Well, it was a breath of fresh air to hear about it. Wasn't it?
Fonda's plastic surgery is so excellent, she looks more like 60 than 80. How the "va jay-jay" (as the coy twits call twats) is holding up, well, she's offered an exclusive. Her gynecologist ain't talking:
Ah yes, the NY Post.
Fonda was married three times, the first to infamous French director Roger Vadim, who filmed Brigitte Bardot in all her glory. Remarkably, Vadim confessed that at first he was impotent with Jane Fonda. Her sexuality was just a little intimidating.
After a marriage to a kind of dorky-looking but oh-so-compelling political activist, Jane found good ol' jackass Ted Turner, who managed to acquire all the MGM movies and hold them for ransom on his own cable TV company. I recall when I tried to license some stills for a book I was doing. Turner Entertainment let me know: "We don't have a library. We don't have stills. You can find them at memorabilia shops and on eBay. But if you use one, it's our property and we expect a check."
Yep yep. We don't have it, but we own it. Use the standard photography agency rates...a rising scale depending on the circulation of the newspaper, magazine or projected book sales.
Turner also owns the Atlanta Braves, which has a red-faced logo of a Native American, and encourages everyone in the stadium to stand up, make stereotypical huuu-ya-ya-ya noises imitating Indian chiefs, and do the "tomahawk chop." Turner, according to the book "Prisoner of X" written by a Hustler editor, enjoyed Jane using a strapon, but go buy the book and read it for yourself.
Her last long relationship was with record producer (Ringo Starr, Fanny, etc.) Richard Perry. He closed the show, apparently.
The shop is closed, says Jane. No going out of business sale. No last licks. But never say never. And let's say, there are other ways of giving and getting orgasms.
What IS admirable about this cunning stunt, which was timed to give publicity to a new movie she made, is that most women, especially sex symbols, don't want you to know the truth. Helen Gurley Brown, who made a fortune off her ridiculous sex magazine Cosmopolitan, insisted she and her hubby were still enjoying a robust sex life at a time when most their age couldn't work the childproof cap on a bottle of pills. Yet here's Jane pointing out (sans photos) that nothing is forever. Groucho, in Playboy, grumbled that if you can't get a good erection, forget about it.
Here's the full article, with, as you'd expect from the NY Post, an opening dick joke:
One of the many great things about the brilliant actress, exercise therapist, political activist and American patriot called Jane Fonda, is her honesty. While it would be good for business for her to pretend to be as lively in bed at 80 as she was at 40 or 20, she won't do it. In fact, she won't do IT.
Hopefully, this will save a lot of wear and tear for some people. Seriously. At one point in my varied career, I was asked to write a kind of "advice" column (under a suitable name). I took over from some other writer who probably had run screaming into the night, exhausted by the number of anguished letters in the mail. I went down to the office and got a box full of letters, ready to sift through and offer suitably brilliant, thoughtful, expert replies.
A bulky envelope caught my attention. It contained a cassette tape letter. The fellow began by saying, "I feel like killing myself."
A chill of shock and anxiety ran through me when I heard those words. I listened a while longer. The man's complaint was that he could no longer satisfy his wife.
I checked the return address, found the phone number, and made a call, hoping that this guy was still alive.
His wife answered the phone. I cautiously asked if her husband was, er, around. She said he was out, and asked why I was calling. As tactfully as possible, I explained that I was a columnist, and I'd gotten a tape letter from him. She instantly sighed, and said, "Oh, he does that all the time. Young man, I'm in my 70's. I could care less! I keep telling him that!"
Maybe the announcement from Jane Fonda will resonate among those who are being hyped into believing that they should have sex as often as possible, and that it should remain the #1 priority in their lives, and that they better buy pills, machines and lube to keep going.
Here's to the former wife of Vadim, who is saying "La Guerre est Finie!"
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