Some bint at metro.co.uk gives a sex change to John Cleese and raves about lip kisses?

The headline was about JOHN CLEESE leaving England.

Already, I'm confused. He's in England? Doesn't he have a home in California like every other Brit? I haven't seen John in person in a a while, but the last time I did, he had a West Coast home.

OK, the headline seems clear enough. But the actual article by some twit-twat named "Mel Evans" is a mess.

We have John as a sex change ("SHE told BBC"). Evans, supposedly a reporter, writes "APPARENTLY" twice. Evans doesn't know? Evans is guessing?

She ends with a confusing sentence about an inquiry "which looked at press standards, with "kicked out by right-wing governments." Make any sense to you? Mel (women named Melanie seem to have a penis envy that shortens their name so they'll be likened to a man) IS writing on a keyboard. But maybe her long fingernails (spent more time in nail salons than in English 101 APPARENTLY) got in her way, APPARENTLY?

Next, this silly cow explains that SHE is not a reporter who got on the horn and interviewed John for clarifaction. She was just WATCHING THE TELLY and copying down what she saw between John and Emily.

Then she tosses in some daft line about "Love Island" which APPARENTLY is her favorite favey-fave show on the telly. You think John Cleese watches it and enjoyed the reference?

Another of the "most depressing things about this country" (both England and America) is that the media is now in the hands of confused twats, bullying fools on Twitter, and inanely gushing tabloid websites trying to snag readers to get PAGE HITS because of headlines and NOT the actual article on the page. Do the algorhythms show how long somebody STAYED on a page to try and READ the illiterate chatter?

Is Mel Evans an apprentice? Does she actually get PAID to sit in front of the TELLY all day and to DVR all the chat and morning shows for stuff she can steal?

Well written and researched news is hard to find on nitwit sites that spend most of their money pushing their placement on GOOGLE and BING news aggregates.

Every day these sites have to come up with daily dross and drivel that they hope will drive traffic in...because nobody is going to the newsstand anymore. People want SHORT BITS...little turds of information once called "factoids." Would you call the Cleese piece an ARTICLE? It was a more like some paragraphs colliding like bumper cars at a bad amusement park.

Not too long ago, celebrity drivel was confined to PEOPLE and US WEEKLY where they had a week to suss the truth, fact check, proofread, and make sure that if they hired some idiot only because of her Millennial age and her vagina ownership, her mistakes would be corrected.

Then again, the fact that an old British male is even in the NEWS is a surprise. Mel Evans APPARENTLY took some time off from peering at Ed Sheeran tattoos and what color thong a Kardashian wore at a party.