I'm not getting a prize for this blog entry. I want a PRIZE.

Black kid on the bus. He started shouting curse words. Motherfucka this and that. Used the N-word that black kids are allowed to use. Nigga this and that. He was bragging about himself, talking about wanting to “fuck bitches.” Anyone asking him to settle down got a bellow of YAH YAH YAH. He was raging that he wasn’t getting all he deserved. Then he was bragging that he was. It was hard to figure out what was going on, but there was no mistaking “NIGGA” and “FUCK BITCHES” and that NONE of this was remotely entertaining or informative. So finally the bus driver got on his cell phone and reported the kid…”Hello, Pulitzer Prize committee, I have a nominee I’d like you to hear…” And now, ladies and gentlemen, a sample of what had gotten Kendrick Lamar recognized around the world as a remarkable artist, thinker and Man of Letters:

Roseanne - "Still Crazy After All These Years" and CANCELED

Yeah. Trump is elected and somebody thought, "Let's bring back Roseanne's show. We're SO desperate to know what she and her family are up to now." And yes, the show went to #1, and she began screaming about how great The Donald is. Bill Maher gently offered a six minute editorial, directly to her, explaining why he wasn't great.

He did that because he remembers some of the times Roseanne showed some sensitivity and/or humor. She sometimes stood up for fellow comedians who had been excoriated for telling a "bad joke." She could be helpful to fellow co-stars, including John Goodman who had a drinking problem. Sometimes she used her mental illness issues to create outrageous entertainment, which is how many sensitive artists deal with their problems.

Unfortunately, as she demonstrated by singing a deliberately haywire version of the "Star Spangled Banner" and then making things worse by "parodying" how players spit and grab crotch, she is the Queen of Bad Taste.

Unlike others who dabble in bad taste, such as Lisa Lampenelli or Kathy Griffin, she generally doesn't even think what she's said IS in bad taste. Like, like, err, uh, it was just, err, uh, FUNNY, ya know?

Like calling an obscure ex-Obama aide a cross between a Muslim and something from "Planet of the Apes." Gosh. Most everyone has an inner voice that says "Don't SAY that." She's like Porky Pig in the old Warner Bros. cartoons, where there's an image of a Red Devil Porky saying "GO AHEAD" and an Angelic Porky saying "DON'T." Only without the angelic Porky.

PS, anyone still can't get the image out of their minds, of when Roseanne and her then-husband Tom Arnold deliberately did hideous things like pig out by romping in mud for a photo shoot?

It's "hacky" to tell bad jokes, or to shout insults that aren't even jokes at all. It's "hackier" to turn around and offer an apology, as if you didn't mean it. No, you meant it. That's why you said it. You didn't listen to your inner discipline because of your ego or your rage. And now those words will stay out there, remembered as hurtful, while you think you've gotten a clean slate just by saying "I'm sorry." No. If you're sorry because you have no self control, announce you'll be working on that with a therapist. Otherwise, it's shallow. The celebrities (and non-celebs, come to think of it) who insult, curse, or leer and make a grab...know what they're doing and should know better.

Now she's apologized (sigh) and she's vowed to stay off Twitter.

The crack about the Obama aide got most of the attention, but the New York Post headlined that Roseanne's Twitter-storm was both racist and anti-Semitic. For some reason, she claimed Chelsea Clinton was married to an anti-Semite named Soros, who isn't married to Chelsea and may not even be an anti-Semite, and then raged (a joke?) about Hillary Clinton and colostomy bags and shit. Er, "shite" as she suddenly became British for a moment.

Roseanne rages about Hillary Clinton, who isn't going to be running for President again, and snickers that under her winter coat she has a "colostomy jug." Well, it's quite possible that more people who have a colostomy bag were upset about that one than Clinton fans. While comedians tend to shrug off the "politically correct" whining of fat people, old people, etc., they generally have some kind of awareness for the "physically challenged" and know that referencing wheelchairs, blindness, iron lungs or colostomy bags will be cringeworthy.

No, I have no idea what most of her rages were about, except that it proves that you can have all the plastic surgery in the world, and no longer look like a boxy, sour lunatic, but still be one. But most who were around when she first started were not impressed iwth her crappy "superior housewife" sneer-jokes, which were just a cop of Jean Carroll and Phyllis Diller's old husband jokes mated to Judy Tenuta's satiric "goddess" persona.

In a very surprising move, very much in keeping with the new "ME TOO" and "PC attitudes of the day, Roseanne (aka Roseanne Barr, aka Roseanne Arnold) got shown the door by ABC. ABC had a #1 show, and even with a dysfunctional cast, and a few people expressing discomfort or quitting the staff, they could've had another year or two of strong ratings but...why take the chance on more disaster? Wanda Sykes (everyone's favorite black lesbian) announced her departure from some kind of name-only post as a producer. And then, with more and more Tweets from celebrities expressing their anger, and the media showing disgust as well, that was it. It didn't take more than a few hours, all told, for the news to hit, her account to be deleted with an apology...and her show canceled.

"Planet of the Apes" jokes on a black woman? NO. And no apology accepted. ABC probably would've shrugged over the anti-Semitic stuff and the Hillary Clinton gags.

ABC knows the difference between aberrant and abhorrant:

Ewwww, Keeping up with White Kanye West

Yes, we all know ENTERTAINMENT WEAKLY is one of the DUMBEST magazines in the world. It could be in a DUMB and DUMBER race with US Magazine among several other gaudy pieces of paper underwear you find at the checkout line.

Just when you think EW (also known as "Ewwwwww") can't get any more dumbed down, stupid and downright insulting to the intelligence of even somebody who can only look at the pictures...here's a piece called "Keeping Up with Kaye."

That's a KLEVER play on "Keeping up with The Kardashians." GET IT? DO YA? HUH?

What immediately strikes you is once again, Ewwwwww's incredibly inept art department. WHO the FUCK prints a drawing of WHITE Kanye West?

Kanye West is NOT WHITE. He'll be the first to tell you that. His elephantine white-ass bride would be the second.

For some reason, his ears are dark. But not his face.

Why, you might ask, does ANYONE need to "keep up" with this egomaniac asshole who is constantly in the news and hasn't done anything artistic or worth hearing since "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" in 2005?

We've seen this moron become "Yeezy" and wear a leather skirt, and sing while lying on the floor, and embarrass himself to the point where nobody in the rap world takes him seriously. He married a KARDASHIAN. He declared his real interest in life was having his own FASHION line.

SO, Ewwwwww magazine runs a breathless list of things he achieved in April and May. Like..."Parts ways with manager" and "Tweets photo of a signed MAGA hat" and "Drops single "Ye vs the People" and "Shows up on TMZ" and "Tweets naps are awesome."

PS, you do not "DROP" a new single, you RELEASE it. You ISSUE it. You DROP a TURD. And no, that's not what the brain-dead staffers at Entertainment Weakly were secretly trying to say. Any time a single is released, it DROPS.

Whooop, there it is, a third of a page (the rest was a LIST of summer albums being released and morons on tour, and a picture of little, teeny-tiny Ariana oh so GRANDE. Lord, aren't YOU glad that in JUNE there will be new albums from Jorja Smith, Lily Allen, Lykke Li, Snail Mail, Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, Kamasi Washington and Dawes????)

