Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Anti-Semitic, Misogynist Trevor Noah was Hired Because He's BLACK

Let's be FUNNY. As funny as THIS TWEET:

Yo, Ha Ha Ha, y'all.

Now imagine a white comedian saying: "I was hanging my laundry in my back yard and accidentally a black man nearly got strangled by a pair of my pants hanging on the line. What if it had been one of my white sheets?"

Now here's another hilarious Trevor Noah joke. Remember, this is a COMEDIAN and THIS is a JOKE:

Hmmm. What if, after "Blade Runner" shot his girlfriend, or former heavyweight contender Corrie Sanders was killed, a white comedian wrote:

"Israelis know how to recycle like South Africans know not to shoot innocent people."

I think it's pretty obvious that Trevor Noah was picked to replace Jon Stewart because he's black. The demographic is right. We've had a black president for quite a while now, and here's a handsome Barack for the comedy world, right?

Why deny the obvious, child? (I'm quoting Paul Simon, who promoted African music and replaced a Jew named Garfunkel with a multi-racial band of singers and players). There's nothing wrong with the truth. A lot of blacks, gays, women, and even Jews, are hired because people feel sorry or guilty or, now and then, simply think they've hired the best person for the job.

People are always screaming if there aren't enough black nominees for the Oscars, and how every late night host is "LILY WHITE" (not a derogatory expression).

It made sense to hire the black guy. Especially if the alternative was a woman. Named Chelsea Handler.

Noah's a young guy. Maybe, despite the movie "Selma," he doesn't know that Liberal Jews marched with Dr. King, and some didn't come back to Jew York afterward because they were killed. That it was the Liberal Jew writers and directors who made those Sidney Poitier movies and helped everyone from Lena Horne to James Earl Jones. But Trevor Noah does seem to believe the old stereotype that Jews control all the money in America.

"See what I did?" I'm sure Trev would use that cliche that comedians love to use these days. "See what I did?"

Yeah, hacky, I see. You stooped to a pun, "Beats by Dre-del." I know exactly how it worked. You came up with that pun-chline first, then tried to work a straight line in front of it. So you picked an offensive, familiar line about how rich Jews control everything.

Nevermind that Dr. Dre made more money last year than anyone in the music world, with Beyonce second. That with the exception of old fat Harvey Weinstein, most every entertainment company in the world is run by Gentiles now. That the biggest banks are run by Gentiles now. That Muslim terrorist groups can raise billions of dollars a day to fund their murders because, for some reason, Jews don't actually have the money-making savvy people think they do. (Or is it that the Jews do have all the money, but are too cheap to spend it on those orange jumpsuits ISIS prisoners wear? Although the garment district isn't too Jewish these days either).

Jews? Fuck the Jews. Years ago, a very strong percentage of comedians were Jewish. Then things changed.

I remember talking to the late Joan Rivers about our proud Jewish history of humor. "Why are so many comedians Jewish?" I asked Joan, expecting some noble remark about Jewish suffering being turned inside out.

"Jewish comedians?" she asked. "You mean, like Steve Martin and Robin Williams? You mean Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray?"

The Jews were losing their grip, and frankly, Joan didn't give a damn. That Dave and Jimmy and Jimmy aren't Jewish isn't a big deal. That Jews in comedy petered out with Seinfeld and Larry David isn't a big deal. That Jon Stewart changed his name (and isn't, in my opinion, funny) isn't a big deal. That Bill Maher is only half-Jewish and the last angry comic with any vague ties to the old Jews Mort Sahl and Lenny Bruce is no big deal.

Being black and anti-Semitic? Is.

It's a big deal because Jews are once again literally under fire. From little Jewish kids terrorized on a bus in Australia to shopkeepers victimized in France, it's bad enough that anything that goes on between Israel and Palestine suddenly creates incidents in far off parts of the world. It's bad enough that right after Charlie Hebdo, the next attack was at a kosher market. Casual put-downs of Jews, especially ones that are insults and not even jokes, can be poisonously lethal.

