Charlie Hustler - Pete Rose screws underage girl and has a semantic defense

So, she was under 16? Well, uh, I didn't think she was. END OF STORY. The media is always playing games with words, so why not an illiterate cheat like Pete Rose? Rose, never known for being anything but an abrasive lout with a Moe haircut, got banned from baseball for gambling. In trying to pick a fight with a guy who got the dirt on him, Pete's only gotten more mud on his own face and uniform.

The girl in question, who is saying the sex with the MARRIED man was consensual, insists she was technically not of legal age.

Pete comes up with a good excuse. HE figures maybe she was. "Based on my belief," he says. Well, that makes it so. Doesn't it? So let's move on to the bigger picture, which is that he's been maligned, he's got more hits than anybody in baseball history, and he should be given the glory of the Hall of Fame. Which would help raise the price when he signs autographs.

Yes, Mr. Dowd. "Isn't that lovely?" A married man with a face like spoiled Pla-doh, screwing an underage girl and lying about it, like he rationalized his gambling on baseball. "Lovely...Lovely...."

Jeff Bezos the American Mussolini, now World's Richest Prick

You know Bozo Bezos. He's the guy who was telling book companies how much they should charge, and threatening them, Trump-style, with "NO AMAZON FOR YOU." This bastard even did it to Disney.

You'd have to look to Syria, North Korea or Russia to find somebody as ruthless as Jeff.

He started up his business crowing "Hey, you can buy books SO much cheaper on AMAZON than bookstores, and no shipping!" Suddenly, Barnes and Noble and other book chains started to close. Thanks to weak DMCA laws intended to boost Internet companies, Amazon didn't even charge tax. Soon even used book shops couldn't compete. Bezos made sure that if buyers couldn't afford a NEW copy, a used or promo copy was available. Either way, HE made money. Authors of new books found themselves competing with every used copy sold and discarded.

That wasn't enough damage to publishers and authors. Amazon invented KINDLE, and put it on the front page of the site, flogging it day and night with bargain prices to hook people in. Why buy BOOKS that take up space when you can have a KINDLE? PS, you can buy bootleg dupe Kindle files on EBAY and we're so rich we won't even file takedowns on the sellers. Quantity, not quality!

AMAZON then set up ways for any idiot to digitize old books or upload badly written new junk. More competition for real authors, and more authors and good books lost in the debris. Bezos found a ready supply of vanity authors and grifters eager to take crumbs and let him have the big profits, just in return for being able to say "I'm an author."

Meanwhile Amazon was now selling anything and everything, sending more brick and mortar stores into bankruptcy. "Hey everyone, go to the store, try on the items, then buy from Amazon! Learn to be ruthless. It's strictly business!"

Bezos discovered it doesn't take talent to invent things, it just takes power to muscle in and take over. Bezos saw iTunes had a big chunk of music downloads. He carved out his own bloody chunk of the music biz with his Amazon downloads, and made sure to control the prices.

Netflix re-invented itself as a successful streaming company with new product? Monkey-face see monkey-face do; the bald baboon tossed money at everyone (including Woody Allen) to get his own high-profile Movie Mogul streaming AMAZON shows on the market.

Meanwhile, America's Mussolini saw businessman Trump became President. Hmm. Bezos moved to Washington, D.C. He made sure to buy a mansion BIGGER than Trump or the retired Obama. And who do you think might run for PRESIDENT, EMPEROR or FUHRER soon?

I leave it to paid journalists on big newspapers to ferret out many more of the sordid details of Mr. Businessman's rise to own an Evil Empire. I'm just noting some of the things the creep's done in the book and music world.

The new issue of Rolling Stone announced that helping to destroy the music business was just the beginning for Bozo Bezos. So, most musicians can't earn any money off their music? They have to tour or forget it? They make nickels and dimes from Spotify and iTunes streaming? TIME FOR AMERICA'S MUSSOLINI to MUSCLE IN:

That is the motto for this bald-headed bastard? It could be "I CAN'T GET ENOUGH."

If you're tired of loathing Putin, Kim Jung-Un, Manson, Mark David Chapman or Hitler...there's JEFF BEZOS. Arrogant. Rich. Nasty. Greedy. Mean. Uncharitable. Idea-stealing.

Watch out, Google. Watch out, Ebay. HE WANTS IT ALL.

And since he wants it ALL, watch out Caitlyn Jenner, he's just nuts enough to go after YOUR ASS, too.

Sean Gone - Donald Trump Loses his Spice Girl

Well...HELLO, DALI

"Hello Dali, you're looking SWELL, Dali..."

Dig this:

The good news: his mustache looks the same as it did when he was alive. That's what witnesses said, as they went about the ghoulish business of removing bits and pieces from his corpse.

The reason for this? Oh, the best reason of all: GREED.

ENTITLEMENT.

Some bastard wants a fourth of Dali's estate. She claims that she's the illegitimate daughter of Dali. Doesn't the word ILLEGITIMATE mean anything?

Doesn't it mean that Dali didn't recognize her, didn't add her to the will, and did not want her to get his money? Let's be honest and admit that sometimes the REAL children get cut out of the will. The deceased has made it clear that these brats had better make it on their own.

The remains in Spain were attained for insane gain.

Perhaps a precedent has been set. Now, people can routinely petition the court to...rifle through the drawers of anybody's desk that the deceased may have been near, on the theory the deceased may have stowed money in there which belongs to the heirs. How about permission to knock the tombstone over and break it into tiny pieces to sell as cat litter? How about permission to open up a grave and just check the pockets of the deceased?

What a Difference a Death Makes: Martin Landau: from $10 to $50 on EBAY

How important or emotional is a celebrity's death?

One way to know is to measure the length of the obit, and whether it's on the obit page or a news page.

