USA TODAY starts the year off with PC -- PUSSY CRAPOLA

What kind of a name is MAEVE?

Is it for somebody who has a pussy, or for some guy who simply IS a pussy?

In this age of LISTS as non-fiction pieces, it's no surprise to find one of those clickbait pieces of crap being hawked on every aggregate and search engine.

What IS surprising is when USA TODAY needs to do it, and presumably pays somebody to be an idiot.

Well, maybe it is NOT so surprising. Years ago Mort Sahl nailed it by referring to USA Today as "Egg McPaper." It's the national newspaper that almost nobody reads unless they're in a hotel and they get it free.

Competing now with so many Internet newspapers (and plagiaristic re-write sites like NEWSER) they may be lost. MAEVE, who wrote this idiotic list of 20 awful awful awful NON-PC songs that nobody should ever listen to again, is certainly lost.

I'm not going to offer rebuttal on all of MAEVE's whimpering, clucking, hand-wringing choices. Well, I can't resist a few comments, which you can read after the break.

All right. Let's just say that it's VERY tiresome to read drivel about The Beatles and the "she was just SEVENTEEN" line.

Consider that in the United States, you can marry someone at 17. At 16. At 15. At 14. Even at 13 in some states.

How old was one of Jerry Lee Lewis's brides? How old was Edgar A. Poe's wife Virginia?

In England and in America, there are a number of unwed mothers who are 14 or 15. Is it so terrible for Lennon-McCartney, who were not much older than 17, to sing about a hot girl? Are they saying they've banged her? No, they are just saying a 17 year-old is hot. Nabakov would tell you that, too.

So what is MAEVE frowning about?

As to Lennon's somewhat lethal line, "I'd rather see you dead little girl," why not also whine that he called her "little girl?" Surely that denotes someone who might be 17 or younger. Hey, it might even mean a dwarf. Excuse me, "little person."

While John later mentioned that he felt the line was a bit strong, let's remember that people say "I'll kill you" all he time without meaning it literally, and that some of the lyrics were just a tribute/snatch (excuse me, can I say SNATCH) from Elvis Presley's "Let's Play House." Elvis sings to a "little girl" in that one. Horrible, huh?

Lastly, before you can look and laugh at the rest of this sorry list of second-guessing, it's important to mention that these songs were, in some cases, written OVER FIFTY YEARS AGO. What would MAEVE have us do? NEVER listen to them again? Dub in some new words? Simply have a buzzer go off on the offensive lines? Offensive, by the way, to WHOM? One stuck-up trouble-maker doing a clickbait article for Egg McPaper's website?

How ridiculous does it get, in complaining about a song that mentions "make an ugly woman your wife." Oooh, what a TERRIBLE thing to say.

Why not check on the lyrics to "Louie Louie?" Why not question Procol Harum's "I'll blacken your Christmas and piss on your door?" How about complaining that David Seville's "Witch Doctor" is disrespecting African native healers and that no high priest or shaman ever said "walla walla bing bang?" How about the smutty innuendo in Sam and Dave's "Hold On, I'm COMING." How about rude Roy Orbison daring to refer to a lady as "Pretty Woman," and make a goofy noise at her? Surely Patti Page was into bestiality with "How Much is that Doggie In the Window." And ooh, did you hear the whip crack in Frankie Laine's "Mule Train?"

I could go on, but MAEVE is going on and on. And yeah, sure, check, MAEVE duly mentions (zzzz) "Brown Sugar." But MAEVE missed "They're Coming To Take Me Away," and surely MAEVE identifies with a CRAZY PERSON.