Matt Lauer Seen in Public

People want my take on Matt Lauer. Why would I take on Matt Lauer?

The guy turns out to be arrogant? If somebody paid YOU $25 million a year to be a smirking alarm clock for people who have trouble waking up at 7am, you'd be pretty smug, too.

People say he cheated on his wife and that's bad. Yes, because he's not a professional golfer. Today, Tiger Woods finished a round under par, and people are cheering wildly. People forget he was into hair-pulling, dirty talk and spanking? I know, as long as it wasn't at the U.S. Open.

Meanwhile, Matt Lauer can't use his office to cheat on his wife. So...where will he go? Has any photographer gotten a post-scandal photo of him??

"Fake news," says Donald Trump.

Lennon-McCartney wrote some BAD SONGS (and so it is CHRISTMAS)

And so it is Christmas, and what have you done...

...you SADISTIC store owners.

You've turned the speakers up full blast and tuned to ALL-CHRISTMAS ALL-THE-TIME music stations.

It proves, every year, that The Beatles sometimes wrote garbage.

John Lennon's Christmas song begins with a scold: "And so it is Christmas, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??"

Yes, what HAVE you done, you lazy bastard.

What you DIDN'T do was end all wars. That's pretty damn selfish of you, you lazy bastard.

The refrain on this Christmas song isn't about Jesus, or praying to God for peace. It's a finger up your nose, YOU SNOT! Listen:

"War is Over IF YOU WANT IT."

Got that? Understand what Lennon is saying in this holiday song?

People are getting KILLED in WAR (not, say, by police brutality, drunken driving, eating expiration dated fruitcake, etc.)

WAR. AND...

"War is Over, IF YOU WANT IT."

YOU. All YOU have to do is tell crazy members of Isis, Hamas, Boko Harum, the KGB, Kim Jung-Un, Putin, etc. to cut it out.

YOU are the problem, pal. Not John Lennon or Yoko Ono.

On the bright side, John sang and Yoko shouted, "Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one. Without any fear."

Genius rhyme, that.

Look, what ELSE could they have said about having a Happy New Year? "Without any queers?" "Without Norman Lear?" "Without Aussie Beer?" John and Yoko put their heads together, and did they best they could, since they were under a sheet and there was no writing paper.

Have pity on record store owners and eBay sellers who are hurting because Christian "sharers" on blogs and YouTube are GIVING AWAY all the Christmas music FREE. Buy a copy of that collectors item green vinyl 45.

Oh. I guess it won't be a HAPPY NEW YEAR for people trying to get people to buy music. They probably FEAR that they will soon go BANKRUPT.

As bad as "Happy Xmas" is, it's not nearly as redundant, cloying and irritating as Macca's cutesy contribution to the season's gratings.

Paul's Christmas was Macca-ruined by that tasty "Happy Xmas" number being such a hit. (There is no S in the word HIT.)

Being quite a competitive fellow, Paul vowed revenge. He was always eager to find a way to cash in by writing a song that could get extra airplay by being SUPER COMMERCIAL. Like..."You say it's your BIRTHDAY..."

Macca admitted his motive was to have a big Christmas smash that could be played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over all through the lucrative Christmas season.

God Bless RADIO...it's not dead, it's just blasting away where YOU can't control the channel or the volume. IN STORES.

If ONLY you could buy the fucking thing and play it in the comfort of your own cheesy home with its Christmas cards all over the table, Glass Wax designs on the windows, and a big dead tree taking up half the living room, festooned with garish decorations. Instead, the song is inflicted on everyone, of every race and religion, in STORES. Hell, a few dimwits might hear it and say, "Gosh, I am so brainwashed I can't get enough. Let me go buy a copy. What does it look like?"

Like this:

Let's be fortunate that George Harrison was more into Hare Krishna than Merry Christmas. As for Ringo writing a hit Christmas song, you know "It Don't Come Easy."

If it was only two BAD songs from John and Paul, the canned music in stores could be tolerable. Just stick your fingers in your ears for five minutes, and go "Tinga-linga-loo." (Thank you, Benny Hill.) But it's NOT just two songs. It's HUNDREDS OF THEM, and if they run through every goddam version of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire," they REPLAY a different cover version till you run for cover. "Here, here's money, keep the change, let me GET OUT OF YOUR STORE, YOU SADIST!"

These music channels the stores find are relentless, and they rarely program a tolerable Christmas song with some kind of useful message, like "Silent Night." No, that one makes people sleepy. They also won't play "Good King Wenceslas," even if it might subliminally have people buying coleslaw in the produce aisle.

It's always SHIT novelty songs like "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or pudgy Burl Ives hoarsely yapping "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas."

What could stop them playing THOSE two pieces of SHIT? Maybe getting the antisemites of Twitter (all five million of them) to trend: "THOSE TWO SONGS WERE WRITTEN BY A JEW NAMED JOHNNY MARKS."

High on my list of aggravating pop Christmas songs: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Santa Claus is Coming To Town," ...well, EVERY song that mentions Santa Claus stinks worse than a reindeer's ass.

Let's add the perennially annoying "Jingle Bells" (when was the last time you even SAW a one-horse open sleigh?), "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (very smug, unctuous and condescending), and "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas," which should lead somebody to hit the singer in the eye with a snowball.

I'm sure you have your own list of songs you HATE TO HEAR at this time of year. It makes you wish you didn't even speak English, so you wouldn't understand what the hell these creeps were singing about. BUT, the worst part of "The Little Drummer Boy" is that parr-ump-a-pum-pum bit. And we ALL know what Jose Feces-ano is singing when he begins howling "Feliz Navidad." Do I really want to hear THAT piece of crap-o? No way, Jose.

