Newspapers and world leaders are worried this chocolate crisis could lead to a meltdown.
Some fear this law student, a "self-entitled Muslim Millennial," is not joking or seeking publicity, but is starting a serious attack on Western ways.
They fear she has been radicalized by England's notorious blind cleric who has a fork for a hand. An ex-Jew now fanatically devoted to Islam and living inside a holy building, Imam Mosque-witz declares: "Holy Moses and Allah-Kazam! I didn't migrate to Great Britain just to fit in and wear a bowler hat and talk about the latest episode of "Coronation Street." Kit-Kat must be neutered!"
When pressed for a reason, the Imam said, "Candy is not serious food, like lamb. It's frivolous. Was Kit-Kat around when Muhammad walked the Earth? No. Then it should not be around now. The only exception might be the Yorkie Bar. After all, the label says "not for girls." They have the right idea."
The more bad publicity the Kit-Kat company gets, the more likely a reprisal. The head of the company was ambushed and had a quart of frozen dessert dumped on his head by a radical member of ICES.
Prepared for trouble, the Joyva factory, announced it has enforcers to guard them. Few mobs have dared to cross their notorious "Jell Ring."
"We feel fairly safe," said a Joyva spokesman. "Can we all just live in pieces? Pieces of halvah? How about we send the Imam some of our halvah? Ms. Ahmad, too."
Asked if halvah, made from crushed seseme seeds, would be all right, the Imam stabbed his fork into the table, raised the table and shouted, "You are trying to confuse me! I call on Saima Ahmad to set the record straight!"
Ahmad, wearing a burqa that looked suspiciously like a huge Hershey Bar wrapper, declared, "I still would rather have a LIFETIME's supply of Kit-Kat bars. That's my lifetime, not the lifetime of some Jewish store keeper in Paris. I'll say this: halvah is ok if you cover it with nougat."
The Imam was astonished. He thought Ahmad was radicalized, but she was only caramelized.
"This is worse than a cartoon of Muhammad," said the Imam. "I am contacting my friends Jihadi Mounds, Jihadi Almond Joy and the M&M twins (Mahmoud and Yourmoud) and their father (Badmoud). I hope they will create converts: convert candy factories to pita bread bakeries and date plantations. Arab food is good for you. Candy is bad for you. My Slogan: "Feel awful or falafel!"
Prime Minister David Camoron declared, "I am hopeful there will be a peaceful end to this crisis. I want to reason with Ms. Ahmad. Aside from a YEAR'S SUPPLY of free candy bars, I'll throw in free tickets to every Zayne Malik concert and every Amir Khan fight. We love Muslims in Great Britain. Absolutely adore them. I don't go anywhere without a pocketful of hummus."
Cadbury, already anticipating problems in the future, has announced, "In deference to the sensitivity of Muslims, we will NO LONGER make Cadbury chocolate Easter Eggs. We will however make Ramadan Marzipan. Is that ok? Please don't hurt us!"
Saima Ahmad said: "I didn't mean to BLOW this out of proportion," she grinned as several people winced. "All I was complaining about was I didn't get my wafer."
It was then that the Imam knocked her down with one punch. (Thoughtfully, he used his real hand, not the one that has the fork at the end). He shouted, "Wafer? You didn't get your WAFER? Waddya think this is, Communion??"