Just havin' some fun.

It could've been worse.

I didn't take the "o" out of "Country" did I?

The solution to Book Piracy

Very, VERY clever.

The major book companies know how to deal with book piracy. It's simple. Don't publish books that the average person would care to read.

One of the major piracy forums is offering the entire NY Times Best Seller list. You REALLY want to read the latest herring-scented softcore drivel from pudgy E.L. James? You REALLY want to read another regurgitated history book from ex-TV personality Billy O'Reilly?

If you can't stand Tiffany Haddish and don't even know how or why she's suddenly being inflicted on you via TV, do you want to READ "The Last Black Unicorn?" Do you need windy Chris Matthews flogging the memory of Bobby Kennedy? Are you sick of Neil DeGrass Tyson and not at all interested in "Astrophysics for People in a Hurry" because you're not a nerd? Do you figure you see enough of Trump to not need "Let Trump Be Trump," and doubt history repeats itself so don't need "Andrew Jackson and the Miracle of New Orleans?"

Do you have enough problems getting through the day without wondering about "Leonardo da Vinci" or "What Happened" to Hillary Clinton? Do you seriously think that there's anything worthwhile in yet ANOTHER formula book from Lee Child John Grisham, Janet Evanovich, Nora Roberts or James Patterson?

Yes, the publishing world is very clever. Nobody wants to download any of this crap. The affluent assholes who actually buy hardcovers for $20 or $25 are supporting an industry that gives them just what they want: the same old same old.

YouTube Peddlin' to the PEDOS

"Isn't this CUTE? Isn't she ADORABLE?"

That's the reaction on social media to a wispy-haired waif sadly singing about the town slut stealing her man, and how despairing it is that society's warning signs are being ignored by people praying to a "neon God."

Meet Jadyn. The girl with the trendy misspelled name.

The parents of this little bit o' jailbait must be proud. As Simon Cowell might say, "Why, you're a LITTLE STAR!" Only she didn't have to get on a scary stage in front of judges for a "Got Talent" show as Jackie Evancho did. She didn't have to enter a beauty contest like the late Jon Benet Ramsey. She didn't have to send a demo to a record label.

Although she did appear on a Canadian "Hidden Talent" show and some other things, the general public had no idea who she was still her family began uploading to YouTube. Put your pedal to the pedo, and start peddling.

You remember Jackie Evancho. She was the child with a fairly adult and operatic voice. She sang age-appropriate songs and America fell in love with her. The darling became a winner, and even started putting out old-fashioned CD's. Here, with "JADYN" we find the new paradigm.

The idea is to sing AGE-INAPPROPRIATE songs like Dolly Parton's "Jolene." A girl who looks 10 is singing THIS:

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
I'm begging of you: please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,
Please don't take him just because you can

She's also singing Paul Simon's grim and depressing tune, which, need I remind you, opens with this: "Hello darkness, my old friend..."

What the FUCK is a cute little blonde girl doing singing THAT?

Most pedophiles are dirty old men, aren't they? So Jaydn's repertoire seems to cater to them. While Jackie Evancho covered girly-girl numbers, THIS girl is singing songs performed by people who are now in their 60's and 70's. Their audience is that age, too. She's covered "Stairway to Heaven" and "Go Your Own Way," hits for Led Zep and Fleetwood Mac.

LOLITA poses? Sure...

She's also covered tunes by Katy Perry and Metallica, for slightly more virile perverts. As we know from the daily news, girls grow up FAST these days. They are taking nude selfies at 14 and showing them off on their cell phones. They have seen all kinds of R-rated movies, seen role models like Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus carry on half-naked or completely naked. They know how to take "safe search" off GOOGLE.

This is the new paradigm for the new age of instant pedo-satisfaction. Nearly 100,000 people are subscribers to little Jaydn's channel, and what do you think they want? They want a baby-faced miniature Stevie Nicks? They want Miley but instead of shaved pubes, NO pubes? They want someone semi-virginal singing "please don't take my man...he talks about you in his sleep."

Rolf Harris sits in a jail cell? Meanwhile all the Harper Valley Hypocrites are saying: "How cute, how talented," and drooling over a ten year old singing rock songs by Fleetwood Mac:

Loving you
Isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things that I feel??
If I could
Maybe I'd give you my world
How can I
When you won't take it from me
You can go your own way...go your own way....

The Burl Ives Christmas Record

SOMEBODY wanted Joseph L. Mankiewicz's typewriter...BADLY

Last month, TCM and the Bonham auction house offered up a lot of crap...er...MEMORABILIA and some items that seem pretty worthless went for thousands of dollars.

You have to be quite a "movie buff" (now known as FILM SCHOLAR) to even remember the guy. The average person wouldn't have a clue. "Was he a producer? Director? He wrote a famous movie or two?"

What is somebody going to do with Joe's director's chair? Sniff the seat?

How about the typewriter? First off, where do you even buy ribbons for one anymore? You're going to sit down and assume that it was his typewriter that magically knocked out brilliant sentences, and he merely rode his fingertips on the keys?

A THOUSAND DOLLARS. We all could think of better uses for that money, whether spending it on ourselves or giving it away for charity.

Somebody has, what, placed this typewriter on a shelf, or on a marble stand, and has stood around staring at it for hours? "On that very typewriter..."

I'd like to think these items were bought by a museum but, really, WHAT museum would have people paying admission price to see this crap?

If It's On the Internet, It's Free - ...IT Happens

Sometimes it surprises me when somebody has a blog of hundreds (if not thousands) of stolen albums, all posted with an album cover, a link, and maybe one or two words: "Dig it" or "Enjoy!" or "Free Download."

Over the past 15 years, people seem to be conditioned to accepting, freely, that everything is FREE. Big Brother, aka Google, which has made billionaires out of is owners and has laughed off millions of dollars in fines from nations around the world, enforces the notion of FREE.

Google owns Blogspot and YouTube, which are easy to find (even without Googling them) and are loaded with copyrighted material being "shared" for FREE...which the parent company not spanking the brats who even admit "I don't own copyright, I just like this."

