Taylor Swift's Candy Bar Trial Picture

Talk about making a big deal of nothing. Some guy pinched Taylor Swift's ass. Give him credit for finding it.

The twig-like singer famous for bitchy kiss-off songs on her boyfriends, made a date with this guy. In court. The guy was growling that her accusation got him fired, and all he wanted was an apology for the misunderstanding. Yes, photos seemed to show him with his hand behind Taylor Swift but, er, if he touched the million-dollar backside (make that two million, a million per cheek) it was an assident. Er, accident.

Was the grope worth it? All we can judge by is the infamous picture of Taylor's skirt flying up while in performance one night, due to some malfunctioning wind machine.

Spanx for the memory.

Taylor is notoriously litigious. She even has a VeRO rep who goes after idiots who make Taylor Swift mousepads and t-shirts. Once in a while, the VeRO rep even bothered to check the adult section of eBay where sleazebags were selling about 100 different fake nude images. But no, not that often.

The great Taylor Touch Tush Trial was a welcome relief...from the constant reports on anything fat-ass Kardashian does. Or her sisters. Or her Uncle the Aunt. At least it was something different. In the end, the guy was ruled to have made a grab, and he suffered the penalty: a dollar. It was symbolic. Of what her ass is really worth, if she wasn't a well-known singer of the same song over and over.

Unfortunately for the huge number of flat-chested blondes out there who worship Taylor, and spend their time prancing around doing karaoke, singing along to every sound-alike song, the trial was NOT televised.

This fact led to the funniest moment in the whole fiasco. The court's appointed "artist" (I've put that word in quotes, to be fair to him), gave us a glimpse of Taylor on the witness stand. The guy's name is Kandyba. Which I guess is pronounced Candy Bar. Because he's a bit nuts. His sketch looked nothing like Taylor Swift. He showed it proudly to the media, who reacted as if they were forced to eat a Three Musketeers bar.

Come on, folks. Give the man a break. His sketch DOES look like a famous blonde. LOUISE LASSER.