I've used the defense "It's only a joke" many times. But, as Poe said, and as Steve Allen agreed, "there are subjects of which no jest can be made." Steve amended it. He told me, "Yes, you can joke on any topic, but that doesn't mean you should say it out loud and hurt people."

Comedians work the edge. Inhibiting them is rarely a good idea. Humor is a safety valve. But I think even the late Lenny Bruce and Sam Kinison believed in boundaries. I remember the late Robert Schimmel talking about how his comedy changed after the birth of his child. The twat jokes stopped "because that's the baby place."

I do think that if you want to play rough, let people know ahead of time. Paul Mooney would be a good example of that. A black comedian wants to take it to a white audience and say "nigger till you get a 'nigger headache'" fine. He's not hosting a late night talk show and pretending to be mainstream and inoffensive.

Chris Rock is notorious for opening his yap and being tasteless about most anything, even the death of his friend Richard Jeni. You come to expect that certain comics, including Gilbert Gottfried are going to be asked to be top themselves in crudity every time. Jeff Ross, literally the other day, had a joke censored from a Comedy Central roast. A ROAST. It was too tasteless...but that was his job

Thing is, nobody's suggesting Jeff Ross replace Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart's tweets are not like the racist ones from Trevor Noah. Let's amend that to "specific racist" ones, as I doubt you'll find anything quite so nasty on Asians, Native Americans or Muslims.

Noah has also been accused of being a misogynist. He's certainly played with the stereotype of the black man with a fondness for huge white asses. Call it the Kanye Syndrome. It drew the ire of a formerly fat woman with a huge white butt.

So hopefully as he takes the place of one of the most annoying comedians of our time (I'm talking about Jon's revolting facial expressions and his inability to tell a joke without over-acting), Trevor Noah will pick his shots a little better. Without inhibiting himself too much he should be mindful that aside from blacks, things are not all that swell for women, for gays, for Jews, or for those who have what Warren Zevon simply called "the awful awful diseases." The point of comedy isn't necessarily to blitz and destroy everyone and everything. "Comedian" isn't a synonym for "iconoclast." Sometimes comedy is just a silliness, and escape from the problems of the day, and if it's going for the jugular, then say so on the package. The old Pearl Williams and George Carlin albums had stickers suggesting there was "strong language" or "adults only" content.

No, Comedy Central didn't hire this guy because they thought, "that last name...ah, he's a Jew." They hired Noah because he's black, and it's one of the minority groups that is rising in numbers (isn't NYC now mostly black and Latino, not white?) OK. Fair enough. But with power comes responsibility.

Let's not forget that Jews are a minority as well. Their numbers are not rising. They are being targeted all over the world. Israel is routinely being threatened with extinction by Hamas and by Iran (and most everyone else).

If Comedy Central's top late night shows are no longer about politicians, and if the new direction is anti-Semitism and misogyny, just put up a caveat before the shows begin: "If you're a kike or a cunt, laugh at yourself, because WE are going to be doing just that." It might not be politically correct, or moral, or right, but neither is porn, or violent movies. Mostly this stuff is a safety valve that lets off ugly steam. Maybe there's a place for "redneck" humor, sick jokes, bad-taste ethnic humor and the rest of it, as long as it is so-labeled. People know what they're getting with Rush Limbaugh, too. They don't expect common sense or mainstream comments, any more than they expect Bill Maher to stop promoting pot and atheism.

Trevor Noah may simply be taking Comedy Central in a different direction. It could mean that Jews won't be tuning in. It would be nice if that's out of choice, not out of extinction.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Fun with Christina Freundlich

Aw, these clueless "Millennials."

The other day, the local papers were outraged at people taking selfies at the scene of the East Village explosion/fire.

One of the most glaring examples was an Instagram post from an Iowa Democratic Party worker, Christina Freundlich, who somehow decided to pose at the scene SMILING, and waving the peace symbol.

Huh? Even Ringo, in alcoholic delerium, wouldn't have done that.

