You can tell it's not comedy...if it's in The New Yorker

You know The New Yorker. They used to have well known funny cartoonists. Addams. Day. Lorenz. Weber. Stevenson. Arno. They also had challenging ones: Steig and Steinberg.

Now? Now you're lucky if one in ten cartoons will even make you smile.

They used to have S.J. Perelman and Woody Allen. Now, there's somebody called Mia Mercado who writes "shouts and whispers" humor pieces like THIS thing. Go ahead, see how often you laugh out loud. Or smile. Or even nod your head and think "that was witty."

You might say that this Mia is at least a bit funnier than Mia Farrow, who has a son (by somebody or other) who now writes for The New Yorker, and seems to have a huge staff to do his researching and proofreading and writing for him. All he does his purse his pretty pink lips and pose for pictures. This is the guy who even got his own TV show thanks to Mama Mia pulling strings for him.

If you want a comedy of errors, maybe you can have a bitter chuckle for the way Mia declared that Ronan was, perhaps, the bastard child of Frank Sinatra.

Ha ha ha. Wait. Is that funny? It wasn't to Barbara Sinatra, Frank's widow. It wasn't to Frank's daughters. I'm not sure if Frank Sinatra Jr. was still alive to learn he had a half-brother. If he wasn't, maybe he was rolling in his grave.

Through this farce, Ronan pursed his pretty pink lips and gave a Capote-like reply of "We're all children of Frank Sinatra." Something like that. Something neither funny nor witty. Like The New Yorker's attempts at humor.

This is the hard-hitting reporter who has made a specialty of calling out heterosexual celebrities? As if gays, or people "of color" have never abused a power position via a toxic atmosphere, exclusionary tactics, and bullying?

Why didn't the hard-hitting reporter say: "I am definitely NOT Frank Sinatra's son. It's important to me to know who the hell my father is, and in all honesty, there's no reason I shouldn't tell you."

Woody Allen has lately allowed the possibility that since Mia was not faithful (according to him, if not others), it's possible Ronan isn't his. He added that in that case, why was he paying child support all these years? Not too fair. And not funny.

"We live in a land where JUSTICE IS A GAME."

How can the life of such a man
Be in the palm of some fool’s hand?
To see him obviously framed
Couldn’t help but make you feel ashamed to live in a land
Where justice is a game

Explain how easy it is for anyone at any time, to lose money, freedom, life. Real easy.

We live in a land of Fascists and Nazis and bullies.

We live in a land where games are played by corrupt and power made people.

Backstabbers. Liars.

"Ain't no man righteous, not one."

I'm not saying this man is righteous, but I AM questioning how a CASE THAT WAS CLOSED got re-opened, and an 81 year-old legally blind man considered a "dangerous predator" that needs to be watched. This, when he's done nothing anyone could call predatory or dangerous for a decade.

The fact is this:

A woman received THREE MILLION DOLLARS to settle a case. It was settled between her, the man she accused, and the Philadelphia district attorney. The case was settled and sealed.

How, nearly TEN YEARS LATER, does another Philadelphia district attorney decide to UN-seal it? How does that legal GAME get played?

Why is a judge going along with this? What's behind it?

It could be politics. It could be a desire for fame. But somehow, in America, it can go down like this. A settled and sealed case can suddenly, if you pull the right levers, be re-opened.

Then, when the case goes to trial and the jury flips wildly and ends up without a decision...don't let it go.

TRY IT AGAIN.

Only THIS time, change the rules some more. Invite testimony that has nothing to do with the case that was signed, settled and sealed.

Bring in some testimony that was legally sealed, and magically declare it can be used again.

Make a victim out of someone who was very happy to get THREE MILLION DOLLARS and not say a word about the case for nearly ten years.

Put bail at a million dollars for the man to stay in Philadelphia, the place where he was born and raised; raised in the projects.

Now, get a jury to used sealed evidence to find the man guilty. The man who was interviewed as part of the settlement, said things that were supposed to be private and sealed...unseal them so the judge and the district attorney can look good.

Re-election coming up? The D.A. wants to be mayor? The judge wants to get to the Supreme Court? Two big men who played a game on a case what was signed, settled and sealed.

Next? After the man is found guilty, after his career is over, and despite the man being legally blind and 81 years old, twist the knife and declare him to be a "DANGEROUS PREDATOR."

Like who? Like Squeaky Fromme maybe, who tried to kill the President of the United States and is free? When did SHE get off the "DANGEROUS PREDATOR" list?

How about, a few weeks ago, the woman who kidnapped a 14 year-old and made her a sex slave, watching her get abused EVERY DAY FOR NEARLY A YEAR? She is out. Not a "DANGEROUS PREDATOR."

Somehow, an 81 year-old blind man is a "DANGEROUS PREDATOR."

Would that be enough? A convicted "DANGEROUS PREDATOR" famous throughout the world, might now be allowed to crawl back home and stay there under house arrest?

No, that would not be a good end to the game.

Put this old blind man in a State Prison two time zones away from his loved ones.

The judge is now famous. He's THE MAN. When attorneys tried to get him taken off this case, weeks ago, who had the final decision? Another judge? The governor? No, THIS judge. THIS judge told everyone, in essence, "I don't think I'm prejudiced. I think I'm fair. I think I'll keep on being THE BIG MAN. Don't deny me the chance to hand down these big decisions on a case that was signed, sealed and settled nearly TEN YEARS AGO."

The bottom line is if they want you, they will get you. They will bend the rules. They will break the rules. They will cheat.

Here's the man who made up rules, bent rules, and is just as much of an egocentric power-mad game-player as Trump, Hitler, or anyone else you want to name. And below that, the woman who took the THREE MILLION DOLLARS, and signed off on it, but then joined the game.

Morality always seems to have little asterisks, right? You can excuse lying or cheating if it's for a good cause.

We live in a land where justice is a game.

"You are just about the BIGGEST TWAT in the world." "Thanks! But YOU can be, too!" "ME TOO??"

Want to say "Now I've seen everything?"

Go ahead, but that's a phrase that's only temporary. There's always going to be a new eyesore. A new weirdness. A new something you might chuckle and say "I wish I could unsee that."

Seems like the TIMES UP and METOO hysteria has led to...PUSSY POWER. Or, to put it crudely, you can NEVER be too much of a CUNT.

Which is equality, isn't it? We've had it with Dickheads. We've had it with a boss who is a BIG PRICK.

Let's literally see how big of a CUNT...

Yes, get your artificial vagina from China, courtesy of eBay.

Our President, Mr. "Grab the Pussy," has been threatening to tax Chinese imports. Maybe this is the reason?

At one time the phrase "Camel Toe" didn't even exist. Now, "it's a THING."

It's gone beyond that funny Beach Boys parody of "Kokomo" called "Camel Toe" (which was regularly on the Bob & Tom radio show, and is on YouTube, of course).

In these wonderful times when women are proud of their planned "wardrobe malfunctions," and leak their porn tapes to become famous, and where the London Daily Fail and the New Yawk Post can't stop printing photos of models and actresses in thongs, leotards, and other form-fitting garments...now it's time for women who are bereft of cleft to GET IT ON.

In the old days ("let's say the 60's") the real liberated women didn't want to be considered "sex objects." That's changed faster than you can say KARDASHIAN. If you can say it. If not, say Cardi B. Say Miley. Take a spoon full of hummus and squeal "Haaah Deeeeeeed."

Yes, in addition to padded bras, and the padded underwear so that any normal woman can look like a mutant, freakish, 20-pound-assed Kardashian, it's UP FRONT with a padded Camel Toe. For added humor, the item is also being pitched to crossdressers, so that their bulge can be misconstrued as a GIANT VAGINA. Or, as the gays call it, a VAH-JAYYY-JAYYYY.

The fashion trend was a shaved mons. That's not enough, since it MIGHT make a woman seem like a GIRL. So, a fake CAMEL TOE to the rescue!!

Don't sit without showing giant slit. Join the trendy, and appear to be showing off giant flamin' lips!

I trust you're not OFFENDED in these offensive times.

As Brett Butler used to say..."was that too vivid?"

NERDY NAZI JULIA REDA is UNHAPPY - That's GREAT news for CREATIVE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE

You remember Nerdy Nazi Julia Reda?

She's a millennial crackpot who somehow got elected to office in Germany. She gets paid. She doesn't work for free and then hope to make money selling t-shirts or getting GoFundMe donations. She cashes a government check.