Another is to check the kneejerk response on eBay. This includes the jerks who rush to their scanners and offer "RIP, RP" pictures. The RP means "reprint." Yes, they either copy an autographed photo they bought or, more often, they just download one and start makin' copies for mournful fans.

The great Martin Landau, who often appeared at memorabilia shows, was not an expensive purchase when he was alive...

A few months later, and news of his death quadrupled the price of his signed photos.

Ebay, of course, sees nothing wrong with people instantly copying off autographed pictures and selling them with no permission. The people doing this, however, stick "DO NOT COPY" warnings against piracy.

Remember, buy THREE get one FREEEEEEE.

Just how long does the hysteria last? The sudden need to "pay tribute" or get a signed picture as if that means the star is still alive? The high prices could last a few days, or even a week. If a star didn't sign that much, the high price could be permanent. Like death.

America's ASCAP and England's BPI - Bending Over For Dreams, Ignoring the Piracy Nightmare

I get the idea that when Nero fiddled while Rome burned, some descendent of ASCAP's president called out, "Nice tune!"

The descendent of BPI's president would say: "Good news, thanks to Nero, violin makers got a lot of good publicity. Let's encourage more people to enjoy music!" Even if they don't pay for it.

Have you ever tried to alert any of the Alphabet Soupy group to illegal Sales? Go ahead. Go to the website of IFPI or BPI or RIAA. Try to get their attention. It can't be done. They won't listen.

Little Criminals who boast about 14 years of "blogging" go right on doing it. Jerks on eBay who say, "The music is public domain or I own the resale rights" can and do put hundreds of mp3 files on a CD and ship it out with NO takedown from the rights organizations.

So, what ARE these organizations doing with their time? What ARE they instructing their employees to do? Oh...TWEEEEEEEEET.

Look! It's a GAY musician! Hooray hooray, he's GAY GAY GAY. Let's show, in case you don't know it from Elton John and his husband, gays can be part of the music industry! Let's not take the same amount of time to file a takedown that would knock off a blog and send a message to other blogger idiots.

Tell me, BILLBOARD, are you sure that all homosexuals appreciate the term QUEER? You know, like all blacks appreciate the term NIGGA?

The only thing more wan than some indie musician with lipstick on, is the way music organizations deal with piracy.

It's a big sigh. It's a press release once a year wishin' and a hopin' that governments strengthen DMCA laws. Guess what. They will NOT, when the big names in entertainment are no longer RCA Victor or Capitol, but GOOGLE and YOUTUBE. GOOGLE leads people to the music-stealing blogs (many owned by their own Blogspot division). They own YOUTUBE, which is acknowledged to be the prime way that people illegally stream and download music.

YOUTUBE will ignore a red flat on an upload that says "I do not own copyright! I just like this song!" or "This is for review purposes, so it is legal!" GOOGLE will not only put a rights owner through insane hoops to file a takedown, but ignore it anyway, and stick the takedown request on a PUBLIC WEBSITE THEY RUN, so that the pirate knows who to harass.

Meanwhile, "across the pond," somebody at BPI is being PAID to re-tweet bird-brained nonsense.

Hey everyone, some jerk sold 1500 cassettes. CD cassettes are back! Let's ignore a blog that posts new albums every day using Zippyshare (which does respond to takedowns IF ASKED) and pretend that selling CASSETTES will help musicians make a living!

I guess if you're with BPI, you can spend all morning playing quiz games. "Hmm, who IS that familiar face?" Take five minutes to shut down a blog that has boasted of 14 years of music theft? Nahhhhhhhh.

A FEMALE DR. WHO? The Nerds Have a Right to Cry. Go on, CRY

Play that Lesley Gore song: "...I'll cry if I want to...cry if I want to...cry if I want to...you would cry too, if it happened to YOU."

Today is a bad day for Dr. Who nerds.

Not only have they been told that a rather attractive woman is the NEW DR. WHO, they've been TWITTER SHAMED about it. Hey, you 40 year-old virgins, SHUT UP!

The photo above? Yes, the reference is over 70 years old! DR. WHO fans have no idea about the comedy routine or Bud and Lou. To which I say; Hey, stop standing around like a rusted Dalek, I'm trying to sympathize with you.

All seriousness aside, we have seen the Politically Correct Brigade go overboard. The PCB's simply will not leave TRADITION alone. Shakespeare productions have degenerated into cosplay. The new off-Broadway Sweeney Todd is BLACK, which continues the tradition of all-Black revivals ("Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "Streetcar Named Desire," etc. etc.) and all-Black productions ("Hamilton," no whites allowed) and all-Black improvements on Whitey ("The Wiz"). PC means everybody on TV must have friends that resemble delegates from the United Nations. Is that YOUR real life? Surely if you threw a party, the room would not only be fiercely integrated in the usual Black and White way, but have a Muslim in traditional garb, an Asian, several very OBVIOIUS gays and lesbians (transgender optional) and...oh, no, not any Native Americans. They can't even get a football team or a baseball team to stop with an insulting stereotypical logo. What a party. And yes, Democrats and Republicans and those who still FEEL THE BERN.

Now back to WHO. What happened to Who? I don't care. But I do know:

Dr. Who is supposed to be some eccentric jerk with a scarf around his neck, right? Technically, that doesn't mean "Dr. Who" can't be female, right? Does Dr. Who actually have a first name?

Did The Prisoner, as played by Patrick MacGoohan? Sad that when the awful "Prisoner" movie came out, he was not female. Or black. Or a black female. However, on the original show, Number Two was played by a variety of people including a woman. Nobody objected, because there was no long tradition of males playing the role.

Technically "Robin" is a unisex name. So, "Robin Hood" could be played by a woman. She'd look good in tights.