Keeping up with Kanye via tedious nonsense cobbled off his Twitter account or Googled.

Does any of that benefit YOU? Entertain YOU? Ewwwww.

"WHO NEEDS THE ROYALS" INDEED!

"And now that it's all over, the birds can nest again..."

OH. No, no, let's not quote obscure songs almost nobody remembers. Let's just say flat out, "Thank CHRIST the fucking ROYAL WEDDING lunacy is over."

Despite cautionary reports from polls suggesting less than 25% of UK and USA citizens gave ANY kind of DAMN about these twits, ROYAL WEDDING II was a grand success. There were crowds in the streets. There were idiotic products being sold. And with no Kardashian exposing anything, the media kept making it a BIG IMPORTANT TOPIC.

There was also THE RACE CARD. Oooh, Prince Harry is marrying someone of "mixed race." It's about time!

About time? Isn't love supposed to be blind? Why wasn't it "about time" Prince Harry married a paraplegic? An Asian? An atheist? Is a useless celebrity marrying a D-list actress with an ugly mother and a low-life father a cause for joy ANYWHERE in the world?

TIME magazine dutifully devoted page after page in issue after issue to the spectacle of the ROYAL WEDDING...but...in some show of contrition, tossed a page to Mr. Graham Smith (no relation) who wrote an editorial called "WHO NEEDS THE ROYALS?"

Aside from dwelling on the appalling fact that in the 21st Century, people still believe somebody is superior than somebody else because of their BLOOD...Mr. Smith offered a cold fact:

"...according to our research, British taxpayers lose about $468 million a year just to have a head of state - a lot more than the official figure released by Buckingham Palace, which was $58 million last year. In fact, our monarch is one of the most expensive nonpolitical heads of state in Europe, at least 12 times as expensive as Ireland's elected equivalent."

OK, that's according to HIS research. Even if he's off by $200 million, it's still a HUGE waste of MONEY.

"Any claim about how the royals boost British tourism, trade and retail sales needs to be set against the high costs," Mr. Smith notes. And let's add that while it might be argued that Prince William and his wax figure bride presented a continuation of some kind of twisted, inborn "glamour" (at least from HER), there's not quite the same cache in woolly-headed Harry and his D-list actress. Seeing those two potentially ponce around Pakistan, or visit a Harlem classroom, and do whatever the other idiots have done, isn't quite as novel, is it?

As to tourism, WHO is coming to England to get a glimpse of ROYALS? That's like people coming to Washington to get a glimpse of Trump. It's not likely to happen, and it's a dopey idea. Did the wedding influence the sale of Royal Crown Cola? Doubtful. England meanwhile is losing its identity in the worlds of products (where IS Cadbury being made these days?). Visits know better than to book a trip to London and expect to see men in bowler hats, or Stanley Holloway and Elsa Lanchester-types selling fish and chips. The Mayor of London doesn't exactly resemble what a tourist would expect. (Compare this to the Mayor of New York, who is a big surly obnoxious jerk, fully compatible with any tourist's image of a New Yorker).

Mr. Smith ended by complaining that the continued groveling and weak-kneed nonsense (that includes knighting moronic entertainers) reflects "the damage it does to our democracy."

Oh, that's right. Great Britain actually IS a democracy. You VOTE for the leaders, and The Royals are just inane figureheads. Then again, how about President Trump and the damage HE does to AMERICAN democracy? As his followers gleefully note, he IS above the law, and he can't be removed from office unless proven insane, or unless he's impeached and a VAST MAJORITY of senators vote him out, and there are too many Republicans in the Senate for that to happen.

At least nobody in America is wildly following Trump's daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner around, cheering them, begging for souvenir spoons with their faces on them, or declaring "it's about time" some pampered Christian woman marry an Orthodox Jewish realtor.

One Armed Women or just Bad Art Department at Ewwww?

You know Entertaint Weakly? Errr, weekly?

This is where a gay guy and his staff of Millennials tell you how to waste your time.

This means watching anything involving RuPaul, and tons of "Queer Eye," and gushing over nonsensical twits insulting each other on sitcoms or vocoderizing garbage music in most any genre that nobody over 30 can stand. It involves praising every Marvel movie, anything George R.R. Martin or pudgy E.L. James does, and declaring some black 20-something chick to be the new J.K. Rowling because, hey, she's old and white and Harry Potter is SO OVER.

Naturally, Ewwwwww is loaded up with "MUST SEE" grids of what you should stream, watch, or (once in a while) actually buy. Since the supply and demand of time-wasting brain-polluting SHIT is so high, and people have so much free time, the mag even mentions the junk on very obscure cable channels most normal people have never even FLIPPED by. Like "FREEFORM."

Here's a full page, comically written up by somebody named HIGHFILL, for a show on FREEFORM called...creatively...THE BOLD TYPE.

Why this caught my attention was that I thought it was a show about physically challenged women. Take a look. These aren't just MILLENNIALS...these pretty girls (is it ok to call them GIRLS) each has an ARM MISSING.

Wow. NOW we're getting somewhere. Instead of just quasi-minority garbage, like a sitcom about Asians, proving that Asians can be just as tedious and unfunny and annoying as anyone else...here's a breakthrough.

A SHOW ABOUT ONE-ARMED CHICKS being happy, and taking charge of their lives, and FEELING GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.

NO. This was just an incredibly amateurish mistake from the Entertainment Weakly art department. What next, run a photo where there's a flower pot in the background and it looks like the star is wearing it for a hat?

Didn't ANYONE notice that the three women all have a MISSING ARM?

I weighed through the snore-producing natter-squib just to make sure this wasn't a TV show about amputees or birth defects. Nope.

These girls DO have ARMS. TWO OF THEM. On EITHER SIDE.

When you consider how often the London Daily Fail, and the others, gleefully show you pictures of severed corpses, burn victims, acid attack survivors, and shots of Kardashian asses in Spandex, it really isn't too far off to expect "chicks with one arms" to be an entertaining idea of a series. You know, something to watch while waiting for a new season of "Jackass" or "Eating Bugs and Stepping through a Field of Dung" reality shows.

Listen, arm-challenged pretty women deserve a break. And...Long Jeanne Silver is still around, and she could use some money, and she'd be a real ratings boost on "Dancing with the Stars."

Google loses a round? Really?

It's rare when The Evil Empire, aka Google (owners of Blogspot) ever LOSE.

I mean, LOSE in any BIG way. They sometimes pay small (to them) million dollar fines for their nefarious monopoly activity. Some country in Europe somewhere gets upset at the way they MANIPULATE their search engine. They don't care.

Blogspot is, of course, rife with abuse. Not HERE on THIS blog, but on thousands upon thousands, where parasites make money and/or feed their arrogant egotism by offering blatantly illegal downloads of obviously copyrighted material. Google, heh heh, says "SO? How do WE know? YOU have to be the copyright owner because WE aren't going to ask our lovable anonymous bloggers to show proof."

Go ahead, use GOOGLE's search engine and type in a favorite artist or album, and add Zippyshare or Blogspot and see what happens.