Then there's Twitter and Facebook, and the rest of social media. There are plenty of websites that simply re-write the news, call themselves NEWSER or some other catchy name, and act like they aren't really plagiarizing. GOOGLE also gives us access to millions of photos we can search for, download, and use as we please.

I mean, it's one thing to use a photo for PARODY purposes. That's considered "fair use." But when somebody (such a I) makes a parody, and then others use it, with no credit, that's not exactly fair. But ..it happens. I should be flattered somebody grabbed one of my items and posted it. Oh yes, it does my heart good that dozens of people had a laugh. I don't expect money, so why should I expect even a credit, or a crumb of recognition? It's the INTERNET. It's all a big playground for everyone to "share."

No, I did NOT write that HILARIOUS intro to the photo. I let the photo speak for itself. But in this case, the poster may think he's improved on it, and made it a real BOFFO knee-slapper. If anyone asks where he got it, he'll say "Oh, it was on the Net somewhere." He saw it; he took it. That's the Internet.

This is why a lot of people, from Steve Miller to Gene Simmons and on and on, say they aren't creating anything anymore. Why bother if people are going to steal it? When they might only break even? Just to prove they're still around? I knocked off this minor gag because I felt like it, and I didn't mind "donating" a chuckle to the world. I didn't even put a credit on it, which I often do. But seeing it swiped and passed around didn't make me smile with pride. Note to self: always put a credit on it.

I knocked the parody off in a few minutes, inspired by a trending Twitter topic asking for people to goof on a famous rock band. A few years ago, I could've sold that thing to a men's mag for $25 or $50 as part of the "front matter" pages of news and cartoons. Now? Now it's thrown onto the bonfire of the vanities, where we all contribute stuff FREE for the ego of it, or to try and "network" and get people to know who we are.

Only once it's on the Internet, who CARES who created it. Would a credit have done me any good? I've had cases where I've put a credit on a photo, or a Photoshop job, and somebody not only used it, but took pains to Photoshop my name off it, to make it seem like an original. How....nice. I've had people download a celebrity photo I've taken, and start selling copies on eBay. It's entitlement. As in: "You ain't doing it, so why can't I?"

The other day, a blog shut down because the "owner" had gotten too many takedowns. The links (Zippyshare, Mediafire, Mega, whatever) were being removed and this blogger didn't feel like using an off-brand from Russia (like Yandex which is loaded with spyware). So it was a sunset and a grumpy "farewell," with a dig at "greedy" musicians who "ruin the fun" and how awful it is that a blog that wants to "publish nice music for all to enjoy" was getting "hassled."

30 or 40 people left comments ranging from: "Don't go!" and "Don't let the bastards win" to "Start a secret blog and tell us where it is" and "Find out who reports you and we'll make their lives hell!" Not ONE person said, "What? You weren't paying the artists? Your downloading company wasn't paying artists out of a percentage of the banner ads? You just thought you were entitled to copy mp3 files and post them?" Not a one.

Dale Carnegie, in one of his books on making friends, or trying not to worry, or both, related how we must not be upset if we don't get thanks. We aren't appreciated? Why think of all the lepers Jesus cleansed, and how few thanked him. Dale is gone now, but if he was around today, I wonder if he'd have a VeRO (verified rights owner) rep on eBay, or if he'd shrug off the number of bootleggers who are offering illegal downloads of his books. Ebay shrugs and says "we don't know if these are legal or not, we need the author or publisher to tell us."

They aren't going to ask the seller to verify permission. Hell no. "Permission?" That word is not used very much on the Internet. Not as much as "entitlement."

In my capacity as a VeRO rep for a particular TV show, I stopped somebody who was offering DVD-R discs of the entire series. When I stopped the seller, the seller expressed genuine surprise. "Why did you stop my auction?" "Copyright infringement." "But these TV shows were coming into my home free, on the TV. All I did was make copies of them. So they're mine to do with as I please."

So it goes. And usually, nobody says "STOP" or "NO."

The Slut-Shaming of Schmutz

You know what "Schmutz" is?

According to various dictionaries, it means soil. Muck. Dirt. To use it in a sentence (in case you are part of a spelling bee), let's say: "Mama wiped the schmutz off Heine's face when he came back from the playground."

"Schmutz" is how the NY POST and other tabloids make their money. Instead of wiping it away, they put it on the front page. They don't care if it's "invasion of privacy" as long as they can snigger the excuse that it's "news."

That brings me to Annie Schmutz Seifullah.

Watta name. Yes, it's appropriate for her. Any time she can take a selfie (or Seifullah) in a schmutz pose, she seems to do it. That's how her bra-and-pantyhose picture got into the NY Post recently.

Years ago, the definition of "obscenity" was schmutz that "appeals to prurient interest." Is there anything more prurient than wanting to see some sexy pictures that a woman happened to have on her computer? I wonder how many people at the NY Post have similar images of themselves on THEIR computers. Or worse. And would they consider it an "invasion of privacy" if somebody put them on the 4Chan website, or started selling them on eBay as "my ex-girlfriend" pictures?

The excuse here, and it's a pretty shabby one, is that Ms. Seifullah worked in a school, and thus, should be held to a higher standard than, say, somebody who works at the N.Y. Post.

Isn't that slut shaming? The woman's horny. She had some pictures on her computer at work that were PRIVATE. Once in a while she brought some guy into her private office for some fun. If a man did it, everyone would applaud and wink. Nobody would be showing HIS pictures.

This is the 21st Century. Is it really a big deal what somebody does after hours, or on a lunch break? Apparently YES, if the person is a FEMALE. And YES, if the person happens to be a teacher or a principal, instead of a doctor, lawyer or Native American chief.

The sad truth about this tawdry bit of schmutz is that the N.Y. Post (and you and I) would never have known about it except her boyfriend became enraged at her SLUTTY behavior. You can read it for yourself. He was shacking up with Schmutz, and that was fine, except he discovered that the two of them were not yet in a monogamous exclusive relationship.

So he blew his...top. And he got EVEN. "The angry ex turned over three...laptops he obtained while living with Seifullah..." In other words, he stole the pictures. Is that journalism? She "played me for a fool," said this guy...and, worse, she "used her power and position as principal to...seek several sexual partners..."

