"EBAY ASSUME" Actress Ina Balin and her CLOWN PAINTINGS

Well, well! Some of you remember exotic actress Ina Balin. Many recall that she co-starred in a Jerry Lewis film. Others may remember her femme-fatale turn as an art teacher with her eye on Rob Petrie in an episode of "The Dick Van Dyke Show."

SO. Like Red Skelton, she liked to paint clowns!

Right?

Er, if it's on EBAY, it has to be true.

Right?

No, that's not a painting by Ina Balin.

The seller simply ASSUMED it was when she hoisted it to EBAY.

EBAY prides itself on being "just a venue." They don't patrol their site, and why should they make any great effort to remove items for which they take a percentage?

Bidders using the "report this item" link can be stymied (or Matthew Bearded) by trying to figure out which category to report it to. EBAY does not give you space to explain the problem either. Not that they'd listen.

If you said, "Ina Balin did NOT paint portraits of clowns," they'd say, "Tell Ina Balin to send us a formal complaint on letterhead."

In other words, CAVEAT EMPTOR (Dick Cavett has a blank expression of chagrin).

Bidders on EBAY must ASSUME that the seller is telling the truth.

Meanwhile, the SELLER may ASSUME that he/she knows the truth: "Hey, I found a painting signed BALIN. Why, it must be INA BALIN!"

Why bother to Google search to authenticate the item? Then you might find THIS:

There's also a Facebook group for the late great actress, which notes that BALIN paintings are not HERS. Yes, she once partnered in an art gallery, but NO, she did not paint.

Here's a seller who did NOT ASSUME a Balin clown portrait was by Ina:

When you ASSUME an EBAY ad is truthful and based on expertise, you make an ASS of U and your Paypal account.

And remember, a clown picture by any name, is bound to be repulsive.