One of the many tentacles of Google is something called "Google Wallet." Jumping in where even the semi-moral PAYPAL refused to do, Google saw a way to make millions and millions by brokering deals for bootleggers, pornographers, thieves, and crooks of all kind. BUT...after many years, I noticed this notice on a Videoscreams catalog that arrived in the mail:

WHAT? NO more GOOGLE PAYMENTS? The Evil Empire has ceased and desisted?

REMARKABLE. They may just be figuring out some new, twisted, even more subversive and impossible variation, but for now, drug addicts and gun freaks must pay cash. And this hampers fairly benign outfits like Videoscreams, which has run a gray area website for 25 years without too much of a hassle. Why? They aren't greedy or stupid. They don't blatantly offer the latest movies or copies of DVDs you can get via Amazon. Perhaps less pleasant are the people who bootleg Broadway shows, for example, and used Google Wallets when Paypal listened to complaints and shut them down. You might argue that selling camcorder footage of a Broadway show negates any reason to see the show...especially when the DVD is $10 and a decent seat is $150. So the people on IOFFER who used to use Google Payments are stuck with "send me a check," unless they manage to keep getting fresh Paypal accounts after being stopped...which isn't THAT hard to do.

Videoscreams tend to offer a lot of cult junk that's fallen through the cracks because nobody knows who owns the rights anymore. In the rock area, that includes "The Acid Test," with The Grateful Dead, "Glastonbury Fayre" a 1971 concert featuring Arthur Brown, Family and others, "Blue Suede Shoes" (Freddie Fingers, Bill Haley etc. circa 1980) and "Lambert and Stamp," something or other featuring Roger Daltrey and Terence Stamp. Think any major DVD company could make money on any of it? Since YouTube (another Google division) often offers this kind of stuff FREEEEE, and there are sneaky forums where the items are offered for download, these guys can maybe get $10 apiece, and good luck to them.

They also offer stupid Dinosaur and Sword and Sandle movies, sci-fi nonsense, "exploitation" and violent junk from the "glory days" of the 60's and 70's, and lost porn that barely (ha ha) made it to VHS. But now...no "GOOGLE WALLET" payment.

Is it possible that Google, like most every big business, is beginning to make mistakes? You know, like Coke did in changing its formula? Is it possible that various corporations are so tired of losing money to Google that they are fighting back? Google's YouTube has actually had to cooperate with TV networks and movie studios and record labels, and allow THEM to make money on what had been uploaded illegally. YouTube has ALMOST made it possible to go through their hoops and get a DMCA takedown without spending all morning filling in their forms and giving them every detail of your life. Google still finds it necessary to get even and post the DMCA's they get on their supposedly independent LUMEN database so that the bootleggers can find it and do their harassment and hacking. The site used to be called "chilling effects" but Google realized this was too daunting and sinister even for them. Telling rights owner they'd get a "chilling effect" by having their DMCA's posted, with faint redacting of a phone number, was just a BIT too BIG BROTHER-like.

MIA CULPA - The WORDS of MOSES

#METOO or...MIA TOO?

Moses Farrow, an adopted son of Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, and now a therapist, has penned a defense of Woody that brings up some of the strange things about Mia. It's not just the "he said she said" of whether or not the family (and Dylan especially) were coached to make Woody seem like a pervert and a demon. It concerns Mia's own little sexual twists and moral oddnesses, including how she broke up Andre Previn's marriage, and married a man (Sinatra) nearly 30 years older.

But as MOSES decided to mount the platform, let HIM talk in his own words:

Woody's relationship with Soon-Yi has lasted twenty years. His behavior with co-workers, as both a director and an actor, is far better than what's appeared on Dustin Hoffman, Harvey Weinstein, Morgan Freeman and others. In fact nobody's really said a word against him except Dylan, and it's not easy to determine if Allen did anything at all, or if some odd moment of curiosity got the better of him. There's no hint that there was anything pedo about it (ie, an act with the intent of sexual gratification). What's important here is to remember the old, old adage, "there are two sides to every story," and to also remember that we are supposed to believe people innocent until proven guilty, and we're supposed to learn from outrageous like the Salem Witch Trials and the McCarthy hearings.

Mia on the "Seminal American Novelist" Philip Roth - me and my signed book

Among the many odd and seemingly pointless TWEETS on TWITTER today...

Mia Farrow telling her fans (and her thousands of adopted kids) that Philip Roth "the Seminal American Novelist has died."

That's almost word-for-word, the header for the link she posted: "...the seminal American novelist, who has died..."

My guess is that she didn't know Roth all that well? Had no first-hand experiences with him? Didn't have a ghostwriter handy so she could at least put in one original line of copy?

The New Yorker is where her son (not the one by FRANK SINATRA) currently works, with a seeming army of editors and researchers at his command. Nepotism IS lovely. He got the gig after his metrosexual looks and famous last name won him his own TV show. But, since it relied mostly on his personality and voice, which is sort of Barbie meets Capote, it failed.

Roth, you might recall, wrote an entire Kafkaesque novel in 1972 about a guy who turns into a breast. Noting the schadenfreude of the zeitgeist, and be mindful of all tropes (I'm talking NEW YORKER-ese here), I'll add that this was the same year Woody Allen filmed a giant breast running amilk...er, amok, in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex."

Mr. Roth was a hot author at the time, having startled the world with the literally seminal novel "Portnoy's Complaint." Woody, had simply distilled the topic to a one-liner: "Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with somebody I love."

(I add parenthetically that I never met Philip Roth. I only saw him once. It was at Zabar's. There was a guy who regularly assembled a wooden table in front of the store, and sold new and used books from this sidewalk perch. What was odd, was that he had a big display of signed Philip Roth books, which he proudly sold "at list price." I got the idea Roth had to live somewhere in the neighborhood, and apparently was taking pity on this book dealer. And sure enough, I recognized Roth as he stood near the dealer and asked, "Did you sell many copies?" I was tempted to be a goofball and chase after Roth to tell him how important his books were to me, but I figured he'd heard it before. I bought a signed book instead. Later, I learned that the book dealer was Roth's brother.] It's nice that Mia Farrow isn't so completely down on sexy Jewish-American humorists that she would ignore Philip Roth entirely. Unless...what she wrote is really a disguised one-liner, like "Philip Roth, the Seminal American Novelist, Has Died." With GOOD. Left out at the last minute.

You never know, do you? I mean, the woman may not like Philip Roth at all and be glad he's dead. She may have written her one-liner and would tell you she had NO idea it was plagiarized word for word. Who could possibly question the motives of Mia Farrow?

Alec Baldwin says Happy Birthday to Malcolm X the Ignorant Anti-Semite

I was a BIT surprised that Alec Baldwin's ABFOUNDATION Twitter account re-Tweeted an inane comment from Colin Winkydink.

Winkydink. Kaepnerick. Whatever. You remember THAT guy? Mr. Weak in the Knee. He's the one who was told, second-hand, that Francis Scott Key was a racist, so he began protesting "The Star Spangled Banner."

Then, when a bit of RESEARCH proved that Key, a lawyer, often helped the slaves, the revisionist protesting shifted to: "Colin is protesting POLICE BRUTALITY!"