Really? She used her position as principal? Let's be honest. She made herself available. That's all she had to do. She could've been one of the cafeteria help. Schmutz is not unattractive. She didn't say "I am the school principal, and if you have sex with me, I'll get you a high paying job." She was interested in a job and so was her "old lover" and whoever else she was seeing. And it's no reason for her private pictures to be on view in the N.Y. Post.

Slut shaming. Schmutz shaming. It's creepy and it's wrong. And yet, the unidentified male who was her boyfriend, can actually emerge as the "good" guy for stealing her nude photos and bringing them to the N.Y. Post and all its readers. "You gave him head while my child was in the building," he apparently raged. It would've been ok if she gave HIM head, right? He would've said, "Sure, blow me, me kid is two floors away and won't know about it...unless I write it up in the N.Y. Post."

Guess what, half a million people could be found with RACY PICTURES in their possession simply by having a copy of the N.Y. Post.

There's such a thing as NSFW pictures ("Not Safe for Work") but what BIG percentage of office workers have "racy" pictures on their computers or cell phones...of themselves or others?

It's pretty clear, isn't it, that Schmutz's boyfriend would've had no problems banging her during a lunch hour, or after 3pm in her office. He just had a problem with somebody ELSE doing it. And that's slut shaming.

Tis the Fruitcake Season

George Michael, David Bowie, & Springsteen - does it SUIT you?

At a recent auction of, ooooooh, CELEBRITY MEMORABILIA, several high-rollers had the dough to make toast out of their opposition. They won...hats, jackets, even entire SUITS once worn by FAMOUS PEOPLE.

A knit hat that once held the plethora of dreads on Bob Marley's scalp, went for more money than some make in a year.

WHAT do you DO with something like this? In the year 2017, people worship idols AND the junk idols wore? Is there something mystical and magical about this hat?

Is it possible that if you put it on, your brain will suddenly be stirred to write a profound line? Snuggle that hat over your skull, place a pen in your trembling hand, and watch yourself write...

"I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy."

WOW.

Moving from the neck down, how about THIS? It's a jacket that references THE BOSS himself, the Tom Joad of New Jersey, the genius Bruce Springsteen.

Put it on, and walk out to Applebees or to your front row seats at WWE wrestling, and people will come up to you and say, "Wow, you work with Springsteen?" "Er, no." "You met Springsteen?" "Er, no." "Springsteen wore this jacket?" "Er, no, but somebody or other that knows him wore it. And it IS one of only a few that were done up." "Boy, you are an asshole."

Oh well.

However, you can avoid such an embarrassment if you do NOT actually WEAR the item. After all, this kind of thing is...SACRED.

There's something a bit transvestitic about actually WEARING the exotic item and getting a thrill from it. It's a tad unsavory to get emotional over putting on some used garment that somebody else once wore.

Isn't it nicer to think that these ridiculous items were bought for simple craven and commercial purposes?

Like, "Come to my rotten restaurant, eat some overpriced bad burger, and glom David Bowie's suit." Or, "Why not gamble away all your money at OUR casino, which has George Michael's outfit on display in our Hall of Fame room??"

Funny, these FULL suits didn't fetch even half the price of Marley's hat.

Perhaps George Michael's suit is now owned by some creepy individual haunting men's rooms and looking for cheap thrills.

One can't be sure. Most auction houses maintain strict privacy on who won what (and why).

Just as Ed Gein used to dig up graves, skin female corpses, and walk around his deserted farm dressed up literally in the bodies of women, somebody could be home alone in a Boy George outfit.

"Want to see my Boy George outfit?" the person writes in a PM message on Facebook.

"Really? You own it? Where is it?"

"In my home. Come out and I'll be glad to model it for you."

"Do you really want to hurt me?"

"Oh, no, no, not at all."

"Then I'm not coming."

EVA LONGORIA TRADED TO THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS

No, seriously, I had no idea there was an Evan Longoria. That's who they meant? I stopped following the Giants back when Giant-headed Barry Bonds could no longer fit into his helmet.

Let's call the NY Post a Tabloid. It's not a newspaper anymore

Checking the FRONT PAGE of the NY Post's web edition...and the BIG NEWS is wondering how a PORN STAR celebrates Christmas.

Isn't that the first thing on YOUR mind? Some mindless bimbo you never heard of? And the main feature is about a dominatrix cop? Really? You don't care about the bombing of a church by the Muslim extremists? Not local politics? Not even the latest celebrity voted out of show biz for something he did years ago??

This is supposed to represent journalism? New York City? Well, who owns this paper anyway? Oh.

By contrast, here's the NY Daily News' front page stories:

Not a whole lot better, but as the NY Post proves, it could be WORSE.

Scroll down on the Daily News, and they're breathlessly reporting on Corporal Klinger...er...Little Steven..."dishing" on Springsteen. There's a picture of this moron that makes him look like he's...a moron. Obviously, a bald moron who thinks wearing a rag over his baldness is a fashion statement and not pathetic vanity. Or is he a really, really sweaty bald guy, and is constantly dripping?

First off, I don't think this guy "dishes." That's something gay gossip columnists do, and extremely OLD women.

Secondly, he couldn't possibly say anything interesting, because he loves swapping spit when he and "The Boss" bellow at each other with their lips almost touching (were it not for the phallic microphone between them).

It's a sad commentary that these websites seem to reflect the brainless, dumbed down viewership that only wants to snicker about celebrities and glom porn and use up what's left of the world's resources. You wonder if these readers are glad there's no new mass shooting, or are disappointed that they aren't able to see more violence to go with their sex and celeb fix.

The bus route to the most popular town in America

Is it upstate? Westchester someplace? The town of NOT IN SERVICE is so popular, every bus seems to be going there.

"Who can turn the world on...with her grave?"

"Well it's YOU girl, and you should know it....except you're dead." Every day, tourists get giddy, smiling and taking photos....at the cemetery. Oh, and post them on social media: "Hey, we met Mary Tyler Moore and got a photo with her! Sort of!"

Piracy makes music free. And touring? It's on "the house"

Ignorant people (bloggers, torrent downloaders, crapathetic members of the RIAA) ignore piracy. They of course could care less about the moral aspect. They convince themselves that "sharing" isn't stealing, and "copyright is copy wrong." Lots more rationalizations, if not simply, "I'm entitled," "I get a kick out of giving away music," and "don't spoil my fun."

