Ebay, looking out for the Jews...

If you want to sell a DVD on Ebay, the template includes a heartening line...

Hold on, Christians, Atheists and Muslims, etc., that's just a quirk of the template....

According to their rules, if you post A DVD as LIKE NEW, there should be no damage to the jewel case...

The New Yorker leading the Gay vs Straight witch hunt

What would happen if a white cop only seemed to bust blacks?

Something.

What happens when a homosexual makes a career out of going after straight white guys?

Applause, applause.

Lastly, riddle me this. What would the child of Truman Capote and Lee Harvey Oswald look like?

I mention the child of two MEN, because "there's nothing wrong with that." Doctors trying to find a cure for cancer should drop that shit, and concentrate on finding a way for homosexuals to give birth.

Also, we don't really know who Ronan Farrow's Daddy is. If you remember, this guy who is now the hero of investigative reporting, played it coy. When crazy Mama Mia smirked and said he was the son of Frank Sinatra, Ronan (re-named, to further distance himself from Woody Allen) did not confirm or deny. His pouting puffy pink lips formed a coy bow.

You might think that Ronan got his writing talent from his real father, Woody Allen, but this is a guy who has only quietly hinted he's a "member of" the gay community. He may never really come out and identify as "son of Woody." We also don't know if he actually writes his own stuff, or if he's just a strawberry blond figurehead and has The New Yorker supply him with a staff of researches and re-writers.

It's more than ironic that The New Yorker, which so desperately needed another Thurber, and was so delighted to have Woody Allen's comic pieces in the magazine, now has Ronan Farrow working for them. Do they even acknowledge Woody wrote for them, or, like the Carlyle Hotel, have they written him out of their history on the basis of one charge that never went to court? Do you need to have taken Psych 101 to get the idea that every heterosexual male Ronan Farrow goes after, has Woody Allen's face superimposed in his mind?

Ronan's latest target is Les Moonves, going back several decades, to when Les allegedly was boorish with a few women. He didn't force himself on them, didn't drug them, but he may have been caught up in being the POWERFUL MOGUL. A surprise? The phrase is "POWER CORRUPTS." It's not often that you hear about the "nice guy" who runs the gigantic corporation.

Here in New York, the other headline of the day was Sheldon Silver being sent off for seven years because of...well, yes, abusing his power to make a lotta money for himself. That he had not been alleged to have been sexually abusive is just too darn bad, because political scandal isn't nearly as much fun as sex scandal.

Ronan Farrow's narrow vision is not political. The New Yorker could care less too. The New Yorker, struggling with its identity, has seen competition from New York magazine and Time Out (a gay oriented New York magazine). With the old rich money types no longer sashaying to the opera, the ballet, or in support of real theatre (who IS the next Edward Albee or Arthur Miller), and most of them DEAD, The New Yorker's subscription list has shrunk. So...let's be more like the tabloids. More like "Entertainment Weekly" (which has a flamboyantly out gay editor) and let's...make a name for ourselves by witch hunting famous heterosexuals.

And if we can't catch them doing crap NOW, in the age of #metoo (like Weinstein) let's go after them for what they did YEARS ago.

This is like the Amsterdam News trying to get somebody fired for using the word "Negro" -- in 1968. "Hey, never mind WHEN...you SAID IT." "But everybody did. It was not a perjorative word." "You a racist! And look at how many copies of our newspaper we sold today for calling you one!"

And so The New Yorker hoped that the hoopla about Les Moonves would push sales of the new issue...or else...they'd have to put a pregnant Cardi B on the cover, like the failing Rolling Stone did?

The New Yorker will need to do more than kick straight white men in the balls. A big problem in the publishing world is that everything is stolen, plagiarized, or simply "re-written." Why buy a magazine on a newsstand when DECIDER and NEWSER and HUFFITY PUFFITY and all the others give you all the details FREE on the Internet?

Go to any newspaper's website and, even with AD BLOCKER TURNED ON, you get all you need.

The New Yorker might not get much of a "BOUNCE" from this, and they already have the full page ads selling male perfume. Ronan Farrow, however, has raised his profile, and may get another shot at a cable TV show. The first one flopped, but he IS such a cutie pie. Too bad HE didn't have his picture in this typical squib (from Yahoo News) but he did get his name mentioned very prominently. Not the New Yorker. RONAN FARROW:

What Moonves allegedly did is no more odious than things Anna Wintour did. Right? Do we know? No, we don't, because the people who go after Les Moonves would never go after Anna Wintour. "She's on our side." That she still thinks fur is fashion, is just the mildest of her tyrannical ways, but as long as she's in favor of killing animals and might not make sexual demands of someone wanting to write for her, she's ok. Oh, it's OPEN at VOGUE, don't you know? You don't have to know somebody, sleep with somebody, or offer perks to somebody to get a story published in there, or get a photography assignment. A straight white male is more than welcome at VOGUE (or "Entertainment Weekly.")