How about Tonto? It would be a lot more fun for the Lone Ranger if Tonto was a woman. (Oh, SORRY, SORRY, I do NOT mean to imply that the Lone Ranger isn't gay and having gay sex with Tonto.).

What about that Wookie thing in "Star Wars?" Could that be female in the next interminable sequel? Does anyone really want to look to find out?

Should the next James Bond be a TRANSSEXUAL? You know, Chaz Bono but in better shape?

Our 21st Century world is supposed to be enlightened. Boundaries are to be broken. A female Dr. Who is challenging role models (as if a female Prime Minister in England, AGAIN, hasn't broken that barrier, or a woman winning the popular vote for the Presidency of the United States.) A female Dr. Who, we are being told, is going to help all those little girls out there who didn't happen to watch Gal Gadot as "Wonder Woman." Or Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft. Or whoever played Xena the Warrior Princess who Invented Zima.

A female Dr. Who is telling all those girls who never heard of Madame Curie, or never watched "Bones," that a woman can grow up to be a doctor.

Ah, the PC Brigade. Thank you. Don't forget that the next "Wonder Woman" should be a "Gender Proud" male who likes to wear women's super hero costumes. What IS wrong with that? You want people like that standing on line at the bank. Everybody should try NOT to get along, and try to call attention to themselves and their ethnicity, their religion, and their sexuality. Perhaps the next Dr. Who will be Dr. Baby Who, a practicing Infantilist. Dr. Baby Who sees a Dalek and wets and cries. Look, not everybody has to fight. Let's stop that stereotype, because "it's stinkin' thinkin'."

An odd quirk of the 21st Century is that we fret over tolerance for stupid things like WHAT is between the legs of a DR. WHO. Meanwhile, mammoth INTOLERANCE is forcing us back to the 16th Century.

Draw "The Prophet" and you get your head cut off. That's a bit more disconcerting than who is doing cosplay in a stupid sci-fi show long past its expiration date. Be concerned that the PLANET is getting past its expiration date. Be concerned that COSPLAY maniacs dressed a lot like members of Radical Islam or Hamas don't seem to care who they kill in the name of their invisible friend.

One half of the world is pushing that everything be allowed. The other half is pulling back to the 16th Century and demanding nothing be allowed. One part of the world has a female Dr. Who. Another part has female circumcision. Need I go on? Of course not.

Go ahead. Let's have SHE-lock Holmes, next.

TWEET! R.I.A.A, B.P.I, I.F.P.I...Full of S.H.I.T.?

Yes, rights organizations need to lobby corrupt politicians to get DMCA laws changed. ISP's still don't block torrents. YouTube still allows idiots to post music while saying, "I do not own the rights! I just like the song!" or, "No infringement! Copyright belongs to the copyright holder!!!"

BUT...and it's a BIG BUT...

Do NOT let ANY bastards win. Some kid swipes a bunch of candy from a blind newsdealer, collar him. If you're cheated on, do you dismiss it because it was just a few hours on a motel? If you find some pick-pocket has your wallet, do you grab it back but say "Oh, wait, let me at least give you a fiver" because you can afford it?

The RIAA and its British cousins BPI and IFPI must spend time with lobbying, and stemming major torrents, but why ignore the drips?

Members of "music rights groups" would not be pleased if the FDA shrugged and said, "Oh, you can have a few extra roach parts in your peanut butter" or "the Health Department will still give the restaurant an A rating even if the basement has rats and the cook was caught picking his nose."

Here's a blogger proud of being untouched in FOURTEEN YEARS/

How PROUD. FOURTEEN years of tossing around everything from the new 4 CD Sgt. Pepper release, to the entire discography of Jethro Tull.

It would be easy for an intern for the RIAA, BPI of IFPI to shut down the Zippyshare links, or contact GOOGLE and tell them to revoke the jerk's gmail account. Instead, this, like several other blogs, is FAMOUS as a place to always get the latest "goodies" and tons of back-catalog items?

RIAA, you PROUD OF THAT?

A defunct blog, which still can be found through a GOOGLE search, mentioned just how notorious THIS asshole is:

It seems the RIAA, BPI, IFPI and other alphabet-soupers have their beaks in the sand and Dr. Dre BEATS headphones on. These blogs have been reported by musicians and fans, and there's NEVER a response. Many rights organizations seem to avoid being contacted by refusing to have a "report piracy" phone number or website link!

Musicians have told me the RIAA is not on their side.

The RIAA and the rest sure act like fat cats. They go to banquets. They talk up how Jay-Z's album went Platinum and how wonderful that is. They'll TWEET the dumbest shit you can think of.

What nerdy-turdy little Intern is TWEETING and RE-TWEETING utter shit, and...NOT paying attention to incoming TWEETS about piracy? Not forwarding them?

Here's an IDIOT TWEET from the BPI.

Nothing better to do than re-TWEET that? Really? No time to knock off some Freakshare links on behalf of your record labels? Really?

Here's some IDIOT TWEETs and re-TWEETS from ASCAP and the RIAA

No wonder nobody follows ASCAP or leaves many comments.

See how few people LIKE the RIAA Tweet, while Kim Dotcom (the richest man in New Zealand, who ripped off the music industry via Megaupload and is STILL not in jail) has A HALF MILLION FOLLOWERS.

He isn't Tweeting silly back-slapping crap.

ASCAP spends a lot of time babbling about "workshop participants" and programs to encourage music, but what do they do to DISCOURAGE music "sharing?"

14 Years of that blog above (and others) taking away royalties, and the buck passes from one "rights" group to another while the bucks go into the pockets of bloggers (via sharing revenue) and the link providers who have banner ads on their sites.

Here's an IDIOT TWEET from the IFPI.