The bottom line is usually that instead of royalties, the artist should "tour, and sell t-shirts." They say this from the comfort of their homes. They say this while on "the government teat" and getting social security, or living in mom's basement. They say this without caring that not only is the artist suffering, but record stores, recording engineers, back-up musicians, and the ECONOMY IN GENERAL.

A lot of artists no longer even think about making music or writing new songs. This includes famous names, who have grumbled that a new album will embarrass them because it won't go gold like the early ones. It includes people who don't want to go to CD Baby, but want to be on the same major label where they once had hit songs, but...are now too old to be signed, especially with piracy cutting into sales. The more stole'd the less SOLD.

As for "touring and selling t-shirts," how many t-shirts does anyone need? How many music fans actually understand how lonely and miserable it is to drive around from small venue to small venue, spending so much time calling up to arrange gigs or dealing with all those "so sue me" club owners who never pay. How about the gas money, the hotels, the depreciation on the car, and lugging the equipment AND t-shirts and CDs? I could go on.

Some try. They've been on a major label more than once. They love to perform. They are willing to even do "house concerts." These are practically on the house. Consider a plumber won't touch a toilet for $200 (plus parts). The idea is for YOU to support the artist, like you claim you do.

And nobody does. The clown with the blog who says "if you like it buy it" isn't going to contact 10 or 20 friends to arrange a "house concert" for a favorite artist?? He doesn't have even TWO friends, just strangers who say "thanks for the download, now I'd like..."

Here's how one artist explains it...Two 45 minute sets IN YOUR HOME or in a bar, restaurant or schoolroom you might be able to secure...

Got all that? Charge, oh, $25 per person. YOU can be a promoter. See how you like it. See how easy it is to get even 10 people to commit to showing up. Or 20. See about arranging a date mutually agreeable for you, "the fans," and the artist who either must come in from a LONG distance from home, or arrange a series of shows for the weekend, to make being out, and staying in hotels, a possibility.

The old days ain't coming back. In the old days, an artist could make a living without even touring. Just on sales. Then it shifted. Everybody got the music free. Lucky and healthy artists with good managers, made money touring. Oh, to a dwindling audience without new material to sell. Then came YouTube and the camcorder crowd, and the ease of passing around entire concerts without having to GO to one. "Oh, I got an entire recent show. No need for ME to spend money or do any travel! Thanks for the SHARE!"

Today, it's "keep your day job, and somehow have the talent, ability and positive thinking to work on an album that won't even get a few hundred views on YouTube, and then go play on an open mic night, a low-paying club, or a "house concert" if the artist can find a few fans who have the skills to organize such a thing.

The lively arts? Most practitioners are the walking dead, staggering around while pirates who work as dull accountants or dumb sanitation workers or are just retired, go "ahar ahar, and thanks to the original uploader!"

I Helped Taylor Swift Do Her Greeting Card This Year

"HAPPY XMAS" - not if you hate bad Christmas Songs, including "Down in the Valley" John Lennon's

"Tis the season to flee the stores. They're all playing rotten "jolly" Christmas songs. Unless you're 12, "The 12 Days of Christmas" is a tedious, tiresome bore. (So are the witty newspaper reporters who think they're being clever by doing a piece on how much it would cost to buy all that stuff).

Is there a song you can STAND that mentions Reindeer, Santa or SLEIGH RIDES?

The pop tunes that were once hip, are now simply corny and greasy, and that includes sanctimonious and condescending crapola like "Have yourself a MERRY LITTLE Christmas" or "Let it Snow," which insists that cold weather is FRIGHTFUL, but hanging around with morons is DELIGHTFUL. One of the creepiest songs of all time is "Baby It's Cold Outside."

Fake solemnity is yours with "The Little Drummer Boy," while irritating repetition makes "Feliz Navidad" and McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" particularly sadistic.

How disappointing that John Lennon was guilty of being commercial and writing something hacky. "Happy Xmas" is just such a misfire. It's got off-key brats trying to cover for Yoko Ono's worst performance ever (and she's actually had some very good ones). It's got a terrible rhyme: "Happy New Year...without any fear." It's got a typical bit of Lennon scorn and sadism ("War is Over if you want it") and sour fingerpointing and accusations, "so it is Christmas, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Some people say that the melody is catchy. Yeah. That's a trait of God-awful and Christ-awful CHRISTMAS songs, isn't it? You find yourself mindlessly humming along to "Jingle Bells" or going "Fa la la la la" on that effeminate tune about "don we now our gay apparel."

But Lennon's tune? IS IT ORIGINAL?

And isn't there another tune that has a swaying cadence and a melody similar to "And so this is Christmas and what have you done?"

The folk song that goes..."Down in the valley, valley below, hang your hand over, hear the wind blow..." Yeah. Thought so.

The good news is that CHRISTMAS is over on December 25th...whether you want it to be or not. And if you don't want it to be over, you've gotten brain damaged by CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

Lookin' Stupid, Lady. Lookin' Stupid - DUSTIN HOFFMAN Getting the WITCH HUNT

So let's all feel bad.

A woman who gave FOOT RUBS to Dustin Hoffman, is complaining he went too far.

FOOT RUBS?

When you are STUPID enough to put yourself in a position of adulation and servitude, giving FOOT RUBS to somebody, do you expect a whole lot of respect?

If you are happily posing for publicity photos with this guy...for PLAYBOY...what message does THAT send?

Now she's writing a "guest editorial" and the message is SHAME SHAME SHAME.

The message is more accurately, TEASE TEASE TEASE.

Either you tell the man, "No, don't touch my tits, don't touch my tush..." or you allow him to keep right on doing it and acting like you don't mind.

Oh, right. EVENTUALLY, she told him off. She told "Mr. Method Actor" to stop diddling with her before she goes out on stage. That came a little late.

She whines that a few days later, he was touching her ("Groping") is her word) again.

Maybe because she was acting like she was playing "catch me catch me?"

