ANCIENT Jokes in PLAYBOY'S Jan-Feb 2014 Issue

Who's the jokes editor at Playboy? Henny Youngman's still alive?

"The Playboy Philosophy," judging from the Jan-Feb 2014 issue's joke page, seems to be Henny's quote: "A joke isn't old if you haven't heard it before."

The "monkey" joke...that goes back to Flip Wilson, circa 1966. Flip stretched it for a few minutes, and set the story on a train. The conductor tries to calm the woman down as she says, "I've never been so insulted!" He replies, "On behalf of the railroad, we are going to give you a free meal. And maybe we can find a banana for your monkey."

As for the pathetic "he honored her offer" gag...that goes back to Limerick, Ireland. Or Stonehenge. Just embarrassing.

Which reminds me of a story....

At one time, I was the "jokes editor" for a sophisticated (?) magazine called High Society. Let's say that the title of the magazine was the only thing sophisticated about it. In my time there, they went through four editors. The fourth was a woman, and one day when I dropped off my pages, she said, "We've got to talk."

Stricken by my charm and good looks, perhaps?

"It's about your joke page."

Oh.

"I don't think these jokes are funny."

Is it possible that some women just have no sense of humor?? In response to her sour grimace, I pointed out that I was trying my best to award money to ANYONE who could send in a funny joke. Since this rarely yielded more than two or three gags that barely made me smile, I filled in the rest. "Give me an example of a joke you thought was funny," I said, "And I'll try to find more like it."

"I didn't find any of them funny," she replied. "I want jokes like Playboy runs!"

To which I replied, "I don't find the jokes in Playboy funny. Most of them are old and boring."

Her spacious office contained a magazine rack filled with the competition. She strode over, grabbed the latest issue of Playboy, and intently stared at the joke page. She kept on staring.

She kept on staring.

Finally, she tossed the magazine down and said, "I want jokes like Playboy USED to run!"

Hey, maybe that explains what Playboy is doing. They're going back to find jokes that USED to be funny.

They're re-working gags off comedy albums from 50 years ago.

It was red hot mama Pearl Williams (contemporary of Belle Barth and Sophie Tucker) who told the joke about the fake gold earrings. Only in her version, the woman was going to bed with a gypsy. The punchline, which I know from memory: "Tell him his earrings aren't solid gold!"

This was followed by Pearl tinkling the ivories and playing a few bars of "Golden Earrings." Which beat doing a rimshot.

The joke below that? "Marriage," I'm paraphrasing but I think this is accurate, "is like going to a bank. You put it in, you take it out...you lose interest!"

Professor Irwin Corey, who is over 90 years old. And that gag of his is at least 60.