Is anyone looking into the favoritism and crap Meg Whitman pulled at Ebay? Would anyone buy a magazine to read that she demanded oral sex or some man or woman, or had somebody wipe her poodle's ass or some secretary blow on her morning coffee for her? Nah. Do we want to take a close look at what powerful Black leaders or Gay leaders or women in power have done with their influence and their ego? Not too often.

Besides, it would be "human nature" and justified if somebody Black, gay or female took it out on helpless people trying to get ahead. Humiliation and abuse is as old as fraternities and Marie Antoinette and Evita Person and Countess Bathory.

If Anna Wintour was extravagantly abusive, well, that's her style. People admire "The Devil Wears Prada" and only WISH they were in a position where they could be a dictator and throw tantrums. It's a big snicker if a Martha Stewart or Anna Wintour is obnoxious. If it's a white guy and involves a kiss...hell no. If Wintour's STILL being abusive, so what. The latter part is what's doubly wrong. It's one thing to go after Matt Lauer or somebody who, despite #metoo, is making the workplace obnoxious. It's another to "dig up the dirt" on someone who MAY have learned that "in this day and age, you do NOT abuse your power...not sexually, politically or financially."

Les Moonves, who certainly did NOT get along with David Letterman, might be as much of a prick as George Steinbrenner or any other well-known boss. Is it ok, as long as it's not sexual? As long as it's the boss from hell who merely yells a lot, treats everyone like servants, and keeps everyone walking on egg shells and taking tranquilizers?

Mel Brooks had a comic catch-phrase in one of his movies: "It's GOOD to be the king." For way too many people, the idea of being KING or being PRESIDENT or being THE BOSS, is to have the power of Hitler and De Sade combined. We can go back to the true movie moguls who could even cover up murder.

What is important NOW, is to keep an eye on what bosses are doing NOW. Male or female. Straight or gay. What is important, and what we look to in larger issues than the President of CBS, is the President of the United States, and the rulers of Russia, China, and every other nation. We want to do something about the way POWER CORRUPTS. We want to do something about arrogance.

We want to also take a closer look at the continuing problem of religious leaders being abusive because they know they can. A much, much less covered news item of the day was about THIS guy:

No, he's not the head of CBS who has given the world diversity in programming, he's just another very prominent religious leader...the kind who gets "reassigned" when there's an allegation.

A mogul like Weinstein might head to prison. That's rarely the case with a religious leader. Most of 'em even get to "keep the red hat" and must be addressed with solemn reverence. No mention of prison for this guy.

This guy didn't get the cover of the NY Post. He isn't as amusing as a network exec making a move on some D-lister.

We also want to keep an eye on the motives of people who supposedly are doing things for heroic reasons, but who pick and choose their targets with an assassins's precision, like Julian Assange or Ronan Farrow.

Almost ALL my 60's TV Sweethearts say NO to FACEBOOK

The news: Zuckerberg lost 18 billion dollars when Facebook stock tanked.

He dropped from 3rd richest bastard to 6th richest bastard. Mussolini Bezos is still on top. Wags pointed out that with the money Zucky lost, he could've bought 6 major league baseball teams.

People don't like Facebook. They're not thrilled with him either, or the rest of the Internet punks who are nothing but greedheads and hypocrites. One nice thing I can say for Zucky's Facebook is that they don't generally allow nudity. Unlike Google or eBay, they don't play the "well, say you're 18 and you can see" game. Type in NAKED or NUDE on eBay and any 12 year-old becomes more of an expert in sex than Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

Facebook does have the same lame DMCA policies, though. If somebody's selling bootlegs, running a "members only" weasel group...they look the other way.

Facebook, people eventually realize, is just a terrible invasion of privacy. The potential for disaster is, to use a Presidential term, "bigly." Identity theft and general nosy jerks would make any sane person proceed with caution. The number of scams, the possibility of bullying, and the presence of an insane number of "networking" dimwits who want you to buy their worthless junk, is staggering.

I checked the 16 women who appear in my book "Sweethearts of 60's TV." I wondered how many would want to open themselves up to identity theft, or allow their "fans" to get chummy and familiar with them ("how are you today, Milday..." "...when I come to L.A. I'd love to buy you dinner..." "...I have a great script for you, my Goddess..."). How many would not want to stay a STAR, and untouchable, and instead be one of the hustling rabble with "look at me" posts and a strange need, after all the years of fame and fortune, to connect with dregs and dipshits and total loser-strangers sitting in basements around the world.

First off, 6 of my 16 are dead. In other words, they'd rather be DEAD than be on Facebook.