However, her "philosophy" is that the Internet should not be regulated, and that "freedom of speech" means "sharing" copyrighted material. Don't call it "piracy." Call it the Communist manifesto that information (or entertainment) belongs to everyone.

If she wasn't in office, she'd be sitting in her basement nattering her worthless opinions on YouTube, Tweeting obsessively, squealing into a podcast microphone, and GIVING AWAY entire discographies, filmographies and bibliographies to promote herself. "You are AWESOME!" she will be told. She will find this better than an orgasm. Because she's never had one.

Years ago, struggling companies like AMAZON and EBAY needed a break. They got plenty. No sales tax. Look the other way on "gray market" goods. If people sell bootlegs, you can say, "We're JUST A VENUE, we don't know." The Internet soon became a paradise for blogs and forums and then torrents to not only give things away and take a profit from ad revenue, but insist that this was a "new paradigm." Pirate Bay notoriously declared that flaunting the law was fair. After all, Russia and China do it all the time. Why not Sweden?

People began making big money off the claim that it was "fair" to take the profit away from TV networks, publishers and movie studios. The result? Megaupload, owned by a Nazi who moved to New Zealand, bought the most expensive mansion on the island, and re-named himself KIM DOTCOM. The money that belonged to the artists went to HIM, because, oddly enough, the people downloading had no problem rewarding his "hard work" in providing unlimited access to freebies. Just pay $20 a month for a "premium membership" to KIM DOTCOM. He made a fortune off the memberships and the ad money.

"Copyright is COPY WRONG," the saying goes. Any attempt to strengthen the DMCA laws failed. Amazon, Wikipedia, Assange, Google...all lobbied to shoot down Senator Schumer, Senator Leahy, and any politician anywhere in the world. Who doesn't like hacked photos of Jennifer Lawrence with semen all over her face? Who doesn't like an entire free discography of The Beatles or the Beach Boys? How about all the Harry Potter books?

The European Union now wants to bring back some copyright sanity. Once again, idiots like Julia Reda and the "we like free" and "freedom of speech" bunch are screaming bullying and threatening. The cost of piracy over the past decade has been: the almost extinction of record stores, the death of most bookstores, and the closing of movie theaters. Movie companies unable to make profits on anything but stupid super hero movies and kiddie films, have flooded the market with stupid super hero movies and kiddie films. TV networks rely on cheaply made "reality" shows. Music labels no longer invest in new artists or protect back-catalog sales, and like the book industry, rely on a few best-sellers to carry them along. That's the reality. But "We like it FREE," as Puzo (one of the notorious long-running forums) likes to say. Selfishness and greed rule, and the big Internet companies have been able to lobby and intimidate lawmakers.

The E.U. would simply like the countries who are trying to destroy Capitalism, to STOP IT. Stop hiding torrent servers in Russia and on Asian islands. Stop allowing blogs in Croatia and other vile countries to allow people to post links on "Yadi" and other sites that refuse to acknowledge a DMCA takedown request. Like Pirate Bay, there are outfits that simply say, "Screw you, you can't prosecute us, so leave us alone. And no, we have NO morality. We love ANARCHY, as long as it doesn't affect us personally. Call us hypocrites. Or better yet, don't call us at all. Ha ha ho ho hee hee."

What Nerdy Nazi Julia Reda would say to me is, "Herr Smith, you wrote 19 books. They are in libraries. So, what's the big deal if they are given away free via download all over the world? What's it to you? It's YOUR responsibility to spend time you could be writing in surfing the Net and finding and reporting the illegal downloads. Spend all day, because there are hundreds of illegal private forums around, and "members only" blogs hosted by GOOGLE. Spend a chunk of money on hiring Web Sheriff or some other company to use technology and hunt for you. But, ha ha, NOBODY can get a takedown if the site is in RUSSIA or some island beyond the reach of the law. And, ho ho, Internet Service Providers are NOT allowed to block rogue websites from being accessed. And, hee hee, this is a GOOD thing, because there will always be scapegoats and helpless fall guys in this world, and copyright owner is the N-word of the World.

The E.U. would like normal countries, like America, England, France and Germany, to use technology to block "matched" content. That's not asking much is it? Google's YouTube, miraculously, does this. If an uploader wants to make money by hoisting a song or a TV show that just came out, they get a message: "Your content matches copyrighted material." This needs to be done with Google's blogs, with forums, with torrents. Those that resist get blocked or taken down. This includes "streaming" sites that offer the latest PPV fights for a fee, or in return for suffering banner ads all over the page and sometimes even the image.

I think it would be nice if people didn't bootleg my books on eBay and charge $3.99 for a download off a GOOGLE CLOUD, making more for NOTHING than I would on the royalty from Amazon. I think it would be nice if a blogger or some jerk in a forum didn't give my stuff away, assuming I'm a millionaire, or that it's "good publicity" for me and that somebody will buy the next book...which they won't because it'll be available free. I think it would be nice if I, and all singers, songwriters, writers, actors, etc., didn't have assholes who aren't "in the business" telling us how we should run our business. And no, we don't want to give our work away free and charge for a fucking t-shirt, and we do NOT want to be fucking panhandlers begging for donations via GoFundMe or a "Paypal tip."

The current toothless DMCA rules don't work. It shouldn't be up to me to surf eBay every week to find the bootlegs and intellectual property violations...and, too often...report the same jerks over and over. It shouldn't be up to a mid-level singer/songwriter who does tour and sell her indie label CDs at gigs, to spend time and money contacting idiot retired bloggers and say, "Hey, it's really me, please do not give away my music with a stupid photo of Mr. Natural next to the album jacket, and a notation, "DIG IT" or "ENJOY!" or "IF YOU LIKE IT, LET ME KNOW!"

Some European countries have sued Google, and Google has laughed. Paying fines that are maybe 2% of their profits don't bother them at all. That the E.U. may come up with some watered-down bill is hardly great news, as it still doesn't mean that all countries will comply, or that there won't be loopholes. What's happening is just a "start." As for Nerdy Nazi Julia Reda, maybe she should STOP. Because if piracy continues, maybe there won't be anybody making the bestiality porn she probably loves, and she won't get paid to appear in any, either. "Hey, Julia, don't expect to get paid for being gangbanged by Schnauzers and Dobermans, just enjoy doing it for the fun of it, and keep your day job getting paid by the German government.

Elle Fanning in 1939 would shrug "Oh, Jews are being exterminated? Oh Well. I've Come to Terms With It."

We know most actresses fawned over today have the IQ of the average avocado. Same with most actors. This is a gene pool of guacamole.

You don't expect today's "talent" to have even gone to acting school, or put years into stage work. Nope. All they have to do is practice in front of a camcorder, and post a few things to YouTube. Maybe have a strategic waldrobe malfunction for publicity. Dropping out of school before learning common sense: also a good idea.

Elle Fanning? This lollipop-headed fool is very lah-dee-dah about Woody Allen's new movie being shelved by Fascist Jeff Bezos and his Amazon warriors. What's it to her? She'll make more films. It was a learning experience. Whatever.

The bigger issue here, which this woman can't comprehend, is witch hunts. We're supposed to LEARN from history, but I doubt this lollipop ever heard of Senator McCarthy. Or, going back a bit further, the trials in Salem.

She also probably only has a vague idea about World War 2. Is it taught in schools anymore? Maybe not. We have a President who will tell the world that Nazi skinheads are nice people, and we shouldn't judge them too harshly when they stage rebel yell protests against blacks or Jews.

Let's take a look at Lollipop Fanning, the girl with the teeny-tiny skull, and her comment on Woody Allen:

She's "coming to terms" with censorship? With someone considered guilty without a trial?

Elle Fanning would certainly have no trouble "coming to terms" with economic sanctions against Israel, or Hitler rounding up eight million Jews and putting them in ovens. It happens. Lah-dee-dah.

You think this is a stretch? It happened before. The nation sat back while Senator McCarthy bullied hundreds and thousands of people, sending some of our greatest screenwriters and actors and other creative people fleeing overseas, or sent off to jail. Or, given immunity if they sold out their friends...who did nothing wrong in most cases except wonder, in an intellectual way, if there was a better system than Capitalism.

The Elle Fannings of the world sat on their fannies during the McCarthy era and were "coming to terms" with the oppression in Free America. At best, the Elle Fannings of the world waited for somebody else to do something about it.

The Elle Fannings of Germany watched Hitler scapegoat the Jews (and some others) and were "coming to terms" with it. Is getting rid of Jews such a bad thing? Hmm, maybe not.