Breitbart - "SPIN RACISM" at its finest

Oh, this is even better than the National Perspirer or the London Daily Fail.

The darkly racist Bright Whites at Breitbart outdid themselves with this header.

The headline makes it seem that a politician wants a MILLION BLACKS to come into Europe, because otherwise, "EUROPE WILL BE LOST."

Only that's not at all what he said.

Yeah, that header sure looks good on TWITTER, the foremost Internet site for racist maniacs, antisemites, conspiracy nutjobs and scapegoating morons of all types.

In fact, that's where I first saw this. Twitter is very lenient with people who constantly post openly hateful propaganda. When I saw one of the crazies post this headline, and crow about it, I knew something had to be...MISQUOTED.

All that Juncker said is "if we don't offer legal ways..." of emigrating and immigrating, "we will be lost." As in, we will have riots. We will lose tourism. We will be even more open to terrorism. That kind of thing.

What he did NOT say was that Europe has a "clear need" for mass migration of scary looking blacks who are so sexually insane that they'd even rape German women who look like pork-filled hassocks.

Just what Breitbart expects from scare headlines like this...oh, yes, lots of traffic, and lots of attention, and ads from shady businesses, and offers for their staffers to give speeches in the South.

Jim Nabors - when catty gay "humor" got too nasty

Jim Nabors, dead at 87.

He was a nice guy. For comedy fans, he will forever be "Gomer Pyle," who made what could've been an extremely and one-dimensional character live through "The Andy Griffith Show" and prosper through five years of "Gomer Pyle USMC."

It's interesting to note that while the controversial Vietnam War was still on, this "service comedy" had good ratings. It helped that the show took place at boot camp, but it also helped that kindly Gomer (and exasperated Sgt. Carter) were likable in their comic give and take.

While some were not too thrilled with Jim's strangely gooey baritone, he sold a lot of records featuring sentimental music and "easy listening" hits. He was a favorite at the INDY 500 singing "The Star Spangled Banner," and turned up in dinner theater productions of "The Music Man" and "Man of La Mancha," somehow able to win over audiences who couldn't have imagined him in either role. And yes, he played Vegas and, had his own variety shows, and was good at sketch comedy with Carol Burnett.

Burnett booked him as a "good luck charm" at the start of every season, and it was Carol who pulled some strings to get Jim a liver transplant in the 90's.

Obits have noted that Jim was in a relationship for about 38 years with the man he finally married when it became legal in 2013. No, he was never in a relationship with Rock Hudson.

Gays and old women seem to love malicious gossip. There was Kenneth Anger's often error-filled "Hollywood Babylon," and there's currently "Perez Hilton," who won fame by drawing penises over the mouths of female celebrities on his website. There's also Harvey Levin, who runs what is most certainly the most powerful and obnoxious gossip website on the Internet, TMZ. The old bags, Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons are long dead.

The infamous Rock Hudson-Jim Nabors wedding rumor was concocted, as Hudson himself grimly admitted, by "middle-aged homosexuals who live in Huntington Beach," a clique who thought they were being funny with their catty, campy games. For their screechy annual party, they sent out wedding invitations insisting the event would include the marriage of Hudson and Nabors. At the time, gay rumors could destroy the career of a leading man like Hudson, who was quite closeted.

Somehow the merriment of this catty gay "humor" at its most nasty, gained traction. Since it emanated from the gay underground, it was taken as fact. Did anyone who sent out those invitations ever hold a press conference and apologize? Of course not. They probably figured they were doing a great service, "outing" somebody who deserved it.

As many look back on his many enduring achievements, it's inevitable to look back on that highly unpleasant, invasive and destructive example of hurtful "Gossip" and campy humor. Hopefully, as the headlines indignantly talk about the crude treatment of ass-patting men (Al Franken) and crotch-touching men (Kevin Spacey), there will come a new awareness and disdain for gratuitous, invasion of privacy gossip, abuse of intellectual property, "fake news" and the cheerful joy of showing off stolen nude photos of people.

Fans of Keillor are...WOEBEGONE

WHAT? Same day as smirky Matt Lauer's pants got taken down, quirky Garrison Keillor is gone:

Woody Allen, a few weeks ago, muttered, "I hope it doesn't turn into a witch hunt."

And it has. What defines a witch hunt? It's a kind of hysteria for scapegoating. It's generally a lot of ignorant, sanctimonious, frustrated and vengeful people trying to enjoy power.

It also involves gossip more than law.

It also dispenses with the notion in America that one is "innocent until proven guilty."

A witch hunt also blows things out of proportion, and the bony finger pointed at the accused can request just about anything. In the old days, it included DEATH. Today, it's the death of a career and reputation.

According to Keillor, the anonymous woman didn't have much to bitch about:

Evidence that doesn't exist, and cases that could not even be brought to court, have meant nothing in the "witch hunts" that have taken down some celebrities recently. Acts that could, at best, be described as "creepy" have been treated like the work of De Sade or Manson.

Famous people who only thought that their fame entitled them to get a little "forward" with women (or men), or who, in the egotism of celebrity, thought they could bypass traditional courtship for a shortcut of grabass, are now jobless pariahs.

There's a nefarious reason for the success of taking down famous men. If it's a politician, it can be the other side seeking power. As in, "Can we replace Democrat Al Franken in Minnesota." The motive of some woman suddenly deciding she was traumatized MIGHT be that her fame as an ex-Playboy model is nothing to being able to command $5,000 or $10,000 speaking fees in front of women's rights groups.