That's: Mary Tyler moore, Anne Francis, Elizabeth Montgomery, Ev a Gabor, Donna Douglas and Judy Carne.

Marlo Thomas? She hasn't posted for a year, and doesn't want 5,000 yahoos bothering her. She has plenty to do.

Goldie Hawn? Likewise. She has the "Goldie Hawn Foundation" which she'd like people to know about, but she also does NOT have a full 5,000 jerky "friends" she's proud of, and doesn't need to answer dopey questions from 50 year-old obese virgins. Or, virgins as far as women are concerned.

One of the irritating things about FACEBOOK, is that they do NOTHING about frauds and idiots who adopt a celebrity's name for an assortment of bizarre reasons. But this is FACEBOOK, where they do nothing about people "networking" by clicking "with" and making sure all of their friends' friends have to read their crap about "I've got a new self-published book," and "hear my shitty song on Bandcamp" and "Listen to my PODCAST." FACEBOOK also does little about jerks "friending" thousands of people and then blitzing everybody with knockoff Ray-Ban ads.

My two Gilligan's Island girls are on FACEBOOK, but they keep their fans at arms length. Maybe they're REALLY sick of "I'd love to rescue you" and "I wish I was a palm leaf you were wearing" creepy Internet flirting. Tina did encounter identity problems:

I wasn't expecting Tina to be on FACEBOOK at all, but I think she figures that as long as she DOES keep everyone at ARMS LENGTH, and posts something to let people know she's in good health (most of the Sweethearts of 60's TV are now in their 80's after all), that's ok.

On the matter of letting people know you're ok, but NOT wanting 5,000 or more assholes drooling over you, she and her one-time co-star Dawn Wells are in agreement. Dawn does go to memorabilia shows and events, but does NOT monkey around on FACEBOOK much:

AND THEN THERE WERE...SIX.

Two of the 60's stars are STILL very popular: SALLY FIELD and DIANA RIGG. Do you think they need FACEBOOK? Want FACEBOOK? LIKE HELL.

You also won't find anything on Stefanie Powers or Barbara Feldon. People change. It may seem impossible, but SOME celebrities not only get old, but their appreciation for empty-headed flattery gets old, too. They don't get a buzz over being recognized and having their time wasted by some nostalgic nobody. They have other issues in their lives, and if they bother to autograph some item by mail, or stop and tolerate a cellphone shot as they leave a restaurant, that's PLENTY.

You'll find fakery, idiocy, people with nothing to do wearing star drag, but you won't find the real thing. Type in STEFANIE POWERS and you get typical time-wasting Internet twits being a waste of space and bandwidth:

AND THEN THERE WERE...TWO.

Barbara Eden rarely posts on FACEBOOK. Once in a while her manager will remind fans that they can buy a poster or something if they visit the website.

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE.

AH, FACEBOOK. Where some fanboys do get the opportunity to constantly get noticed by constantly commenting on every post. Where an assortment of strangers can, without spending money on a stamp or taking the time to find an address, instantly be on the same level as somebody famous. "Think she reads all this drivel, and doesn't use a secretary?" "You bet she reads everything. She'll even toss down a LIKE or a little compliment!" And if you want to flirt, pitch a project, ask to do a God-awful photo shoot, call attention, or just rave on and on...go right ahead.

KENNEDY HONORS...ran out of famous class acts to honor

Years ago, the "Kennedy Honors" award...hokey and bogus though it was...celebrated worthy people. They got to meet the President, got a medallion to wear, and had a big audience live and on TV cheering them.

They either performed, or they were treated to performances of their works by others and/or had famous people salute them with tearful speeches of awe and gratitude.

Who won this thing?

The first year, 1978, it was Marian Anderson, Fred Astaire, George Balanchine, Richard Rodgers and Arthur Rubinstein

1979: Aaron Copland, Ella Fitzgerald, Henry Fonda, Martha Graham and Tennessee Williams

1980: Leonard Bernstein, James Cagney, Agnes de Mille, Lynn Fontanne, and Leontyne Price

1981: Count Basie, Cary Grant, Helen Hayes, Jerome Robbins, and Rudolf Serkin

You get the idea. They honored the best. The 80's honorees included Elia Kazan, Lillian Gish, Benny Goodman, Lena Horne, Danny Kaye, Arthur Miller, Isaac Stern, Bob Hope, Lucille Ball, Lerner & Loewe, Ray Charles, Yehudi Menuhin, Sammy Davis Jr., Bette Davis, Claudette Colbert and Mary Martin. Among others.

In the 90's there were still plenty of famous names to honor, including Johnny Carson, Kirk Douglas, Edward Albee, Lauren Bacall, Bob Dylan, Charlton Heston, Jack Lemmon, Kander & Ebb, Sean Connery, Victor Borge, Neil Simon, Sidney Poitier, Shirley Temple Black, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. Bill Cosby was honored but that honor has been withdrawn.