Let's not be mean and say "she was asking for it," but how many women who condescend, apparently quite a few times, to give FOOT RUBS, are sending an "I'm not interested" message? As opposed to, "keep flirting...I'm just playing hard to get."

Here's the two of them in "Death of a Salesman" YEARS AGO.

Hoffman is playing a middle aged business man.

Rossitter is what, playing stupid? Doing Goldie Hawn?

I took photos of Dustin Hoffman once. He was polite, tolerant, and he seemed to be what almost everyone says he is: a fairly humble and pleasant guy. I don't for a minute think that my experience means a whole lot. After all, I wasn't on assignment from Playboy and asking him and his actress co-star to play frisky for me.

Rossitter wrote her expose for "Hollywood Reporter." Did she fight Dylan Farrow to get this, or is "Hollywood Reporter" alternating on "let's keep harping on the little old Jews?"

Funny, Anita Hill isn't writing "why haven't they forced Clarence Hill to resign" pieces.

Maybe she realize it's in the past. That there's no evidence he's done anything awful since.

Isn't that a valid point? That we shouldn't flog someone for what was done decades ago, in another time and place, when being PC wasn't such a life and death issue, and touching a fanny couldn't get you booted out of the U.S. Senate?

Notice the line, "I would stop at his calves."

Why the FUCK were you massaging his feet at ALL, lady?

I could see doing it once, if he had a cramp. But fer Chrissake, HOW MANY TIMES WERE YOU MASSAGING HIS FUCKING FEET LIKE A SLAVE GIRL?

Now we have the "money shot," the anecdote about Hoffman pulling Rossetter's slip up over her head.

We don't know if he did it, or if the slip was over her head, or for how long. A quick flash?

It's important to remember that "show biz folk" ARE strange. I know this...from SHOW BIZ FOLK. They've told me many a Trumpish anecdote about seeing people walking around half naked, leaving their dressing room doors shut, routinely undressing or dressing without much modesty because it's a hectic environment and "show biz folk" are sophisticated.

What Hoffman did, if he did it, would not have been that shocking to backstage people. And at NO TIME did Rossetter do the SMART thing, and a) stop massaging the man's feet, b) stop allowing him to be so close to her, and c) not knee him in the nuts. Notice that "she became so fed up with Hoffman..." SHE DID A PLAYBOY SHOOT WITH HIM, knowing damn well PLAYBOY would want a sexy photo or none at all.

Hypocrisy, they last name is ROSSETTER.

What would you do if Dustin Hoffman was getting grabby? Tell him off the very first time, right? Refuse to massage his feet, right? Make sure that a burly stage hand was alongside you in the wings when you were both waiting to make an entrance, right?

Otherwise, you're STUPID. Right?

Now let's go back in time to the big story that holier-than-thou John Oliver was bitching about in his ambush of Dustin Hoffman. You remember. Oliver was declaring, in his sanctimonious haughty way, that HE was "pissed off" at Hoffman's actions, and not accepting any apology (as if Hoffman gave HIM one). Here's the director of Hoffman's film explaining what happened on that set:

The bitching and moaning on this is that Hoffman was middle-aged and the intern was 17. As if Hoffman was asking to see ID. As if Hoffman was seriously interested in bedding her. As if 17 year-olds don't have the capacity to avoid frisky talk on a film set.

Yes, at some point in our warped culture, a culture where eBay can sell fake porn photos of celebs as real, and anyone can watch PORNHUB or visit Blogspot's many porn blogs just by ticking the "I'm over 18" box, we've gone conservative and PC about CERTAIN issues.

But when did we take a page from the backward world of ISIS and Boko Haram and superstition, and start witch hunts?

John Lennon - Woman is STILL the Nigger of the World

Today, on the 37th Anniversary of John Lennon's murder, the Daily News very nicely put a mention on the front page of their Internet site.

And below it, objectified images of women looking ridiculous and being sexualized.

"We make her paint her face and dance," John Lennon sang on "Woman is the Nigger of the World."

And guess what, that's what it takes for the Daily News to put women on the front page.

Al Franken was forced to resign yesterday because he asked for a kiss years ago. The Daily News duly agreed that The message it's wrong to even ASK for a kiss, and it's HARASSMENT if you ask a second time. The message today? Women should be admired for leaving a breast hanging out, or jumping around in their underwear.

There seems to be a strange, sad arc to the progress John hoped for in 1972. When wrote and sang "Woman is the Nigger of the World," it was rare for a woman to be addressed as "Ms."

In 1972 you could hardly find a woman in the U.S. Senate. There were few women reading the news on TV. It would be a year AFTER his album was out, that Bobby Riggs battled Billie Jean King in a pop culture tennis match.

And now? Justice Ginsberg is not in the news because there's always a Kardashian or Jenner "wardrobe malfunction" to report on.

Is it progress that radio stations don't dare play "Woman is the Nigger of the World?" Not when there's the confusing double-standard of Black comedian Larry Wilmore saying "My nigga!" to President Obama's face with the cameras on, but Bill Maher nearly losing his job for using the word in an anti-slavery joke.

Where was the woman on the staff of the NY DAILY NEWS to say that sexualized images of women have no place on the cover of a family newspaper?

Where was the woman to say that the Internet should stop degrading women by making celebrities out of the ones who are willing to pose half naked or romp in whorish costumes?

If you do NOT want the Harvey Weinsteins and Matt Lauers of the world to objectify women, it would help if you do NOT objectify women as part of our "culture."

These are strange times, when Al Franken and Garrison Keillor and others are forced to resign their jobs because of minor flirtations that should have and could have been handled with a firm "You're going too far. Stop or you will be reported."

It's ok for reporters to seek out lurid confessions and publicize "wardrobe malfunctions" instead?

Are Trump and Kim listening to "War is over if you want it," along with the leaders of Isis, Hamas and Boko Haram?

37 years ago, I was sitting at a typewriter writing an entire magazine, by myself, in tribute to John Lennon. I had to be persuaded because it seemed to come from a commercial viewpoint. As in, "The Elvis Presley special magazines sold millions of copies. A John Lennon is a natural." I said, "OK, I'll do this, but it has to be done right."

I was pretty stressed. I needed to write about John as "occupational therapy." When the art director walked by and saw me typing away, he paused and said, "This is gonna make a lotta money."