WHAT? Nice, "search engines CAN be compelled to remove illegal sites" but, IFPI, the blog above is easily found through GOOGLE, and it wouldn't be if YOU shut it down by destroying the links and the gmail account, if not the blog itself. What ARE you doing to make politicians take copyright seriously and block torrents and blogs emanating from Communist countries?

Why haven't you gotten together a "No Music Day" boycott to show the world how SILENT it could be without music?

What's that other idiot post, about looking at how "Generation Z" consumers content? We know how. THEY SUCK IT OFF DOWNLOADS because YOU LET THEM.

RIAA, what is the point of quacking about the ZZ WARD album when you aren't making sure BLOGS don't give it away?

There are so-called rights groups and royalty-grabbing groups who will tell you "no, not our job to fight piracy" and won't forward a complaint to the group who IS supposed to fight it. Right, SOUND EXCHANGE?

How many people liked that Tweet?

How is SOUND EXCHANGE getting musicians their digital royalties if they can't or won't deal with the pirates, or pass along, emphatically, to blog URLS to the RIAA or BPI and make sure the blogs are removed?

Why is it these organizations pay themselves far more than most songwriters and working musicians are paid? Why is it so many are now humiliating themselves on Kickstarter asking for money to self-press something to be distributed by CD Baby?

The argument that people involved with musicians' rights are very busy and hardworking, looks like a lie, when you see the utterly pointless, trivial and idiotic TWEETS these groups send out.

CISAC, what busywork idiocy is THIS?

DCMS, why are you babbling about joining the digital "conversation" and crying about "opportunities" for various "cultures?" If you watch a GRAMMY award show, you'll notice hip hop gets so much time, classical and jazz aren't even ON the show anymore. Most of the awards go to Black artists. The rest go to established crap-acts like Adele and Taylor Swift. Thousands of young artists do not even have albums, they just have 100 hits on YouTube and a prayer. PIRACY HURTS. Idiot bloggers need to be slapped down. It's not whack-a-mole.

How do I know? I'm in the VeRO program on eBay and when I get somebody removed for bootlegging a celebrity I know, that stuff does not come back. If it does, I fire again and finish that bootlegger off. It doesn't take a lot of my time, which is why I don't even charge anyone. "Whack-a-mole" is an excuse for "Crapathy."

IMRO is some kind of rights group in Ireland. Their solution? Go sign a petition. What else, a GOFUNDME?

"Make your voice heard." How about heard by IMRO? BPI? IFPI? RIAA?

Eleanor McEvoy, newly crowned head of the IMRO will hopefully not think that Tweeting for a petition signing, like millions of "sign the petition" stuff on Facebook, is the answer.

The answer is get in the game. File takedowns.

Yes, use your letterhead to try and interest a Senator or a Prime Minster or whoever, but understand that whining and begging only goes so far. Don Henley, Prince, Gene Simmons and many others got publicity for their grousing about piracy. Did they sing songs about it? Arrange a big concert? Threaten to stop touring or to have a scheduled NO SHOW day where every venue went dark? A day to tell the world that "pay to play" is not an answer and neither is piracy?

You know how you make the Internet fairer? You prosecute the criminals.

You go after anyone, big or small, who is operating in the open. That would be ON EBAY. That would be using GMAIL. That would be anyone with links that involve companies that DO respond to takedown requests. DO IT.

Even if politicians declare that it's illegal to post files on YouTube and say "I don't own the rights, I just like it," it takes somebody to REPORT IT. "Crapathy" doesn't get it done.

Blogs will not go away unless they are reported. Sellers on eBay will try and sneak counterfeits and forgeries on people I know, and even if eBay is told to monitor their site, I'd STILL have to report violations they "overlooked."

A hopeless fight? Hardly.

Thousands of blogs and forums have withered away, many because rights owners were on their trail, or the links were pulled down faster than they could put them back up. We have seen Rapidshare, Megaupload, Badongo, Hotfile and others file-sharing sites go under.

What is needed are some interns and volunteers (if these organizations are so poor) to file takedowns. Simultaneously, the organizations should continue using their high-priced lawyers to lobby for less hoops to jump through, faster suspensions of pests, and more effective blocking of trouble sites. Yes, we "allow for shrinkage" and know that some clever people will fly under the radar. But a blog up for FOURTEEN YEARS? FOURTEEN YEARS??????

A few interns or volunteers would end this music thief who boasts of 14 years of blood-letting and leeching. No way he can put 'em up faster than they can be taken down. He can die trying.

What in the WORLD is THIS idiot TWEET supposed to do?

JOIN the organization? For what?

If you're an IMRO member, and your music is on a BLOG that's been up for 14 years, what will IMRO tell you? To go file a takedown yourself?

Thats how the writers unions are. That's how SAG and AFTRA are. "Meh, you're the rights owner. YOU do it."

I know piracy. In my business it's also called plagiarism.

Two authors ripped off material from my books. Did my publishers do anything about it? Nope. They did not care that books they published were being ripped off! Too rich?

I was told, "YOU are the copyright owner, so YOU go do something about it."

And I did. I got cash settlements in both instances, and didn't share any of it with the PUBLISHERS.

Hopefully, under new management, IMRO will not just be another stupid "say everyone, music is good" organization, throwing parties for ghetto kids and handing them kazoos. We all know music is good. What some don't know or care about, is that artists deserve compensation.

Too often "organizations" and unions are only concerned with collecting dues and having its officers attend expenses-paid conventions. Doing a press release and saying, "We just gave a thousand dollars to a scholarship" is nice, but is that "scholar" going to grow up and starve and need to keep that day job because he/she isn't getting royalties?

Spend a little less time sending out press releases about how music should be taught more often in schools, and more time defending all the self-taught musicians being stolen from by selfish bloggers.

PIRACY hurts?

PIRACY KILLS.