2000 to 2009 and STILL great names to choose from. It could be the best of any genre of music, but the BEST: Placido Domingo, Chuck Berry, Van Cliburn, Quincy Jones, Barbra Streisand, James Brown, Tony Bennett, Diana Ross, Brian Wilson, George Jones, Grace Bumbry, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn and Dave Brubeck. There were plenty of movie and TV stars, including James Earl Jones, Carol Burnett, Mel Brooks, Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Steve Martin, Julie Andrews, Robert De Niro and Elizabeth Taylor. Also Baryshnikov, Mike Nichols and Martin Scorsese. And others.

Now? If Slim Pickens was still alive, he might get one, because it's slim pickings. For several years now, the "Honors" have mostly gone to whoever is trendy, whoever is part of ethnic diversity, and whoever is going to get TV ratings. The President didn't even show up last year. Was it that he didn't want to risk the boos of a liberal audience? Some say it was because Norman Lear (now in his 90's) finally got an award.

Can you even NAME the five winners in that picture? Squint hard. These are five people who contributed something IMPORTANT to America and the world? Something UNIQUE? Material that will, if not live forever, at least live past a few decades? Norman Lear, in the middle, achieved fame through groundbreaking TV shows, most notably "All in the Family." Thats ONE in FIVE. But look at the picture. Happily, there was only ONE white person.

This year? Trump can stay home again. The list is just as ludicrous. One token white, and he got in (Philip Glass) because they needed SOME kind of "classical" composer to honor.

They left out Dick Van Dyke, Betty White and Bob Newhart...but hey, they made sure LL Cool J got in a few years ago. Sorry they made him wait at all.

Just why the Kennedy Honors doesn't seem to honor people who aren't singers or actors, I have no idea. They toss in a conductor or a director now and then. They honored Edward Albee and Tennessee Williams...but they wouldn't think of honoring novelists? Isn't that a form of entertainment? Hey, Herman Wouk is over 100 years old. If it helps, most of his novels were made into MOVIES. Or is it that the TV ratings wouldn't be so good if an old Jew in a wheelchair waved to the camera? So who DID they choose this time around, and how well did they avoid honoring any white male?

You might argue that CHER is a legend of some kind. A gay icon, certainly. She's no Carol Burnett. Her comedy/variety series didn't last too long, and nobody's studying "The Sonny and Cher Show" either. Disco songs with vocoder? The voice that became an almost laughable musical impression for people likening her vibrato to a sink backing up? "Gypsies Tramps and Thieves" was catchy.

Reba. Just another country singer, really. She's had a TV show. People like her. Most of the country could care less. You talk about Loretta Lynn or George Jones, and you're talking about pioneers. Reba followed in a lot of footsteps. Wayne Shorter? While we don't necessarily believe awards should go to people that are well known...hardly anyone outside the jazz world could tell you who this guy is. Philip Glass? Same thing. Anyone actually listen to this music? You've heard Glass because Paul Simon used a bit of his instrumental music during a break in the song "The Late Great Johnny Ace." You know who died without getting an award? Neil Hefti. Vic Mizzy. Clark Terry. A whole lot of good guys who played sax, drums, flute, etc. etc. Doc Severinsen is still around and he brought Big Band music to millions who never heard it, and he was a brilliant session man long before Carson.

Last and least, the fabulous cast of "Hamilton," the greatest musical in the history of Broadway. What "Tommy" or "Jesus Christ Superstar" is to rock opera, "Hamilton" is to rap. Why, it's such a gigantic achievement, it's beyond rap. It's a whole new category. President Obama went to see it. It was sold out at astronomical prices. And...best of all...it's reverse racist. No whites in the cast, but the show is all about white people. Like Alexander Hamilton.

We live in an age when Scarlett Johansson is forced to quit a movie because she is NOT transgender. We live in an age where Johnny Depp nearly lost out on playing Tonto until he managed to claim some kind of Native American blood in his drugged up veins. We've seen Charlie Chan movies banned from TV re-runs and Al Jolson ("the Greatest Entertainer" of the 20th Century) reduced to a footnote. But it's ok for people "of color" (as opposed to "colored people") to prance around in 18th century white peoples' clothes and spout rap dialect and nursery-rhyme funk nonsense. It is what it is. And there's a black woman playing Joan of Arc on Broadway, when we all know that there's NO way a white could play Harriet Tubman in a play. NO way. Some guy in England was nearly run into the Thames because he played Michael Jackson on some dumb TV show. "He can't do that, he's not black!" Yeah? He was playing Michael Jackson after all the surgeries and whitening, when Jackson didn't look black, either.

This is a pretty motley bunch for one of the supposedly highest honors one can get...in this country that seems to spend most of its time honoring people (Golden Globes, Emmy, Oscar, Tony, Grammy, People's Choice, blah, blah and blah).

