They don't always give you the real movie, music album or book.
I downloaded a PDF of Neil Young's book for my Jeff Bezos-approved KINDLE-BOOK-STEALING device. But all I got was...
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
DANG...you really can't trust Pirate Bay, Kickass, or the other illegal torrent sites.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
FRUCTIS? YOU MEAN...FUC'T-DIS
Yes, I did think FRUCTIS was a strange brand name for shampoo.
For a cleaning solution, it did sound...kinda DIRTY
Here comes the new issue of ROLLING STONE, with a series of full page ads...and we see just how un-subtle the name FRUCTIS really is.
FRUCKED UP, huh?
Talk about yer subliminal advertising!
The girls are so obvious in posing with this phallic bottle, there's no reason for me to even Photoshop anything.
These FRUCTIS girls...substitute a dildo for the bottle, and you could imagine the photos being in a porn mail-order catalog. In fact the average photo of a woman holding a dildo is not nearly as prurient as the FRUCTIS poses with the bottles!
So what are these models actually saying in these shampoo ads?
"Ay, see dis bottle? I FUCT-DIS!"
Or, "You like dis babe? FUCDIS!"
I hear the company is doing so well, they'll be coming up with a body wash called FRUCTITS.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Huffington Fluff and Katie Couric's a Cougar
Google News wanted to link me to THIS article at Huffington...with a poorly phrased headline...
Republican Larry Craig would tell any interested gay, the best place to find a seat...is to move your foot around under the stall next to you, while sitting on a toilet seat.
Meanwhile, the Daily News tried to tell the world that Katie Couric is not a cougar. Except they weren't so convinced. A Freudian error...and why pay for proofreaders for anything on a mere Internet news website?
Monday, August 13, 2012
Get your PAUL RYAN CAMPAIGN POST CARDS...
Feel free to print these out and hand them out to your favorite NRA lunatics.
Let's legalize "The Most Dangerous Game." Get out your semi-automatic, and blast away at somebody just walking down the street minding their own business, same way a doe is just nibbling some grass and looking for a buck.
Oh. Forgot. That "game" IS going on every day in America...innocent children, women, and men getting offed by out of control maniacs firing guns...elect PAUL RYAN just to make sure THE FUN NEVER STOPS
MITTMAN & RYAN
Everyone's all a'Twitter (and Facebook) about Mitt Romney's choice for Vice-President: Paul "Who?" Ryan.
As McCain did in the last election, Romney chose to appeal to young, ignorant Tea Party lunatics by picking a totally inexperienced, unqualified, irritating and smug little loudmouth.
The Republican message is: "Yes, Citizens, if you elect Mittman and Ryan, the World Will Be Saved!
Friday, August 10, 2012
McKayla Maroney Wins Silver Medal
It seems that everyone thought Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney was destined to win an individual gold medal. In a routine she'd done so well so often, she made a mistake the left her with a silver, instead.
Everyone wondered how it could've happened. She went on TV with the one person who knew the truth: The Church Lady!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
NEIL YOUNG T-SHIRTS
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
TYPO POSITIVE : Bob Dylan Too Much of NOTHING?
The big news is that in September, Bob Dylan's got a new album coming out. It's called THE TEMPEST.
Think Bob's a bit sly or enigmatic? How about the guy who wrote it up in ROLLING STONE? Typo, or play on words?
Click on the image and check it out. It's worth noting. Or is it?
ANDY SAMBERG and ANNE HATHAWAY
Face it, ever since JULIE NEWMAR, each new Catwoman has been about the costume, not the face.
JULIE NEWMAR is a beauty, face and figure. Portraits of her have been done by the greatest photographers: Karsh, Bernard of Hollywood, Peter Basch, Andre de Dienes, Alfred Cheney Johnston...
But each new Catwoman has relied more and more on a mask (the full helmet and lewd tongue action of Michelle Pfeiffer), zany special effects (Halle Berry bouncing around more like a steroid grasshopper than a cat) or calling attention to the cat suit entirely (Anne Hathaway wears giant goggles over her face).