It killed John Herald. Herald, once of The Greenbriar Boys, and later a solo artist and writer, killed himself. He was living dirt poor, with no help from the RIAA or any of his unions, no money to fix is cracked teeth, no significant royalties from his songs, no CD re-issue company doing well enough to put his items back in print, and nobody giving a damn.

Guys like John may have had other issues, but one of the key qualities of life is money in your pocket. Without it, you starve to death or take yourself out to end your suffering.

Back when I was editing rock mags and interviewing and photographing stars, we all knew the fat cats were doing well. We got the benefit of it: free tickets, free promotional items, etc. Today, there are almost no rock magazines, no radio stations, no record stores, and no "new paradigm" that has effectively taken their place.

The decline in the music world is parallel to the rise of the Internet and blogging/sharing/piracy.

14 years for the blog above. There are others. One stealing (sharing) website closed after ten years, only because the pirate owning it was bored with the "thank you" comments and "keep up the good work" praise, and with so much competition, wasn't making enough money off banner ads or "revenue sharing" with the odious Megaupload-types hosting the files.

It seems that the RIAA, BPI, IFPI and the rest, shrug and figure that laissez faire will take care of it. But the blogger above hasn't gotten bored yet, and does not have cancer. The site will end only if the "Crapathy" does.

The theme song to an old TV show ended with "Car 54, Where Are you?"

RIAA...BPI...RIAA...BRIEN...ASCAP...all the others...WHERE ARE YOU? Having a latte in Starbucks on a two hour lunch while some jerk posts his daily bootlegs and runs a shoutbox for others to post crap or ask "anybody got a SHARE on the entire Beach Boys catalog?"

Interview with Woody Allen's Topless Protester, Adie Hitler

RLS: Adie Hitler, it's nice to see you. Well, actually, I can't see you too clearly.

AH: I know. My face actually IS blurry.

RLS: It's certainly a great feminist protest to walk around with your boobs hanging out.

AH: Yes, I am inspired by activists such as Kim Kardashian and Blac Chyna!

RLS: And what's their cause?

AH: Publicity! I'm famous now. I could be a model! I would like to be on the runway.

RLS: Yes, I could see you on the runway...in the path of a 747 flying out of Germany. Germany has so many problems. There are immigrant rapists, for example, exploiting women just like you. So why pick on an 81 year-old Jew?

AH: An 81 year-old WHAT?

RLS: Jew.

AH: I rest my case. In fact, I rest my boobs. Notice my bra?

RLS: Yes. You found a seamstress on Etsy willing to re-sew a Nazi banner into underwear. About this Woody Allen protest, why did you want to disrupt an old Jew playing a clarinet?

AH: My grandmother always hated Benny Goodman.

RLS: What did Benny Goodman ever do to your grandmother?

AH: It's what he didn't do. He turned down her request to play "Deutschland Uber Alles."

RLS: In concert?

AH: No, in front of a train going to Auschwitz. She had this "Pied Piper of Hamlin" idea. He was playing a concert in England, I think, and Grandma Hitler tried to send a coded message to him, asking him to come over. Her plan was for him to give a concert for Jews, lure them onto the train, and then he'd be pushed in, too.

RLS: Maybe he would've sent a polite message back, saying he couldn't work it into his schedule. Did he get the coded message?

AH: No, it was intercepted by Alan Turing. One of those "Pink Triangle" people. Ach. I am SO full of hate. As if that's a bad thing. Do you know anything about how Dylan was molested?

RLS: I know he hasn't seen Joan Baez in years. I don't know the story. You know the story?

AH: No, not Bob Dylan. Dylan Farrow.

RLS: I don't know the story. Only Dylan and Woody know the story. YOU know the story?

AH: I am entitled to protest! I'd rather have 1000 Muslim immigrant rapists going wild in the street than an alleged Jewish sex pervert who touched a girl 20 years ago. Isn't Ronan Farrow cute? So Aryan! He can't possibly be Woody Allen's son. Mia helped him get work. She is SO nice.

RLS: I have no idea if she's nice and facts indicate Sinatra could not have been the father. But why care? Why do you care more about celebrities than your own family and friends?

AH: What a great name, RONAN. So sorry his TV show didn't automatically get high ratings, like Anderson Cooper. He's not really one of those gays is he?

RLS: I don't know. Not my business. Fortunately, in American culture, you can't intimate somebody is gay and ruin their career. Whisper "child molester," and that works. Start a boycott campaign.

AH: Like don't buy from Israel! Don't you just LOVE Roger Waters? And ME? I'm FAMOUS now!

RLS: Today only. Say, people always pay attention to a topless woman, don't they?

AH: No, not if there are a lot, like at the beach, or at a march. It's better if you are the center of attention. There I was, center stage!

RLS: For 15 seconds. Woody and his band hardly missed a beat.

AH: Did you ever hear a German band? Hey, what kind of Jew plays Dixieland and not Klezmer? Why doesn't he stick to his own kind? And why did he marry an Asian?!?!

RLS: Someone he's stayed married to a long time. Imagine, he's had a successful relationship while some of his protesters have gotten multiple divorces or never got along enough to even marry once. So she's Korean. Americans are funny that way. They assimilate. Could you assimilate?

AH: I could have assimilated, but I showed my tits instead. I could have shown y ass but I wanted to see all the reactions from the audience! For a moment there, I was the star, not Woody Allen!

RLS: Yes, a woman going topless to call attention to an alleged sexual incident in another country in another decade...I understand. Sure.

AH: You do?

RLS: I was just saying that to be nice. You two men in the white coats? Come and get her. But please, here's a scissors, cut two holes in the strait jacket. She is very proud of her boobs.

AH: Not just Der Titzens! I take off ALL my clothes! There! That'll teach Woody Allen to play Dixieland clarinet in Germany! Take a look at THIS, my friend.