I'd have to agree with The Donald if he Tweeted that he was skipping this thing because it was "FAKE AWARDS."

The Three Stooges Will Eventually Be Banned from Broadcast or Sales -- BAD WORDS!

It's getting hard to remember all the code-words for terms we are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY.

The "F-word" and the "N-word" and the "C-word" and the "B-word" and, oh, oh, oh, look: the "R-word."

Figured that one out?

You might recall back in 2003, the Black Eyed Peas got complaints for a song called..."Let's Get Retarded." The chorus:

Everybody, everybody, let's get into it...Get stupid...

We can assume that this nice group of people merely meant that everyone should take enough drugs or drink enough alcohol to look at the world with woozy indifference. What fun to be inarticulate, and to either drool or piss yourself, or both.

The song was re-done and "Let's Get Retarded" became "Let's Get It Started."

Nobody would say that this group of idiots didn't deserve the criticism. How insensitive can you be? "Mentally challenged" people don't "sober up." If you knew somebody who had a "mentally challenged" child, you sure as hell wouldn't play that song in their presence. By the same token, you don't say "what the fuck" in the presence of a priest, or a granny, or anyone that you wanted to impress with your intelligence and manners. It would be stupid. Moronic, too.

When I was in junior high school, calling somebody a "Retard" was the same as "idiot" or "imbecile" or "moron," except there was a little more of a visual to it. Say "retard" and you imagine somebody with Down Syndrome, whereas the "Village Idiot" might not look quite so obviously incapable.

The junior high school I attended was named in honor of somebody nobody ever heard of called John Peter Tetard. What he did to be honored, nobody could tell you, and since he was a local figure and there was no Internet, you couldn't look it up in your Funk & Wagnall's. Or Encyclopedia Americana. And...anyone from the school was jeered by other kids as a RETARD. Or a RETARDIAN. "You go to RETARD?"

Well, you put up with that fucking shit.

Oh, EXCUSE ME, you put up with that "f-word" and "s-word."

As my late friend George Carlin used to say, "there are no bad words. Bad intentions, maybe." You don't go on a censoring rampage. Maybe you explain why certain words aren't acceptable in certain company. An irony is that most any movie besides a Disney film, is going to have cursing in it. BUT...in this PC world, the ordinary bad words that connote what adults often do (fuck and shit) are not the big problem anymore. It's EVERY OTHER WORD IN THE SLANG DICTIONARY.

So it's only a matter of time before they're all outlawed.

Just what is wrong with "mental retardation" or someone being "retarded," needs to be explained by someone "offended." That's the one who prefers "mentally challenged." You know, the way you don't say "that person is dead," you say "that person has passed away." Let's make "nice" and avoid the "truth."

A baffling example of PC is "of color." Somehow, all sort of people happily tell you they are "of color," or wish to see more people "of color" in positions of power. But they would NEVER say "colored people." Got that? "Of color" yes, "colored" no.

Another confusion is over BITCH. For a long time, this was not an acceptable word, but it WAS, if you were referring to a female dog. Some feminists decided they can "take over" the word and make it their own. They proudly call themselves bitches. BUT...some newspapers and magazines will quote them as having said "The B word."

Now we have the R-word, and soon, the M-word (for MORON) and the I-Word (for either either idiot or imbecile).

Since it would be too costly to edit the soundtrack on Three Stooges movies, and we KNOW what the original words were anyway...

...be prepared. The Three Stooges are going to be banned. You won't be able to buy their DVDs or see them on television. They will go the way of "The Cosby Show" and Kevin Spacey movies. A Rudyard Kipling poster of his poem "IF."

When you think of the Three Stooges, certain phrases come to mind:

"Why, you imbecile..."
"MORON!"
Maybe even "IDIOT!"
These words are in the dictionary. Generally, all of them refer to people who were born with some form of "mental retardation."

In my book, "The Stooge Fan's I.Q. Test," I wrote:

"Medically, an idiot has the mentality of a four-year-old, an imbecile has the mentality of an eight-year-old, and a moron doesn't progress beyond a twelve-year-old mentality."

Now, most dictionaries will tell you these words are "OFFENSIVE." Here's the Mirriam-Webster website definition:

Got that?

We have to change our way of thinking. Get anger management. Chill. There are NO stupid people. Suggesting in any way that somebody is not bright...is not PC. There are NO safe words to use. None.

As a comedy authority, I hear three words all the time: "That's NOT FUNNY." Technically, a Groucho insult isn't funny. Laurel and Hardy demolishing somebody's property isn't funny. W.C. Fields being a drunk isn't funny. Ruining "a night at the opera" isn't funny. If you lost a relative to a plane crash, "Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines" isn't funny. Insult jokes hurled at a President aren't funny. Joey Adams, a forgotten insult comic, once told me, "To get laughs, you have to devastate something." You kill in a stand-up routine if you've made something or somebody ridiculous. If you've spoken a devastating insult.