In the case of celebrities, witch hunts are empowered by frightened corporations. It's easier to cut loose Matt Lauer or Garrison Keillor than become part of a lawsuit. The rush to instantly fire someone always has pious declarations that "our company respects women, and we want a positive workplace." What they're really saying is "hey bitch, don't blame US. We've chucked that guy out the door and under the bus! We were just a venue and we didn't know. And now you can't sue!"

I have not met any of the men disgraced over the past month or two. Going back a little further, there's President Pussygrabber. I've been in his presence. I took pictures of him years ago when I was working for a photo agency and he was attending a lot of celebrity parties and events. I've never met Garrison Keillor, nor listened to "Prairie Home Companion" for more than a few minutes.

BUT....Keillor's company DID produce the radio series "Comedy College." On that syndicated show, a featured comedian was profiled, with samples from the comedy albums. I wrote the scripts, which were read by Steve Martin, Bob Newhart and Lily Tomlin.

For that, I remain grateful. I don't know how involved Keillor was with the project, beyond giving it the green light. Thanks to that show, I was able to put words in the mouth of Steve Martin, so excuuuuuuse me for being proud. PS, excuuuuuuuse me for pointing out that the witch hunt has extended to Steve. The politically correct lunatics have been screaming that his old novelty song and video, "King Tut" should be banned as racist. One college in Oregon or some other snotty candle-sniffing granola-chewing part of the world protested the song so much it made headlines, and not on the "fake news" sites.

Keillor, 75, stated he was fired over “a story that I think is more interesting and more complicated than the version MPR heard.” (MPR is Minneapolis Public Radio, which syndicated his famous show to PBS stations, and I think did likewise with "Comedy College.") Naturally, being fired also means that his stuff is now banned. Whether bookstores will be allowed to keep "Home Prairie" books and CDs on shelves is up to individual levels of paranoia and hypocrite morality. We still don't even know what he did, but if it was REALLY BAD, the man would be in jail. Or under arrest. Wouldn't he? Not in 2017?

Bottom line: peoples careers and reputations are now being destroyed on the basis of hearsay and on actions that are hardly even misdemeanors. The media is paying more attention to every shrill and anguished cry about a pat on the ass than they are about world hunger, climate change or the fact that Kim Jong-Un is pushing his rogue nation toward attacks on Japan, South Korea, Guam and the United States.

Some guy wanders around his apartment with his bathrobe open. Some guy thinks he's a charmer and leans up against a woman on the set of the TV show he stars in. That's the end of the world? Witches, you may not know the real end of the world till it blows up in your face.

YouTube - Hoop de Doo - Allowing Piracy, Infringement and Abuse

Got a problem with YOUTUBE?

Know that it's owned by The Great God Google. "Google is Your Friend." That is, if you like piracy, harassing people, getting access to porn, ignoring problems of being underage, etc.

YOUTUBE is now under fire for being Pedophile Paradise.

It's also an illegal jukebox and a treasure trove of stolen material uploaded without permission and openly: "I don't own copyright. I just wanted to share it! No infringement intended!"

Most every big Fascistic Internet company gives the finger to morality. Some might, when they get around to it, remove an offensive auction (Ebay actually has a rule against selling things that endorse the KKK. Wow. But not against abusing women.)

Most big Fascistic Internet companies operate on the basis of the antiquated DMCA laws, which state, in essence: "We're just a venue. We're not responsible for what anyone posts on our site." The RIAA is upset about this. You can tell. Once in a while they Tweet "the DMCA laws must change."

On YOUTUBE, if somebody uploads a video on you, it's not considered a violation of "intellectual property." This is a LAW, but YOUTUBE doesn't recognize it. (Gee, even EBAY does).

YOUTUBE seems to ONLY recognize COPYRIGHT. If you're a copyright owner and somebody uploads your movie or your music, you get it taken down. (YouTube doesn't want to mess with Disney or Warner Bros.) Yes, they'll leave the item up, and just put a SAD FACE in its place, and tell the world who was ruining the fun, but they REMOVE THE ITEM.

What if you find that somebody is hounding you all over an airport because you're a celebrity? YOUTUBE is ok with it. Somebody with a camcorder parks outside your house and constantly takes video of you to hoist to YOUTUBE? Fine. Somebody simply decides you look good lying on the beach and though you're not famous, you get five minutes of being inspected by a camera and now everyone is watching you on YOUTUBE?

YOUTUBE's answer is to contact the anonymous jerk and say "Pretty please, take this down." To which the anonymous jerk replies, "I'm making MONEY, and I've gotten a whole buncha six-packs of Budweiser because thousands have watched my video of YOU. And YOU get nothing except maybe crank phone calls or lewd comments left on my page. Har har har."

If you DON'T want to contact the jerk, YOUTUBE's shrug is that you can file a "privacy" complaint to some anonymous, bored Milennial turd who will shrug and think, "Doesn't seem bad to ME. Who has privacy anymore? Live with it!"

That is, if you jump through all the HOOPS before you can even reach the form. You are given constant prompts, hoops and roadblocks to read and click before you are ALLOWED to even complain:

Once you get to the form, you are expected to give them the URL, give them the time on the video where you appear, and explain in LESS space than a TWEET, why this is an invasion of privacy.

What happens then? A big FUCK YOU YAWN:

In a real store, you go to the manager. If the manager locks the door, well, the manager has to come out sometime. YOUTUBE is just a bunch of anonymous drones and it's hard to find an email or a phone number to speak to anyone. Like Chaplin in "Modern Times," you are just a helpless cog to be run through the machinery. Privacy and morality be damned.

