You know them? They're one of the Millennial-licking editorials-as-news sites. The idea is to GET TRAFFIC, and for that you need a zany, if not utterly STUPID name. BING! Ooops, taken. NEWSER! Nope, nope. GAWKER? Heyyy, cut that out.
So, "THE DAILY BEAST" jumped on the "Let's make more money for Andrew Lloyd Troll" bandwagon, and is promoting the shit out of NBC's smart-ass gambit of a live broadcast of "Jesus Christ Superstar."
Now, the Christians are all right with this. Honestly, they are. It's some other religion that doesn't want its savior pictured, or portrayed. That other religion will KILL YOU if you fuck with their savior.
NBC fortunately isn't concerned that their studios will be blown to bits by the Christians. The worst THEY do is cry out "God Hates Fags" at funerals. But I digress. Let's take a look at the black-ass-licking headline from "THE DAILY BEAST."
DAY-YAMMM. RAT OWN, RAT OWN. You go, girls (you're all girls at The Daily Beast, but I mean that as a compliment. Women should run the world. Black women, preferred.)
We NEED a Black Jesus. I know, you already had one in Michael Jackson but he changed color and then died. So far, he has yet to be resurrected, too.
How can you argue with a LEGEND? We not only need a BLACK JESUS, he should be a damn LEGEND.
Oh. He's a self-proclaimed legend. JOHN LEGEND's real name is John Roger Stephens. Awww. Day yammmmmmmmm!
According to "The Daily Beast," we desperately NEED a BLACK JESUS even more than we need a billion dollar "BLACK PANTHER" movie, which will spawn a thousand more idiotic Marvel comic pieces of CGI crap with blacks in the lead. We need a BLACK JESUS because, as everyone knows, Jesus was...BLACK. Definitely not Jewish.
Let's blot this JEW stuff out of the history books, the theoretical texts, and certainly the mouths of smart-ass Jews who like to say, while they're being beaten up by Christians, "Jesus was a Jew, you know...OW...OW...STOP HITTING ME..."
Here's a part of the article where the Jewish Liberal of All Time, Mr. GREENBLATT, tells the reporter that he got a big "thank you for doing this" from Blacks:
Here's my question, Mr. Greenblatt...would you or NBC ever, EVER think of have a Jewish actor play the Prophet Mohamed?
And why is it always fine when there's an "all-black" production on Broadway, but everyone screams if there's no "diversity" in some other production? Even in a simple and ridiculous production, a revival of "Bajour" at a small off-Broadway theater, the Gypsy leader (played by Herschel Bernardi in the original) was played by a Black. Really, Greenblatt, Black people had nothing better to do than email you about how wonderful it was to have a Black Jesus? First off, how does anyone even reach a fat cat like you? Second, is it possible it was just John Legend fans? Third, is it possible you got no emails at all but figured nobody would check on the actual numbers? "Oh, I deleted them all..."
Some will tell you that Jesus MAY have been, what, an Ethiopian Jew? Didn't Bob Dylan sing about this? "From Ethiopia to the Judgment Hall of Kaaaah-rice." Something like that? We don't know. There are no pictures in The Bible (not that this prevents some Christian leaders from dolling up in those lovely satin gowns, or making sure priests wear a collar, etc. etc.)
We NEED a BLACK JESUS because...it counters those awful-awful images from paintings done only a few centuries after he died, of a WHITE Jesus. THAT'S WHY.
Take Quentin Massys's painting of the baby Jesus and the Magi. Yes, he did very prominently paint a person "of color." Of course, being an ignorant racist bastard, he did NOT give the same African features to the baby Jesus. How fortunate there's Andrew Lloyd Weber's garbage rock opera and "JOHN LEGEND" to correct this hideous fault. THANK CHRIST!
Aw, cute little white bastard, Jesus was. But he wasn't. We know that. He looked like "JOHN LEGEND." It's vitally important to have a BLACK JESUS, remember. Here's a bit of "The Daily Beast" article to explain why. I'd quote the WHOLE article, but you really should go read it on "The Daily Beast" website so they can get their precious pennies from banner ads.
Hey, it's COOL, yo. Hear that? It's COOL to be DIVERSE, yo. And being DIVERSE means having Alice Cooper in there, and having some guy from "Hamilton," yo. What would NOT be cool, would be to have any Jews listed prominently in the cast. Jews? What the hell for? We're OVER the Jews. They used to be the amusing minority we cared about, but that was in the days of "Fiddler on the Roof" and Jackie Mason. Now it's "Hamilton" and Hannibal Buress (the guy who took down Cosby because Cosby suggested black men should not wear their pants around their thighs. If you prefer, there's Kevin Hart. You can't spell Hilarity without HART.)
The headliners for "Jesus Christ Superstar" being broadcast on Easter Sunday (and what BETTER thing could any Christian do on Easter Sunday) are:
JOHN LEGEND...SARA BAREILLES...ALICE COOPER.
Sara Bareilles is playing Mary Magdalene. Odd, isn't it? She's WHITE. She's VERY, VERY WHITE. Why is THAT? "The Daily Beast" is celebrating the Black Jesus, but where's THE BLACK MARY MAGDALENE, yo? Is John Legend saying that Mary Magdalene came from Oslo? Or is it that Jesus, being Black, had a thing for white women? (Oh, don't go there...diversity has NO sense of humor)
Funny, in these days of the METOO movement, and "Harvey Weinstein is JEWISH," we somehow have a white Mary Magdalene. Well, some things take time. I do hope that nobody says she's a whore. We shouldn't have that. Christ, it's really about time that we STOP casting women as WHORES. Although, hmmm, what do you think "The Daily Beast," maybe it's ok for Mary Magdalene to be a whore as long as we use the politically correct term: SEX WORKER. Day-yammmmm. That's the ticket. Respect the SEX WORKERS, for they are liberated women who are in control of their bodies, and are not subservient to ANY man. Oh. Except Jesus? As long as he's BLACK? And maybe, you know, has one of those floor-length fur coats and a big wide-brimmed hat, and takes good care of his girls?
I kid, I kid. Sapristi!
Go ahead, look up Sapristi. No, never mind, I'll tell you. Spike Milligan loved saying it, as opposed to "Jesus!" or "Jeez!" It's French and basically translates as "Blood of Christ." In fact, most British expressions that start with the word "Bloody" have something to do with the Blood of Christ, as does "Cor Blimey" etc, etc. But as long as we're so happy about finally having John Legend being Jesus Christ, we should simply say, admiringly, "Day-yammmmm."
You were expecting "Holy Moses?"
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