He just HAPPENED to take a knee during "The Star Spangled Banner" instead of, say, writing an editorial for a newspaper, or showing up at protest marches.

COLIN KAEPERNICK has retained his slave name, too. The name of some WHITE guy and his wife who raised him. But here he is, shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY....MALIK ELSHABAZZ, your spirit lives on! #MALCOLM X."

Yeah? Become COLIN X. Or try Preparation H because you're a pain in the ass.

Back to ALEC BALDWIN. I've been following his ABFoundation because mostly, the Re-Tweets are fairly interesting, and often about vital concerns, such as climate change. I felt sorry for Alec when he was goaded so easily into making a fool himself so TMZ-type pappar-assholes could make money off his rages. While his Trump impression is a bit weird (the gruesome mouth) he's been funny more often than not.

But Retweeting a cheer about MALCOLM X? What IS the matter here? Anyone bother to READ the speeches this scary bastard gave? Anyone REMEMBER how vicious and ignorant he was? Anyone remember why there was so much concern over Cassius Clay becoming Muhammad Ali?

It was because people worried that Muhammad Ali, a great hero, a great fighter, a funny and witty guy...was joining a group tat was violently anti-white, and led, in part, by a far nastier "loudmouth" than he ever was: MALCOLM X.

I'll back this up with THE TRUTH in his own words.

This includes his anti-white insanity: "When you call him the devil you're calling him by his name -- serpent; another name -- snake; another name -- beast. All these names are in the Bible for the white man...."

This includes his anti-Semitism: "The Jews...know how to rob you, they know how to be your landlord, they know how to be your grocer, they know how to be your lawyer, they know how to join the NAACP and become the president -- right or wrong? They know how to control everything you've got."

Those two tidbits come from a 1962 speech from MALCOLM X, ranting in all his ignorance and religious intolerance and psychotic fanaticism. Frankly, Malcolm X would've spat on Colin Kaepernick for being half-white (white mother). A half-white devil with a WHITE MAN'S NAME? I doubt Malcolm would've been thrilled by Colin Kaepernick.

He'd tell Colin to change that slave name and become a Muslim...or get lost.

If you want to be a revisionist asshole, you may not want to read the UNEDITED words of Malcolm X below. If you DARE, you might have to indulge in some self-hypnosis and keep repeating while reading: "This man is NOT a racist, this man is NOT a racist...this man is NOT a religious fanatic...this man is not a religious fanatic." Keep telling it to yourself.

The 1962 speech all about what religion is right and what religion is wrong, and how the white is the DEVIL in general, and the JEW is most definitely worse.

Here's Malcolm, the BIRTHDAY HERO:

"...Understand...six thousand years ago another tribe came on the scene. It was made different from all of the twelve tribes that were here when it arrived. A new tribe, a weak tribe, a wicked tribe, a devilish tribe, a diabolical tribe, a tribe that is devilish by nature. So that before they got on the scene, The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says that when we came with the Earth, the oldest city on the Earth is the Holy City, Mecca, in Arabia. Mecca is the oldest city on Earth. Mecca is the city that is forbidden. No one can go there but the black man. No one can go there but the Muslims. No one can go there but the believer. No one can go there but the righteous. And at Mecca are kept the records of history that go on back to the beginning of time. He says that fifty thousand years ago another scientist named Shabazz became angry with the scientists of his day. He wanted to bring about a tougher people. He wanted the people to undergo a form of life that would make them tough and hard, and the other scientists wouldn't agree with him. So this scientist named Shabazz took his family and wandered down into the jungles of Africa. Prior to that time no one lived in the jungles of Africa. Our people were soft; they were black but they were soft and delicate, fine. They had straight hair. Right here on this Earth you find some of them look like that today. They are black as night, but their hair is like silk, and originally all our people had that kind of hair. But this scientist took his family down into the jungles of Africa, and living in the open, living a jungle life, eating all kinds of food had an effect on the appearance of our people. Actually living in the rough climate, our hair became stiff, like it is now. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says that the only hair that the black man has today that looks now like it looked prior to fifty thousand years ago is your and my eyebrows. Right here, you notice, all Negroes has straight -- I don't care how nappy their hair is -- they have straight eyebrows. When you see a nappy-hair-eyebrowed Negro [chuckle] you got somebody. But all of this took place back in history, and everything The Honorable Elijah Muhammad teaches is based on history...

...a blue-eyed devil...We call them what they are. White, that's their color, but devil, that's what they are. These aren't white people. You're not using the right language when you say the white man. You call it the devil. When you call him the devil you're calling him by his name -- serpent; another name -- snake; another name -- beast. All these names are in the Bible for the white man....

...And by devils I mean all those blue-eyed, blond-haired, white things....they were rounded up. They were rounded up and taken down to the edge of the Arabian Desert. They were stripped naked, stripped of everything except their language. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says that we put lambskin aprons around their waists to hide their nakedness. We put them in chains and marched them across the hot sands of the Arabian Desert . This is what the black man did to the white man, brothers. This is what the gods did to the devils.

...Moses never went down into Egypt. Moses went into the caves of Europe and civilized the white man. It was Moses who raised the devil from a dead level to a perpendicular and placed him on the square. Moses taught the white man how to cook his food. Moses taught the white man how to build a house for himself...it was Moses who put the white man back on the road toward civilization. He told him that he was supposed to rule for six thousand years, but that much of the time had already been lost, and at the end of time one would come who would destroy the whole white race. Moses taught them this. And this is why when the Jews, two thousand years later, were looking for the Messiah, they thought that Jesus was the Messiah and they put him to death because they knew when the Messiah came he was going to destroy that whole race of devils. The Jews knew this, so they put him to death thinking that they could stop him from destroying them. But actually, they made a mistake because Jesus two thousand years ago wasn't the Messiah. Their time wasn't up two thousand years ago. Their time would not be up until two thousand years later, the day and time that we're living in right now....

...the Jews have a better knowledge of history than the Christians do, do they not? The Christians' history only goes back two thousand years; the history of the Jews goes back beyond four thousand years. Can you see this? And the Muslim history goes back...there is no limit to the Muslim history. If you notice, the Christians can only go back to what they call the Greek Empire. That's what they call the Occidental, the beginning of the Occident, the Greek Empire, the Roman Empire, and so forth. The Jews have a knowledge of history that goes back to Egypt and Babylon. You notice how one goes back...it has no limit. There are no chains on how far you can go back when you are a Muslim. The Christians and the Jews combined go back to whom? To Adam, and they stop right there. And they say beyond him there was nothing happening. The greater their knowledge of history is -- this has an influence on the type of religion that they accept. Do you understand?

....The Christians can't call themselves the Chosen People because their history is not long enough. They can't go back to the time when the choice was being made. The Hebrews, the so-called Jews, can go back so far they can lay claim to that which is actually not theirs. But the reason they can claim it is that nobody else they are dealing with can go back far enough to disprove them. Except the Muslims -- do you understand?