YouTube - Infringement Central - Only Pedophilia Gets Their Attention

Thank God for Pedophilia.

What? What?

If it wasn't for Pedophilia, the giant soul-sucking companies like Google (owner of Blogspot and YouTube) would truly be able to do anything their Fascist Nazi hearts desired.

Think about it. Hitler was able to gas any Jews he didn't kick out of the country. Why? Because nobody could accuse him of Pedophilia. Anything Germany did was ok, as long as they didn't cross THAT line.

And THAT line, according to the media, is being crossed all the time on YOUTUBE. Yes, yes, while the infamous Aqualung (of the Jethro Tull song) had to go outside to the park and playground, to enjoy "watching as the frilly panties" were exposed to his evil eyes, all the dirty old men (or ANY men, including Jared of Subway, who might have an Internet connection in jail) can see lurid images that are a bit too much of a pedo turn-on.

Let's read all about it:

YOUTUBE is a NIGHTMARE not only for those who don't approve of pedophiles, but those who don't approve of perverts in general. There's no shortage of DIRTY VIDEOS on YOUTUBE. You name the topic and type it in. It'll be there. You'll find perverts showing off their favorite fetishes and eagerly asking for YOU to make contact with them, and join the fun or BUY some products.

YOUTUBE is so perverse that people can routinely upload COPYRIGHTED material, openly STATE that it's COPYRIGHTED, and nothing happens. The TV show or the music is tossed onto YOUTUBE with the ridiculous disclaimer: "I don't own copyright. I just want people to enjoy this! Copyright belongs with the owner."

Duh, isn't the point of copyright so that the OWNER makes all decisions about its use? Red flag the item and YOUTUBE will ignore you. OR, you'll get a tart remark: "If you are the copyright owner, jump through our hoops, spend a half hour of your life, and we MIGHT remove the item. PS, we'll actually leave the item up and put a FROWN FACE on it, and let the world know YOU spoiled the fun. That way YOU can be harassed by vigilante overgrown brats."

YOUTUBE, unlike EBAY for example (not to give THEM much credit) does NOT understand what "INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY" means. A famous actress I know was treated to a ridiculous and insulting video "tribute" in which stolen clips were repeated over and over (like a rap song), making her seem like a stuttering moron. I made a simple request of YOUTUBE. Take this DOWN.

I gave them the usual "I have a good faith belief...." line, but unlike every place else, I was told, "Use our form for copyright abuse." I did. My claim was rejected: "This is not a copyright problem." I wrote back: "I KNOW IT ISN'T. It's "INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY." Nobody has the right to use her image, and even "monetize" for profit, without her consent." I was told, "If this is an invasion of privacy issue, use THIS form." I wrote back: "DON'T YOU HAVE A FORM FOR "INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY?" No. "We have received your complaint regarding privacy, and if we find in your favor, we will let you know." When? Any time soon? And what if you DON'T think so? You expect us to spend hundreds of dollars on a lawyer, so you can then shrug and remove the item?

The only thing keeping arrogant Internet weasels in check these days is PEDOPHILIA.

Oh, oh, the children. THE CHILDREN! It's ok to steal everyone's music. It's ok to hack a woman's computer and throw her nude photos all over the Internet. It's ok on eBay to bootleg ebooks and sell used underwear and get $19.95 for a fake nude photo of a celebrity that some jerk in Kentucky says is real. BUT...please do report any image that involves nude children, even if it's in a nudist magazine. Lord knows, pervs buy nudist magazines for the kiddie pix."

When will the line blur on PEDO PORN? The answer is, it already has. You remember Jon Benet Ramsey? What in the world was a little girl doing all tarted up like that? The result was that she was brutally and sexually attacked. And killed. Anyone learn from that? No, not really.

YOUTUBE is now frantic over Pedophilia because...because of MONEY, that's all. It's because some people have complained to advertisers: "Why are you putting ads on kiddie porn images?" And the advertisers are saying to YOUTUBE, "Why did you place our ads on THAT stuff??"

Google, owner of YOUTUBE, isn't quite so concerned when it comes to their infamous search engine. It isn't quite so concerned with its Blogspot (where hundreds if not thousands of smug weasels offer free porn downloads AND proudly offer THOUSANDS of illegal music links.)

It's almost amusing that in the past few days, Google has been CENSORING new uploads. If the word "sexy" is in it, if the word "hot" is in it, if just about a thousand other terms trip the bots, the uploader gets a stern message: "This item can't be monetized because our advertisers may find it objectionable. Tick this box if you feel the item actually is not offensive, and we will review it."

Thanks to Pedophilia, an eccentric old Australian folk singer sits in the clink, and may die there. What did he do? He patted a girl on the rump or something? He wasn't Jared of Subway, paying for underage prostitutes. But...there's hope. There's hope that PEDOPHILIA won't be such a taboo. I give you the man running for Senator from Alabama, Roy Moore. He is currently LEADING in the polls. President Trump supports him.

Last week a few idiot ADULT women grumped that Al Franken touched their butts, and he nearly was forced to resign. Moore, who has been named by what, a DOZEN women, as having solicited them as teenagers...is happily ready to be a U.S. Senator, just like Al Franken. And damn, in Alabama, what IS the legal age for marriage? 12? Let's remember, say Moore's fans, that Jerry Lee Lewis married a girl who was well under the age of 16. So...

So Pedophilia, to quote a line from pudgy E.L. James, is now involving "shades of gray." An 8 year-old jumping up and down in her underoos on YouTube might be bad. A 14 year-old doing it...why, she could be adorably pinched by uncle Ray Moore and nobody will say SHUCKS.