RLS: Very nice. Next time I go to a Woody Allen Dixieland concert, I'll remember you, and call out a request for "Muskrat Ramble."

BLOGGER DEBUNKS HISTORY CHANNEL'S EARHART PHOTO

Who says bloggers aren't useful?

A Japanese blogger, reacting to all the hoo-ha about a "newly discovered photo," smelled a cable TV rat. What, another cable TV special with new and startling evidence?

A blurry photo, showing a woman from the back, was supposedly Earhart. Some "expert" or other, insisted that she and her co-pilot (a blurry face supposedly identified by the receding hairline) were in this picture.

They survived the crash! They were NOT taken prisoner! They...er, uh...just stayed on an obscure island till they died. Or something.

WHAT CENTURY ARE WE LIVING IN?

Isn't it a little tiresome how many gullible people swallow any crap 'n' pablum offered by ratings-hungry D-list cable TV channels and made-you-look banner-ad-happy "news" websites?

It's also pathetic that people have nothing better to do than obsess about distant past. It's supposed to be entertaining to create new conspiracy theories on the Lincoln assassination? To fret over whether Amelia survived the crash and for how long? Somebody wants to go digging up Dali's grave for a paternity suit? So much for "R.I.P."

Why didn't anyone over at the History Channel think to double-check Japanese archives, do a bit of Googling, or try to authenticate the photo?

For the same reason the London Daily Mail doesn't bother proofreading.

Who cares? It's all a momentary joke. The idea is to get attention, flash some advertising, and move on. Scholarship? What's THAT?

The sad truth is that even if there were people at the History Channel saying "This is gonna make us look stupid," they would've been ignored. In the greed of the moment, nobody wants to listen to those annoying twins Logic and Common Sense.

One of the good things about the Internet, is that it CAN often give you shortcuts to the truth. You can find archives. You can reach websites (even BLOGS) where people have posted their research and backed it up, sometimes with a bibliography and list of sources.

And yet, more often, you can check the Decider and BuzzFart and Newser and Puffington websites and truth is replaced by fiction and opinion. People on Twitter and Facebook would much rather share a doctored photo or a misquote (usually attributed to the wrong person) because "well, what do YOU care?"

Call yourself "The History Channel" and people think you're infallible.

After all, it SEEMS like a serious cable TV network. This special was NOT hosted by Piers Morgan.

I recall one MEME-loving moron on Facebook who posted one of those George Carlin quotes that isn't really George Carlin. (Weird Al sang about this kind of thing in "Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me.") I pointed out this was NOT a Carlin quote. The reply? "So what. I like it. What's the big deal? Why are you bothering me?"

I explained that Carlin himself had a page on his website where he posted the FAKE quotes. He did it because he was proud of his work, and did not want to take credit for sappy garbage or hacky jokes. Why people couldn't just send something around without putting his name or face on it, he couldn't figure. But it bothered him.

There was a time, centuries ago, when life involved the study and pursuit of "Truth and Beauty."

Today, the pursuit is in the exact opposite direction. The uglier and faker the better. Are aren't you Keeping up with the Kardashians?

If You're Dead, Can You Still Access Your Facebook Account? OF COURSE

There's INTERNET in Heaven.

Along with 60 virgins, a lot of sexually experienced goats, and fountains of hummus. Different flavors of hummus on different clouds. Oh, and clouds full of illegal music to listen to.

If you live on FACEBOOK, stream on FACEBOOK, die on FACEBOOK...you can still view comments on FACEBOOK. That would explain why people write to the DEAD on FACEBOOK. Like this: Today's news is about a joyrider who couldn't simply watch the scenery zip by as she rode along. She didn't want to talk to her companions either. No, she wanted to STREAM her ride on FACEBOOK. Hey look everyone, I'm in a car! Hey everyone, bet you never saw a woman in a car, before!

Well, never saw a woman crash and DIE in a car, before. Thanks. Another Internet first. Which is why it became news on the Internet.

Bad news? Maybe not if it's entertaining. We have a generation who only check out Internet news (not newspapers in the real world) for the "funniest" gross-out pictures ("Eww, a guy with half his face rotted by a disease...oh wow, religious fanatic throws acid in an infidel's face...meh another photo of a shark attack victim...). The good news, is that people can still write to the recently diseased on FACEBOOK. This must mean that, Good God, there's wi-fi for the dead that comes in no matter where you are in the hereafter.

Back at ya, girl!

There's nothing new about the FUN of FUNERALS. If something fatal has happened, some people will go online to make sure that if it's nearby, they can be part of the throng leaving a stuffed animal, a flower, or a candle at the death scene. "Will There Be a Mourning?"

There's no shortage of people (thousands actually) knee-jerking to GOOGLE to be the first to find the best suitable MEME for the sad occasion:

The Internet generation has lost touch with reality, or that real people are involved. It's just a feel-good moment to hoist a link to a sad song on YouTube and put it on the FACEBOOK page of the deceased for all to enjoy. FACEBOOK is the Zucker-Ouja-Board where you communicate with the beyond. And I'm talking about the GREAT BEYOND. Like, people who died and were using Netscape at the time.

. The article on the unfortunate girl who became famous for streaming her own fatal accident, quotes someone offering condolences...TO THE DEAD GIRL via FACEBOOK.

"I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU."

Everyone's famous for 15 seconds now, if they can boast that their TWEET or their FACEBOOK POST, got quoted in a news article. "I made it to NEWSER! DECIDER! BUZZ CANNIBAL!"

"I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU." The dead stranger may not respond, but you know why: FACEBOOK has rules about signing in from an ISP other than the one you usually use), but she READ IT. As long as it wasn't on REDDIT. Or Instagram. You know, Instagram is to FACEBOOK as Druidism is to Christianity.