....Remember, Abraham's religion was Islam. Abraham wasn't a Jew, Abraham wasn't a Christian, Abraham wasn't a Buddhist, Abraham was a Muslim, which means he obeyed God. God told him, yes. He said, your people are going into bondage, they're going to become slaves, they're going to be afflicted, they'll be strangers in a land far from home for four hundred years. The Honorable Elijah Muhammad says you and I are the seed of Abraham, we're the descendants of Abraham. Now the preacher in the church, he tells you that the Jews are the seed of Abraham. One of them is right and one of them is wrong: either Mr. Muhammad is right and the preacher is wrong, or the preacher is right and Mr. Muhammad is wrong. This is what we are putting on the line today.

Who is the seed of Abraham? Is it this blue-eyed, blond-haired, pale-skinned Jew? Or is it the so-called Negro -- you? Who is it? And what makes it so pitiful, many of our people would rather believe that the Jews are God's Chosen People than to believe that they are God's Chosen People. They would rather believe that the Jew is better than anybody else. This is a Negro. Nobody else would put everybody else above him but the Negro. I mean the American Negro. Remember, God said that the people would be strangers. The Jews aren't strangers. The Jews know their history, the Jews know their culture, the Jews know their language; they know everything there is to know about themselves. They know how to rob you, they know how to be your landlord, they know how to be your grocer, they know how to be your lawyer, they know how to join the NAACP and become the president -- right or wrong? They know how to control everything you've got. You can't say they're lost...."

When I was growing up, Cassius Clay was a hero. When he became Muhammad Ali he was still a hero. Dick Gregory was a hero. Godfrey Cambridge was a hero. I respected and admired Dr. Martin Luther King and I was frightened by the hateful, vicious speeches of Malcolm X. I am frightened by people who, in their revisionist insanity, consider him to be a great man. Did you read the speech above and find it great, or did you find if ignorant and evil?

The Media...leading the way in low-class crassness

When pressed with SOME reason for promoting decency and taste, parents will say, "Think of the CHILDREN."

Yes. I've seen people on the stealing forums and the download blogs, cautioning people, "Don't post nude images! Children come here..." to steal music on mp3, books on ePub and movies on mkv files.

As morality erodes, news websites are doing what they can to keep up with being down and dirty:

Well, Millennials don't have kids, do they? Most have found themselves infertile due to bad food, radiation, pollution, whatever. And besides, the demographic IS 21-40. While even the NY POST reported that the catcher suffered an injury in an "unfortunate" location, the sites that most often re-write the copy of other sites, make sure to play it for hip laughs.

Who advertises on Deadspin? Dating and porn websites? "NUTSHOTS," really? "DICK and BALLS?"

There was, of course, nothing about the nature of the injury and how it was treated. Too technical. He suffered a hematoma, which involves swelling and the body's natural efforts to deal with an injury. There was nothing about how the doctors "saved his testicles," as one normal news site put it, or that he was able to walk out of the hospital without much of a limp.

Nah, it's all a dirty joke. Like, oh, The President and the Stripper.

Oooh, Harry and Meghan - the world CARES so much! Checkers, anyone?

Nitwits in both the UK and USA are losing their minds over yet another ROYAL WEDDING.

So what did the first one do for you all? "Keeping up with the brats?" They've got three so far. Other than that, what have they accomplished...for world peace, for climate change, even for tourism? People know that England is no longer England, it's a multi-cultural kill zone where trucks bang into people on bridges, and random stabbings and beheadings can happen just about anywhere at any time. Ah, but they haven't burned the faces off women via bus and train bombs in a while.

Meanwhile, the latest wedding has a twist...the bride is a multi-cultural American, with an obnoxious white slob father and a bunch of sleazy siblings. How sleazy? Even Piers Morgan is ranting about them all.

Meanwhile, novelty companies and ETSY entrep-manures are coming up with all kinds of "collectible" items...from a ginger (that's Harry's garish red hair) and "American mustard" (a reference to Meghan and who knows, a gynecological problem) added to a take-away meat dish, to, yes, a "Royal" condom that has their picture on it.

So if we're being tasteless, let's add...

Into the invented world of reality shows, and "supermodels" with rich daddies (Hadidday-Haddadies) nothing quite creates pointless hysteria like the good old-fashioned obsession with ROYALS.

In a backward world where religious fanatics think they are superior to everyone else, and people of other religious should be killed, there are people who actually think there's such a thing as ROYAL BLOOD, and the superiority of Kings, Queens and Princes.

Meanwhile it's the Prime Minister of England, the Mayor of London, and other elected officials who are dooming England to more violence, more people on the dole, less tradition, and a continued loss of tourism dollars. One difference between this current hoopla and ones in the past, is that most people lining the streets to get a glimpse of the ROYAL COUPLE, and shout "HUZZAH!" and "CHEERS!" to them, will be looking over their shoulder to make sure there's nobody with a knife.

What, it's against YER RELIGION to give a kid a home?

News from Oklahoma: if you BELIEVE in Jesus, that's a good excuse to keep a hungry, lovelorn, bewildered kid out of the hands of a couple that is seeking to adopt.

That is, if the couple is GAY.

Good thing Elton John and his husband live in Georgia.

There are heterosexual couples that adopt simply because of finances. They get money from the government. They keep most of it and give the kids the minimum of food, clothing and attention. But the important thing is that they're, what, role models for how a man and woman should behave?

We can debate this endlessly, but one important question here is...why bow down to any crackpot's BELIEFS, just because they're RELIGIOUS? There are people whose RELIGIOUS belief is that every other religion is bogus and all practitioners are infidels who should be killed. In Oklahoma, can a Muslim murderer a Christian and get away with it because it's a RELIGIOUS BELIEF?

How about the RELIGION that sacrifices animals on an altar? We look the other way on that most of the time? Yeah. We do.

Orthodox Jews can kill hundreds of chickens in the street, with blood and feathers all over the place, and it's ok because it's a RELIGIOUS ritual. Maybe after a few hours of this insanity, they clean up the street at least?

One of the tough questions is the separation of church and state, and just how much tolerance we should have for Christmas decorations on government property, declaring CERTAIN religious days to be pretty much holidays where there's not even mail delivery or allowing somebody to collect jury duty money by sitting day after day and reciting, "it is against my belief to judge my fellow man." Sure. Go back and sit down. As long as you're AVAILABLE for jury duty for three days, you're fine.

Prisoners often convert to Judaism while in jail, because they know the "kosher meal" is going to be better than the one served to everybody else. Oh, they don't get circumcised or read memorized passages and say "today I am a man, they just say, "Holy Moses, I'm a Jew."

Mr. Lennon sang, "Imagine...no religion." Imagine that. No religion that gets in the way of sanity. There are people who respect the Muslims who ran planes into the World Trade Center because they had such belief in GOD, they weren't afraid to die. Right. They were stupid enough to think they were going to heaven to fuck virgin goats lubed with hummus. They were religious fanatic assholes.

Shouldn't the caveat be: you can practice your religion as long as it doesn't conflict with LAW? If you want to kill animals for your religion, move to Spain and become a bullfighter. If you want to say that Elton and David are horrible people who should not be allowed to raise children in affluence, then go set up Heterostan somewhere outside of Cretinous Croatia or wherever you can find cheap real estate. You want to stand in front of mourners and shout "God Hates Fags," then don't expect to be protected on religious grounds...and face the same laws that require "freedom of speech" idiots to stay a respectable distance away from everyone else.