In the case of Eartha Kitt, who looked more like a squash-faced Persian, you could understand the need for a mask.
But let's get back to the newest incarnation. Anne. You can see what the real problem is. Let's put it this way.
You never see Andy Samberg and Anne Hathaway in the same place!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Blanka Vlasic OUT at the Olympics
Early hopes for an amusing Olympics have been dashed (if not 50-yard dashed) by the withdrawal of Blanka Vlasic. Some injury or other.
Hopefully she'll find some strength with a new diet, and there will be a re-write of the story. Something like this:
Saturday, July 7, 2012
On the Internet, Death's Recommended. And FUN!
When you visit GOOGLE or ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY or other sites, they want to let you know what you SHOULD be reading.
They know better than you do, what you like. You like death!
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY recently told me that I'd really enjoy knowing that Zina Bethune died:
GOOGLE, of course, is even more enthusiastic. They were very happy that Richard Lynch died. They apparently recommended that he be taken off life support to hasten his demise. After all, if a guy isn't a blogger, or upping copyrighted movie clips to YouTube, Google considers this a non-person.
Websites are in the business of gathering enough information on you to decide what links you should be shown.
The Internet is changing the way we think, the way we live...and perhaps whether we live at all.
I wouldn't be surprised if Zina Bethune was using a Google map to locate the perfect location (for a car accident), or if someone replaced David Lynch's electrocardiagram with a laptop showing zany YouTube videos.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
LIKE A CRUCIFIX - Wendy Williams and Whitney Houston on a Stick
Well beyond the "We will always love you" mantra that was in the air, far more heartfelt than the "My condolences!" Tweets, or all those people who instantly thought up, "She sang like an angel...now she's WITH the angels..."
....there was Wendy Williams. While the cruel London Daily Mail pointed out the hundreds of millions of dollars Houston blew on drugs, the failed concerts, the excesses, the scandals, the missed chances, the lack of hits in the past ten years, the Diva behavior, the bail-outs from Clive Davis...here was a time to once again remember a singer who sang a few pop ballads that up till last week, couldn't sell for a dollar a CD on eBay.
In the course of about eight minutes, she expressed her emotions on the subject of Whitney Houston. But that was certainly not good enough. Some kind of avatar was needed. Some kind of...
...An actual photo of Whitney on a Stick....
...But even so...that's just ONE photo of Whitney on a Stick. Why not, make sure all the girls in the audience have a photo of Whitney on a Stick, too?
What if they're all thinking "My condolences" and "So Sad" and "We will always love you" as they hold these up?
Whitney The Angel has cable in heaven. And believe me as you believe in God: she was watching. And she loves every one of you audience members of The Wendy Williams Show. You did not hold your Whitney On a Stick photo in vain.
....there was Wendy Williams. While the cruel London Daily Mail pointed out the hundreds of millions of dollars Houston blew on drugs, the failed concerts, the excesses, the scandals, the missed chances, the lack of hits in the past ten years, the Diva behavior, the bail-outs from Clive Davis...here was a time to once again remember a singer who sang a few pop ballads that up till last week, couldn't sell for a dollar a CD on eBay.
In the course of about eight minutes, she expressed her emotions on the subject of Whitney Houston. But that was certainly not good enough. Some kind of avatar was needed. Some kind of...
...An actual photo of Whitney on a Stick....
...But even so...that's just ONE photo of Whitney on a Stick. Why not, make sure all the girls in the audience have a photo of Whitney on a Stick, too?
What if they're all thinking "My condolences" and "So Sad" and "We will always love you" as they hold these up?
Whitney The Angel has cable in heaven. And believe me as you believe in God: she was watching. And she loves every one of you audience members of The Wendy Williams Show. You did not hold your Whitney On a Stick photo in vain.
GRAMMY SHOWS, ZINA GOES
I actually watched the Grammy show last night. Sort of. Mostly with the sound off until somebody remotely tolerable was on. Which wasn't often.