The situation with Woody Allen is scapegoating. He's lumped in with Roman Polanski, who admitted to using drugs to seduce someone who had calculatedly placed herself in his company, alone. Someone who, today, says "leave the guy alone already." Or similar words. This is not at all the scenario with Woody Allen, who has only one accuser, who was not drugged or seduced.

Nobody's saying you have to watch a Woody Allen movie if you think he's guilty. But in America, even Elle Fanning's America, you should be given the chance to watch that movie. It shouldn't be shelved because a Mussolini named Bezos, running a Nazi-like company called Amazon, decides to toss a movie in an oven.

What if Bezos had some balls, and stood up to this out of control, shrill witch-hunt, and said, "See this movie if you want to. DON'T if you don't want to. I paid $25 million for it, and I'm making it available. Let's not destroy a man's career with hearsay."

Here's Elle Fanning, shrugging off morality and acting as if her brain is guacamole and her skull a small avocado shell.

Lollipop Head isn't the only one. Like the Germans who turned on the Jewish neighbors, like the gutless wonders who gave names to Senator McCarthy, Elle Fanning isn't alone in her cowardice, ignorance, and lack of spine.

Selena Gomez, Timothee Chalamet, Rebecca Hall and Griffin Newman "donated their salaries to various charities..." or made a "significant donation" to the fabulous Times Up movement. What a crock. The "Times Up" movement is, what, a Twitter account? A few twits in an office wearing pussy hats and squealing "Times up! Times up!" and collection donations? Where are those donations going?

How stupid are these foolish, young and ignorant "stars" who were so thrilled to work with Woody Allen despite Dylan Farrow's constant squeaking and spitting? Didn't they know that if they were nominated for awards, this shrike would be shaming them in public as she did Cate Blanchett in 2014 for "Blue Jasmine?"

How STUPID, Selena Gomez, Timothee Chalamet, Rebecca Hall and Griffin Newman...how morally bankrupt...how easily swayed...how gutless...how disgusting in betrayal...does it get? You sign on to be in a Woody Allen film because you know he's a good director and writer, is easy to work with, can help you learn your craft...and then you stab him in the back because of gossip and innuendo? Because the climate in America now is not so different from Hitler's Nazi Germany or the witch hunt days of Senator McCarthy?

One of the principles that made America great is this: "INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY."

Elle Fanning is "coming to terms" with this new Amerika, where bullying works just fine, as long as it's against a Jew, and not a Black or a Gay or a Woman.

ALAN ABEL is DEAD ....................isn't he?

Above, the exotic "Omar the Beggar," explaining to Mike Douglas the art of begging, and his supposed "School for Beggars." He was, of course, the hoaxer Alan Abel, who successfully got The New York Times to run an obituary on him nearly 40 years ago. You see him in a more recent pose, when he was promoting a documentary on himself, "Abel Raises Cain" (now on DVD and available from his website).

According to Stoidi Puekaw, Alan passed his birthday and passed away: August 2, 1924 – September 14, 2018.

You might not believe Stoidi Puekaw, whose name is backwards for "Wake Up Idiots," but it IS unlikely Alan Abel will be waking up. This time.

As hacky as it is to declare "Alan Abel is Dead...isn't he?" it reflects Alan's sense of humor, which was pretty obvious. The joke was how so often his very obvious put-ons were taken seriously. This was especially true in the more naive late 50's and 60's.

At a time when the cunning Allen Funt was exposing the stupidity and gullibility of the average jerk (er, people "caught in the act of being themselves"), Alan Abel had the ability to get respectable reporter, newsmen and TV hosts to go along with his publicity ploys.

The dim general public first got fooled in 1959, when Abel created SINA, the "Society for Indecency to Naked Animals." There was a record album about this, and eventually Buck Henry acted as the group's spokesman for interviews. Ultimately, people got the idea that, for a change, the nut who headed up an uptight organization was just playing pretend. Ha ha.

Like any lone wolf entrepeneur, Abel used his wits whenever and wherever he could. He put out a drum solo album called "Professor Paradiddle - Drums, Drollery, And Drivel." He used his notoriety to get backing for the 1971 film "Is There Sex After Death?" one of the first "mockumentaries." Well before Sacha Baron Cohen played games with dopey-looking disguises, Alan impersonated "Omar the Beggar," outrageously extolling the art of begging. He did this on a variety of talk shows, and kept turning up again and again, sort of like the eccentric "new discovery" who makes the rounds of "America's Got Talent" and "Britain's Got Talent" and "Gong Show" and all the rest, swallowing lightbulbs and goldfish, or doing yoga positions while singing opera and eating cake.

Always eager to sell his next book or film project, Abel found ways to generate publicity with hoaxes that put himself in the spotlight. Twenty years after SINA, in 1979, he humiliated The New York Times by tricking them into publishing his obituary.

This gave him the chance to pompously quote Mark Twain: "reports of my demise have been grossly exaggerated." Not funny, but as his Stoido Puekaw identity proved, his game was not always to get laughs but to shout "WAKE UP IDIOTS" at the world.

Among his other stunts: pretending to offer "Euthanasia Cruises," managing to get some members of the Phil Donahue Show audience to "faint" at the same time on live TV, and, of course, running for office offering a variety of bizarre promises if elected. Still feisty after all the years of put-ons, and despite competition from most every talk show host (and their man-in-the-street con artist pals), a variety of comedians, and freelance morons who were dead serious about being stupid, Alan Abel was still a champ in 2000. That was when he showed up at the Republican National Convention declaring opposition to breastfeeding on the grounds that it was incest.

As he got older, Alan concentrated on lectures and teaching creative workshops at The New School in New York. Organizations wanted to hear about his techniques for publicity and public relations and he had a variety of topics he could speak on. One self-help series was called "Using Your Wits to Win."

His self-promoting books include "The Great American Hoax" and "Confessions of a Hoaxer." A problem for Alan Abel, and the reason his death isn't big news, is that despite his costumes and appearing on talk shows now and then, and doing put-ons at conventions or making dunces out of TV news reporters, he wasn't exactly likable. He didn't have the larger than life personality of even a Henry Morgan. The lecture circuit and working out of an office was more his style. He wasn't the genial Steve Allen making fun of people on the street, and lacked the cult appeal of prankish David Letterman. He wasn't as comfortably conspiratorial as radio's late night misanthrope Jean Shepherd. Few are memorable as characters, the way his former SINA rep Buck Henry is.

Alan Abel, to judge from his anecdotal book "Don't Get Mad, Get Even," was a handful in daily life. He claimed a true story about the time he was "traveling by subway to a Forest Hills tennis game..." and noticed a pickpocket at work. His solution? "Casually I wandered into the next car...two couples were standing by the door...both fellows were beefy and wore football-numbered T-shirts....I put a finger to my lips and pointed to the action in the next car..."That guy is ripping off the passengers. And when he finishes, he said he's going to rape your lady friends." Those two chaps bolted into the car, took flying leaps at the thug, and pounded him to the floor...While frenzied scuffling and shouting continued, the train plled into my station. I got off and went on to enjoy some tennis."

Maybe, if recounted by Groucho Marx or W.C. Fields, that anecdote would be admirable, and maybe even funny. Coming from Abel, it comes off as just a tad cowardly. But then again, maybe the anecdote was a hoax, and never happened at all.

Perhaps some quotes from "Don't Get Mad, Get Even" explain the problem with the late, often great Alan Abel. His put-ons were often joyless and his underlying view could be misanthropic without the needed wit and wink of a Bierce or a Twain. Granted, few could rival Bierce or Twain, but here's Alan offering hints on "getting even" with annoying people (not ones who try to put you on, just annoying people in general): PUSHY PANHANDLER: "To avoid this annoying breed of leech...become ill instantly and ask to borrow his or her scarf, hat or handkerchief.

HOW TO AVOID TIPPING: "For the unattentive waiter or waitress, I suggest leaving a printed card on the table after eating as follows:

I DID NOT LEAVE A TIP BECAUSE

_____ You forgot the fingerbowl.

_____ The drinking glass was dirt.

_____ You were conspicuous by your absence.

_____ Your appearance is unappetizing.

_____ God will bless you for your service.

And here, in a catch-all chapter on how to deal with a variety of difficult people:

"A friend or relative you could live without sounds a rotten gift at Christmas or on your birthday

a. Gift wrap one glove and send it.

b. Mail a gift certificate from a store that has gone out of business.

c. Send one ticket to a Broadway show that closed opening night.

d. Re-wrap the gift reeived and send it to the donor as yours.