But maybe this is her proud hobby. Christina travels the globe to take pix at disaster sites, and to rush to scenes of breaking news.

After snapping the photo at 7th Street...

And other items from her happy photo album...

Barely Remembered Nostalgia

More Photoshop phun.

I happened to see a vintage ad just after reading about the latest salmonella recall from the FDA.

(Blue Bonnet leaped out, and a different phrase leaped in.)

Typo Positive - Sign in the Window

Sign in the Window, 78th and 1st Avenue

I didn't have my camera with me when I first noticed it.

Fortunately, it was still there the next day. A person like this is hard to find.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Funny Names MARCH MADNESS begins: Swindly Lint, Dallas Ennema, Gladstone Dainty, Littice Bacon-Blood....

An antidote to March Madness (glandular freaks in underwear running back and forth on a basketball court) emerged today.

The "brackets" were announced for the "Funny Name of the Year."

In the "sane" world you're supposed to root for colleges you didn't attend, in towns you've never been to, because...why? You like the sound of Villanova? You have nothing better to do than join some idiotic office pool on whether Kentucky will defeat Baylor?

Villanova's got nothing on Dr. Wallop Promthong.

Ghenghis Muskox.

Zeke Faux or Beethoven Bong or Tuns van Peenen.

Being a plain ol' Smith (at least, that's the name grandfather got on Ellis Island), I've always been fascinated by strange names. Some 30 years ago, or more, an article was written on a guy who collected 3x5 cards on which he stored his finds. The piece was called "It all Started with Olney Nicewonger."

The hobby of name-collecting seemed ultimately legitimized when John Train published his illustrated "Remarkable Names" book series. He was sure, in his research, that these were birth names, and not pseudonyms.

I congratulated John Train on his fine work, and gave him a bit of trivia he didn't know: that Phil Ochs spent some of his last year using the name "John Train."

And yes, I did check if there's ever been someone actually named March Madness. The closest I could find, in a death index, were:

Yetta Medney, Mabel Mednis, Abel Mad and Lucy Mad Plume.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Bill Murray "ROCKS" a dress on Kimmel's show

The most over-used verb among today's illiterates, is "rock."

Since illiterates are interns or low-paid slugs at newspaper websites, "rock" is used more often in describing things, than it is in articles about Chris Rock.

So after I rocked my slippers and bathrobe, and rocked some milk into my morning coffee, and after I rocked a shower, I rocked the Internet and noticed an article on how Bill Murray ROCKED a dress on Kimmel's show.

This is news?

This rocks??

There was a time when you either watched Carson or Leno or you didn't. Whatever they did was almost NEVER in the morning newspaper, because celebrity news was NOT NEWS.

Last night, thanks to "March Madness" pre-empting Letterman, I did happen to see Kimmel and his pudgy un-PC pal Guillermo the Stereotype do tequila shots as they wandered into Austin, Texas pinata shops. Then Bill Murray made his grand entrance wearing some kind of frock with a sweater over it. So? Bill Murray is creepy. He's always been creepy. He's comedy's leading sociopath, one who can inspire fear and loathing until, somehow, he makes people laugh. The man looks dangerous and prides himself on having few boundaries (as was proven when his wife sued for divorce on the grounds of serial adultery.)

It can be funny when Bill fixes his cock-eyed stare on even a veteran talk show host, reducing that person to helpless giggles. Bill might choose to deliberately answer questions with no concern or interest, or literally walk out and let the cameras chase him as he takes off down the street (as he did with Letterman one night).

So Murray just happened to decide he'd wear a dress. He didn't explain it. He just did it, ha ha.

On this isn't news. And he didn't "rock" it.

Few people "rock" anything, and that includes rock music these days. But some DUDE with a limited vocabulary, thought Bill Murray ROCKED wearing a dress, and this, not the massacre in Tunisia, or the Israeli elections, or even the latest inane APP, was of mammoth importance this morning for the world to know.

Jesus, there wasn't some slutty celebrity out there who didn't ROCK a dress in some nightclub last night? Isn't that the usual news of the world?

