The New Yorker. We gotta be careful about laughing at the foibles of gays or blacks, but let's be cruel to senior citizens. If they can't take a joke, what are they gonna do, have a stroke? Haw haw haw....
In all "HONESTY," George asks the world's dumbest question.
Of COURSE he knew it was wrong.
He just didn't think he'd get caught, and besides, everyone else would've done the same thing. Right?
We know DONALD TRUMP would.
One reason he's beloved by some 40% of Americans is that they identify with his cruelty, obnoxiousness, bullying and chicanery.
They'd do JUST what HE does if they could.
They'd cheat on wifey with a porn star. They'd use infantile insults to jeer a rival.
They'd hire a contractor and then say "suck it," and not pay for the work.
They'd approve of their sons shooting and killing wild animals for trophies.
They'd happily "grab 'em by the pussy" while owning a beauty pageant.
They'd glut on fast food garbage.
They'd answer all criticisms with mocking grimaces and a variety of smirks.
Most certainly, if Donald Trump was the President of a baseball club, he'd say "Go ahead, steal their signals if you can."
Which is why most people think, "If I was Trump, I would've blackmailed Ukraine into providing dope on Biden. IS THAT WRONG??
The surprise is that not only does Trump get away with it and set a bad example, it's rare when ANYONE faces up to an obvious moral failing.
Several teams have fired their managers recently; ones who were involved in the steal-signals scandal.
The latest? Useless trophy manager Carlos the Jackal Beltran, hired by the New York Mets not because he has any brains, but because he has a star name that might help drive idiots into Queens to watch a baseball game. Muy bueno! Es Carlos Beltran!
Now he's gone, without having managed a single game.
Beat reporters aren't surprised in the least. Because corruption and chicanery are part of baseball as they are almost ALL of politics.
Usually baseball teams look the other way when their players juice up with steroids. (Everyone does it). Or have sex scandals. Or start getting violent. The shrug is that it's part of human nature. What Carlos and his amigos did was just a little bit of...cheating. You know, like some guy on the swimming team being a little RAPEY with a drunken co-ed behind a garbage dump.
If the crime is massive enough (let's point to Dr. Larry Nassar, the touchy-feely guy who examined underage Olympians), then there's no room for "Was that wrong?"
Larry couldn't pull a George Costanza after fingering and abusing dozens of girls on examining tables. He still felt that maybe he was misunderstood? Should get off with a light sentence?
Nice to see that the New York Mets reacted to Beltran in the "old school" way, like the Black Sox Scandal of yore. Then again, Carlos the Jackal may have already given them second thoughts about his incompetence, lack of morality, and high price for a marquee name.
Meanwhile, oddsmakers say Trump will win a second term, despite the impeachment.
So let's say that the dismal ratings for Mort Sahl streaming on something called Periscope.TV have something to do with the holidays. The Thursday after New Year's, 78 people watched. On December 19th, 57 people did. On December 12th, 46.
Since taking over from Mort's actual manager, and setting up a website to have total control, the woman behind Mort for the past few years has managed to get him booked -- nowhere except at a tiny theater she runs. That's every Thursday, for an hour, in front of a few dozen people. It's sad that live streaming on the Internet doesn't increase the number by very much. What, 20 or 30 people in the theater, and 57 or 78 watching online?
It's a bit sad, because Mort's still pretty sharp at 92. Yes, he'll use references to Sam Kenton, old Burt Lancaster movies, and of course, find some excuse to discuss Kennedy, but he's also aware of guys named Biden and Trump. Problem? If people really want to hear about current events, they can watch Stephen Colbert every night with his fleet of writers giving him a ton of material. There's also Bill Maher and many others.
People have gotten used to the Carson and Leno style of FAST jokes, not parenthetical anecdotes, and the number of quotable and accessible JOKES from Sahl was never high.
Fans who like Mort, or want to hear vintage tales of Kennedy seem to number less than 92. His own age.
There are some interesting things in Mort’s shows, if you can actually hear them (he’s not wearing a microphone, so it’s camcorder-ambience). There are also plenty of his "actual if not factual" anecdotes that either didn't happen at all, or didn't happen to him.
A recent mutter about Groucho Marx, which the audience took as fact, was particularly disappointing, even coming from a guy known to smirk about whether people should actually believe him, or just accept him as a "boat rocker" and somebody who is basically known for being a comedian and not a lecturer.
He told me once that he liked to attribute gags to dubious people (like Alexander Haig) because he didn't want his monologues to just include stories that made him look witty. I suppose the other part of that, is that turning dullards into wits helped raise his profile among the powerful. Haig had to enjoy being mentioned, and being quoted as a clever satirist.
On the January 2 show, Mort name-drops (among many others) “Woody Allen…who is many ways is my best friend.”
Well, yes, Woody was always a fan. Early on, Woody was rightly in awe of Sahl's pioneering style of tuxedo-less quips, ad-libs and parenthetical digressions. That informal behavior gave Allen hope that he too could attract hip crowds who didn't want to see Jack Carter or Jan Murray being slick.
Mort didn't always say "friendly" things about Woody Allen. In "Heartland," (page 110) he writes: "I was his patron saint. He sat at my feet at the Copacabana one night in 1959 and asked me how to get into show business."