OK, not funny, but maybe a vicarious thrill in reading these notions? Same as the vicarious thrill of watching W.C. Fields boot Baby LeRoy in the rump? There are always too few curmudgeons in the world, and too many morons. And yes, today the morons have gained in number with the loss of Alan Abel.

Hooray Hooray, Bert and Ernie are GAY - Good thing they aren't JEWS, right? NO JEWS on SESEME STREET

The world is SAVED.

The latest blow to evil straight white men, is this blowjob:

Yes, a headline on the front page of the NY POST.

Isn't this just too charming? Yes, it's beyon charming. It's ACE.

No, it's even...what's a word that's more gay than ACE? Ah...

It's FIERCE.

Isn't it nice to know that two asexual chunks of sponge actually fuck each other in the ass?

No, that's MORE than just nice.

It's FIERCE.

The answer here is that as long as two Muppets can come out as "gay," then this will help little boys and girls, "BORN THAT WAY," to feel good about themselves.

Gays, after all, are a viciously maligned minority. As opposed to, oh, JEWS.

Do we have a JEWISH Muppet?

"Big Bird" is not "Big Kosher Chicken."

At the Emmy Awards the other evening, the hosts declared that their intent was to NOT make cheap, stupid Liberal jokes about Trump, or take cheap shots at easy targets like Weinstein or Cosby as some other awards shows did. No, no mention of evil Les Moonves.

The thought was, "let's make this an AWARDS show, and honor people, and not try to use this as a platform to grimace and gripe about stuff."

You know what, nobody took a knee.

But hey hey hey, Bert and Ernie are HERE and they're QUEER! (As if there haven't been Bert and Ernie gay jokes for 20 years or more).

Gays (and Lesbians and transgenders) are still the minority du jour.

It's ok to make fun of Oscar De La Hoya (the NY Post called him a sex freak, and said he threw kinky, weirdo parties). He's a crossdresser. He wasn't BORN that way, he's sick in the head.

It's ok to make jokes about other peoples' sexuality...the whack-jobs who whack off while wearing leather, rubber or diapers. Let them remain stigmatized and feeling guilty.

Come to think of it, a lot of people are turned on BECAUSE they are feeling stigmatized and guilty. But let's not go there, girlfriend.

Likewise, Blacks remain the minority to feel sorry for. Take that knee, Colin. But don't change your name to Colin X, because that might sound like some kind of medication for a bowel condition.

Remember, briefly, when people cared about NATIVE AMERICANS and their rights? The Washington Redskins are still playing, and their racist owner still refuses to give in to common respect, and Kaepernick never took a knee about the dirty racism in his own sport.

But GAY MUPPETS! YESSSSS!

And what originality, too. There's never been a team of two men together, like Felix and Oscar or Stan and Ollie or Frick and Frack. It took over 30 years for anyone to luridly care whether two sponge puppets have sex with each other? Gee, hopefully Seseme Street will put in a few story lines about this, as 6 year-olds need to know.

Is it too late to find a writer who worked for Hal Roach Studios to proudly declare that having Laurel and Hardy in bed together was actually a subliminal message to homosexuals?

Maybe Bert and Ernie should wear pussy hats or rainbow flags or whatever. Definitely NOT wear a Star of David, though.

Jews are not the minority to feel sorry for (hey you, Harvey Weinstein, you too, Woody Allen...you never were charged but you can't make movies anymore!) Feel sorry for the Muslims. They've got a fine, fine religion, and just because it's the only one involved in mass bombings around the world, that's no reason to not welcome cloaked figures who have the notion that God is actually ashamed of the human body He created.

OK. Seseme Street CAN'T be totally diverse. They try. Their hunks of sponge come in a rainbow of colors.

There's hardly anyone white on that show, except The Count, and he's a vampire.

Know what would be radical? If Kermit the Frog slowly began to mutate, and lose his hands due to the polluted environment. He'd be like...you know...a REAL FROG.

But let's give The Muppets credit for acting as if frogs mate with pigs. (No, none of those Pete Davidson-Ariana Grande jokes.)

Inter-species sex may be bestiality to some, but it's fine on The Muppet Show, and always WILL be. SO THERE.

What you will NOT have to suffer is Miss Piggy converting to Judaism.

PC is "PRETTY CRAPPY" - as Seseme Street characters are WIPED OFF PAMPERS DIAPERS as SEXIST

What next, "Tickle me Elmo" will be considered a pedophile phrase, and get banned?

"Cookie Monster" will be retired for promoting bad eating habits?

PAMPERS has decided that Seseme Street characters are horrible and sexist and are not even fit to be SHAT on.

Through some horrible quirk, a majority of Seseme Street characters are male.

NONE of them actually have a PENIS, they appear to be male.

Hmmm, is it possible, just POSSIBLE, that they are really WOMEN who simply IDENTIFY as male? WOULD THAT BE OK, PAMPERS???

With support from the #mePoo movement, and they do a lot of them, PAMPERS has backed away from such masculine characters as "Big Bird" (that thing is male?) or Bert and Ernie, who were treated with cheers when they were announced as gay.

We all know that one of the most famous Muppets of all time is female: Miss Piggy, but really, when is it flattering to call a female a pig, even if she is one? That's pork shaming. Or something.

You don't want any more of these gags, do you? OK. But really, the makers of excretion gags, which prevent all that stuff from ending up on the floor, should get their shit together and not piss off NORMAL people who don't see anything wrong with Seseme Street characters' sexuality.

Again, most of them don't even HAVE sexuality.

PS, PAMPERS, you racists. You stone cold racists.

Almost ALL the Seseme Street characters are "of color."

"I Voted For the WOMEN!" "You're Right! Men have made a MESS of the world!"

The primaries last Thursday had tons of birdbrains Tweeting, "I voted all WOMEN!"

We're told that there's no such thing as reverse-racism or reverse-sexism, so let's call it what it really is, then: bigotry. Plain, old fashioned stupid bigotry. Naive, idiotic self-congratulating assholery.

America did pretty well with the "Founding FATHERS." Jefferson wasn't a complete jerk, was he? He came up with some "sensitive" ideas about independence. Thomas Paine. Ben Franklin. John Adams. Want to take George Washington off the dollar bill for the sake of diversity? Put Martha Washington on there instead?

The triumphant sexism of some women is to preen and smirk about only voting for women, and various emasculated and effeminate men, and men with Mommy issues, go along with it, happy to drink some feminine peach fizz at a party, and announce, "I voted ALL WOMEN!!"

First off, SOMEBODY voted for Cuomo, unfortunately, and SOMEBODY voted for Bill De Lousio. New York State and New York City are both in the hands of useless political hacks. Cuomo can't get infrastructure fixed unless he names it for his father. THE MARIO CUOMO BRIDGE. As for De Lousio, he promised the FIRST thing he'd do as mayor was get rid of the cruel horse-drawn carriages in Central Park. I guess he went back to being a bull-headed bullshitting MALE and shrugging, "So? So I made a promise?"

But more importantly, it's doubtful that a woman would do any better. Very doubtful. Here's a MEME you can throw up on Facebook or throw up on Twitter. Or, you can just throw up.

Another reason to Loathe Anne Hathaway (Who We Already Hate)

I don't keep up on pop culture involving dimwits (Kardashians, Hadids, Jenners) or the no-talents who host forgettable TV shows and movies. I wouldn't be able to name TWO movies starring Anne Hathaway. I do know she's hated, though. As in...

Women like Hathaway...no figure, non-descript, no personality, no interesting voice or face...don't seem to be able to generate hate. Hathaway apparently does. It might have to do with not having any talent, appearing in movies people find forgettable, and being so stupid she can't get out of a limo without exposing herself. I mean, that's BRITNEY STUPID. That's PARIS HILTON stupid.

The only thing I actually know about the CAREER of Anne Hathaway, is that she's one of the failures who couldn't match Julie Newmar as Catwoman. The only thing she and Julie have in common is a gay brother. As one would expect, both women are concerned with gay issues because it's personal. It's not just that campy gays want to BE Julie Newmar and Anne Hathaway, which is soooooo flattering. It's FIERCE. It's ACE. It's that both Julie and Anne are aware, speaking seriously, that their brothers could end up dead if they were in the wrong place and their sexuality was revealed. And that's abominable. But it's a fact of life. It's not just gays. Koreans, Mexicans, Jews, Infantilists, Jehovah's Witnesses...there's a lot of people who could be in the wrong place at the wrong time. OR be sought out while living peacefully in their own homes.

