...you SADISTIC store owners.
You've turned the speakers up full blast and tuned to ALL-CHRISTMAS ALL-THE-TIME music stations.
It proves, every year, that The Beatles sometimes wrote garbage.
John Lennon's Christmas song begins with a scold: "And so it is Christmas, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??"
Yes, what HAVE you done, you lazy bastard.
What you DIDN'T do was end all wars. That's pretty damn selfish of you, you lazy bastard.
The refrain on this Christmas song isn't about Jesus, or praying to God for peace. It's a finger up your nose, YOU SNOT! Listen:
"War is Over IF YOU WANT IT."
Got that? Understand what Lennon is saying in this holiday song?
People are getting KILLED in WAR (not, say, by police brutality, drunken driving, eating expiration dated fruitcake, etc.)
WAR. AND...
"War is Over, IF YOU WANT IT."
YOU. All YOU have to do is tell crazy members of Isis, Hamas, Boko Harum, the KGB, Kim Jung-Un, Putin, etc. to cut it out.
YOU are the problem, pal. Not John Lennon or Yoko Ono.
On the bright side, John sang and Yoko shouted, "Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one. Without any fear."
Genius rhyme, that.
Look, what ELSE could they have said about having a Happy New Year? "Without any queers?" "Without Norman Lear?" "Without Aussie Beer?" John and Yoko put their heads together, and did they best they could, since they were under a sheet and there was no writing paper.
Have pity on record store owners and eBay sellers who are hurting because Christian "sharers" on blogs and YouTube are GIVING AWAY all the Christmas music FREE. Buy a copy of that collectors item green vinyl 45.
Oh. I guess it won't be a HAPPY NEW YEAR for people trying to get people to buy music. They probably FEAR that they will soon go BANKRUPT.
As bad as "Happy Xmas" is, it's not nearly as redundant, cloying and irritating as Macca's cutesy contribution to the season's gratings.
Paul's Christmas was Macca-ruined by that tasty "Happy Xmas" number being such a hit. (There is no S in the word HIT.)
Being quite a competitive fellow, Paul vowed revenge. He was always eager to find a way to cash in by writing a song that could get extra airplay by being SUPER COMMERCIAL. Like..."You say it's your BIRTHDAY..."
Macca admitted his motive was to have a big Christmas smash that could be played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over all through the lucrative Christmas season.
God Bless RADIO...it's not dead, it's just blasting away where YOU can't control the channel or the volume. IN STORES.
If ONLY you could buy the fucking thing and play it in the comfort of your own cheesy home with its Christmas cards all over the table, Glass Wax designs on the windows, and a big dead tree taking up half the living room, festooned with garish decorations. Instead, the song is inflicted on everyone, of every race and religion, in STORES. Hell, a few dimwits might hear it and say, "Gosh, I am so brainwashed I can't get enough. Let me go buy a copy. What does it look like?"
Like this:
Let's be fortunate that George Harrison was more into Hare Krishna than Merry Christmas. As for Ringo writing a hit Christmas song, you know "It Don't Come Easy."
If it was only two BAD songs from John and Paul, the canned music in stores could be tolerable. Just stick your fingers in your ears for five minutes, and go "Tinga-linga-loo." (Thank you, Benny Hill.) But it's NOT just two songs. It's HUNDREDS OF THEM, and if they run through every goddam version of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire," they REPLAY a different cover version till you run for cover. "Here, here's money, keep the change, let me GET OUT OF YOUR STORE, YOU SADIST!"
These music channels the stores find are relentless, and they rarely program a tolerable Christmas song with some kind of useful message, like "Silent Night." No, that one makes people sleepy. They also won't play "Good King Wenceslas," even if it might subliminally have people buying coleslaw in the produce aisle.
It's always SHIT novelty songs like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or pudgy Burl Ives hoarsely yapping "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas."
What could stop them playing THOSE two pieces of SHIT? Maybe getting the antisemites of Twitter (all five million of them) to trend: "THOSE TWO SONGS WERE WRITTEN BY A JEW NAMED JOHNNY MARKS."
High on my list of aggravating pop Christmas songs: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Santa Claus is Coming To Town," ...well, EVERY song that mentions Santa Claus stinks worse than a reindeer's ass.
Let's add the perennially annoying "Jingle Bells" (when was the last time you even SAW a one-horse open sleigh?), "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (very smug, unctuous and condescending), and "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas," which should lead somebody to hit the singer in the eye with a snowball.
I'm sure you have your own list of songs you HATE TO HEAR at this time of year. It makes you wish you didn't even speak English, so you wouldn't understand what the hell these creeps were singing about. BUT, the worst part of "The Little Drummer Boy" is that parr-ump-a-pum-pum bit. And we ALL know what Jose Feces-ano is singing when he begins howling "Feliz Navidad." Do I really want to hear THAT piece of crap-o? No way, Jose.
No comments:
Post a Comment