Mort mentioned that his bookings had dwindled because he kept talking about the Warren report and Kennedy's death. Like Lenny Bruce reading from legal texts and trial transcriptions, nightclub audiences were sympathetic -- up to a point. Quoth Mort:
“I asked him if he was aware of why I wasn’t more active, and he said, “You can find work — you can always write a book about the assassination I should have beat the hell out of him, but it looks like somebody did already.”
Fortunately, Woody, like Steve Allen, me, and many others, accepted that Mort was an “iconoclast,” who would insult anyone. Woody also knew it was in Mort's nature to be difficult for no reason, and stick somebody on the "enemy's list" also for no reason. Or a half-baked one. As one long-time friend of his put it, "I don't go chasing Mort. I don't ask what I did wrong. If he stops returning calls, I wait until he calls me." It might take six months, a year, or never. For an iconoclast, the man shows great sensitivity in feeling wounded by another iconoclast (such as John Simon one memorable talk show night) or by a critic not wholly positive in a newspaper review.
Despite the various digs against him, Woody remained loyal to Mort, and put his money where his heart and admiration were. And if anything is going to convince you that you’ve got a friend, it’s getting a six figure check to bail you out of your financial troubles.
The "actual if not factual" stories usually have some basis in truth; they just get twisted in the re-telling.
There’s the story he loved to tell about being on a plane with Kennedy when there was turbulence. Mort says that the plane dipped and he ended up falling forward, sliding toward where Kennedy was seated. Kennedy said, “What do you think if we really piled this up?” Mort: “I hesitate to speculate.” Kennedy points to him: “Your name would be in very small type!”
Funny. Yes. True. Yes. But it didn't happen to Mort. The book “Presidential Anecdotes” has this tale, but the incident is attributed to Kennedy and one of the beat reporters. Mort just did an audio-Photoshop and inserted his head.
Now, about that Groucho Marx story.
Mort confided this to his audience during the January 2nd show: “I was with him one night on PBS in Hollywood. (An interviewer asked) “Mr. Marx what do you think would make America a better ocuntry?” And Groucho said, “First you’d have to kill Nixon.” And the FBI came out of the wings and arrested him. They handcuffed him. Government authority is not shy about exercising its power….”
Sahl fans are drawn to him because he's a self-proclaimed insider. He knows everyone. He's written scripts for every major star. He's banged a Playboy centerfold, Batgirl Yvonne Craig, Tippi Hedren. He knows every conspiracy theory, including the time (on "The Dick Cavett Show") he claimed to have evidence of a homosexual conspiracy to only hire their own for ballet and opera.
His audience had to figure Mort was there, saw Groucho get led away in handcuffs, and this was yet another example from Sahl's dossier of FBI fascism and bullying. Right?
Why else would he not only say it, but say it as an eye-witness?
BUT...
Did you ever read about Groucho Marx being led away in handcuffs by the FBI?
Groucho never said so. Because it didn't happen.
Here's Groucho (page 151 of "The Marx Brothers Scrapbook") mildly recalling the incident:
"I voted for McGovern. I'd love to get Nixon out of office. In fact I once made a statement in which I said that the only thing that could save this country is the assassination of Nixon. I shouldn't have said that because I don't really believe in assassination. I beleive in votes. If you've got the wrong man in office you should vote him out of office. You shouldn't kill him. Now he's in his second term. Luckily he can only run two times...."
You'd think Groucho would've mentioned that the FBI grabbed him while he was on PBS and carted him off in handcuffs...if it had happened.
What's factual is that Groucho was interviewed not on TV or radio, but by a kid working for an underground newspaper.It seems Groucho may not have even realized he was being interviewed for the record; he may have thought he was just tolerating a fan who wanted to have a few minutes of his time.
The guy asked Groucho about Nixon and wrote down this quip: “I think the only hope this country has is Nixon’s assassination.”
The incident is quoted (page 101) of David Greenberg's book, "Nixon's Shadow." He writes:
"In May 1971, editors of the underground paper Flash interviewed Groucho Marx...mischievously, the editors high-lighted the quote in synidcating the piece to underground papers..."Marx (the one we love) Says Nixon's Assassination Is the Country's Only Hope," read one headline. When no one came to arrest Groucho, Paul Krassner, the puckish editor of The Realist, facetiously complained to the government about the double standard applied to (Black Panther David) Hilliard..." United States Attorney James L. Browning Jr. wrote the following back to Paul, pointing out the difference between a member of the Black Panther party advocating murder, and Groucho Marx:
“It is one thing to say that "I (or we) will kill Richard Nixon" when you are the leader of an organization which advocates killing people and overthrowing the Government; it is quite another to utter the words which are attributed to Mr. Marx, an alleged comedian. It was the opinion of both myself and the United States Attorney in Los Angeles (where Marx’’s words were alleged to have been uttered) that the latter utterance did not constitute a "true" threat.”
OK, Mort is no longer a "true threat" to the government, and that goes from the Reagan administration to the present. Still, it's quite amazing to be still performing at all, even if it's an informal talk and a Q&A session that has the devotees home in time to make dinner. It's just a bit weird that somebody showing that dinner on Facebook or Instagram might get more views and likes than Mort does on Periscope.