It seems that now and then, like a sudden pimple, an ugly word turns up and will not go away. Believe me, it's a BUMMER when that happens. It might even keep me from FAPPING, even though I'm a HIPSTER. REALLY. REALLY?? REALLY!

Sometimes people tell me I rocked some topic or other, but I tend to stop communicating with people who tell me that.

These are usually the same people who address me as DUDE.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber: Let's NOT upset LUDACRIS

If there's one sacred rule in comedy, it's to censor any joke that offends a guy named LUDACRIS.

This especially applies to an event billed as a "no holds barred roast."

According to the NY Post, the producers of the Justin Bieber promotion (he's SUCH a mensch) are going to carefully pick out jokes that offended LUDACRIS.

Is this so surprising? Not really, not in an age where Lindsay Lohan can get called a "racist" for Tweeting the title of the song she just heard Kanye West perform.

There's a bigger double-standard in the media than Rosie O'Donnell's double chin. If Edward G. Robinson was still alive, he'd be grimacing, "So, they can dish it out, but they can't take it."

If somebody is NOT a friend of LUDACRIS, then it's ok to laugh. It reminds me of Don Rickles' mock-nervous remark, "Is he laughing? Take a look." Is there a balance here? Like, if LUDACRIS wasn't laughing, but SHAQUILLE was, is it ok? What if FLAVA-FLAV and GILBERT GOTTFRIED laughed? Do those two equal one LUDACRIS, or do you have to throw in a playa to be named later?

How about this: if the joke bombed, and the audience was silent, isn't that enough of a statement? Leave the joke in. Funny (!) Jeff Ross and Pete Davidson weren't fretting afterward, "Oh Weezus, Oh WEEZUS, please, please CENSOR ANY JOKE I DID THAT BOMBED...you don't know how it hurts MY FEELINGS to have people think that everything I say isn't hilarious."

But we're dealing with the great LUDACRIS.

Rolling Stone, in hyping the March 30th broadcast, duly noted that HYPE was what the evening was all about:

"This felt more like than a networking opportunity for the participants (did you know you can buy Ludacris' new album, Ludaversal, the day after the show airs, on March 30th? You do now!)"

Right, let's not offend the man who might take out a few ads on Comedy Central promoting that album.

Rolling Stone and many other mags and newspapers made sure to copy down and repeat what they considered the best and worst jokes, smugly pointing out that the reader should be glad to get this info, because a lot of this material "won't make it to air."

Natasha Leggero "suggested that the pop star honed his dance moves by dodging coat hangers in his teen mother's womb. This was the closest anyone came to "losing" the crowd," Rolling Stone reported. Comedy Central is concerned that it might lose Wal-Mart, seller of coat hangers? Or offend the anti-abortion Hobby Lobby, who were considering taking out an ad?

Rolling Stone noted that "three jokes about the deceased Paul Walker fell flat" but didn't suggest they be removed. "Chris D'Elia," the magazine reported, "was staggeringly tasteless, touching on: rape; ISIS beheadings; Eric Garner and the NYPD; Kevin Hart killing his ex-wife; Bill Cosby's alleged sexual assaults (twice); slavery; Bruce Jenner's gender reassignment; and, finally, one last ISIS joke, for which Bieber stood to enthusiastically applaud." Take a look, did LUDACRIS stand and applaud, too? That might be crucial to how much of D'Elia's material makes the final cut.

Will Comedy Central package the DVD version of this thing with "20 extra minutes of material the censors left out"? Will we also be witnessing the usual baffling censorship that cable TV offers, such as "shit" is ok but "fuck" is not, and that NOBODY can EVER say "god damn it" because it offends ludicrous religious fanatics?

I hope at the end, the Comedy Central censor takes a bow, explaining, "I saved you all from having to hear a few shitty jokes that were (BLEEP)ed up. I stand for the average citizen who is just like LUDACRIS, when it comes to what is or isn't offensive. And I will remain in my exalted fetal position as THE arbiter of bad taste!"