That's what happens when you're a white guy living in the slowly deteriorating Riverdale section? No no no, let's not go there, girlfriend. Archie, who failed as a radio show and never really blossomed into a hit TV show or movie, is being killed off for a much more fashionable reason:
He took a BULLET for a GAY friend.
Killing blacks? Doesn't happen anymore. Killing Latinos? Doesn't happen anymore. Killing some little old Chinese or some guy from New Delhi who looks like he could be Muslim? No. Assassins target GAYS. So now the corporate owners of "Archie" want to "make a statement."
The statement is really: "Nobody's buying Archie anymore." Followed by: "Let's goose sales, like when they turned Green Lantern queer..."
I have no idea if this is actually the end of Archie (a comic book I only read at a doctor's office or barber shop when all the good stuff was stolen). Is this just a cynical trick, and he'll be brought back in a few months via "Retro Archie," his adventures B.C. (before crassness?). Or will they pull the old "he didn't really die, it was a dream" game? Frankly, I don't care that much. I outgrew comics long ago (after a brief fling with Zap and Insect Fear and the rest of the underground stuff). But it's interesting to see how cynical and cutthroat the world of "Comic Con" has become.
I'm in the minority. I don't buy "graphic novels" or comic books. I almost never take a nostalgic look at the small box of them I still have. It seems most people don't grow up. They refuse to leave their childhood crap behind. The only movies that seem to make money in this age of piracy and cynicism involve super heroes or ridiculous sword-and-sandal fantasy. Listen, I'm such a minority that Archie could've died taking a bullet for ME.
I was surprised to know they were still making Archie comics. But I also haven't kept up with Superman's problems. I lost touch after it was announced he was no longer allergic to kryptonite. You might as well tell me "Green Arrow is secretly married to Green Lantern." You could tell me The Metal Men are still around, but Tin had a sex change and went Platinum.
The "creators" (who didn't create Archie but just inherited him) insist they wanted to do something with social relevance (!) and "impact." And what better thing to do than play the GAY CARD. Why, for example, make a statement about women? NO NO NO NO, we can't have Archie take a bullet because Betty was slipped a drug and about to be date-raped by Jughead.
What next? The Fantastic Four's "Thing" moves from orange to the new BLACK and tells the world he was African all along? When will somebody decide that Batman and Robin are an item, and that we must understand that teenage boys have needs and NAMBLA is a fine organization? How about Superman literally blows Israel off the map because a) nobody in comic book land is Jewish anymore and b) Comic Con wants to have a convention in Dubai next year?
Times change. They get worse. Once upon a time, a failing comic strip, comic book or magazine put out a "goodbye" issue and gracefully died. Not so in the comic book world. Here, if you're aging and frail, you're injected with "relevance" and your death becomes a "statement." Sort of like if grandpa is terminal at the hospice...you put a "Let's End Elderly Abuse" t-shirt on him and throw him out a window. You know...it puts the guy out of his misery, makes a "statement" and gets LOTS of publicity.
So long, Archie. And don't be surprised to see a new comic book series, "Betty and Veronica Get Married And Adopt Jughead."
No comments:
Post a Comment