YOUTUBE is run by Google, one of the wealthiest companies in the world. Aside from Facebook and Amazon, can you name an Internet company YOU would rather have stock in? They can afford to do better. They SHOULD do better. It's pathetic that only the wrath of advertisers is making them blink.

It's also pathetic that all they are doing is blinking. Let's remember that arrogant Google has paid millions of dollars in fines from European countries because it's cheaper to do that than to be honest. The RIAA and GEMA and IFPI haven't put any pressure on Google to make YOUTUBE less of a free jukebox and download center, and Universal, NBC, CBS, ABC and the rest are likewise not demanding that Google stop allowing idiots to upload things with a silly "I don't own copyright" caveat.

But how NICE to know that you might NOT be able to see lurid pictures of little boys and girls anymore. Most anything else on the Kraft-Ebing hit parade is just fine....

And how old IS this idiot dancing in Underoos?

Hey Mr. Moore, soon-to-be-senator in Alabama, you wanna MARRY THIS YOUNG 'UN???

TUESDAY WELD

"Never mind Sandra Dee and Yvette Mimieux. Forget Carol Lynley 'cause she never will do. If you see Connie Stevens just take her away, 'cause she can't hold a candle to to to to Tuesday..." WALTER EGAN, "Tuesday Weld."

Joy Divisions

David Cassidy dies and the GHOULS come out (on eBay)

I have a history with Marty and Shirley. Never met David.

But I felt badly for David's mistreatment by the media over the past year. That included giggles and whispers that he was drunk on stage (when he wasn't). It included gossip that he was mean to his audience (when he was merely pleading with them to stop talking so his between song anecdotes could be heard). It also involved malicious remarks about him being a prima donna for having the musicianship to not only play a guitar instead of just stand around, but to pause and swap out the instrument for another waiting nearby so that his would always be in tune.

It was certainly a sad period of time for his friends and family when, despite the medical marvels of our age, he was hospitalized because he couldn't get organ donations. And it is always sad AND pathetic, when the first thing some eBay parasites do, is download signed pictures they find on the Internet, or scan something a star kindly signed, and then start making illegal reprint copies. "WOW."

Hurry hurry, step right up:

Oh, and here's some FUN TRIVIA. Ha. TRIVIA is SO ENTERTAINING:

It's items such as the above, that have me asking ALL celebrities to get representation in dealing with online maggots. One doesn't need to be a lawyer to file a takedown on EBAY or YOUTUBE etc. All one needs is a signed document from the star, or a suitable email and phone number that proves authorization. A friend or relative or fan can be authorized to submit a "good faith belief" on behalf of the star. And it SHOULD be done. There's no reason why stupid craven grave-robbing nose-picking potato-brains should make beer money off somebody else's life and creativity.

On eBay stars can request that a seller AT LEAST donate part of the profits to charity. Isn't that worth doing? Imagine if Miley or Taylor declared, "You can't dupe my photo for $10 unless $5 of it goes to charity." That could raise a lot of money. Why isn't it done? Ignorance and stupidity and CRAPATHY. As opposed to the ignorance, stupidity and avarice that has parasites uploading with impunity.

The Rockettes? NO DIVERSITY

Today I noticed a Tweet on the lack of of DIVERSITY among those horrible, traditional, old-fashioned corny ROCKETTES.

And really, what else is there to do on Thanksgiving Day except to bitch about a parade?

Yes, angry, frustrated, and caffeinated people have to take their roaring rage to little tweety TWITTER in order to feel better about themselves.

Nothing makes you feel better than dumping on somebody else. Or in this case, a whole group.

OH THOSE ROCKETTE RACIST BITCHES!

That Tweet was from a GAY LATINO, right? You wouldn't want a white and straight person to make a comment. Such a person has nothing to complain about, and should just shut up and step aside.

THE ROCKETTES hadn't enough DIVERSITY at the parade. And we LOVE DIVERSITY. (PS, I hope that nobody sings "White Christmas" anymore. It's so EXCLUSIONARY.

But back to those awful-awful honky ROCKETTES. (I can say "honky" because whites are a majority, so fuck their sensitivity or feelings.) Hopefully all the white Rockettes will be FIRED, and NEVER WORK IN SHOW BIZ AGAIN. They knew what they were doing by not being Black or Latino or Muslim.

The LACK OF DIVERSITY was HORRIBLE!

THE ROCKETTES had no OBESE dancers. That's fat shaming!

There were no DRAG QUEENS. Even worse, there were no CHICKS WITH DICKS, where you can see their packages dangling around in their panties. You do want a Rockette who looks like Jeffrey Tambor in a dress. DIVERSITY, PEOPLE! There were no obvious out-of-the-closet gays stripped to the waist, rocking leather pants and being stereotypical. No shouts of "Here and Queer." Stereotype is the new free!

Where were the MIDGETS? Er, LITTLE PEOPLE. Who cares about maintaining the same height for leg kicks? In fact, where were the AMPUTEES? Surely, you could have two uni-dexters holding hands and doing a kick together, which would show UNITY. Or DUALITY. No bald Rockettes? Hair loss among women IS a major problem, and we must shine a light on it, even if the glare might be blinding.

Isn't it the TROPE of the ZEITGEIST to promote DIVERSITY? Have I made myself CLEAR?

Damn them ROCKETTES. They all wore the same outfit. Where's the ISIS flag with "ALLAH AKBAR" on it? Or someone in a "Make America Great" red t-shirt and matching hat? Why nobody in a SOMBRERO? Where are the $495 basketball shoes to help promote rap fashion?