Know who you could add to the list? White people. It could be a white woman in Minnesota, shot by a Black cop born in Somalia. It could be a white tourist from Australia, shot while jogging because a few Black rappers thought it would be funny. It could be a white doctor working for "Doctors without Borders," committing the sin of trying to vaccinate somebody of color in their own country. You get the idea. But Anne Hathaway doesn't.

No, to her, there's WHITE PRIVILEGE all over the world, a world that has entire huge expanses called Africa and South America and China and The Middle East where the dominating color is not white. But you can't tell a stupid actress not to be condescending. Or a condescending actress not to be stupid. Which is a reason to loathe Anne Hathaway, a condescending stupid actress. One so stupid (see above) she can't get out of a limo properly.

The boyish actress declared that whites are the stupid ones (like herself) because they think the whole world revolves around them. She knows this for a fact?

Maybe she knows CALIFORNIANS who think the world revolves around them, Maybe she knows other over-paid ACTORS AND ACTRESSES who happen to be white and think the world revolves around them. Maybe she doesn't know any football players or basketball players who are black, and think the world revolves around them. That's all. Anne Hathaway is an ill-informed celebrity who travels in limited, posh circles, and might be thinking about other toffs who make demands while sitting in first class on the jet to the Cannes Film Festival.

Let's read what this loathsome, stupid actress had to say the other day, while picking up an award or babbling to a very rich crowd of mostly white people:

What? What was that, Princess Anne?

"It is important to acknowledge...that myth...that gayness orbits around straightness, transgender orbits around cisgender, and that all races orbit around whiteness."

Why acknowledge a statement that is full of shit?

"Let's tear this world apart and build a better one."

Oh, let's. We're already doing it, Anne. We're tearing this world apart by listening to stupid people. By pitting straights against gays, and whites against blacks, and also by having the nerve to complain about terrorists like Hamas and Isis, who we should acknowledge as poor minorities who are simply following the religion that they believe is superior to all the rest.

Gayness may flounce, mince, and go to pride parades, or it might even act like everybody else (Anderson Cooper for example) but it doesn't ORBIT. How many gays would say they ORBIT around straights? Ignore them maybe. Tolerate them. Enjoy them (gays seem to be awfully fond of straight actresses named Judy Garland, Joan Crawford and Julie Newmar). But not ORBIT around them.

Transgender Bruce Jenner orbits around Kendall Jenner? Kris Jenner?

How about the straights and "cisgenders" who orbit around Elton John at a concert, or Nathan Lane at a Broadway show? What IS your definition of "orbit?"

"All races orbit around whiteness," says Anne? Have you been to Nigeria, Anne? Paul McCartney was there. Nobody orbited around him. They were inclined to beat and rob him. Nigeria's problem is not whites. It's BOKO HARAM.

The very, very late Ambrose Bierce was last heard from when he wrote: "To be a Gringo in Mexico. That's Euthanasia." Aside from some resort hotel catering to rich bitches like Anne Hathaway, Mexico can be a very tough place for white people to orbit in.

Anne may be right that some people, called explorers, with names like Columbus (aka Colon) thought that it could be mighty white to go visit foreign lands and open up trade. But were whites the only ones who thought about "colonizing?" First off, whites often tried to "colonize" other whites. We're talking about the various times The French, English, German, Dutch etc. invaded each other and warred with each other.

This happens to NOT be a "white" trait, but a "human" trait. Or don't you think Japan and China have had their tiffs? Or various Native American tribes warring with each other before the White Man even arrived?

It's fashionable these days to bash white men. There are parts of the world where white men are a minority. In fact, where white men are a delicacy on the menu. (Anyone remember Michael Rockefeller? He wasn't the only white guy to become white meat.) These days, it's so PC to be racist against white men, that the choice of "the new James Bond" or "the new Superman" dictates, "ANYBODY BUT WHITEY."

Well intentioned, or simply stupid and condescending, all Anne Hathaway has done is play her own race card, as the noble self-flagellating white woman, apologizing for being white (but not for being a woman).

But IS she a woman? Really? Or is she just Andy Samberg dressing up and putting us on?

When you think "HENRI BENDEL" you don't think PORN SLUT - So, THEY ARE CLOSING

Audrey Hepburn is dead. And New York is becoming Kansas.

Just another inconvenient truth of our time, is that we no longer have fashionable "INTELLIGENT" women for role models. The days of Audrey Hepburn and Jackie Kennedy are long dead.

Today, we have gruesome media whores built on slut notoriety and big money. That would be dynasties of Kardashians and Jenners, and the foul Hadid family who have a rich Hadiddy-Daddy a rich Arab real estate mogul.

At one time, the lady of taste would shop Fifth Avenue, and that would certainly include Henri Bendel before or after the ladies lunched. Yes, they are going out of business. Look at that TASTEFUL storefront. We can't have THAT, dear. You can't twerk in there.

That storefront isn't as inviting as an open mall, is it?

You can't walk in there, chomping on your Big Whopper, and expect anything but glares. You and your 7 foot-tall pimp-like basketball player or football player boyfriend would get stares.

Henri Bendel hasn't been Henri Bendel for quite a while. Like most every once-prestigious company, it's been bought and sold. It's owned by an ADD company that can't have an elaborate, hard-to-pronounce name like BENDEL or BERGDORF. They are called "L Brands." Make that "LB" for extra short. The Kardashian and Hadid mentality can't handle anything unless it's simple. Hell, McDonalds is too difficult for the mongrel Millennials so it's called "Mickey D's."

The Big Business company booting Bendel says it's done it "to improve company profitability and focus on our larger brands that have greater growth potential." And what might those companies be? Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works.

LB is a Trump-like, Bezos-like outfit, not concerned with class. They made $12 BILLION, and they seethed at Bendel's mere $85 million. LOSERS! Bendel stores are LOSERS!

Why, the nearest Bendel has gotten to the kind of model with the same shit-brown eyes as Kim Kardashian, or the same brainless stare as a Hadid, is THIS rather modest specimen:

WHERE O WHERE is the inflated and half-exposed bust and giant ass? How come we don't see tattoos? Where's the garish lipstick and fingernail polish? This female seems like she MIGHT be able to end a sentence without making it sound like a question? This female might actually talk without gasp-croaking the last few words out of sheer exhaustion. This female is no longer going to make money posing with Bendel stuff.

My late friend Steve Allen had a word for all this: DUMBTH. That's the dumbing down of the culture. Culture? The only culture in most of these idiot Millennials who worship Kardashians, Jenners and Hadids, is the culture in their diet yogurt.

NEW YORK! POLITICAL HISTORY! GAY PENIS! WHITE VAGINA! BLACK VAGINA! YOUR CHOICE!!

Is this so far from the truth? No. It is NOT.

The primary race for New York State Attorney General was about race and gender. All four candidates were pretty much the same. The upstate guy was a little more conservative. Only one of the candidates (the white woman) actually is a lawyer and has the credentials to be an attorney general. "Tish" James, who inherited the do-nothing job of "public advocate" from do-nothing mayor Bill De Lousio, was famous for triumphantly getting a statue of a caring, innovative white doctor removed from Central Park because of ridiculous "he a racist" allegations that, in this PC witch-hunt times, nobody bothered to defend. Besides, he's long dead.

Today's Daily News did not talk about what made these candidates politically different. All they could do was chortle that, finally, this important office would be handed to somebody who sucks cock, or has a vagina. Oh yes, and in two cases, that would be a black vagina. Hooorayy! That's what we want. DIVERSITY. Not competence. What we want is superficial crap about skin color or sexual orientation. Not qualifications.

The ATTORNEY GENERAL is a sensitive and specialized office. The person should know the law, and what can or can't be done legally. The person should have the fierce drive to fight corruption and not give a pass to political cronies. Those qualities aren't too important anymore.

One thing that's important is that the Attorney General not be a JEW. In fact, NO city official should be a JEW.

You know THAT tribe. Bright people. We know that. Super-driven after 2,000 years of staying alive despite persecution all over the globe. And, hey, super horny, because if you're not super horny, you won't keep the tribe going for 2,000 years!