But the PC brigade is saying this is all wrong. Where do you draw the line? You can't say somebody's behavior is retarded...so is idiotic that much better? It's still making fun of somebody. It's still suggesting there's something WRONG.

The big joke on "Seinfeld" was to end any reference to homosexuality with "...not that there's anything WRONG in that."

Yes, consciousness-raising is good. We don't need a comedian named "Fatty Arbuckle" anymore. Being sensitive is a good thing. Maybe we don't need to "kid" someone by joking about their weight, their height, their religion, their age, etc. A lot of the humor in telling some old person, "oh, you remember when you first voted...for Lincoln..." is a fear of aging. A gloat about being young. It doesn't come from a "good" place at all. But if we keep picking apart words, and what's funny or not, there won't be much left.

Kardashian wasn't saying "retard" for a laugh. But if she said "idiot" that really would be SO much better??

One reason we USED to laugh at The Three Stooges is that when Moe called somebody "IMBECILE," it was a surprise and a vicarious relief. We can't go around telling stupid people they're stupid.

You're still making fun of somebody who can't help himself/herself/tranself (I include women in this, and transgenders, because I'm PC.)

There is NO word you can use if somebody is being stupid. "Ignorant?" NO, that's offensive to people who didn't get enough schooling to be smart.

And so we return to the days when you didn't say HELL, you said "H-E- double hockey sticks!"

The safety valve of humor, or of just speaking your mind, is gone. If somebody is being stupid, you just SHUT THE F-WORD UP and just walk away.

And no, you can't say "Why, you R-word," because we all know what you mean. Don't we? Maybe not. There are a LOT of words beginning with R, and soon even more of them will be banned. As it is "R-word" was confusing and most of us needed a bit more information, as the NY Post did in explaining what an idiotic Kardashian said to an imbecilic Kardashian.

"I don't know, I haven't Kippled." and "HE A RACIST!!"

You may talk of Rudyard Kipling...but most don't Even when he was alive, he was sort of a joke:

"What do you think of Kipling?"
"I don't know, I've never kippled!"

Now, if any semi-literate fool in high school is told about Kipling, it's some teacher "of color" saying, "Kipling? HE A RACIST." Maybe adding, "so was Francis Scott Key. STONE COLD RACIST." That's all.

If you try to explain, you might run up against facts. Against gray areas. Against the works of Kipling that champion his love of India, against the fact that Key was a lawyer who often went to court to free slaves.

Power corrupts, and when anyone gets in a position of power...it's going to be CENSORSHIP. BULLYING. MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.

It's going to be IGNORANCE. Because it's much more fun to tear somebody down and to advance yourself as being put upon and abused.

Ha ha ha, a female photographer of color, named Sara KAHN, takes a photo of a student leader of color named FATIMA ABID, who is doing what...censoring and removing a poem by a legendary literary figure, and replacing it with meme-drivel by a pop poet.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating....
don’t give way to hating
don’t give way to hating
don’t give way to hating
don’t give way to hating
Sorry, Rudyard, but WHAT FUN IS THAT? What do you MEAN, "don't give way to hating?"

YO, HATERS GOTTA HATE.

The most people get their fun on the INTERNET from hating. They troll. They bully. They break the law any chance they get with leaking documents, writing slander, spreading lies and "fake news," and love to see upset reactions from people who "just don't get it." Hey, deprive the world of reading a Kipling poem and judging it. That's POWER!

For most people, Rudyard Kipling is just "the nice old man who wrote The Jungle Books...which have been adapted into such lovely films and things..."

For some others, Kipling is known for ONE poem, "IF," which is a bit sappy but offers more positive advice than all of the MEMES from Maya Angelou, RUMI and the great Prince Ea put together.

Surely, nobody could be hurt, and MOST people could be helped by reading Uncle Rudyard's poem "IF." That is, "IF" you have any kind of tolerance, intelligence and common sense. "IF" you are not consumed by hate and a preening sense of egotism and a wicked and perverse need for POWER.

"Let's see," Fatima says to herself, "how can I get my name in the papers, and better yet, ALL OVER THE INTERNET...how can I get MY WAY...how can I promote MYSELF and "WOMEN OF COLOR." Yes, by tearing down some OLD WHITE GUY exhibit. A dead old white guy."

Right? How safe she is, preening for the camera, posing in her little hide-out in Academia, and targeting a dead white guy. Will you find her protesting the beheading of a British soldier? Standing with the people protesting the desecration of a synagogue? Would she dare to write something against ISIS and post it as a Tweet? Would she march in a gay pride parade?