I got up and walked out. I was down the hall and at the elevator when they got me. "OK," I said, "But NO MORE MONEY TALK." And I went back and finished this:

PS, magazines like this aren't books. I got a flat freelancer's fee and no royalties. Maybe the art director and other staffers were going to get a percentage, but I wasn't. I was there to chronicle John's life and his songs, and I was fortunate to be a fan enough to have so many books and magazines and clippings at home that I didn't have to spend time rushing to a library to make sure of a particular fact. The company had contacted a few photo agencies and a few boxes of photos were dumped on my desk. I was supposed to know who everyone was, where the pix were taken, and write captions. Which I did.

I wrote an editorial on the first page of the magazine, explaining my mixed feelings in creating the magazine. I was greatly relieved by the heartfelt mail that came into the office and was waiting for me. In a rare move of generosity, the publisher handed me a roll of stamps and asked me to be sure to answer every letter. Which I did. In my replies, I found myself quoting a line sung by Juice Newton, of all people: "The dream never dies, just the dreamer."

I was in Central Park covering the dedication ceremony a while later. It was a dismal, cloudy day. The only "sunshine" came from TV camera crew lights bathing Yoko, Sean and Julian in a yellow glow as they made their way to a podium. They stood along with Mayor Ed Koch, and Koch told the rather meager crowd of reporters that soon, this spot, with its eerie leafless trees and dirt paths, would one day blossom with life and be a tribute to John. Imagine...THAT dream came true.

Other dreams are still dreams.

Today, Al Franken, tomorrow Kirk Douglas? Who's next?

I hear 75 years ago, Kirk Douglas said "Hiya, Toots" to Olivia De Havilland.

I guess it's not too late for them to lock horns in court.

Don't let 'em vote you out of show business, Kirk.

I used to spend some time with Mort Sahl. You remember him? He once joked, "A woman's place is in the stove."

Will somebody declare he shouldn't work again for saying that? Fortunately for him, he has only one gig, a weekly sit-down hour in a small venue in Mill Valley. The place is run by a female friend of his, and she's fan enough to say that it's better to keep a cranky guy who once in a while goes too far, than book some bore who takes no chances at all.

I'll paraphrase a Mort line that is pertinent at the moment. Mort liked to say, "If you keep to a steady political position in this country, eventually you'll be tried for treason."

This applies to show business, too. What was ok even five years ago, could be banned from the air NOW. A popular TV show (or going back further, radio show or silent film) could be declared "politically incorrect." People will not be allowed to make up their minds if this is true. The stars become "non-people." Anyone know who Tim Moore was? He played "Kingfish" and was an original comic actor.

During the Red Scare, some of our greatest talents were not allowed to work. Many had done absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe they attended a meeting, curious to know what Communism was all about. Maybe they knew a friend who happened to think Communism wasn't a bad idea. The venomous scapegoating was lethal. It's the same now; there's a fiendish delight every time a famous face is ridiculed and banished. "Innocent until proven guilty" has, like the witch hunts in Salem, been ignored.

Extinguishing stars in order to be "politically correct" isn't new. Al Jolson is never mentioned as "the world's greatest entertainer" in his lifetime. His obscurity now isn't because his style of singing is any more out of date than Frankie Laine or Johnny Raye. He's no longer in the company of Enrico Caruso or Bing Crosby because he performed some numbers in blackface. He sang "My Mammy" and "Old Black Joe." Like Warner Oland impersonating Charlie Chan, Al impersonated a black character not for ridicule, but for sympathy and understanding. Too bad. No understand for what motivated Jolson. Erase his memory. Deny that he was once the biggest star in America.

It's only a matter of time before Groucho's cry of "Sho 'nuff" during "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" gets clipped out of "Room Service." Somebody might even determine that "Sam," in "Casablanca" is too subservient about playing "As Time Goes By," and that sequence will be removed. Any scene of any woman being hit with a pie in a Laurel and Hardy movie will be OUT.

In this PC world, there's no room for a simple explanation of, "Those were ignorant times, and today we know better." People are preaching tolerance by being intolerant: "YOU have to RESIGN! You did something years ago that we now think is wrong! Never mind you're not doing it NOW. You did it THEN!"

Today, Al Franken resigned from the Senate. This is a powerful position. We need all the bright, experienced, forceful people we can get, and in the Senate there might be 5 out of 50. He's gone because he allegedly asked some woman for a kiss (nothing more) and because on the campaign trail as he was moving endless people into position for photo ops with him, his hand touched a bottom or two. That's worth LOSING a United States Senator?

Also today, New York's local public radio channel suspended two old men (in their 70's) for unspecified but inappropriate behavior. Ever hear of a book called "RUSH TO JUDGMENT?" They are OLD men. They could drop dead from the stress. In fact, being innocent and charged this way, could be more stressful.

So we wait to hear the fate of Lenny Lopate (30 years doing political radio commentary and celeb interviews) and Jonathan Schwartz, one time a rock DJ on WNEW and a long time devotee of playing "the American songbook," including pieces written by his father Arthur. Jonathan, talk about respecting women, is married to Zohra Lampert, a sultry beauty in some classic films.

Who will be "voted out of show biz" tomorrow? Who will be told that behavior that was perhaps a bit rude but quite acceptable at the time 20 or 30 years ago, must now be burnt at the stake of PC opinion? Who will be the next Dustin Hoffman, to get abused by the next sanctimonious John Oliver? Hoffman flirted and joked with a chick who was making herself ridiculous on a movie set with her fawning over him and the other male stars. He flirted back in full view of everyone, and the atmosphere was full of sophisticated, silly, urbane remarks. That's part of show biz. At least, it WAS. At some point, this tart decided she was no longer amused, and years and years later, decided she was suffering from post traumatic stress cramps, or something. And a surprised Hoffman said, "I don't recall this...I apologize if she was offended." Something like that. Which was not good enough for a finger-pointing parrot-nosed owl-faced full-of-himself minor league cable TV quipper like Oliver.

And will Oliver one day be hoisted onto the gallows for being a bit too irreverent, or telling a low-blow joke, or for simply not being "respectful" in his humour? We can wait and see.

