Harlan Ellison: "If you put your hand in my pocket, you'll drag back six inches of bloody stump"

One of the more colorful and cantankerous authors out there, Harlan Ellison is really out there...he's swooped the planet, at 84.

You can find plenty of obits on the guy, which touch on his literal fights with other authors, his breast-groping and microphone sucking (both at a 2006 Hugo Awards dinner) and his simple habit of hurling insults. On Warners film exec Robert Shapiro: "he has the intellectual and cranial capacity of an artichoke."

Is there anyone who hasn't enjoyed SOMETHING written by Harlan Ellison? The sci-fi geeks would point to about a thousand short stories, but his short story anthologies include such esoterica as "Love Ain't Nothing But Sex Misspelled," "Sex Gang" (that one under a pseudonym, Paul Merchant) and "Angry Candy." You can bet every Harlan addict has those and colorful collections titled: "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream," "Gentleman Junkie," "Approaching Oblivion" and "Stalking the Nightmare."

For television, Harlan wrote several Outer Limits scripts (notably "Soldier") three scripts for "The Twilight Zone" revival series in the 80s, and an episode of Star Trek "The City on the Edge of Forever." Among others. He didn't just write sci-fi TV screenplays. He wrote four episodes for Gene Barry's classy and classic "Burke's Law" series, including a witchy delight, "Who Killed Purity Mather," which actually had a good twist to it.

I regret not getting to know Ellison. I'm not a HUGE sci-fi fan but I did write to Ray Bradbury, Richard Matheson and Isaac Asimov. My father had a story in "Fantasy and Science Fiction Magazine," and I've written some wacky stories for magazines that have involved UFO's, women turning into cats, and some of the other standard silliness. One early story, published in HUSTLER, took place in the future when Star Trek type "transporters" were now common in airports. Why take a plane when you can just "transform" and turn up a minute later 3,000 miles away? Naturally things did NOT turn out well for our heroine. It was HUSTLER, after all. Hey, Robert Silverberg wrote some fine adult stuff as Don Elliott...why, I was so proud of THIS one I didn't use an alias.

Married five times (the last one lasted 20 years), Harlan was at home in courts. He was noted for filing lawsuits and usually winning. Winning BIG. He claimed several hit movies were stolen from his short stories or TV scripts and his take was often in six figures. He sued CBS Paramount AND the Writers Guild of America for his share of merchandising from his "Star Trek" script. Yes, he sued the Writers Guild of America, because so-called writer guilds and unions are run by sappy sloths who count the union dues and shrug about complaints.

Harlan may be one of the few independent and angry writers to file against an INTERNET FASCIST and win.

The Internet's blogworld, forums and torrents are noted for "fans" copying off everyone's writings. Sometimes it's the mistaken belief doing so is "Freedom of Speech" or protected because it's "for review purposes." Too many authors, including pudgy lumps George R.R. Martin and E.L. James let this go. NOT HARLAN ELLISON.

Harlan was NOT amused when some asshole in the newsgroup "alt.binaries.e-book" gave away a bunch of his stories. He filed the usual DMCA complaints, but apparently he was ignored OR the jerks "re-upped," as nobody "spoils the fun" for self-entitled twits. "This isn't Russia, it's FREE SPEECH" they'll shout. OR, they'll shout, "Thanks to a server in Croatia that ignores DMCA requests, we can do as we please! Thank you Putin!!"

Publishers, film studios and organizations such as the RIAA are very selective in IF they even bother sending in takedowns. Publishers will usually shrug and say, "The book is copyrighted in YOUR name, so YOU deal with it." I once mentioned to R.L. Stine that he should file DMCA's on eBAY to prevent maggots from offering his ENTIRE "Goosebumps" collection via $1.99 download. You know, the PRINCIPLE of thing. Because the more people get free, the less they buy, which hurts ALL authors, book companies and libraries. His response was, "I think that's the publisher's job, no?"

I know from my own plagiarism lawsuits (which I've won, not having to share anything with the lazy publishers), the best thing for your lawyer to do is get as MANY PEOPLE INVOLVED AS POSSIBLE. Not just the uploader or the plagiarist pest, but EVERYONE who has profited by his illegal antics. Harlan named the uploader AND filed against AOL and RemarQ, the latter being the host of the newsgroup. A settlement was reached with all three infringing parties. Harlan has stated he's gone after over 200 parasites, ranging from well-meaning deluded fans who think he needs their "publicity help," to slimy creeps who post and then whine, "click my Paypal TIP JAR and give me a donation so I can keep supplying you with goodies." Quoth Harlan: "If you put your hand in my pocket, you'll drag back six inches of bloody stump."