A Salute to Cel-Ray - on a 9/11 a long time ago

My first paying "gig" as a writer was for Dan Rattiner's set of newspapers on Long Island. "Dan's Papers" was the umbrella title for customized free newspapers for some of the major towns. The editorial content was pretty much the same, but the ads were tailored for stores in the different areas..."East Hampton Summer Sun," "Southampton Summer Day," "Sag Harbor Pilot," "Montauk Pioneer," etc.

Dan's first paper, "Montauk Pioneer," appeared in 1960. He didn't settle into a career with Long Island-based newspapers for quite a while. He was busy working for the New York Times, and in 1965, co-founding The East Village Other. Dan was a tad radical in those days, and he brought some of that impishness to his chain of friendly free newspapers. He became known as "The Hampton Hoaxer" for tossing in stories that were pure put-on.

The papers had a huge circulation due to the influx of summer tourists. "Southampton Summer Day" obviously was not available in the dead of winter. Around 2007 Dan sold his business, and the lucrative papers were sold again in 2010 to some media giant or other. I think they kept the folksy title, "Dan's Papers" and began using it instead of individual town editions.

Rather than just straight news, each issue featured whimsical stories (many written and Thurber-esquely drawn by Dan), and short non-fiction based on local personalities and events. I would eventually get to write some short stories and some "put-ons" that seemed like non-fiction until you got halfway through.

Always creative, Dan thought that instead of an ordinary ad, the local grocery chain might do well with food poems. Here's one that appeared for the September 11th issue.

The store didn't ask me to promote a food that was on sale. I wrote about whatever might be funny, or an offbeat food that I liked. Dr. Brown's "Cel-Ray" (formerly sold as "Dr. Brown's Celery Tonic") I think is pretty regional. Can anyone find it outside the East Coast?

This one didn't make it into my book "Let Peas Be With You." This quickie was a bit more commercial than one of my more Ogden Nash or Spike Milligan scented bits of lunacy. But hopefully some people read it, then stopped in and thought, yeah, celery-flavored soda...I think I'll try a bottle. This one pays homage to one of my favorite poets, Rudyard Kipling and, yes, the illustration is of the man himself, DAN RATTINER.

Dan's published several collections of his newspaper work, including "The Hamptons" (intro by Edward Albee) and "Hamptons Too" (intro by Alec Baldwin.)