DIVERSITY, people. The ROCKETTES are so...WHITE. They dance WHITE. Where was the TWERKING? Where were the Women of Color with gigantic butts, like Nicki Minaj? REAL dancing is to do AEROBICS like Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, and look serious while acting like a robot or crossing your arms and making an X and looking FIERCE.

More DIVERSITY, please. Hopefully a dignified protest at Radio City Music Hall will lead to an out-of-control firebombing, ala those fun "Burning Man" rock concerts. With the place reduced to ashes, government funds can be used to build a theater for ethnic dance, with an aspirin concession in the back.

Above this theater will be a glorious food court featuring Taco Bell, Chipotle, Kentucky Fried Chicken (for the Blacks), and Hummus R Us (the new all Halal fast food chain, which features HARAM, sans Procol). Oh, and an Olive Garden. We must have some authentic Italian food for Asians to enjoy. And yes, there WILL be a Red Lobster. White people have to eat, too. Please don't think "Red Lobster" refers to anything Native American, like the Washington Redskins!

To say something NICE about them awful whitebread beeeeeaches, at least they didn't do that racist "King Tut" dance that Steve Martin did in 1978. I hope he's booted out of show business for that, as the students of Reed College would want! He shouldn't get off with a lame apology or saying, "back then, it was considered funny." NO excuses especially not an "EXCUUUUUUSE ME!" Remember, humor is hurtful, and it always makes somebody or something the butt of ridicule, so it most likely will soon be outlawed.

Diversity! RAH RAH! ALLAH AKBAR! PS...none of The Rockettes are Jewish, right? Riiiiiiight!!

The best FLOAT and BALLOON at the Macy's Day Parade

It's about time. We all love WINK MARTINDALE!

OK, I must admit...the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Day Parade is old fashioned.

It's promoted by a STORE. It's full of REAL PEOPLE marching, and not a single robot or 3D fabrication or hologram.

People actually got out of the house to line the streets and watch. HOW INCONVENIENT WAS THAT????

Hopefully when Amazon finally puts Macy's out of business, and the other archaic stores, we'll be able to sit back watching our 60 inch HD screens, and watch a streaming parade sponsored by Amazon, done with CGI special effects and cool Pixar animation. That's the way GOD intended. The way JEFF BEZOS would want it, when he becomes King.

No more standing around in the cold. No more risking death or mutilation by taking mass transit. New Yorkers deserve better. They deserve to stay home, order snacks online, have them delivered, and watch a VIRTUAL PARADE. That goes for the rest of the country. NO THANKSGIVING PARADES ANYWHERE, thank you.

Hopefully these THANKSGIVING DAY PARADES will be a thing of the past VERY soon. It's getting embarrassing. Since there are so few music classes taught in school, and we've learned that brass and wind instruments are uncool AND hard to play, let's stop these parades before the marching bands become totally off key. No way to autotune a marching band either. Yes, the music could be canned, and all songs lip synced, but it's better to just DITCH the old school PARADES, Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.

Surely McDonalds, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Spongebob Squarepants THE MUSICAL don't need to promote themselves in such an old fashioned way, via floats pretending to be commercial-free entertainment. They should all do it the modern way: with "suggested post" Facebook ads, pop-ups bombarding YouTube videos, and good old SPAM EMAILS. They still work. Just ask those millionaire Nigerian princes who are actually white Russians!

PS, hope you all enjoyed your turkeys. Eventually there won't be any, not even ones with siliconed breasts and pumped full of growth hormones. That'll be a good thing. You'll either be able to MAKE your own fake turkey via 3D xerox technology and edible paper, or you'll be able to use your APP and order from Amazon and get your plant-based synthetic turkey delivered by DRONE. In fact, the DRONE will BE your fake TURKEY DINNER. The future...don't fear it. And you can't stop it! And it will be AMAZON, not Macy's!

GOBBLE GOBBLE LOL LOL

You don't have to be a comedy expert to know this:

MOST PEOPLE HAVE A SHIT SENSE OF HUMOR.

The past few days, SOCIAL disease MEDIA has been full of TURKEY memes and cartoons that show frightened birds wide-eyed and about to be killed. HAW HAW HAW.

This idiot?

"I am thankful every day because God has been so good to me."

Of course. BILLIONS of people on the planet, GOD nowhere in sight even with the HUBBLE TELESCOPE, and this asshole thinks GOD is trying His best to be GOOD to one Twitter moron.

"...am thankful for the friends I have met on Twitter all 17.4k of you..."

Yes, and all 17.4k will loan you money if you ask. You think so? They'll all come running? Your funeral will be in St. Patrick's Cathedral because of overflow crowds of TWITTER FOLLOWERS?

"Have a blessed holiday..."

Thank you Pope. With YOU telling me to, I surely will.

"...enjoy family, friends & laughter."

Yeah, and a turkey frightened out of its mind, and no doubt ready to have its head chopped off, is HILARIOUS.

Who are your family? THE MANSON FAMILY? Who are your friends? ISIS? If you think the TURKEY picture promotes laughter, I've got some Auschwitz photos that will have you howling in hysterics.

UGLY BALL vs BREAD DICK

Remember that gruesome "tribute statue" to Lucille Ball?

It's finally been topped by something creepier.

"Is that a breadstick in your pocket or are you really glad to see a little boy?"

The statue is now "cloaked," and will most likely be dismantled. It might simply be re-chiseled at the expense of a suitable company interested in product placement. Just cut that weird chunk of bread down to a square. At the base of the statue: "What would a kid do for a Klondike Bar?"

