CHARLIE HEBDO -- and the Cowards of Islam

Once again, Muslim extremists have slaughtered un-armed people. Just as they did on 9/11.

Not exactly heroes, are they? And no, they don't have a sense of humor. They killed 12 people at the office of a satirical journal in Paris called "Charlie Hebdo."

As far back as we and our parents and our grandparents can remember, tyranny, bullying and psychotic refusal to allow freedom has been fought with laughter. It is the most noble way of fighting.

Laughter was the chosen weapon of Moe, of the 3 Stooges in "You Nazty Spy," and of Mel Brooks in "The Producers," and in the sitcom "Hogan's Heroes," in which those who were in the most pain (the Jewish stars Werner Klemperer and John Banner) played Nazi officers. Of course, there was Chaplin in "The Great Dictator," but Chaplin tore off the mask of comedy at the end of the film, to give an impassioned speech about tolerance.

What would Jesus do?

What would Moses do?

Christians and Jews have tolerated the usual jokes that the irreverent like to tell. Who can deny the wealth of comic material in believing the stories about a guy who could walk on water, turn water into wine, or shout out a straight line about "cast the first stone?"

The Jews shrugged about Moses: "If he'd taken a left, WE would've had the oil, and the Arabs would've had the sand!"

And so I thought, surely Mohamed the Prophet had a sense of humor. Right? Surely, if you look at the Holy Books of Islam, you'll find messages urging us to rejoice, have some laughs, and enjoy our time on Earth.

Er, no.

A quick check of Wikipedia, this bloody morning, and what I saw was basically the humorless Mr. Mohamed either telling his people ixnay on the okesyay, or people close to Mohamed insisting the guy never 'showed his uvula' and at best, only smiled. And even then, not too often.

In Hadith:

Aisha, a wife of the Prophet says: "I never saw the Messenger of Allah laugh fully to such an extent that I could see his uvula. He would only smile."

A witness, Jabir ibn Samurah, affirms that Mo' wasn't prone to laughter: "He used to sit at the place where he observed the morning or dawn prayer till the sun rose or when it had risen; he would stand, and they would talk about matters of ignorance, and they would laugh while he only smiled.

Ibn Mas'ud had The Prophet vaguely talk about putting on a happy face, as long as it didn't interfere with piousness: "Mix with the people on the condition that your Deen is not jeopardized, and be jestful with the family."

Just what got Mohamed laughing, nobody recalls, but Abu Dharr al-Ghifari wrote: "I indeed saw the Messenger of Allah laugh till his front teeth were exposed," but..here's a mixed message. Mohamed said it was ok to laugh in response to a truth (like, what, like women talk too much and so should wear burkas?). The question is, what's the truth? If the truth is that Muslim extremists are nuts...well, that's obviously not considered funny.

Abu Hurairah:

When some of his companions said to Prophet Muhammad: "O Prophet Muhammad, yet, you also joke with us!" He replied: "Yes, I do. But I only tell the truth." Sort of a Mort Sahl "factual if not actual" deal? From Ahmad ibn Hanbal: "A man may say something to make his companions laugh, and he will fall into Hell as far as the Pleiades because of it."

In other words, quit messin' about!

Mohamed is quoted as saying:

"Woe to the one who speaks and tells lies in order to make the people laugh; woe to him, woe to him."

But woe to somebody who tells the truth at Charlie Hebdo, or on a stage, or in a film, if the religious fanatic doesn't find it truthful or funny?

Practical jokes are definitely OUT. A sleeping Muslim was tied with rope. He woke up very surprised, and everyone had a good laugh. Everyone except Mohamed, who scowled, "It is not lawful to any Muslim to frighten another Muslim."

Quite the killjoy (if not literally), Mo' also said:

"Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart."

So much for all those wonderful Jewish quotes about how it does the heart good to have a laugh, and all the doctors who prescribe watching some comedy films or reading a joke book to make the heart rejoice.

Umar ibn al-Khattab: "Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it."

Sa`d ibn Abi Waqqas: "Set a limit to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose respect and incites the foolish against you."

Sufyan ibn Uyaynah seemed to believe telling a joke was ok, "but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time."

Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz: "Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges."

And lastly, an all-around bit of sourness from Mohamed himself:

"The Muslim does not slander, curse, speak obscenely or speak rudely."

That pretty much means you better get rid of the Lenny Bruce records. Even if he jokes about Christ and Moses.

Now, all the above comes from Hadith. The actual Ko'ran (ie, Quran) hasn't much to say about jokes, cartoons or humor. Except that anything "mocking" Islam is not to be tolerated:

"If thou dost question them, they declare (with emphasis): 'We were only talking idly and in play.' Say: 'Was it at Allah, and His Signs, and His Messenger, that ye were mocking?' Make ye no excuses: ye have rejected Faith after ye had accepted it. If We pardon some of you, We will punish others amongst you, for that they are in sin." —Qur'an, chapter 9 (At-Tawba), Verse 65-66.[24]

My father told me, years ago, that the most dangerous people on earth were religious fanatics: "You can't reason with them."

The late Robin Williams popularized the catch-phrase, "Reality, what a concept." It's one that the Muslim fanatics can't deal with. The more you show them that above the clouds is just sky, the angrier they get. The deeper into the 21st Century that we go, the more backward they become. The more rights women get in the world, the less they have in the Arab world. Jimmy Carter shrugged and told Charlie Rose that as much as he (Carter) is revered for his views against Israel and for his appreciation of Arab culture, there's no way he could tell them to stop circumcising women or forcing them to wear burkas.

Now, why some Arabs in France are so upset with Charlie Hebdo, when they can simply go back to Syria, Iran, Iraq or other "fun" parts of the world and practice their backward religion, I have no idea. "Live and let live" isn't in the Koran anywhere, I guess. Perhaps the French will now listen to Brigitte Bardot, and re-think how far they want to take immigration before the entire country is intimidated and turned into something totally different from tourists want to see when they visit France.

It is hard, this Wednesday morning, to find a line in an Arab holy book that would counter the cowardly act done in Paris. Religious fanatics wouldn't care, anyway, they'd just point to some part of the Koran, and say "THIS tells us to kill innocent people." And to then shout "God is Great." And I wonder, if God is so great, what the hell does he need THESE idiots on his side for? Surely he can wave his hand and send a plague of locusts down, or another 40 day flood of rain, or put Kim Kardashian on the cover of every magazine.