The previous Attorney General, lauded for being a tough guy, was the Jew Eric Schneiderman. He was forced out of office for being a horny Jew. Likewise, Elliot Spitzer, another tough guy who vowed to prosecute all corrupt assholes, especially on Wall Street, had sex with a prostitute. He was forced out of office. And let's not even mention Wiener, the guy with the comical name, who was such a putz he went on line as "Carlos Danger," showing his dangler way too often. He not only quit the mayor's race, he's now in jail.

The Daily News didn't go so far as to be antisemitic about this, but they did suggest that the GREATEST THING about the new Attorney General (in NY State a Republican rarely has a chance) is...GAY! BLACK! WOMAN! BLACK WOMAN!

And you thought ISSUES mattered. Or competence. Or integrity.

Today's New York politicians don't do anything. Perhaps it's the safest way to stay in office. DON'T DO ANYTHING.

Andrew "The Howler Monkey" Cuomo keeps the Status Cuomo. He hasn't done anything in years. All he does is howl when there's a train wreck. He goes to the scene, glares balefully, and howls into the microphone about how terrible the incident was, and how "we must do better!" How we DO better, he doesn't know. Howler monkeys are not the smartest of primates.

One thing Andrew Cuomo did was get the Tappan Zee Bridge re-named for his father, the do-nothing Governor Mario Cuomo. Can anyone name anything Mario Cuomo did? Besides feud with Ed Koch? And look depressed? No. And now, with the Tappan Zee re-named, there's even less evidence that the Dutch were in New York and did anything useful.

Italians? Hell yes. In the great tradition of Fiorella LaGuardia, it's still sort of helpful to be an Italian politician. That is changing, in favor of Black and Latino politicians (why not, as Brooklyn for example has as many Blacks and Latinos as Whites, and White Italians would be a minority). A sign of just how useful it is to have an Italian last name, is Mayor De Lousio, who actually was born with a GERMAN last name. Changing it, was actually the last thing he ever did in his life that took any effort.

He skidded into being Mayor, after his do-nothing job as "Public Advocate," because the rest of the competition imploded, with sexual scandals and alleged criminal activities by either themselves or people close to them. David Letterman, who was fond of Mayor Bloomberg, NEVER had De Lousio on his show, and said that the only thing remarkable about him was that "he's freakishly tall."

That's not the only thing. He also has a freakish, Capybara-like head. He also played the race card by running ads featuring his Afro-haired son. He also had his black wife by his side when stumping in any neighborhood "of color." He claimed that the first thing he'd do when elected, the VERY FIRST THING HE'D DO, was get the cruel horse-drawn carriages out of Central Park.

They are still there.

Every now and then, I get a brochure from a politician in my district, and she describes what's been going on. It's almost always, "NOTHING." She apologizes that her colleagues won't put through any laws, won't change anything, table useful legislation, and gum up the works. Why? Apparently it's because there's not enough of a majority of Democrats or Republicans, and to vote for somebody else's bill might make the other party look good. Can't have THAT.

Should THIS politician be voted out because she can't get anything done? Nah. She helps old people find out where they can go to get a free lunch. She'll advise on free activities at the local library. Another of her putzy colleagues sometimes gives away free flashlights "in case of a blackout." That's the least they can do. It sure is. And don't expect them to "reach out" to Sanitation, the Police, or other city agencies who also aren't doing their job.

What can be said about Governor Cuomo? Doing nothing IS laudable. He hasn't given a pardon to Mark David Chapman. Thank you, Andy. What can be said for the mayor, for most of the other elected officials? If you're not on the take, thank you. But most of you have done plenty of favors for people who donated, right? And landmark buildings, even CHURCHES, are being knocked down in New York City to make way for expensive high rise apartments for sheiks and hedge fund weasels.

The new Attorney General will likely not get anything done, but, like the junior Senator, Krusty Jellybrain, or whatever her name is, be a grand symbol of not being a white man or, worse, a white male Jew.

Sen. Chuck Schumer...even if you keep your dick in your pants, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED. "We want AMY...we want AMY...she has a VAGINA...she has a VAGINA...and she's FAT! No more FAT SHAMING! NO MORE FAT SHAMING! AMY SCHUMER FOR SENATOR..."

So where's the #MEJEW Movement??

People were losing their minds over a caricature of Serena Williams. She argued a simple rule violation when her coach was caught trying to signal her. Later on, when she was losing badly, threw her racquet and got another warning. The cartoonist captured that moment of meltdown bad behavior. But oooh, HE RACIST.

You see, in doing a caricature, you accentuate the features. That includes ethnic features. Could he have deliberately made the Afro puff smaller? The lips thinner? He could have, but in less humorless and witch-hunt-PC times, it wouldn't have been a big deal. If his target had been a JEW, it wouldn't have been an issue at all.

Anyone saying that these cartoons of Woody Allen are antisemitic?

Here's something else to ponder. What if Tyler Perry was accused of "inappropriate touching" by one girl decades ago? Do you think he would've had actors in his movies sorrowfully donating their money to #metoo? Do you think he would have his latest movie shelved? Do you think he'd be told he could never work again?

No, the media would've said, "Don't be racist against the black man. There were no charges filed. Innocent until proven guilty. He has a spotless record aside from this ONE complaint, and the complaint was made during a time when he had split from an angry and vengeful partner who wanted to ruin him."

There's one rule for WOMEN. Or BLACKS. And another for JEWS. It's the one that got Al Franken to resign from office. "Hey, you JEW, your hand touched a woman's waist as you tried to get her to hurry up and take her goddam selfie and go away. Hey, you JEW, you're a comedian and you DARED to do a gag photo where you pretended to touch the breasts OF A FULLY CLOTHED WOMAN! GET OUT OF HERE."

"That goes for you, too, TAMBOR. You're a famous, egocentric celebrity who put the make on some woman while on the set? You're not Charlie Sheen, you JEW. That's the worst, most vicious form of abuse on the planet. Coming on to somebody clumsily. GET THEE OUT, JEW."

Easy to do. No #MEJEW movement. One of the most persecuted minorities in the history of the world has no "Movement" to help them. At best, they've got the ADL and the Wiesenthal Center. As in, "There will be a letter in the Times about this. And from a rabbi." As in, "We highly protest the latest bombing...tombstone sacrilege...malicious libel..."

Today's news showed the difference between the #METOO success and the failure of a #MEJEW group to stand up for a real minority...the one that was thrown out of most every country on Earth, and had no homeland like the giant continent of Africa or South America, or miles upon miles of oil-rich desert in the Middle East. The minority group that had 8 million shot, poisoned, gassed and murdered less than 100 years ago.

Today, the 13th of September, the puppy Jimmy Fallon was too scared to let Norm MacDonald appear on “The Tonight Show.” How DARE Norm say that Louis CK losing his work and millions of dollars might be traumatic? The puppy apologized to Norm but said, in essence, he just couldn't be a man and book him and let him talk about the controversy. Talk? On a talk show? When there's #METOO???

Today, rat-toothed Eric Trump ranted that Bob Woodward’s new book was just sensationalism written to make “3 shekels.” He was saying that the JEWS who control publishing (as they control the banks and the entertainment world) were willing to publish anything that could make even "3 shekels" because that's how the cheap Jews are. Either that, or Trump figured Bob Woodward was as Jewish as former partner Carl Bernstein.

Reverberation today were still being felt for that caricature of Serena Williams. A newspaper as widely condemned for reprinting it on the front page and suggesting there was something wrong wth the humorless, Fascistic PC agenda.

Reverberation today was still felt over Colin Kaepernick, who took a knee, and then two million dollars from Nike, a company that essentially says that economically, they'll pander to blacks and not care if whites boycott them. Jews? Jews don't play sports, do they? They all look like Woody Allen.

You ever hear of the planet Krypton? In a story written by...yes...TWO JEWS...an ordinary fellow from this dying planet was sent by rocket to Earth. Thanks to the difference in the air, or the water, or whatever, this illegal alien had super powers. He was, on Earth: SUPERMAN. Technically, he could've looked like Woody Allen. It's not muscle that makes SUPERMAN immune to bullets and bombs. And yet, the two JEWS decided to make SUPERMAN look like a muscular white guy.

Every movie SUPERMAN has been a muscular white guy. But today, with the latest one no longer considered so super...who do you think everyone wants to be the new SUPERMAN? Of course NOT A JEW. That would be too radical. It would be too DIVERSE. It would send the wrong message. There's no #MEJEW movement to even suggest such a thing.