Mort Sahl - Less Views than Morty Gunty and Opening a Box

"If things go well," Mort Sahl joked at the Hungry i in 1959, "we won't have to keep holding these meetings in secret!"

Today, Mort's appearances, sadly, might as well be a secret. While Bill Maher, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver and others thrive telling their Trump jokes, Sahl is confined to a Mill Valley theater that has a few small rooms that might hold 50 people. This hour, streamed once a week, gets only 200 and 400 views. The shows are kept online but it doesn't seem to matter.

Consider that Morty Gunty, dead, can match this number.

Consider that some chick doing stand-up for the first time, gets well over FOUR TIMES the views for Mort Sahl.

The sad fact is that complete unknowns ranting about yesterday's football game do better than Mort Sahl.

While Mort is a nonagenarian, he's pretty much the same as he was ten years ago, rambling along and chuckling at his own punchlines, which cues the audience to laugh. He's still his own worst enemy, feuding with friends for no reason, and canceling big opportunities at the last minute just because he can (which he did to Seth Meyers last year). Still, you'd think more than a few hundred would want to tune into the streams, which are publicized through Facebook and Twitter.

Off-key singer-songwriters hoisting their camcorder footage of a Taylor Swift song or even one by Eleanor McEvoy, get bigger numbers. If somebody buys and UNBOXES AN APPLE PRODUCT in front of a camera, nearly a MILLION want to watch:

To borrow one of the more quotable Mort Sahl punchlines..."Darwin was wrong!"

MASH UP - Celine Dion and the Belmonts

Remembering Jana Novotna...and the only truly royal ROYAL

It's beyond sad when an ATHLETE dies young. Or middle-aged, which would be 49.

Jana Novotna is probably not a name known to the average person. They know her rivals, who were just a bit better and tended to win the championships...Martina Navratilova, Martina Hingis, Venus Williams and Steffi Graf. Everyone's heard of those ladies. Jana may have gotten to the semi-finals, or even finals, but she rarely won. She reached the finals of the Australian Open once. She never got that far at the French or the U.S. Open.

Her run at Wimbledon in 1993 seemed like the dream come true. In the final set, she had a commanding lead, 4-1. For those who don't know tennis, she was TWO MATCHES AWAY from the trophy. Instead, Steffi Graff won FIVE straight games and took the crown.

Poor Jana. Athletes are supposed to retain their composure. They are supposed to be "good sports." She was supposed to be happy with being runner-up.

I have no idea what the Duchess of Kent said, but it comforted Jana greatly.

The Duchess of Kent was the regular royal presence at Wimbledon. Stately, elegant, cool, calm, she was a true devotee of tennis. The self-described "Yorkshire lass" Katharine Worsley was the first "untitled" woman to marry into the Royal Family in a century. While her husband the Duke wore typically outlandish uniforms in garish red and gold, she always wore very simple dresses. It was her simplicity, enthusiasm and empathy that allowed Jana to feel she could literally cry on this Royal's shoulder. And she was comforted.

It is a grim day, being reminded that scum like Manson, a giddy, psycho-celeb getting interview requests and pulling faces at the camera, lived to 83, and a great athlete fell to cancer at 49. It's also a bit sad that Novotna, is more remembered for crying in defeat than avenging her Wimbledon loss with her ONE Finals victory five years later, age 29, against Nathalie Tauziat.

Martina Navratilova said today, "The tennis world is so sad about the passing of Jana Novotna...I am gutted and beyond words- Jana was a true friend and an amazing woman..."

And so is the Duchess of Kent, who is 84. She first handed out the Wimbledon trophy in 1969, and retired from that honor in 1991. It's not fully known if her struggle with celiac disease, or a flare of the chronic fatigue disease Epstein-Barre was a factor. In 1994, she became a humble teacher in Hull, and dropped royal pretenses. Most of her students had no idea she was once "royalty," as she was merely "Mrs. Kent" to them. She did make an appearance at Wimbledon this past year:

Jana Novotna, and the Duchess of Kent will always be remembered together in the history of tennis. The Duchess of Kent also has a legacy outside of tennis, as someone whose humility, poise and sincerity, touched the lives of thousands.

Sexual Harassment on Film Sets -- not new at all....

MASH UP - Taylor Switt

SAFETY LAST

COMEDY EQUATIONS

ADELE'S CONTRIBUTION TO RECORD STORE DAY

You know record store day. It's when overfed artists pay greasy lip-service to the few surviving record stores, by offering a "limited edition" album JUST for them. Which is sort of like keeping a cancer patient alive with an IV drip. Never mind doing something about piracy, which might include the RIAA, IFPI, BREIN and BPI warning and then shutting down EVERY "Blogspot" blog that gives away discographies. Just pretend that a few artists tossing 100 copies of a vinyl album will do the trick. SONY gave HOW many millions to ADELE instead of signing and supporting hundreds of worthy artists?? How many new record stores have opened? How many have CLOSED. How much vinyl do you see on eBay NOT selling?

AL FRANKEN

Let's see, he was known as a tasteless comic in 1995, so they found a tasteless remark he made back then.

He was a tasteless out of work comic in 2006, no longer on edgy "Saturday Night Live" but writing deliberately obnoxious novelty books.

He took a chance with his life by flying overseas to USO shows to entertain the troops. He made soldiers laugh under harrowing and at times frightening conditions, and a Playboy playmate came along to be eye candy for hoots and hollers from thousands of guys in the audience.

The playmate now remembers that she was offended by Al. Fortunately, what Bob "Cheated on His Wife for 40 Years" Hope did with Marilyn Maxwell and the others remains buried.

