Saturday, April 16, 2016

Germany: Trade You a Comedian for all those Muslims...

Verrrrry interesting (to quote the comical Nazi played by Arte Johnson on "Laugh-In.")

A story today about The Pope accepting some sad Syrian refugees mentioned that they were stuck on Lesbos (what a straight line). And why?

Because Germany has a new deal with Turkey to return some of the more psychotic and murderous Muslims coming into the country.

Glance over to the side, and note another story about Germany and Turkey in the news: a comedian who joked that Turkey's president watches porn MAY end up in jail for five years.

It seems that Madame Merkel of Germany doesn't want to offend Turkey. Not when Turkey seems to be offering to pull Muslims out of Germany and toss 'em somewhere else. "Hey, Merk, we'll pull 'em out of your pubes and...you don't really want to know WHAT happens to them, do you? Didn't think so."

Just do us a solid, and shut up this dumb cluck comedian who doesn't respect the leader of Turkeys.

There's some murky law Merkel can point to, saying that ever since Germany murdered millions of Jews and tried to take over the world twice, it's time to be sensitive about people who make jokes.

On the plus side, a smug Muslim who was making "jokes" about Jews was given a fine and a minor jail sentence. Well, yeah, you incite hatred of any minority, be it religious or sexual, you get called on it. Smugly saying, "that was a joke" when it wasn't, doesn't get you off the hook.

BUT...joking about any world leader is pretty much fair game. Unless you're saying, "This Turkey guy should be assassinated," and there's not even some kind of punchline (..."by drowning him in cranberry sauce") then it shouldn't be a crime. The comic is doing it from a stage, and from behind the big flashing sign: "COMEDIAN."

Freedom of Speech is being swapped for "we've got too many Muslims, help us get rid of some," a reality show turned deadly.

Got it, Merks. You're throwing a comedian under the bus in order to keep smiling and saying to Turkey: "Take our Muslims. PLEASE!"

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Dan Garodnick: Do you understand the words "COPYRIGHT" and "ASSHOLE?"

I was at one of those idiotic "neighborhood association" meetings where Bernie Sanders-types get up and bitch about how traffic lights move too fast. Then a Bernie Sanders in drag-type adds, "It's hard to get a cab!"

Then some nice lady scolds everyone for not being nice, and allowing the patient police officer from the local precinct to read out his list of how many violations were written up for speeding bike riders.

This is followed by the various reps for very busy politicians who give little speeches and hurry away. I did manage to collar Garodnick's stooge before he hurried away. I mentioned the issue of copyright-infringing lunatics in Times Square. Not to mention the old public access porno woman letting it all hang out and the fabulous "Desnudas" all painted up. How about passing a law to get rid of them?

The answer: "It's hard to pass legislation." You'd think that's the reason we elect a councilman, to pass legislation, but I guess not. What Garodnick finally did (let's leave behind a dozen other laws that should be passed, and a dozen more that need to be strengthened) is this:

Huh?

As usual, the Dept. of Transportation, Dept. of Sanitation, Police Department, end up doing a Three Stooges impression, as they toss the hot potato around: "Not ME, NOT me, NOT ME!"

So it's the Department of Transportation, which has no uniformed officers, that is supposed to enforce rules? They're going to tussle with violent, psychotic illegal aliens in super-hero outfits? Grinning whores in paint? Lunatics for whom English isn't even a second language hiding under Dora the Explorer's skirt?

"Cops said they do not plan to use the new rules as an excuse to arrest performers..." Oh, how helpful.

This is all too familiar. Call up the cops, and they say, "Oh, that's Sanitation." Call up Sanitation and they say "Oh, that's DOT." Call up "DOT" and they say "Contact 911." And around it goes.

Dan, the guy in the Spiderman outfit who has been arrested four times is an ASSHOLE. A self-entitled ASSHOLE. He and the rest of his psychos actually believe he has a right to climb into a copyrighted and trademarked outfit, and intimidate tourists.

Apparently Marvel, Disney, Sesame Street and the rest have absolutely no way of protecting their intellectual property. They're supposed to hire lawyers to serve papers on illegal aliens? They're not allowed to confiscate the costumes. As with Internet piracy, they're supposed to just shrug and let the entitled do as they please.

Dan, the answer isn't to try and fence in a bunch of non-English speaking maniacs.

What happened? You were lobbied by the Insane Elmo Squad?

