Tweety Bird: ROB SCHNEIDER, THE RETURN OF THE LITTLEST ASSHOLE

Anyone remember Rob Schneider? The guy who made those awful Douche-bag Bigelow movies? The guy whose tongue had to be surgically removed from Adam Sandler’s asshole? The guy who rivals the bed bug for being the world’s tiniest irritant?

If you have a long, long memory, you might remember when Rob was funny; two minutes on “Saturday Night Live.” He did a pretty good Billy Crystal. He captured Billy’s habit of smiling beatifically at his own punchlines.

Rob also accurately played "the office jerk," in increasingly predictable and annoying sketches. He'd cheerfully stand around the copy machine, belaboring the obvious: "Makin' copies!" If I walked in to use the machine, he’d dub me “The Ron Man,” then “The Ron-inator” then “The Ronmeister” or “Ronzo,” etc. etc. No, not much of a joke.

Probably the funniest thing about Rob Schneider was how film critic Roger Ebert got the better of him. When “Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo” got roasted by the critics, Rob got on his low horse, and whined that no film critic should judge him. Film critics don't get awards for their work, right?

Roger Ebert wrote: “Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.”

To be fair "The Hot Chick" didn't suck. It was actually an attempt to do something beyond playing arrogant little creeps. But really, for the past 20 years, the 53 year-old Schneider has consistently failed to make critics laugh. Most normal people simply avoid films with Sandler or Schneider in them. Live and let vomit, you know. If he’s an unpleasant, unfunny, creepy little gnat, so what. You don’t have to see his films, and you know better than to bother.

Twitter, being the last refuge to which a publicity-seeking has-been clings, suddenly saw the re-emergence of Rob Schneider. Was he going to try and be witty? Funny?

Jeez. You have to look in the “comments” section of some troll-loaded forum or newspaper website to see a nastier bit of dumbass self-satisfied jerkery. Instead of "Democrats" I’m surprised he didn’t use “LIBTARDS.” That’s a favorite among the brain-dead.

I guess he wasn't getting anywhere with slightly more normal Tweets, like this one:

I guess Rob figures he might resuscitate his career if he appeals to the Trump fans out there, the ones who smile at nastiness and blockheaded insults. But I think he’s forgotten something. They will turn on him the moment somebody Tweets that his father was JEWISH.