Why are people in such awe of RELIGION? They aren't in such awe of people who believe in Flying Saucers. But an invisible friend? All powerful? Who instantly looks down when one of the thousands, millions or billions says "Oh Lord..."???

One more thing. PAY SOME TAXES. Owning a building where only you and your loonies can babble, is hardly an excuse for not paying real estate tax.

And the witch hunt should include Phil Spector, Jerry Lee Lewis & Wagner? Really?

The atmosphere of Salem, Massachusetts and the McCarthy hearings is leading to all kinds of insane notions of who should be banned from EVER performing and...get this...people YOU should or shouldn't be allowed to hear on SPOTIFY.

Yes, in the latest example of PC insanity, the Daily News suggested five artists that should be banned from SPOTIFY along with R. Kelly. Robert Kelly, an illiterate accused of sex with underage girls, pissing on women, making them zombies in some way or another, was the recent subject of a mighty "mute R. Kelly" Twitter campaign. Ooh, it's working, sort of.

Let's remember, this is not coming from a "fake news" site or somebody's blog. It's coming from the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, which means that an editor, if not an entire editorial board, thought that million should be reading this.

Here are the five artists the Daily News thinks should NOT be heard by SPOTIFY subscribers:

The case against R. Kelly is fairly logical. The guy abuses women. Should be be condoned for it? Allowed to get royalties for his songs which don't overtly suggest women be pissed on or abused while underage? SPOTIFY feels that he is violating their "Terms of Service." Which is easy to do. Just say "you're violating our Terms of Service..." and find some clause or other such as, "we reserve the right to do what we please for any reason at all."

The other five?

CHRIS BROWN has had scuffles with the law. Hurting him financially on Spotify might send a message to him. Like, "Be happy you're selling on Amazon with Jeff Bezos, and that you don't have Judd Apatow screaming that venues shouldn't ever book you."

TED NUGENT is an asshole but he's entitled to his opinions, and his fantasies. He wants to sing about sex with "jailbait?" There's a difference between singing about it and doing it, and in these wonderful United States, age of consent varies wildly, as does the age in which a girl can marry. Which brings us to...

JERRY LEE LEWIS. The Daily News is pissed off that Jerry Lee Lewis married a 13 year-old. The marriage lasted quite a long time. There are many states in America where it's legal to marry a girl that young. There are states where you can marry a boy that young or a tree or a piece of lawn furniture. Where's the legal justification for knocking him off Spotify? Because he had great balls of fire?

PHIL SPECTOR was convicted of shooting a woman in the mouth. He claimed it was suicide, but the jury thought he wigged out. A producer, the Daily News would be happy if you never heard The Beatles' "Let it Be" album on Spotify ever again. Well, Paul McCartney might be happy about it, but I doubt Macca would agree with the reason for such a ban. Do this, and a vast amount of famous "Wall of Sound" singles would be gone, and the artists deprived of their royalties. Why punish them for what their producer did? What's next, ban Spade Cooley records?

Spade Cooley was a killer. And do you draw the line at killers, or do you add rapists, and then perhaps drunk drivers or robbers? How about celebrity suicides? That's illegal, you know. Kill yourself and you are technically a killer.

RICHARD WAGNER, whose music is banned in Israel is suggested for a SPOTIFY ban because he was an anti-Semite. We're a bit late on this one. Do we ban every racist who, in unenlightened times, had cracked views on genetics? The point might be to spurn people who are alive and need to understand their idiocy. Like Roger Waters.

ROGER WATERS is an anti-Semite and a hater. So is PETER GABRIEL. They both want sanctions against Israel, and NO other country, because they believe Israel, and ONLY Israel, is an apartheid nation. Which it isn't. Waters is one of the Top 10 money-earners in rock. He tours the world and anti-Semites cheer him and his Nazi-esque outfits and flying pig balloons. To have his stuff banned by SPOTIFY might send an economic sanctions message. See how HE likes it.

Claiming a woman is a witch, or a man is a Communist, is ancient stupid and lethal non-thinking. Now it's claiming everyone is a racist, or a misogynist, or a pedophile. The bony finger points to...Al Franken for touching a tush. OUT he goes. To Jeffrey Tambor for being a big dumb celebrity who thought he could put the make on a co-worker. OUT he goes. And...JERRY LEE LEWIS is a pedophile? And we should check the list of convicts and go from Phil Spector to Spade Cooley on down the line, preventing people from having the choice of listening to their work or not?

Freedom of Speech?? DON'T say "Ladies Lingerie" in a crowded elevator!

SEE THIS?

This is LADIES LINGERIE.

They actually SELL lingerie, right out in the open, in DEPARTMENT STORES!

Like, you can go into Macy's or Bloomingdales, get into an elevator, and it'll take you to...

"LADIES LINGERIE."

There should be a law.

And YOU are looking at a photo of a LADIES LINGERIE department! If you're reading this on a laptop, in public, BE CAREFUL!

Somebody might look over your shoulder and be OFFENDED.

Might accuse you of being a PERV!

You COULD be arrested. The cops will come and handcuff you first and ask questions later. Your picture could be snapped and put on social media, and then…you might be FIRED from your JOB.

Remember, "Freedom of Speech" in this country has LIMITATIONS.

Today's news: SANCTIONS will be made against a male professor if he doesn't apologize for…

...brace yourself….

...are you prepared?

He SAID something...

...are you ready? HERE IT COMES....HE SAID...

"Ladies lingerie" in a crowded elevator.

OH MY GOD.

If he FARTED in a crowded elevator, he would've been ok. That wouldn’t have been an offense for SANCTIONS. Not even if he did it deliberately and chuckled about it.

But saying “Ladies lingerie” is…MISOGYNY!

That’s what the complaining woman said.

A study in twits, huh? On the left, a smug, obnoxious short-haired short-tempered twat. On the right, a prune-faced prof who THINKS he's funny. Funny, he's not. But he's not sexist or a woman-hater. He sure as hell wasn't trying to pick up that ugly broad with a clever opening line.

The story:

"Richard Ned Lebow, professor of international political theory at King’s College in London, was in a jammed elevator when someone asked him what floor he needed to get off on.. “Ladies’ lingerie,” he joked." You know, he was pretending like it's a department store? "He was attending the International Studies Association conference in San Francisco at the time. Simona Sharoni, professor or women’s and gender studies at Merrimack College in Massachusetts, also present in the elevator, took offense and several hours after the incident, she filed a complaint with the association, which found that Lebow violated the group’s code of conduct.

"After Lebow was made aware of the complaint, he sent Sharoni an email telling her “I certainly had no desire to insult women or to make you feel uncomfortable.” He also suggested she may have “interpreted my remark out of context.”

“Like you, I am strongly opposed to the exploitation, coercion or humiliation of women,” Lebow wrote, “As such evils continue, it seems to me to make sense to direct our attention to real offenses, not those that are imagined or marginal. By making a complaint to ISA that I consider frivolous — and I expect, will be judged this way by the ethics committee — you may be directing time and effort away from the real offenses that trouble us both.”

