Ice the Bucket...it's CROTCH GRABBING FOR CHARITY

Every time I hear "Hugh Jackman" I think, "Huge Jackass." Or "Huge Jackoff."

That's just his stupid name; nothing personal. I never paid him much attention since I don't like childish "action" movies, Broadway musical crap, or actors that the average housewife will watch no matter how lousy the script.

Now he's calling attention to himself with the "crotch grab," which as we all remember, was pioneered by psychotic child-molester and pedophile Michael Jackson. It was then stolen and re-used by the foul Bieber, the snottiest brat on the planet.

Should we be happy it's being rescued by handsome Hugh? And Ricky Eversmirk Gervais? And some other absolutely vain, self-promoting dickheads?

Oh, no no no NO NO NO, NO, Mr. Sense, Ms. Decorum, Mrs. Taste, you hush yo' mouths.

You see, this vulgarity is for A GOOD CAUSE. It's in the rule book. Julian Assange would tell you. It's embroidered in the panties that the CEO of Google wears. It's this: "Vulgarity, Pornography, Copyright Abuse, Shameless Self-Promotion and Prurient Interest are ALL ACCEPTABLE if IT'S FOR CHARITY." PS, it's also acceptable if it makes money.

Nevermind that testicular cancer often turns up too late for anything to be done. But as long as you're all as rich as Hugh Jackman, go in and get tested every month. If you're on a government plan...well, who wouldn't want a Pakistani with a diploma grinded out of an HP printer groping your privates? Who wouldn't be confident that he knows what he's doing?

The point isn't really "awareness" of testicular cancer, as much as it is...pictures of self-promoting morons grabbing their crotches as an easy way to get publicity for themselves.

OK, Mom and Dad, explain to your kids why THIS picture is being cheered all over the Internet, but why they shouldn't duplicate it in school...

Fasten your seat belts...a bunch of obnoxious male celebrities, mostly D-listers, will be dropping their pants, even their underwear, to try and compete for prime newspaper and Internet web page space.

THEY WILL ALL be smiling, or sexily glaring, or otherwise wearing the opposite expression to one diagnosed with testicular cancer. Hey, it's ALL good. Now wait for "Menstrual Awareness Month," "Bulemia Is Bad," and "It Might Not Just be Diarrhea." In other words, you'll be seeing a whole lot more of Kim Kardashian.