Jazz artists and classical artists totally ignored. Anyone even mention who won the Grammy for best comedy album? Do they still do one for album notes?? The "obit" section wasn't bad. But they went by a lot of people real fast. They could've at least played four notes of the Perry Mason theme to honor Fred Steiner. Who also wrote the snappy theme for "The Bullwinkle Show."
Saw the usual C&W moron with the fat face and a giant hat. The giant hat obscured most of his fat face. The important thing is for the C&W moron to signal everyone, "OK, it's time to hear that same ballad Garth Brooks always sang, so it's time for the fridge and bathroom break." Which most people do at the same time, eating what they grabbed from the bridge while squatting on the pot.
Rap morons and their R&B divas wearing the extravagant and moronic outfits that made this show so uncool for 70's music fans. Now it's back to "look at my expensive clothes." I don't see much difference between a jerk like Bruno Mars and Robert Goulet.
Macca actually did a nice job on his faux 40's ballad, and gave the crowd a goodnight blast by going from the the peculiar and raspy "Golden Slumbers" into some Abbey Road rock that ended with some assembled guitar heroes taking turns with the "let's all watch each other do guitar riffs" thing. This included grimacing Joe Walsh, and "The Boss" himself with his six-strings sounding like egg-beaters trick, and others trying to outdo each other in look-at-my-dick symbolism.
Nice that the crowd still enjoys, after 30 years, the utter cliche of Brooooose opening a show with a sound-alike anthem, standing up there and grinding his guitar at his knee, like he's the common man diggin' a ditch. With that little soul patch under his lip. And that increasingly fat and ugly Corporal Klinger sidekick running over to swap spit into Brooooose's microphone with him. That never gets old.
I would not be surprised if, 30 years from now, it's revealed that Broooooose and Little Steven were actually lovers all those years, like J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson.
Adele is interesting. She sings like she lives in a palace and talks like she lives in a garbage can. What terrible part of England is she from? Her speaking voice could rip the skin off a dead fish. At least she's honest about who she is.
Lady Gaga wore some kind of net over her face, as if she isn't beyond toxic already.
Everyone loved the constant "Whitney, we will always love you" ad-libs. Mostly used to get the audience to start applauding. "Are we having fun? Isn't tonight about the music???" It's worth mentioning that abuse of prescription drugs now causes more deaths than car accidents. But we'll return to car accidents in a moment.
Wendy Williams was sniffing and sobbing this morning, just devastated by the loss of an artist who nobody paid any attention to for nearly a decade. Who was the subject of fecal impacting jokes on "Saturday Night Live" instead. Remember that? Maya Rudolph doing her Whitney impression, talking about how "real love" was sitting on the toilet while Bobby Brown helped pull what was stuck in her bottom? This is no time to be a realist, and she was a beauty and a talent, but up until the other day, if you had any old vinyl or a CD on Houston, it couldn't get a dollar on eBay. That's part of what being a pop star of the 80's is all about. The price for true immortality is often your life.
Wendy holds up an 8x10 of Whitney Houston attached to a tongue depressor, and...asks for a moment of silence. Flash to the ENTIRE AUDIENCE holding up the same 8x10 on a wooden stick, like it's a church and everyone's holding a crucifix. At least some people do remember Jesus once a year. As long as they get gifts.
Last but not least, lost amid this morning's tributes to the Grammy show and Whitney, here's some news about the odd-named actress Zina Bethune, who briefly was in the fan mags when she starred in "The Nurses" several generations ago. She suffered from various ailments, worked to educate people, was a force in charity, had her name attached to many beneficial causes. While we continue with the Whitney commercial ("you're soaking in it!") we continue without Zina Bethune.
She saw an injured animal in Griffith Park, got out of her car to get across the road and see if she could help it, and she was clipped by a hit and run driver and mowed down by a second. Dead at 67.
Too bad she wasn't playing the radio in her car, and the Whitney song "I yee-iii-yeee-i" wasn't playing in tribute. The car alarm song might've slowed down traffic and saved her life.