The new SUPERMAN must be BLACK:

And so it is, that the ONLY nation on Earth that the world wants to sanction is Israel. Not North Korea. Not Russia. Not any European country that has used ethnic cleansing. Not Syria. Not the Middle East where Coptic Christian churches are sacked and Jews are denied the chance to even appear in a Dubai tennis tournament. So it is, that Woody Allen can get the pitchforks and the torches and the witch hunt and not get a movie released. So it is, that any caricature of Woody Allen is not antisemitic but any caricature of a Black or a Woman or a Muslim has to be sexist and/or racist.

The President of the United States declared that skinhead Nazis include some very nice people.

NORM MACDONALD CENSORED BY JIMMY FALLON'S "TONIGHT SHOW"

“The Tonight Show” hosted by the puppy Jimmy Fallon, just shot down a guest spot from Norm MacDonald. NORM. The “SNL” wiseguy. The guy who was given a new Netflix talk show by his pal David Letterman.

What happened? Norm pointed out that his friends Louis C.K. and Roseanne Barr have suffered. That his victims have no idea what it’s like for them.

Well, they don’t. Some chick sees a known asshole like Louis C.K. whip out his dick. An ABC executive is called a racial slur. OK, those are not nice. But these victims are still making a living. They haven’t been ostracized like lepers. They didn’t see their careers and all they did shut down in an instant. That’s a trauma, isn’t it?

What the FUCK. We have people who march and scream because they don’t believe in the death penalty. Because they love serial killers. “Hey, murderers are people too!” Isn’t that denying the suffering of the victims? But nobody’s telling the anti-death-penalty people to shut up. Nobody is taking their jobs away.

NORM MACDONALD was not even given the chance to explain himself on “The Tonight Show.” He was told, “NO, you’re OUT. You have no excuse. We’re the show that supports morons like the Jenners. Our host books vapid morons and plays charades with them, and cracks eggs on their heads. We have NO place for serious discussion.”

NO, puppy Jimmy Fallon would rather do an update of Sammy Davis Jr., and fall on the floor, literally, because Paul McCartney is a guest. He’d rather FAKE laughter and stick his face onto his desk in helpless mirth over nothing. He’d rather join his announcer in flogging bad jokes to death by repeating them over and over. He’d rather do a witless “THANK YOU” routine where he sends thank you cards to objects and concepts.

He’d rather show how PC he is by having a show where the host, the announcer and the band have no women members. That’s #METOO?

Is the ADL complaining that Fallon, his announcer and his band are not Jewish? There’s no visible Jew in sight on “The Tonight Show?” But Norm MacDonald points out that two comedians have had their lives ruined, which is a FACT, and he’s kicked off “The Tonight Show.” Logic here?

If anything, Fallon should be defending Norm Maconald. As in: “I began on Saturday Night Live, which is known for edgy comedy, and saying a lot of nasty things. Weekend Update is known for opinionated shit, and if it doesn’t get a laugh so what. I’m going to let Norm come on my show and explain himself, because I’m a tolerant guy, and I think Norm talking about a real issue is more important than listening to a Jenner babble her crap.”

Jay Leno would've let Norm MacDonald come on the show. You can bet on that. So would Conan O'Brien. But this isn't "The Tonight Show" run by an intelligent man like Steve Allen or Jack Paar, or by Johnny Carson who often booked authors and even let Jim Garrison speak. It's a silly bit of fluff run by a puppy who'd rather crack eggs on some numbskull giddy starlet's head than have a talk show. Because his guests mostly don't have enough brains to form sentences.

The PC police have won again? Well, no, they haven’t, because Norm MacDonald, at least as of this writing, STILL has his Netflix show. Hopefully Netflix won’t cave.

NORM MACDONALD is a fairly pale son of Lenny Bruce, Mort Sahl, Sam Kinison and George Carlin. He's amusingly blunt and goofy, and on SNL was prone to say things just for the joy of dumbness and being un-PC. A Bill Maher or Dennis Miller he never was. He never showed their malice or anger. And here, he wasn't trying to be funny. Hew was just being honest. If you can't imagine being insulted and how unpleasant that would be for an ABC executive, well, you also can't imagine what it would be like to lose your comeback show, lose MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, be hated and ridiculed as insane, and called a racist when you're actually not. Roseanne Barr may very well be insane. She is not a racist. The woman had a black co-star on her show. She had some sort of drug-induced meltdown and said something racially insensitive, but that doesn't make her a BIGOT. Can it NOT be argued that she suffered a trauma in getting fired, and seeing her co-stars and co-workers thrown out of work? That's all Norm was saying.

How about this: which would you rather have happen to you: you see Louis CK’s ridiculous dick, or YOU LOSE YOUR CAREER AND YOUR INCOME? That’s sort of what Norm was saying. Wasn’t it?

Remember 9/11? Elizabeth Smart? Not TODAY. The NY POST headlines Lennon & McCartney wanking

This is the front page of the NY Post website, on the afternoon of the 9/11 anniversary:

HUH?

NOT a solemn picture related to 9/11 and the 17th Anniversary of Muslim terrorist insanity?

NOT a mention of how a psychotic, filthy woman is getting out of jail, and getting out of jail EARLY, for the pedophile kidnap and repeated rape (over nine months) of 14 year-old Elizabeth Smart? THIS mongrel freak Wanda Barzee:

Somehow, the NY Post chose to headline a silly teenage prank-wank that all Beatles fans already know about. McCartney's told the story a few times to various rock mags, and it's in several Beatle biographies published 30 years ago, or more.

The quotes don't even come from a Macca interview with the Post. Like so many Decider-Newser parasite sites, that steal (er, credit) somebody else and start quoting, the Post took what they thought was ripe from another source.

In case you're not an avid Beatles fan, here's the story that pushed 9/11 and Elizabeth Smart (and whatever Trump was up to) off the front page:

Paul McCartney is detailing some wild sex stories from his days in The Beatles, including a group masturbation session with bandmate John Lennon.
“What it was, was over at John’s house, and it was just a group of us,” he explained in a new interview with GQ. “And instead of just getting roaring drunk and partying — I don’t even know if we were staying over or anything — we were all just in these chairs, and the lights were out, and somebody started masturbating, so we all did.”
McCartney, 76, went on to say there were about five guys in the group, including himself and Lennon. They were encouraged to shout names that would help with their mission.
“We were just, ‘Brigitte Bardot! Whoo!’ And then everyone would thrash a bit more,” he said, adding that at one point, Lennon shouted Winston Churchill’s name, which killed the mood.
McCartney continued, “I think it was a one-off. Or maybe it was like a two-off. It wasn’t a big thing. But, you know, it was just the kind of thing you didn’t think much of. It was just a group. Yeah, it’s quite raunchy when you think about it. There’s so many things like that from when you’re a kid that you look back on and you’re, ‘Did we do that?’ But it was good, harmless fun. It didn’t hurt anyone. Not even Brigitte Bardot.”
Gee, the NY Post is quoting from an interview in Gay Queer. Er, GQ. Oh, I get it, GQ readers can now say, "See, latent homosexuality! John and Paul showed their dicks to each other! They really wanted to wank each other but shouted Bardot as a cover. And then John chose to reveal his latency by mentioning Churchill. Aha! Ho ho! Tee hee! Had John not been shot by a latent homosexual who couldn't deal with his secret longings, today John and Paul might have come out gay and chanted "We're Here and We're Queer" at a Pride Parade."

I know, that's a bit vivid, isn't it? But these are sick times.

They're getting better? People are dialing back on 9/11, it seems. That's old news. Millennials who barely could read or write, and still can't, go down to "Ground Zero" and smile and take selfies. An entire generation is away from what happened, duuuuuude.

Since it's not PC to complain about one crazy religion being responsible for most of the world's random bombings and attacks (even Bill Maher has gone quiet), what the hell. Fuh-geddabout-it.

As for Elizabeth Smart, hell, she has kids of her own, she's 30, so she's gotta be over what happened to her at age 14, when a pair of filthy scroungers targeted her, stole her away, and repeatedly raped her. What kind of incredible sadist-maniac-pedophile likes the idea of her husband abusing a 14 year-old? You could ask Wanda Barzee, but she'll probably demand a million dollars for the interview. She's earned it, right?

Barzee should be in jail for the rest of her life. She isn't. Her abuse of Elizabeth Smart just 16 years ago, is old news.

But at the New York Post, John and Paul jerking off 60 years ago...is BIG news today.

The racist SERENA WILLIAMS cartoon from Mark Knight

Maybe the editor at Mark Knight's paper warned, "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it."