Oh, a poster of a poem. Yeah. Who is going to stop HER from showing off, and deciding for all the world, and for all the students, that Kipling doesn't belong and MAYA ANGELOU, the great MAYA ANGELOU, does.

She joins silly little Emma Watson, who went skipping around underground stations in London and subways in New York planing "gift" copies of MAYA ANGELOU books. Except Emma Watson didn't simultaneously declare that Rudyard Kipling shouldn't be read by anyone.

Is Kipling any more "racist" than Mark Twain? Since when have the majority of people in the world come to believe that THEIR RACE and THEIR RELIGION isn't superior to somebody else's? Anyone remember 9/11 or 7/7, when people OF COLOR and of a CRACKPOT RELIGION, decided to blow shit up? Because they knew THEY were superior?

It is OUTRAGEOUS that important literary figures get attacked and CENSORED...that their work is DENIED because SOME people decide they don't like it.

Is this Fatima bitch screaming at radio stations not to play Richard Wagner music? Is she telling TV networks never, EVER to play a movie or a TV show that features Kevin Spacey, Rolf Harris or Roseanne Barr? Where DO we draw the line?

People mutter than Kipling or Twain wrote something that was a little un-PC today? How about what people are doing TODAY TODAY?

There are plenty of people who think homosexuals are crazy. Who think Jews should be exterminated. Who believe in the KKK. Who only wish they could walk around wearing a swastika. Who would rage if their daughter married someone DIFFERENT. Who picket funerals for soldiers for NO sane reason and just a lot of evil intolerance.

We want to bitch about how backward Mark Twain or Rudyard Kipling or Richard Wagner was? And we ignore what is being said by the leaders of ISIS, by Le Pen in France, and by Pink Floyd's arrogant Roger Waters?

In Kipling's time, people believed masturbation would blind a person. That dinosaurs were a myth and that God made Adam & Eve and Jesus only 2,000 or so years ago. That angels were in the clouds. And that someone of a different color was BAD. That includes the Africans who would routinely slaughter white missionaries...which they still do when "Doctors without Borders" try to give out free injections against disease.

Ah, but it's only the WHITE GUY to single out. Let's go tear down a statue of a man who did a lot of good in the world. Let's replace a perfectly good poem with a shitty one because it's from "a woman of color." It's pretty sick how REVERSE RACISTS don't think they're REVERSE RACISTS, but they sure know how to point the finger elsewhere.

The White Brits were known for believing it was the "white man's burden" (a Kipling phrase) to bring civilization to savages. Well, we all know what a BAD idea THAT is. Whenever people in backward "of color" countries are in trouble, they cry out for CIVILIZATION to help them, specifically, WHITE people: "Come bring your technology, bring your wheat, bring your medication...feed us, clothe us, help us...give us the tools we need. And DON'T ask for ANYTHING in return."

It wasn't just Kipling's Brits who decided it was a good idea to colonize. The French were doing it. The Dutch were doing it. All through history, you'll also find that ANY group of people would pick a fight with any OTHER group of people. And it's still going on, or hasn't this twat named Fatima heard of BOKO HARAM? That's Nigerians fighting other Nigerians. PS, who do you think killed tens of thousands of people in Mali? Not white people. Wars over farmland, over oil, over whether to practice one brand of Islam over another...are killing and killing and killing people.

These are people that might learn a lesson about "IF..." and IF you could be a little more humane and tolerant toward others.

One of my all time favorite poems is "Gunga Din." Yes, Kipling wrote "black-faced." He wrote "of all them black faced crew, THE FINEST MAN I KNEW was our regimental bhisti Gunga Din." He showed a lot more respect than the average white couple in Manhattan who hire a maid "of color." He was a lot less....CONDESCENDING.

Kipling? Racist? What was the last line of that poem?

"You're a better man than I am, GUNGA DIN."

How...DEAD...is classic rock? Any life support equipment in the Rock Cellar?

When my magazine ROCKET was selling well all over the world, there was ALL kinds of rock going on. There was KISS, Hall and Oates, Billy Joel, Dr. Hook, Blondie, Andy Bown, Andy Pratt, Andy Gibb...it was ALL good, and we had 100 pages full each issue.

Then some bad stuff began to happen. Like DISCO. Then 80's pop crap and synth junk. In the early 80's, ROCKET was gone, but I was still a music editor (at OUI, which sold more for the centerfolds than my record reviews and interviews). I interviewed some pop oddballs (like Mari Wilson), and there were still punky new wave chicks around (Lita Ford). I also spoke with progrockers including both of the departed Genesis guitarists now mounting solo careers, Steve Hackett and Anthony Phillips. BUT...like the Chambers Brothers shouting "TIME," I knew that I was getting too old for this...and the prospect of interviewing pipsqueaks, fashion fops and somebody too sexy for his shirt...was NOT what I wanted to do.