You know what's sad? There's OTHER women with the same name. THEY may be getting a "SORRY YOU ARE DEAD" condolence and it just might kill them.

THIS one is still alive:

THIS one is, well, still getting direct correspondence. "I AM DEEPLY SORRY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU..." and "RIP SWEETIE," etc.

The Internet. What interactive FUN. First, you can click a link and see the actual moment of death, and then you can bounce a meme, or type in "Tragic. RIP" with a little yellow sad face, or "Condolences!" THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

You know the eyewitness testimony whenever there's a wreck, killing or disaster? "It looked JUST LIKE A MOVIE. "

"How did it happen? I hope his suffering was small.

Tell me every detail, for I've got to know it all,

And do you have a picture of the pain?

(Phil Ochs - Crucifixion). More than pictures, now. Internet streaming.

Monday Morning Breakfast, courtesy of Quaker Oats Company

I keed, I keed.

There's only good things in Puffed What.

PS, remember Dick Cavett's favorite joke from his stand-up days? He's still proud of it:

"The bride at the wedding was pregnant. They threw Puffed Rice."

Entertainment...WHY PAY FOR IT?

Isn't the Internet wonderful? Aside from MAYBE paying for your connection (free Wi-Fi IS available) and your computer (these get shoplifted), it's FREE entertainment.

Heck, not only are there desperate singers, cartoonists, writers, etc. happy to give away samples of their wit, there's plenty of hobbyists who just do it for a "nice comment" on FACEBOOK (or Twitter, etc. etc.)

And let's not even rant about YOUTUBE (owned by Google) or GOOGLE itself, which will help you find those illegal downloads you've heard so much about.

Everybody's a comedian. No wonder MAD magazine is, what, quarterly?

Just a quick check on FACEBOOK and there's DOZENS of ha-ha aggregates who spend their time gathering up funny fotos from forums and from blogs JUST to save you the time and get you to LIKE them...

If you don't know enough well-meming MEME people to email you "look what I just found" stuff you HATE, you can forage around for more like-minded funny folks who scrounge around for things to entertain you FREE.

Here's another aggregate you can follow. If one day's gag doesn't amuse you, "tomorrow's another day."

Copyright? Buying a book of cartoons? Frankly, my dear, why should you give a damn?

At one time the bookstore had an entire NOVELTY section. It was loaded with COMEDY books, including books of funny foto captions, and parodies of other books, and of course, CAT stuff (imagine famous poems as written by CATS!) Now? Mommy, what's a bookstore?

FACEBOOK of course is noted for their insane "appreciation" pages. You name the obscure performer, there's some obsessive-compulsive ADD bunch of autistic fans to spend their time monotonously posting whatever they've GOOGLED.

You know THOSE groups...

The only downside to wasting your life in one of THOSE groups, is you might run afoul of some ULTIMATE FAN who will take offense and start stalking you with trollish insults and insinuating questions. Like, "This is the VERONICA Cartwright appreciation society, and YOU are mentioning ANGELA way too much, Sir." PS, if you happen to show off your stacks of Jack Benny VHS and DVD (you collect BOTH because of the covers) and yours is BIGGER than the ULTIMATE FAN's, be prepared for WAR. This includes finding that anything you NEED for your collection you better SNIPER on EBAY and hope the ULTIMATE FAN doesn't OUTBID you.

But I digress.

The JOY of FREEEEEEE is that it's not limited to just the current flavor (you DON'T care about Taylor Swift do you?) You can find a pack of snickers who share your love of...Shemp's face. You and your group-mates can swap Photoshop jobs. Quite a FREE hobby!

Ah, the EASY to find FREE stuff on FACEBOOK.

I could go on to talking about forums, Instagram, Twitter, blogs such as this where somebody is trying to get noticed to POSSIBLY get somebody to buy a book or something...

Does this hurt anybody? The Internet? FREE? Surely not.

"What is your Kerfuffle," people say to actors, writers, singers, and others who network to try and get a network TV appearance or paid assignments, or somebody to buy their product or to book them, "just keep giving away samples, free."

You know, like a new restaurant does a coupon, "get to know us, buy a meal get one free." Only they don't say "eat free and if you like it, pay for it," and they don't run coupons FOREVER.

FREE! It's the way it should BE for YOU AND ME.

Folks say "Entertainment should be free. Keep your day job" to someone who wants to make a career out of what's being given away. Most artists will tell you it was tough BEFORE the Internet to make a living, and now it's just about impossible. But that's their problem!

Your problem is just, how much FREE TIME do you have for all this FREE STUFF?

FUN at the G-20 Summit

IVANKA, no CRAYONS for YOU!

Oh. I thought the caption was "Ivanka Trump takes her seat at the beginning of Third Grade."

How many Browsers and Search Engines?

The INTERNET is so prosperous.

Amazon's JEFF BEZOS is the second-wealthiest man in AMERICA.

The two guys from GOOGLE are also in the Top Ten.

And yet, you can count the number of Internet Browsers on one hand, and the number of competent search engines on your thumb and forefinger.

200+ useless cable TV channels, dozens of ridiculous Newser-Decider-Huffington Puffington copy-news websites, and only TWO search engines?

Part of Der New Order: Der "OPEN CULTURE" - Ve Haff Ways of Giving It Away (for OUR Profit)

Say, it MAY become a BUZZ WORD and get on BUZZ FEED and the other "aggregate" websites that steal and re-write news. Or use photos they don't own and claim "fair use."

As Assange and Pirate Bay would tell you, the Internet's noble purpose is to give everyone FREE information and entertainment. Just make a check and write it out to Assange. Make sure to patronize Pirate Bay's banner ads and DON'T use AD BLOCK.

I've noticed on social media, good souls posting links to "OPEN CULTURE."

Like so. Names REDACTED to protect the stupid, the insensitive and the ignorant.

