"HAPPY XMAS" - not if you hate bad Christmas Songs, including "Down in the Valley" John Lennon's

"Tis the season to flee the stores. They're all playing rotten "jolly" Christmas songs. Unless you're 12, "The 12 Days of Christmas" is a tedious, tiresome bore. (So are the witty newspaper reporters who think they're being clever by doing a piece on how much it would cost to buy all that stuff).

Is there a song you can STAND that mentions Reindeer, Santa or SLEIGH RIDES?

The pop tunes that were once hip, are now simply corny and greasy, and that includes sanctimonious and condescending crapola like "Have yourself a MERRY LITTLE Christmas" or "Let it Snow," which insists that cold weather is FRIGHTFUL, but hanging around with morons is DELIGHTFUL. One of the creepiest songs of all time is "Baby It's Cold Outside."

Fake solemnity is yours with "The Little Drummer Boy," while irritating repetition makes "Feliz Navidad" and McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time" particularly sadistic.

How disappointing that John Lennon was guilty of being commercial and writing something hacky. "Happy Xmas" is just such a misfire. It's got off-key brats trying to cover for Yoko Ono's worst performance ever (and she's actually had some very good ones). It's got a terrible rhyme: "Happy New Year...without any fear." It's got a typical bit of Lennon scorn and sadism ("War is Over if you want it") and sour fingerpointing and accusations, "so it is Christmas, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Some people say that the melody is catchy. Yeah. That's a trait of God-awful and Christ-awful CHRISTMAS songs, isn't it? You find yourself mindlessly humming along to "Jingle Bells" or going "Fa la la la la" on that effeminate tune about "don we now our gay apparel."

But Lennon's tune? IS IT ORIGINAL?

And isn't there another tune that has a swaying cadence and a melody similar to "And so this is Christmas and what have you done?"

The folk song that goes..."Down in the valley, valley below, hang your hand over, hear the wind blow..." Yeah. Thought so.

The good news is that CHRISTMAS is over on December 25th...whether you want it to be or not. And if you don't want it to be over, you've gotten brain damaged by CHRISTMAS MUSIC.