The Super Chickens of the world are screaming HE A RACIST. Why? For one thing, he took the same side almost all responsible sports beat reporters did. He didn't buy Serena's whine that a chair umpire was sexist, racist, and a villain who doesn't understand the sanctity of motherhood.

But, being a professional CARICATURIST, he choose to portray Serena in a very unflattering way...throwing a temper tantrum, breaking her racket, and...looking like a big fat-assed child. But, obviously, a BLACK child.

The caricature instantly drew the ire of J.K. Rowling, who spends most of her time bitching and huffing about anything and everything (except book piracy, which she can afford to ignore).

I wonder how J.K. would feel if she was called a pedophile. She's quick to call a cartoonist a racist.

How about calling an author of children's books a pedophile. What is your OBSESSION in life, oh female Rowling who pervertedly chooses a neutral gender "J.K." identity?

Are you hiding a secret male pedophile side of yourself? Can we infer in your weasly works, that you have a THING about underage girls and boys, akin to Jimmy Savile? That instead of writing about adults, you choose to write about hairless kiddies?

Or, are you a WITCH? You seem to dwell on the supernatural, and spells, and all kinds of un-Godly shit, J.K. Are you a WITCH or are you a PEDOPHILE?

Let's be nice about it. PAEDOPHILE. There, I'm using your British pronunciation. You Brits seem to have a strong history in this area, don't you?

OK. Point made, I trust.

If you write about casting spells and shit, you may NOT necessarily be a witch. If you write about children, you aren't necessarily a pervert.

But if your business involves caricature, how do you avoid depicting Serena Williams as being black? Where is that line...that literal DRAWN LINE...between making somebody look ugly because it's your job, and making them look like an ethnic stereotype?

Knight has defended himself only by saying that he took a chance on "punching down," knowing that these days, almost nobody has a sense of humor. Now his family is getting death threats, and the haters of the Internet, always seeking for new victims and new ways to scream HE A RACIST, and sulk about how unfair the world is, are targeting him and his paper.

Add to this, the fact that many are still not over the horrible "racist, sexist" way poor Serena was denied the U.S. Open championship. Billie Jean King has been Twittering that Williams is a victim, and that just because her coach illegally made signals to her, why, that mean umpire should not have called a violation. OBVIOUSLY, that horrible umpire was being SEXIST AND RACIST.

Has anyone praised the U.S. Open for hiring a Latino umpire? Carlos Ramos? Did Billie Jean bother to check this guy's record, and learn that he's a stickler for rules, and made unpleasant calls against various male tennis players? That's an inconvenient truth, when you want to pour out your bile on how unfairly your particular group has been treated.

I go back a long way with both Billie Jean King, Serena Williams and caricaturists. I've always loved caricaturists. Mean as they are, they are hilarious. At least, the best of them. I wouldn't call this guy Knight one of the best. But Jack Davis? Mort Drucker? I was so happy to get a chance to meet the godfather of 'em all, Al Hirschfeld. The subjects of caricature rarely enjoy the cartoon. At best, they pretend they do.

Serena and Venus? I remember when they first started. They had beads in their hair. After winning a doubles match, they would go to the stands where fans wanted autographs, and instead, take beads from their hair and give them as souvenirs. I thought they were charming. I thought they conducted themselves with a lot of class through the years.

When Serena her meltdown at the U.S. Open, it was spectacular. What pressure and anger made her pop so wildly, I have no idea. She wanted that record-setting victory to set her above the fairly forgotten Margaret Court. When she got a coaching violation, she could have (and usually did) put it behind her. True, she told a lineswoman that she'd cram a "fucking ball" down her throat because of a bad call. And yes, she's had a few other instances of physical or verbal foolishness. But mainly, I've seen her be calm on the court, and gracious in defeat.

But instead of ignoring the call (which most sportswriters believed was right, and most who don't follow tennis thought was wrong), she stewed. When things weren't going her way against a tough opponent who had previously beaten her, she threw her racquet. Umpires do not ignore that.

The people who insisted male players get away with throwing a racquet are wrong. The amateurs who recall John McEnroe being bratty THIRTY YEARS AGO, can't point to when he ever threw a racket, or didn't get a warning if he did. In today's game, despite boorishness and laxity in the rules of other sports, tennis has remained fairly traditional. It's not pro wrestling.

Billie Jean's grimace that coaching should be legal...is a point to consider, but it doesn't mean Carlos Ramos was wrong in calling the violation.

The U.S. Open was played under horrific conditions for many days. The weather in NYC was stifling. People struggled along with a "real feel" temperature of 100 sticky, suffocating degrees. Players in early matches sometimes quit when they were behind, rather than risk serious damage. BUT...on the day Serena played her final, it was cool and overcast. She could've been cool, too. Instead, she kept up an amazingly arrogant, condescending monologue about how she deserved an "apology" from the umpire. She kept obnoxiously demanding one. "Where's my APOLOGY?" She also shouted, "You're a THIEF. You STOLE a POINT from me!"

That was the last straw for the umpire, who called her on "verbal abuse." At this point she'd already lost the first set and was well on her way to losing the second. The "verbal abuse" call was well within the rules. Serena's defense was to scream that she hadn't used any dirty words, and that MALE players are much ruder. As if male players don't get called for it? She actually had the game stopped so she could appeal the rule to a higher official. Hell, she's SERENA WILLIAMS, the GREATEST OF ALL TIME. She's going after Margaret Court's record. A little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. please!

Serena went to far as to rant that she would never cheat, and that she was fighting against sexism, and racism, and for MOTHERHOOD. She had a new child! She took off some months to have a baby, and then she came back to tennis, as good as ever. Respect MOTHERHOOD!

The ruling stood. After the match, the crowd booed. The winner was in tears, apologizing for having won. Her first Grand Slam victory had turned into a nightmare for her. Twitter lit up with rage. Sports columnists took the side of Osaka, the winner. Many had little sympathy for Serena and recounted various examples of her rudeness and temper on the court.

As for Billie Jean King, I not only remember her victory against Bobby Riggs, I remember the match before that: when Bobby Riggs, a middle-aged man with a finesse game and little power, made the famous Margaret Court look pathetic. Yes, the same Margaret Court that Serena is so desperate to eclipse.

If I go by the same rules that Rowling has about caricaturists, and that King has about male umpires, should I be so narrow and obnoxious as to suggest that the only reason Billie Jean King beat Riggs, when Court failed, was because she's a lesbian? That while Court (just as good at the time as King) was intimidated by a male, the more masculine King was not? That King's victory was really some kind of lesbian hate-fight against all men? I know: ridiculous. But it seems these days "ridiculous" only goes one way. If something happens to a black, a lesbian, a woman or a Muslim, it's serious. If it happens to a straight white male, or a Jew, for example, it's ridiculous. Unimportant. Forgettable.

King rode the Riggs victory to greater fame than she had as a player. Everybody knew her now as somebody HISTORIC. Wow. She became a feminist symbol of EQUALITY. For doing what? For beating an old man who was a finesse and bloop player, very minor in his prime, and not nearly the challenge of many other old male players?

It would diminish Billie Jean King to challenge what she accomplished in beating Riggs. I also enjoyed it when she appeared with Riggs on an episode of "The Odd Couple," and both had some fun with their fame.

I do understand that the "fun" of caricature is limited to people who enjoy seeing somebody or some incident cruelly lampooned. I get it that people would be dismayed that the cartoonist didn't make the afro smaller, the lips smaller, the butt smaller.

I also understand that even top players can have a meltdown, and find excuses for why it wasn't their fault at all.

I also understand how the side-line trolls get involved, and how Rowling or King, or Andy Roddick, might want to show how indignant, and right-thinking and liberal they are.

We should also understand that these are perilous times for a lot of people, not just minorities, and that some people in the majority are now in the minority because it doesn't serve a higher purpose to give them a break. We should also understand that we are losing our sense of humor in this country. We should also understand that the intolerance displayed by Trump has led us to be more intolerant, trollish and ugly than ever before.

Perhaps, if people hadn't reacted to Serena's loss as if it was a sexist, vicious plot, there wouldn't have been a "racist" cartoon response.

This is how she actually looked. A caricature...is a caricature. It's not intended to be flattering.

Perhaps if Serena had held a press conference and said, "It was one of those days. I overreacted," nobody else would have started raging too.

Some one hundred years ago, D.W. Griffith titled a movie "Intolerance." Nobody remembers the him, anything about the film, or the title. It's history, and history keeps repeating itself, with more and more intolerance.