Huh? What? Ooooh, woo hoo! It's a NEW WEBSITE and it's run by hip people who are aggregating the trope of the zeitgeist.

Something like that.

Somebody had the bright idea, "Why don't we hipsters point people to the BEST YOUTUBE LINKS? We'll ask for PAYPAL DONATIONS for our noble work of scoping out PAYPAL and stealing only the best links to imbed.

We'll also go to the banner-ad maggots who arrange for banner ads to appear on porn sites and Pirate Bay and other scavanger havens, and BY GOD HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN.

Copyright? Hey, if something IS copyrighted, and not really "public domain" or "fair use" or "allowed by the GNU" or whatever else the excuse is, that's not OUR problem. We are JUST an AGGREGATE. YOUTUBE posted it, not US. We're just imbedding, sharing, profiting from their LINK.

Someone happily pointed to how fans of Poe can hear Christopher Lee reading some short stories. FREEEEEE.

FREEEEEE at der New Order, der OPEN CULTURE.

Like so:

That's ok, man. Right, man? Stick it to the Man, man.

You know all the excuses. Christopher Lee is dead, man. If he were alive, so what, as a millionaire he wouldn't need a couple of hundred bucks in royalties, man. So what if his record label can't get a digital deal because his stuff is pirated and easily available and sending takedowns takes time and money.

What else, man? Copyright is copy WRONG man. Power to the people! The PEOPLE should get stuff FREE. Let the government subsidize a designated writer, man. They do that in Russia, right? Or, keep yer day job, man, and write on the side. If yer a singer-songwriter, go pay to gig someplace, and sell t-shirts."

Inhuman nature.

People shrug, as they did when piracy first began. I've read comments from supposedly sane, mature adults, saying, "This copyright business is a kerfuffle. Why do they want to ruin our fun. Libraries "share" things. All we're doing is "sharing." These silly people crying about copyright should get a new paradigm. My word, I don't see why people should get "royalties." Get paid once, and stop fussing if your song is played on the radio. Stop this kerfuffle, you snowflakes, crying about wanting a few dollars for every book you publish. Why not be happy other people know who you are?"

This is from mature adults SO mature they're on Social Security. THEY expect a pension for doing nothing, but sigh at creative people wanting "royalties."

The sympathy is with whoever gives stuff away. The Bad Santa.

Logic be damned. Kim Dotcom became the richest man in New Zealand for the novel notion that Megaupload should be a locker where everyone uploads copyrighted material, and HE gets paid to host it all. With banner ads. He keeps the money for his "hard work." PS, if you want faster downloads, PAY him for a "Premium Account." Oh, $10 a month or so. That's REASONABLE for the hundreds of dollars of "shared" material you get in return.

He's still a hero to many. He has a half-million Twitter followers who think he's a star.

And here's "Open Culture," with people saying, "Damn, surfing YouTube is hard work. I'm gonna scope out this OPEN CULTURE site instead. They'll find all the good stuff for me. Maybe I'll tip them a little. They deserve it."

Yes, we ALL do the free downloading. We know forums. Even torrents. And we LOVE US some YOUTUBE where they are notorious for looking the other way at posts of complete albums, TV shows, movies, even PPV events posted a few hours later so people can NOT pay to view it and simply hold their pee till the event is on YOUTUBE.

Got it. Used KeepVid to keep it, too.

But shouldn't there be a lid on this spilling shell of cornucopia? Isn't there a tipping point for gluttony where it becomes unhealthy? Do I really have to explain why piracy is not good?

There was an old public service commercial about littering. "One grasshopper isn't much. Put enough of them together and you have a plague!" Throw one piece of paper on the ground and it's nothing. Enough of them, and you've got filth and a fire hazard. And the more piracy there is, the more KARDASHIAN cheap reality shows, the less interesting movies and more retreads of SUPERHEROES and PIXAR FILMS FOR KIDS. Joni Mitchell? She hasn't been on a major label in years, because piracy got so bad Warners and Geffen couldn't keep the break-even artist she'd become. There are hardly any record labels now. Or record stores. That's why piracy is not good. Among other reasons.

But let's get back to the "OPEN CULTURE" site, as pompous, privileged, self-entitled and hipped as the rapist Julian Assange's fabulous "Wikileaks." "OPEN CULTURE" is a noble idea. Just pay us. WE will determine when to break the law or ignore copyright. Remember the mantra: COPYRIGHT is COPY WRONG!!!

You.

YOU should do it to. Why not?

You're on Facebook? Twitter? In a forum or two? Next time YOU post a YouTube link because you like something, be like "Open Culture" and ASK FOR A PAYPAL DONATION. You're......ENTITLED. Also, you'll want "nice comments" for your hard work in taking a minute to post what an artist may have taken years to accomplish...and have copyrighted. Copyrighting something costs money which comes out of royalties, by the way. Applying for a Trademark is even more expensive.

"OPEN CULTURE," like "YouTube" itself, has no real interest in what is actually "public domain." The Internet is heavily stacked AGAINST artists thanks to the "DMCA." Senator Leahy and others tried to revise the "DMCA" law and create SOPA or some other law to protect copyright owners. It was lobbied away by Google, hooted down by Assange's black-shirted Net bullies, and even Wikipedia threatened to "go dark" for a day in protest. God Forbid (and THE GREAT GOD GOOGLE made sure of it) that Internet sites have to pay royalties or observe copyright or curb their plagiarism.

Right, "Open Culture," the new hip site for those who can't find YouTube videos on their own. In nature we have lampreys, parasites and maggots. We have destructive pests, locusts and mindless insects that eat through everything and leave nothing but shit. On the Internet, we call them "Open Culture" and Assange and Kim Dotcom and Pirate Bay, and it's seig heil to this noble NEW ORDER.