And, seriously, do you DOUBT that somebody might actually come forward with a 75 year-old complaint on Kirk Douglas? Sen. McCarthy is dead. But twits like Sen. Kirsten Jellybrain are very much alive, and just as misguided and dangerous.

Al Franken bitch-slapped into Resigning

This is a grim day for Democrats, for Liberals, for common sense, for people with a sense of humor, and for everyone who doesn't approve of witch hunts, villagers with torches, or mob pressure.

We lost one of the few people in the Senate who was NOT a professional politician, a corrupt puppet of the machine, or a deal-making ass-kissing sell-out weasel.

Al Franken was a maverick who literally fought THE GOOD FIGHT to become Senator of Minnesota over a well-oiled Republican incumbent. The citizens knew that in Al Franken, they were getting a realist who would cut through the bureaucracies as much as possible, work with the few other bright bulbs (like Bernie Sanders) and NOT reward the corrupt old school creeps who are behind most of America's elected officials.

Al Franken was hounded out of office primarily by a bunch of bitches. That's not a PC remark? Well, N.Y. Senator Charles Schumer, whose brain is as receded as his hairline, might tell you that Al Franken isn't nearly as witty as his twisted cousin Amy Schumer. God help us. Amy Schumer is considered FUNNY by some people.

Before and AFTER becoming a Senator, Al Franken was funny, and mostly in the tradition of Will Rogers and Mort Sahl and the rest of the acerbic stars of the now very distant past. Even the "awful" photo of Al Franken pretending to touch the well-protected Kevlar-vested breasts of a sleeping Playboy model...THAT was just edgy comedy. He wasn't a Senator at the time, and the joke was really on HIM, being such a desperate nerd that he (pretended) touching two solid inches of insulation was a turn-on.

Grow the FUCK UP. After that, a few whining ninnies complained that he "touched" their precious fannies. One dimwit cried that during a photo op, while her husband was taking a picture, Al's hand strayed to her bottom for a few seconds. Really? Ya think the 5'6" Mr. Franken is gonna risk a woman howling, "He touched me," in front of her HUSBAND? I don't recall if this incident was during Al's first run for office, or his re-election. Either way, this ass-touch incident is SHIT. That the nation gasped over it, is a sign of how insane this country has become in its PC humorless hypocrisy.

In an age when "ME TOO!" becomes a cover story in TIME, a few women complained that Al Franken tried to kiss them. A few women. How many? Two or three? And what's a kiss? Let's also remember, as others such as Dustin Hoffman are persecuted with pointed fingers and set-up assassination, that much of this happened well before the world decided that men shouldn't EVER behave like Rhett Butler or Marlon Brando anymore, and that pudgy E.L. James' books really DON'T reflect womens' secret desires to have a strong man take charge.

Yes, it's a good thing that big shot stars like Jeffrey Tambor and Charlie Rose are now aware that they need to bribe women with flowers and perfume and NOT just assume that being famous is an aphrodisiac. Sometimes, it's not. Not unless you're a rock star. You notice nobody's demanding Led Zep albums be pulled from stores because they took advantage of teenage groupies.

Franken has every reason to be bitter. HE is "thrown under the bus" by his own party, and these same do-gooders don't have the same indignation about Donald "Grab the Pussy" Trump. These masochistic wimps would rather tell the world, "look how we clean our own house" than do the REAL work and start shoveling at the garbage dump around them, which is much more loaded up with those anti-gay Republicans caught in mens rooms. Or THIS guy, State Senator Shortey:

Kirsten Jellybrain: are you going to go after that weirdo Roy Moore in Alabama now? Is that the deal? "Hey, I asked Al Franken to resign from the Senate, so now I expect YOU to resign from your Senate campaign. YOU were involved with underage girls years ago." I haven't seen you get up from your squat and stand up and make a speech about that guy.

In fact, Senator Jellybrain, I haven't seen much of you since you somehow became a New York Senator. First you spent a lot of time hiding behind Chuck "Where is the Microphone" Schumer. Then...then what? Frankly, having written to BOTH you and Schumer and NEVER EVEN GOTTEN A RESPONSE BACK, NOT EVEN A FORM LETTER, I think the two of you aren't qualified to wipe Al Franken's ass.

Where are your quotable, cutting remarks on the Senate floor? Where are your books full of wit and wisdom? When were you on Bill Maher's show telling truths (comic or just logical). What were YOUR qualifications when you ran for office other than being a female politician? And what HAVE you done for women's dignity besides bark about Al Franken? Doggone it. He was good enough, smart enough, and people LIKED HIM.

The bitches have ended the career of Al Franken, who along with Bernie Sanders, did more good work than the other 48 Senators combined. Meanwhile, bitches, Donald "Grab the Pussy" Trump is still running the country, and making "country" two words.

The Greatest Living Film Director is...who?

Thanks O TWITTERVERSE, for letting me know. Not only is it Jean-Luc Godard's BIRTHDAY, but he is THE GREATEST LIVING FILM DIRECTOR.

Maybe not the greatest living "MOVIE" director. That could be anyone from Quentin Tarantino to Ridley Scott to whoever grabbed a camcorder and filmed "The Blair Witch Project."

But FILM director. Ahhhhh...EXCUUUUUUSE me. That would be someone who made serious fil-ums. Happy Birthday Lucky John:

That's a serious film director. He's touching his cranium. He's got glasses. He looks like every nerd in Film 101.

There have been millions of words written about Lucky over the past year alone, I'm sure. That's more than have actually seen his last film. Can you name it? We'll answer THAT "Jeopardy" question shortly.

But really, despite the millions of words that pretentious, verbose film-scholar TWITS have written on this guy, NONE capture his essence, his sangfroid, his trope, or how his work informs our culture. That's why THIS brilliant Tweet simply ran a picture:

Take a look. Once again, the glasses. That's the sign of an intellectual. But, unlike, say, Woody Allen...what ELSE do you see that is so important? YES! He is...SMOKING A CIGARETTE. Gauloises, hopefully.

What a guy. He made FILMS. Lesser people make MOVIES.