People who either have no job, or don't have a good one, are demanding Al Franken either be fired, or quit.

But really, it all boils down to something we've all known all along:

MEN ARE MONSTERS.

Janet Lupo, 67

How's it hangin? For Janet Lupo, it's not. She died yesterday, Nov. 13th at the age of 67.

For guys who grew up in the 70's, she was a heart-throb, if not more, thanks to the month of November, 1975, when she was hoisted onto the centerfold of Playboy.

Years later, those images remained the most memorable mammarable thing about her, and she'd sign copies of the mag, or 8x10s from the shoot, at memorabilia-signing events. Hugh Hefner of course would invite her for parties and give her some "then and now" coverage.

I do remember seeing her at a "Super Mega" show, or some similar event years ago, when I'd sometimes keep a celeb friend company at a signing table. There were usually at least a half-dozen ex-Bunnies at these events, and even a few porn stars, so that series of tables never seemed to have long lines. Gawkers walking by, yes. Paying customers, not so much. After all, there was so much competition for a geek's $20 bill, and lots of people waiting to sign a photo to get it. As I recall, the event where I saw Janet Lupo (and it really was hard, so to speak, to not remember seeing her) included Pete Best, Peter Tork, and Mickey Freeman, the last surviving "Sgt. Bilko" show cast member, hawking a book about his experiences). No, I didn't buy anything that day.

Today, I'm a bit sorry I didn't fork over a twenty for Miss November. She signed the photos "Love always, Janet Lupo."

Brother, Are CD's worth a DIME?

Thanks to piracy, Mom and Pop record stores are being liquidated, and people who once made a living via mail order are, literally, dying.

To which the average "music lover" says, "We like Free! Go find a new paradigm. Sell hats. Go stand in a doorway and jack people off for a dollar." And, "I'm retired. I'm on the government teat. What do I care about somebody else's problems? I'm having fun!" Here's a guy not having much fun. He's an eBay dealer who discovered a double slap in the face. You know, turn the other cheek and get THAT one slapped too? First slap: eBay took over a rival company called Half.com just to run it into the ground. Half.com offered books, CDs and DVDs for half price. What a nasty, creative idea.

Happily, Half.com is not out of business. The sellers have all fled to eBay, where eBay and its illegitimate sister Paypal charge DOUBLE fees. Ebay charges an insertion fee, then a final value fee, and then Paypal charges its own processing fee. This means that somebody selling a $2 CD will likely fork over $1 just for selling it. PS, eBay and Paypal do NOT like nickel-and-dime Mom and Pop sellers and so the fees are higher on bargain items.

Yessir, it's a LIQUIDATION. As in genocide. This guy who got bitch-slapped by Paypal and Ebay also got kicked in the ass by Internet technology. Yes, people LOVE their "streaming" services. Why buy anything when it can be "streamed" like piss through giant corporate bastards like Pandora and Google's YouTube? Mussolini-headed Fascist Amazon bastard Jeff Bezos made sure that Amazon could either stream or download most any movie book or music album you might need. Hooray.

The result? This guy is trying desperately to sell, at bargain prices, CDs and DVDs. He's not alone. Around the country, thrift shops can hardly get a buck each for CDs and DVDs. It's not just a "sea change" of a "new paradigm" that has rendered "media" obsolete. It's piracy. It's the ability to copy off anything and everything, and greedheads looking the other way from morality. "Normal" people who claim they are honest and don't steal, routinely chuckle and find the torrents and the blogs and the "sharers" who give everything away.

Lots of excuses. "It's freedom of speech." It's "I bought the DVD so I have the right to copy it for friends...and a thousand strangers." "Sony is a big company so why shouldn't I make a deal with a fat pig like Kim Dotcom, and get ten cents for every download I get on social media through one of his Mega link companies? I'm ENTITLED."

So this guy on eBay arduously listed every CD and DVD he has, hoping to MAYBE, after EBAY and PAYPAL fees, a buck each on them.

As the song says (Gary Alan's song, if you want to know), "Things are bad all over." Hardly an original thought. Accurate, though. We all know that nothing lasts. Vinyl gave way to 8-tracks and to cassettes and to CDs. That's a lot of landfill. Some say it's a GOOD thing that instead of "junk" all anyone needs is one small box, a 3TB drive, that can contain several shelves, if not an entire wall, of CDs and vinyl. The price is people going out of business with no new business to get into. It's people who used to MAKE CDs and DVDs now unable to make a living from their creativity and being told to toss their stuff on Pandora or YouTube for nickels and dimes and "go get a day job." Somewhere.

The music and movie and book "sharers" figure the Horn of Plenty will never stop, even as older acts like Steve Miller and Gene Simmons stop making music because they can't break even on it and find it insulting to sell thousands of copies instead of seeing their albums go Gold.

There's an unlimited supply of fish in the sea, too? An unlimited supply of clean air? Why worry about any of that when you can hide in a basement, tap into a stranger's file service online somewhere, and happily download and own an entire library of entertainment you'll never even get around to enjoying? "I got every Crosby Stills Nash and Young group and solo album on a bunch of links hosted by a Russian server from some guy in Ukraine or someplace that doesn't even have copyright! That's soooo great!" Then look out the basement window and see that climate change hurricane about to blow your house into the river. Check the sky for Kim Jong-Un's missiles or a plane hitting the ground because some Islamic idiot sent the pilot into a tailspin. And isn't it just too bad you can't download FOOD for free?

Phil Ochs sang "...and nobodys buying flowers from the flower lady." And this guy on eBay? Nobody's buying a Phil Ochs CD from him. And nobody cares if he lives or dies.