What's wrong with NO unlicensed costumed characters allowed in Times Square or anywhere else? This isn't Halloween. Let Marvel, Disney, Sesame Street etc. get $100 a day from these psychos, and issue licenses. No license? Costume confiscated. Maniac is arrested.

As for the Desnudas (isn't it lovely to live in Nueva York, where almost nobody speaks English anymore), PAINT is not clothing. Nudity doesn't belong on city streets. Beaches? Rooftops? Not Times Square. Whatever became of "disturbing the peace?" Whatever became of "creating a public nuisance?"

It seems pretty obvious that laws CAN be passed, and that if motivated (by a Giuliani or a Bloomberg) the police, the Department of Saniation, our city council and the rest CAN take aggressive action. What we are seeing under Mayor De Lousio, is lame, limp non-leadership that is creating bratty, self-entitled lunatics destroying the "quality of life" in the city. Giuliani was big on the "broken windows" theory. You fix "broken windows" and create a sense of pride in the neighborhood. Well, regarding Times Square, let's fix the crackpots.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

It's GOOD to be a GOOGLE DRONE, bad to be CREATIVE

"You can't beat 'em, so you join 'em. If you can. And we can't even do that!"

That's a rights owner talking about Google's cash cow, YouTube.

Google has made sure that filing complaints against piracy is difficult. So difficult, that many TV companies simply post clips there hoping to get a few pennies per hit. Can "The Tonight Show" have an employee spend all day checking YouTube for pirated clips? Too expensive. Better to have their own channel with "authorized" clips and get more pennies than the opposition.

Pennies. You know, like SPOTIFY notoriously hands out pennies. Meanwhile, GOOGLE nerds are making a fortune.

We know that "artists" are supposed to work cheap. Publishers and gallery owners and TV and film people are well aware that creative people "would work for free." They know about fame-scabs, too. I sure do. Say I want to write a book on slapstick comedy. I'm not going to get a big advance anyway, but a publisher knows that a tenured college professor with plenty of time on his hands between classes, would LOVE to write that book. FREE. So why pay me $5,00 or $10,000 when a fame-scab will do it for no advance at all? He'll take a year or two or five, work at it constantly, and all he wants is his name on a book. (Then he gets my phone number and asks me if I can give him some photos, free, and phone numbers of comedians he'd like to jaw with).

Meanwhile in the GOOGLE world, nobody seems to go in unless they've got a six figure salary. After all, being a cog at the GOOGLE office, blipping with bytes, or blocking rights owners from getting a takedown, IS a skill.

Interns at TV shows don't get paid. Interns at GOOGLE do.

Meanwhile, GOOGLE nickel and dimes the rights owners on YOUTUBE. You can work hard on creating a novelty clip and if you get 50,000 views, maybe you've paid for an hour of your time in creating it. You're just a few days or weeks behind. But you're supposed to be happy with the 50,000 views and the promise that maybe somebody important will hire you, or the clip will "go viral," making even more money...for GOOGLE.

Those salaries? Those GOOGLE salaries?

Ah yes. Drones. Nerds. Drips. But they get front row seats to BROOOOOSE concerts. They may not do anything creative, but they can pay so the teen daughter can have a meet and greet with Justin Bieber. Hell, if they feel like it, they can "write a book" and make it an ePub or mobi download on Amazon, or put a song on iTunes and rightly claim to be an author or a singer/songwriter. This impresses other apple-headed dolts.

Meanwhile the piracy on YouTube piles up because few can afford the takedown procedure, and many others are rightfully afraid of doing it alone and having themselves targeted for not "sharing" with everyone.

Here's a nefarious sidelight. There's always an angle for creeps and hedge-fund types.

There are now businesses that make money sniffing around YouTube and secretly filing what I call "snatches." Let's say they see somebody has digitized an old 45 rpm on the Floogle label. Well, they contact GOOGLE, announce they own the rights to all Floogle productions, and ask that any monetization go to THEM. They either own Floogle productions, pretend they do, or have contacted Floogle productions and asked to split profits on anything they can "snatch."

The justice is that the person who digitized his copy of the song no longer gets the pirated pennies, just the "nice" comments. The lack of justice is that GOOGLE still makes the big bucks and the rights owners, as with Spotify, only get a penny on the dollar.

Meanwhile, back at GOOGLE, the drones and nerds not only get huge salaries for being techie cogs and sprockets, they giggle and smirk over their PERKS.