I'll admit it: I thought he was dead. It turns out I was confusing him with...TRUFFAUT. Now how could THAT be? Oh, because babbling, sweaty, stuttering nerds with 20 film books in their backpacks usually repeat the mantra: "Godard and Truffaut, Godard and Truffaut," when anyone asks them about their favorite directors.

Godard actually has been active in this century. But, to quote Michael Caine out of context, "Not too many people know dat."

You didn't see "Bridges of Sarajevo" did you? That was 2014, and his last feature film (so far). You missed "Notre Musique" in 2004, I bet? "In Praise of Love" in 2001? (Aside from these, he's made many "short subjects." When was the last time you saw a short subject that played in a movie theater? When was the last time you HEARD of a short subject before you saw some weary actor and actress you never heard of give a list of the Oscar nominees?

But I digress. If you missed Godard's 21st Century movies...you probably missed the ones he made in the 90's, 80's and 70's. I say this with confidence, because you're reading THIS blog. Therefore, your interest in gloomy, arty or pretentious French films is just about NIL. Especially if Bardot isn't in them.

You missed "For Ever Mozart" in 1996 and "La Rapport Darty" in 1989 and "How Is It Going" in 1976. And everything else he did in the 70's 80's and 90's.

Soooooooo....we have to go back to 1968 for a film you DID see: "Sympathy for the Devil." Which was a documentary, NOT an art film, and which you saw because of Jagger, not Godard. Thus, we must keep going back in time....

Ah. It didn't take long. Just over FIFTY YEARS AGO. In 1966 he directed "Masculin Feminin." Didn't see it? At least you've heard of it. "Contempt" 1963. "Breathless" 1960. So there we are. THREE art films that the average person (not the pretentious film student of the world) at least heard of.

In case you're wondering, Truffaut died in 1984. For me, the most important thing HE did was interview Hitchcock for a big book on all of Alfred's films. He did direct "The 400 Blows" in 1959, wrote "Breathless" for Godard, and filmed "Shoot the Piano Player" in 1960. He also directed three more films you've heard of: "The Bride Wore Black," "Jules and Jim" and "Soft Skin." So if he was still alive, HE might be the world's greatest living director, eh? And he'd be younger than Godard by two years. But he died in the early 80's, so he is not being toasted for being in his late 80's.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, most of those 50's and 60's French films are pretty lousy. Like snails, they are an acquired taste, and they mostly are a taste acquired by losers and loners who spend most of their time alone in the dark.

I'm talking about misfits who won't take a chance on a DVD if it's not released by Criterion. They're the type who won't even acknowledge that "Dementia" was a good experimental film, along with "Carnival of Souls." Because Simone Signoret wasn't in either of them.

If you CAN find a memorable French movie from that golden era of B&W, chances are it's memorable because it's HORRIBLE. You thought, "I gave it a shot, and I do NOT understand what's so great about this. What was so pioneering? They had no budget for a tripod so the guy used a hand-held camera? Everybody's smoking? Everybody's speaking FRENCH?"

I've sat through "thriller" movies that ended up existentially depressing. As in: "why does this exist on DVD, and why did I take it out, and how come it's now past due and I owe two bucks on it?" I don't know anyone who says, "Sure, let's watch ANOTHER 60's French movie!" Not after some terrible "caper film" about a crime gone wrong (with or without an American jazz soundtrack) or a grim and gruesome study on how to murder a French girl in an unpleasant way. Or, worse, how to bore people with a Bardot movie that is unwatchable when she's not on the screen.

In September do you suppose the Twitterverse will declare Bardot our greatest living sex symbol? Me neither. She didn't make enough SERIOUS films where the nudity was justified by the symbolism and the mise-en-scene. AND, there's nothing reflecting the zeitgeist.

Fuck film students. Oh, wait, that NEVER happens. If film students got laid, they wouldn't be film students.

Jesus and Mary - Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift- Sighted on Earth. A MIRACLE

Oh, thanks, Great Tweeters in the Cybersky, for alerting us to how BLESSED (pronounced, of course, BLESS-EDDD) we are this Holy Day season.

In some kind of cosmic miracle, like a solar eclipse only much more spiritual, the paths of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran MET, and they were ON STAGE TOGETHER. This was witnessed! Did they get a WITNESS? Sure did...thousands with their CELL PHONES RAISED ON HIGH! The proof of the EVENT has been PRESERVED (prounced of course, PRESERVE-EDDDD) via YouTube.

Yes, while The Bible could be wrong, or mis-translated, there's NO mistaking the true JOY TO THE WORLD for ALL PEOPLE (er, under 25).

NOT a mirage. A true MIRACLE that ACTUALLY HAPPENED! This could be the beginning of an entire series of BLESS-EDDD events. Justin Bieber singing with Selena Gomez, perhaps? Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey singing together without the stage collapsing? Paul and Ringo....nah, we've seen THAT, and it has NOT done much, has it?

PS, this tops Prince Harry and his amazing Mixed Race betrothed. They are just wedding cake figures who...CAN...NOT...SING. Not only that, they CAN...NOT...SING...THE...SAME...SONG...OVER...AND...OVER...AND...HAVE...PEOPLE...THINK...IT'S...NEW.

But really, what can anyone say when "OW WOW" and "Woo Hoo" say it best? You can figure for yourselves if Taylor is the "OW WOW" and Ed is the "Woo Hoo" or vice versa. This was a moment in history that rivals The Big Bang Theory or when a camcorder showed us Kim Kardashian having sex with some guy NOT famous for having a celebrity lawyer for father.

It may be just a theory, but the BIG BANG of Kim and "Ray J" led to a whole brave new world of reality shows and privacy invasion and porn as mainstream topics of joy. It can be argued (that's ARGUE-EDDD) that Kim Kardashian has, for some time now, been more on the minds of people around the globe than how the Earth was formed and if there's a higher power than Kris Jenner.

But, believe what you want. In the realm of positive thinking, there is proof that THE WORLD IS SAVED, AND THE WORLD WILL GO ON. TAYLOR SWIFT AND ED SHEERAN, together on stage! And here, on this blog, a post that actually mentions....

TAYLOR SWIFT.

Look what you made me do, look what you made me do, look what you made me do...

"It's a MIRACLE!"