Oops, Professor. You went a LITTLE TOO FAR. AGAIN.

You apologized...but then you ruined it by telling the woman that you thought her charge against you was "frivolous." When you GROVEL do not GRUMBLE.

You expected this twat with NO SENSE OF HUMOR to react well to the word...FRIVOLOUS? Why, you DICKHEAD!

While every day people make corny jokes and silly jokes, don’t just roll your eyes or ignore them. Get OFFENDED. File a complaint.

Strike a blow for all those with absolutely NO sense of humor and a very petty sense of priggish self-entitled bullying.

The news article confirms:

"The ISA committee found fault with Lebow characterizing Sharoni’s complaint as “frivolous.” It instructed him to issue an “unequivocal apology,” which he refused to do.

"Lebow told colleagues this is “a horrifying and chilling example of political correctness” that “encourages others to censor their remarks for fear of retribution.”

Political correctness. Yes. We'd rather than that, than have a laugh.

My Sharoni punked up a haughty comeback:

"For decades, women and other marginalized groups in the academy had to put up with white men who decided what counts as a violation and what is ‘frivolous.’ As someone who has dedicated her life to confronting sexism (and other forms of discrimination and oppression) in academic spaces, I cannot and will not remain silent when misogyny is at play."

Yes, MISOGYNY. The woman says calling out "Ladies' Lingerie" in an elevator is MISOGYNY. Really? Tell that to guys who actually DO call out "Ladies' Lingerie" in the elevator at Macy's or Bloomingdales, intent on buying expensive underthings for their lady friend! What BASTARDS!!!!!

Sharoni probably wears boxer shorts.

"Lebow faces appropriate sanctions from ISA if he doesn’t write an apology by May 15. ISA did not immediately respond to request for comment."

Of course they didn't. the ISA doesn't want to COMMENT because they have the FREEDOM to SPEAK and they are ashamed, baffled and confused by that. They MIGHT say something that COULD OFFEND SOMEBODY.

I know this is an awfully long report here...but...I wouldn't want to offend this twat Sharoni by writing something...BRIEF! Get it? BRIEF! Oh that was so offensive…BRIEF…ask Blogspot to inflict sanctions….

LENNY BRUCE and the F**king Cunt Problem at the Miami Herald

The poster boy for obnoxious racist assholes, George Zimmerman, was at it again.

The pudgy killer, arrested a half-dozen times, was once again hauled in, this time for making threats against a writer. In this #metoo age, hopefully there was also a charge for talking dirty to a female cop.

Why it's mentioned HERE, is the odd semantic issue of what IS or is NOT a "bad word."

You've probably seen how often the PC brigade has been taken into consideration, and news articles have written "p**sy" or "b*tch" etc. This, along with the coy habit of mentiong "the f bomb" and "the n word." Shit, what are these assholes up to? We don't KNOW the words?

As the late great dirty comedian Pearl Williams liked to say from the stage, pointing to some scowling ringsider, "If you're so refined how come you know what I'm talking about?"

The Miami Herald, in describing chunky George's tirade, said he called the female cop a "f**cking cunt."

Odd, isn't it? FUCKING and CUNT sort of go together, don't they?

My friend George Carlin tried to dissect why certain "bad words" are nastier than others. He mentioned there were two-way words such as "pussy" and "box," and words that seemed fairly harmless, like "twat," but he did note that a lot of women draw the line at "cunt." But, nobody at the Miami Herald?

This leads me to recall George's friend and influence, Lenny Bruce. Lenny pointed out that "FUCK" is the most taboo of the sexual curse words.

Indeed, over at TBS, on Conan O'Brien's cable show, the censors allow "shit." But not "fuck." The latter word is erased. This leads to some pretty confusing sentences, where you wonder if your sound suddenly gave out.

According to Lenny, this goes back to the religious leaders of the Church and Synagogue. The powerful church has always been against "FUCK." Why? It's about priests and rabbis, Lenny insisted. "Both the priest and the rabbi shit. But only one of them fucks."

Do you suppose the female cop was not equally offended by the two words? She didn't mind being called a CUNT, but resented being called a FUCKING one? Hey, Miami Herald, is THAT the reason for your oddball censorship??

Catholic Tastes - and the Lack of Taste from Cardi B and her Farty A-Listers

As if there aren't enough fashion shows, award shows, and excuses for today's "STARS" to mince and prance...

The Metropolitan Museum of Odd...er, ART...runs a "gala" for gals to show WHO they are WEARING. This Halloween-ish freakshow gets dizzier every year. Keyed to some exhibit or other, now that the Met has a bargain basement where they display "Fashion" as ART, the latest one arrived a few nights ago.

It was a nightmare. How much of a nightmare? Even Piers Morgan was appalled.

Confessing to being Catholic, who wrote a column for the London Daily Fail...er...Mail, in which he declared that the theme, which was an homage to Catholic-themed art, was actually a disgrace.

Indeed, there's a difference between admiring paintings of "The Last Supper," church sculpture, jewel-encrusted crowns, and a golden reliquary, and some dizzy rap moron strutting around showing her cleavage or a has-been horse-faced TV star grinning while wearing the Nativity on her head.

Like so:

Did the gruesomely equine-faced Ms. Parker realize she looked like a costume worn by Weird Al Yankovic in a parody video on Lady Gaga?

Mr. Morgan noted some of the other God-awful outfits on display:

The only sour note in Piers' screed was to imply that the Met Museum would never dare offend Muslims or Jews by such antics. He's partially correct. Muslims have a teeny tiny very small bunch of extremists among them who are prone to blowing shit up. So, yes, the Met would NOT want to offend a group that have notably killed people over cartoons.

But the Jews? Let's get real. Orthodox Jewish clothing, like Amish clothing, is hardly high fashion. Even if you can go find a half-Black half-Jewish woman to wear some oddball fashion atrocity (is Lisa Bonet available?) who would be offended? And what would they do about it? Jews don't explode anything, except maybe a roast in the pressure cooker.

In the News: Jane Fonda's 80 Year-old Vagina

Jane Fonda's vagina.

Well, it was a breath of fresh air to hear about it. Wasn't it?

Fonda's plastic surgery is so excellent, she looks more like 60 than 80. How the "va jay-jay" (as the coy twits call twats) is holding up, well, she's offered an exclusive. Her gynecologist ain't talking:

Ah yes, the NY Post.

Fonda was married three times, the first to infamous French director Roger Vadim, who filmed Brigitte Bardot in all her glory. Remarkably, Vadim confessed that at first he was impotent with Jane Fonda. Her sexuality was just a little intimidating.

After a marriage to a kind of dorky-looking but oh-so-compelling political activist, Jane found good ol' jackass Ted Turner, who managed to acquire all the MGM movies and hold them for ransom on his own cable TV company. I recall when I tried to license some stills for a book I was doing. Turner Entertainment let me know: "We don't have a library. We don't have stills. You can find them at memorabilia shops and on eBay. But if you use one, it's our property and we expect a check."

Yep yep. We don't have it, but we own it. Use the standard photography agency rates...a rising scale depending on the circulation of the newspaper, magazine or projected book sales.