Jazz artists and classical artists totally ignored. Anyone even mention who won the Grammy for best comedy album? Do they still do one for album notes?? The "obit" section wasn't bad. But they went by a lot of people real fast. They could've at least played four notes of the Perry Mason theme to honor Fred Steiner. Who also wrote the snappy theme for "The Bullwinkle Show."
Saw the usual C&W moron with the fat face and a giant hat. The giant hat obscured most of his fat face. The important thing is for the C&W moron to signal everyone, "OK, it's time to hear that same ballad Garth Brooks always sang, so it's time for the fridge and bathroom break." Which most people do at the same time, eating what they grabbed from the bridge while squatting on the pot.
Rap morons and their R&B divas wearing the extravagant and moronic outfits that made this show so uncool for 70's music fans. Now it's back to "look at my expensive clothes." I don't see much difference between a jerk like Bruno Mars and Robert Goulet.
Macca actually did a nice job on his faux 40's ballad, and gave the crowd a goodnight blast by going from the the peculiar and raspy "Golden Slumbers" into some Abbey Road rock that ended with some assembled guitar heroes taking turns with the "let's all watch each other do guitar riffs" thing. This included grimacing Joe Walsh, and "The Boss" himself with his six-strings sounding like egg-beaters trick, and others trying to outdo each other in look-at-my-dick symbolism.
Nice that the crowd still enjoys, after 30 years, the utter cliche of Brooooose opening a show with a sound-alike anthem, standing up there and grinding his guitar at his knee, like he's the common man diggin' a ditch. With that little soul patch under his lip. And that increasingly fat and ugly Corporal Klinger sidekick running over to swap spit into Brooooose's microphone with him. That never gets old.
I would not be surprised if, 30 years from now, it's revealed that Broooooose and Little Steven were actually lovers all those years, like J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson.
Adele is interesting. She sings like she lives in a palace and talks like she lives in a garbage can. What terrible part of England is she from? Her speaking voice could rip the skin off a dead fish. At least she's honest about who she is.
Lady Gaga wore some kind of net over her face, as if she isn't beyond toxic already.
Everyone loved the constant "Whitney, we will always love you" ad-libs. Mostly used to get the audience to start applauding. "Are we having fun? Isn't tonight about the music???" It's worth mentioning that abuse of prescription drugs now causes more deaths than car accidents. But we'll return to car accidents in a moment.
Wendy Williams was sniffing and sobbing this morning, just devastated by the loss of an artist who nobody paid any attention to for nearly a decade. Who was the subject of fecal impacting jokes on "Saturday Night Live" instead. Remember that? Maya Rudolph doing her Whitney impression, talking about how "real love" was sitting on the toilet while Bobby Brown helped pull what was stuck in her bottom? This is no time to be a realist, and she was a beauty and a talent, but up until the other day, if you had any old vinyl or a CD on Houston, it couldn't get a dollar on eBay. That's part of what being a pop star of the 80's is all about. The price for true immortality is often your life.
Wendy holds up an 8x10 of Whitney Houston attached to a tongue depressor, and...asks for a moment of silence. Flash to the ENTIRE AUDIENCE holding up the same 8x10 on a wooden stick, like it's a church and everyone's holding a crucifix. At least some people do remember Jesus once a year. As long as they get gifts.
Last but not least, lost amid this morning's tributes to the Grammy show and Whitney, here's some news about the odd-named actress Zina Bethune, who briefly was in the fan mags when she starred in "The Nurses" several generations ago. She suffered from various ailments, worked to educate people, was a force in charity, had her name attached to many beneficial causes. While we continue with the Whitney commercial ("you're soaking in it!") we continue without Zina Bethune.
She saw an injured animal in Griffith Park, got out of her car to get across the road and see if she could help it, and she was clipped by a hit and run driver and mowed down by a second. Dead at 67.
Too bad she wasn't playing the radio in her car, and the Whitney song "I yee-iii-yeee-i" wasn't playing in tribute. The car alarm song might've slowed down traffic and saved her life.
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