Over the years, the purveyors of classic rock have disappointed their fans with turgid material nowhere near their best. That ranges from Jethro Tull and Procol Harum to Elton John and Paul McCartney. Randy Newman, who held up pretty well for a long, long time, satirized the problem with a song called "I'm Dead But I Don't Know It." It was about a rocker whose latest album was, at best, just a numb copy of the previous one, "BUT NOT AS GOOD."

Meanwhile, the Top Ten List was taken over by rappers, inane pop tripe, and almost nothing that people could sing along to. The song had to be REALLY stupid and repetitive for that. Some song about an umbrella-ella-ella. I was glad that I wasn't the one having to sit around and ask Cardi B some questions, or to pretend that some guy cursing was worth a Nobel Prize.

The rock magazines I'd written for were almost all gone. One that I didn't write for, ROLLING STONE, has become an embarrassment, trying desperately to hold onto readership, first by getting political, and then by running ridiculous photo stories on posturing rappers. The only time "classic rock" was mentioned was when the ranks got thinned out. Oh, Tom Petty...put him on the cover...he's dead.

A big problem with "classic rock" is that, like "classical music," it's not infinite. Has anyone written any good "classical music" since Rachmaninoff and Prokofiev? It's been experimental crap that nobody likes. Nobody is improving on a Beethoven symphony or a Chopin etude. And that includes Billy Joel, who dropped out of "classic rock" and for a moment, thought he had something else to fall back on. No, no, no, the "chords of fame" have all been used. At one time, lead guitarists could come up with new riffs all day and all of the night. From a "Simple Sister" to "Layla," there were new melodies to hear, and lyrics that varied from rockin' sex and drug songs to protest and new wave and trippy psychedelia. The game's been played.

The old-timers still around, well, some decided to go sing the "Great American Songbook." Others, not admitting that they'll never get to the Top 10 again, put out dull, familiar albums that critics sometimes gave a charitable 3 stars to. You don't want to knock Elton or Macca TOO much. They're living legends.

We are not 20 anymore. This isn't 1967. Our lives do not revolve around "when's the new album coming out." The people who ARE 20, are listening to "a load of garbage," which is how OUR parents viewed OUR "classic rock." Nobody's interested in an entire magazine of "classic rock." Rolling Stone proved that decades ago. For a brief moment, some thought, "The Internet is our savior...there will be cool WEBSITES and BLOGS!" Yeah? To do what, rate the best and worst of Jethro Tull albums? Point out, every Christmas, the latest dire box set trying to cash in on old Pink Floyd albums?

ROCK CELLAR is one of those websites that seemed to be willing to run interviews with no-longer hot hotties (Rita Coolidge) and to follow Tom Petty to his grave, and to bite their lips and quiver hopefully when some outfit like Angel Air or Cherry Red brought back some long out of print album, or gave a new chance to Andy Bown, or put together a compilation on Jenny Darren. Oh, wow. But a check of what Rock Cellar sends its subscribers shows that they are desperate to get click through money by devoting MORE SPACE TO NON-MUSIC NEWS than anything else:

What can we do? NOTHING. To paraphrase a Dylan song lyric, Nick Lowe now "plays soft, but there's nothing, really nothing to turn off." So, not enough people are buying Nick Lowe or Don McLean to put them on a major label, and at best, they come up with things that are listenable. Roy Orbison, sing please: "It's OVER, it's OVER, it's OVER. It's....OHHHHHHHHH VERRRRR."

It's the truth but it's not bad. Remember what happened to your parents and grandparents. They had to be content with the OLD Frank Sinatra and Patti Page albums because there weren't anymore. They'd sit and have some nostalgia and a drink while hearing "In the Mood" from Glenn Miller. "Boy, they don't make 'em like THAT anymore." No, they don't. The big band style was used up. It became harder and harder for Barbra, or Connick, or Lemper to fill up a CD with NEW material in the OLD style. But there was still plenty of the old stuff to revisit.

And so it is for us. If Dylan does nothing but more Sinatra crooning, there's still a vast catalogue of his material that can (and should) be listened to again and again. Classic Procol Harum is still classic. While you might not want to take the Marrakesh Express, and you might only find a "Greatest Hits" collection good enough on many artists, there's still a lot to enjoy. Hell, once in a while there's a re-issue in a better bit-rate and you can hear stuff that had been buried in the original mono mix. WOWIE ZOWIE. You might, now that you're on the 200th listening, actually pay attention to the lyrics from Taupin and Simon and make up your own theory on what the hell "Grey Seal" is all about. Or "Take me to the Pilot." Or "Me and Julio in the Schoolyard." After all, the cross is in the ballpark. And that's just ME giving you the word. "You can call me Al."