Freelance writers, actors, crew members...they get no perks. They get lousy pay, usually. It's their choice, of course, but how lop-sided is this getting? Freelancers willing to accept scraping by in exchange for a book or a CD to sell at a gig, and hoping that their savings will make up for no pension, and hoping that their crappy health insurance doesn't mean waiting for an incompetent doctor to kill them...they can't even get more than a few pennies. There's so much FREEEEE on the Internet. There's GOOGLE, much more evil and powerful than any major record label or major publisher ever was or is.

And the rich get richer. One GOOGLE CEO made over $100 million this year.

What's that guy do that's worth that money? Did he write a book that touched millions of lives? A screenplay? A song? Or did he just mince around the sterile office muttering about the latest invasion of privacy scheme to rival GOOGLE maps, or GOOGLE glasses, or the latest court win that insisted the GOOGLE search engine isn't an extortion operation that makes people pay so their product or name gets above "Free Porn Photos."

Does he spend his time lobbying politicians so that DMCA laws remain weak and ineffectual? After all, GOOGLE can't be bothered keeping its bloggers from pirating movies or music, or have YouTube stop being a FREEEEE zone for all the jerks who squeal "copyright is copy wrong."

Right now anyone can get on YouTube or on Blogspot with NO identification, and be a pirate. A rights owner must show credentials, give name, address, phone number and more, and for every violation send a complaint that includes detail, URL number, etc. And then? The complaint gets hoisted to a website (formerly called, heh heh heh, "Chilling Effects") so that any vengeful hacker can see who is "ruining the fun." Stand up for your rights and maybe your website gets knocked off line, or your e-mail is flooded with crank garbage, or your phone is ringing constantly or your snail mail is loaded up with junk. Ha ha.

Meanwhile it's a six figure salary, wonderful health coverage and SNACKS to work for GOOGLE in New York or California. Working for them almost beats being a hedge fund weasel. It's GOOD to be a Google weasel. A Google parasite. A Google maggot. A Google shark. A Google roach. Whatever animal, it sure as hell isn't on the endangered species list, the one that includes "Freelancer."

Thursday, March 24, 2016

David Letterman's "New Look" - like a Pro Wrestler

OK, Dave's grown a beard and he's been photographed working out with jogging in St. Bart's.

It's just part of his plan to fight for the heavyweight championship of the WWP (World Wide Pants). I can see it now...

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

JESUS and GOFUNDME have let VANITY DIE

What can you say?

WHAT can you believe in??

We don't expect Jesus to answer our every whimsical request to be spared, but...GOFUNDME didnt work either?

The other day "Prince protege" Vanity passed on. The media ran photos of how the 57 year-old looked at 27, and played up her association with Prince, which was long over.

Vanity also ran vintage photos of herself, including some choice portraits on her doomed GOFUNDME paeg.

While she wasn't yet a star when I was editing ROCKET, I certainly remember her from when I was the music editor at OUI. I was interviewing a wide variety of erotic rockers. I think she may have been too elite for us back then, but it's sobering to see so many from that vintage now obscure, signing autographs at memorabilia shows, or appearing in the obit columns. OK, then there's Lita Ford. I interviewed her for OUI, and now she's written a tell-all book to die for. Gosh, she bedded Sambora AND Bon Jovi. That's better than turning up on the obituary page. Really.

While a Stevie Nicks or Ann Wilson (from Heart) have kind fans and can still get it done even if they aren't quite the lookers they used to be, Vanity was long past competing with Beyonce or Rihanna and was suffering the typical miseries of the middle-aged.

Jesus wasn't answering her prayers, but the SAVIOR of our age, GOFUNDME? The INTERNET couldn't save her either???

Ms. Matthews was hoping to raise $50,000 for her medical bills.

Her GOFUNDME campaign started way back in September of 2015, and never got much attention. Or money. At the time of her death, 17 months after starting her GOFUNDME campaign, she wasn't even 20% toward her goal. Did people think Prince or Obamacare would be enough?

The Lord can be as cold and indifferent as a WiFi outage, or malware on a free download of Prince albums off Kickass.

At a time like this, some may find their faith shaken. They may be wondering, what went wrong? Was Jesus annoyed that He was not being asked directly, and that somehow $50,000 in mere medication and medical equipment was needed to do what He could do alone? Was he irritated that being the Prince of Peace, he was still playing second to Prince? As in "nothing compares 2 u, PRINCE?" Perhaps this isn't the time to ask such questions? Sorry for putting that in the form of a question.

Despite using vintage pictures and writing a very moving plea, complete with references to The Lord, it was all in vain for the lady once called VANITY.