Turner also owns the Atlanta Braves, which has a red-faced logo of a Native American, and encourages everyone in the stadium to stand up, make stereotypical huuu-ya-ya-ya noises imitating Indian chiefs, and do the "tomahawk chop." Turner, according to the book "Prisoner of X" written by a Hustler editor, enjoyed Jane using a strapon, but go buy the book and read it for yourself.

Her last long relationship was with record producer (Ringo Starr, Fanny, etc.) Richard Perry. He closed the show, apparently.

The shop is closed, says Jane. No going out of business sale. No last licks. But never say never. And let's say, there are other ways of giving and getting orgasms.

What IS admirable about this cunning stunt, which was timed to give publicity to a new movie she made, is that most women, especially sex symbols, don't want you to know the truth. Helen Gurley Brown, who made a fortune off her ridiculous sex magazine Cosmopolitan, insisted she and her hubby were still enjoying a robust sex life at a time when most their age couldn't work the childproof cap on a bottle of pills. Yet here's Jane pointing out (sans photos) that nothing is forever. Groucho, in Playboy, grumbled that if you can't get a good erection, forget about it.

Here's the full article, with, as you'd expect from the NY Post, an opening dick joke:

One of the many great things about the brilliant actress, exercise therapist, political activist and American patriot called Jane Fonda, is her honesty. While it would be good for business for her to pretend to be as lively in bed at 80 as she was at 40 or 20, she won't do it. In fact, she won't do IT.

Hopefully, this will save a lot of wear and tear for some people. Seriously. At one point in my varied career, I was asked to write a kind of "advice" column (under a suitable name). I took over from some other writer who probably had run screaming into the night, exhausted by the number of anguished letters in the mail. I went down to the office and got a box full of letters, ready to sift through and offer suitably brilliant, thoughtful, expert replies.

A bulky envelope caught my attention. It contained a cassette tape letter. The fellow began by saying, "I feel like killing myself."

A chill of shock and anxiety ran through me when I heard those words. I listened a while longer. The man's complaint was that he could no longer satisfy his wife.

I checked the return address, found the phone number, and made a call, hoping that this guy was still alive.

His wife answered the phone. I cautiously asked if her husband was, er, around. She said he was out, and asked why I was calling. As tactfully as possible, I explained that I was a columnist, and I'd gotten a tape letter from him. She instantly sighed, and said, "Oh, he does that all the time. Young man, I'm in my 70's. I could care less! I keep telling him that!"

Maybe the announcement from Jane Fonda will resonate among those who are being hyped into believing that they should have sex as often as possible, and that it should remain the #1 priority in their lives, and that they better buy pills, machines and lube to keep going.

Here's to the former wife of Vadim, who is saying "La Guerre est Finie!"

Is that Penelope Cruz doing Anal?

Ladies, there's a BIG difference between a KISSY FACE and a STUPID FACE.

Honestly. Hedy Lamarr once said it's easy for a woman to look sexy...just look stupid. Kim Kardashian's proven that. But even so, can we have an end to the preening selfies where you show yourself looking AT YOURSELF? Can we have an end to looking like your face has just had an anal prolapse?

Or is Penelope Cruz going to see that recent picture of her used in an ad, as Preparation H moves to the lipstick counter. Ladies, if you've gone TOO far with the prolapse pout, and it stays that way, you know what you need to buy...

Eric Schneiderman falls to The New Yorker's new Tabloid Terrorism

The Bee-Gees are gone, but maybe the B-Jobs will emerge...a trio of singing New York wildboys: Eric Schneiderman, Eliot Spitzer, and Anthony Weiner. All were intense, crusading politicians who also had raging libidos. Eric liked to slap and curse during roleplay, Eliot got nasty and dominant with whores, and Anthony was "Carlos Danger" having Internet sex with any woman or not quite of-age woman.

Sex and power go together, but what is a bit unusual is Sleaze and The New Yorker in partnership.

But that's another truth: SEX SELLS, and the fey intellectuals and white Upper Class sophisticates who kept The New Yorker going through those years of Steig and Steinberg, Dorothy Parker and Lillian Ross, John Cheever and Woody Allen, and theetah and fillum reviews...are gone.

The New Yorker began looking over its shoulder at the way "New York" took a lot of its readers away with its emphasis on all kinds of entertainment, not just effete nonsense. Another magazine, "Time Out New York" diluted the market even more, and with "out" in its title, was sure to steal away a lot of gay readers. "New York" gained national attention for a scandal cover on Bill Cosby and his accusers. That seemed to be when "The New Yorker" staff realized..."Celebrity Sex Scandals is the Way to Go!" Harvey Weinstein. And? And who else?

Ronan Farrow, unable to dig up a bunch of women to diss his father Woody Allen, has made it his lucrative business to go after any other white heterosexuals he can find. With his silver-spoon Mama Mia greasing the trails, he's had little trouble getting his foot in the door for everything from a cable TV show to high-paying magazine work with, no doubt, a staff of investigators to help him.

R. Kelly is not likely to be a target for a New Yorker investigation, right? He's too...black? Yes. Either The New Yorker doesn't think blacks read their magazine, or they simply aren't about to be accused of racism. (Was there a point in the article on Eric Schneiderman, where somebody suggested that the new district attorney be a woman of color? Letitia James, perhaps? She did SUCH a nice job screaming about a statue of a white guy in Central Park, she got it removed even though Dr. Simms was a great man and not a racist at all. But fact-checking is SUCH a bore.)

Was there any part of the article on Schneiderman where the women involved were asked why they didn't walk IMMEDIATELY? Does a woman really need the #MeToo movement or a crowd of giggling idiots in pussy hats, to let them know that it's ok to NOT be slapped in the face? One of the women spoke of over a year of Schneiderman getting more and more slap-happy, un-consensual, and downright rude with his demeaning dirty talk. Did she ever say "One more word and I go find Gloria Allred?"

Eric insists everything was consensual, and in his feverish condition of pursuing criminals and hedge fund weasels all day, and needing to get rid of his aggression via sex at night, maybe he needed to be slapped back, to know that he was going too far. In real S&M relationships, there are "safe words" used when one party is going too far. Maybe Ronan Farrow will explain that to some woman next time he interviews them. If he does. These articles are group efforts, no? Or doesn't Ronan have quite the presence to get a woman's attention? His TV series failed because despite looking like Mia Farrow, he lacks her charisma. He's more a cross between a Barbie doll and Truman Capote. Capote became known outside the pampered world of society by writing "In Cold Blood." Now it's in cold semen, with Ronan Farrow.

But, hell, The New Yorker is going below the belt in every way. How about The New Yorker coyly putting out several hardcover volumes of cartoons not fit for the actual magazine? Ahem, ahem, these were just too rude for the magazine at present, but somehow, we are going to sell them to you anyway. Along with our new, lurid line of celebrity sexposes.

Let's see...can we name another well known celebrity who talked dirty to women, spanked them, abused them...many of them...TIGER WOODS? No, no, he's also black. That wouldn't interest that small circle of friends at The New Yorker, who so far have shown much more interest in taking down white heterosexual Jews.

Kentucky Derby Day...

Really, every day is a Holiday...

Karnak returns

If Don Rickles Was Around...