TRUMP DEPENDS - these should hold you through the Labor Day Weekend

Toni's Last Book - Sure to be a Best Seller

Have you read all of Toni's books? I think "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" was a hit for her. I could be wrong.

Kirstin Dropped out of the Presidential Race? Awwwww

Does this mean her fabulous book is going to be remaindered?

THE LAST LOL - LOL MASON IS DEAD - (City Boy, The Maisonettes, BBC4 comedy)

The British have a term for it: “gutted.”

It’s when something knocks the wind out of you. You feel a sudden emptiness; your insides replaced by a lonely empty hunger for what isn’t there; for what you wish you still had.

I’ll quote from “Casablanca,” and Rick’s recollection of being gutted by a Dear John letter:

“I remember the last one, the wild finish. A guy standing on a station platform in the rain, with a comical look on his face, because his insides have been kicked out.”

That’s gutted. Usually there’s no comical look.

A friend of mine mentioned he’d been working on a cover version of “Heartache Avenue.” It was a “one hit wonder” for a group punningly named The Maisonettes, with a nod to the lead singer, Lol Mason.

It had me thinking, how’s Lol Mason these days? He’d kept a pretty low profile in the 21st Century, but maybe doing a Google search I'll find something about what he's up to.

I found out he died a few weeks ago. July 30th.

This was like Houdini getting punched before he could prepare for it.

City Boy was one of my favorite groups when I was editing ROCKET, and I interviewed them, and took photos of them in performance. The band actually had a special connection to ROCKET, too. I'll get to that later.

Here's Lol in the City Boy video for "5-7-0-5" (lyrics by Lol Mason, music by Steve Broughton) and a recent picture of him and his wife, which was at birminghammail.co.uk.

It turns out Laurence Edward Mason’s aging involved a required kidney transplant. Only a few weeks after the successful surgery, he had a massive heart attack and died. He was 69.

The news didn’t make Rolling Stone, just a local Birmingham newspaper’s website. When I interviewed Lol and the other City Boy lead singer Steve Broughton, we talked about how lively the rock scene was in Birmingham. It’s where he thrived and where he died.

You might think my best memories of ROCKET involve meeting big stars like Billy Joel, Hall and Oates and Elton John, but I got more satisfaction doing articles and record reviews on newcomers who needed a pull quote and some recognition. City Boy, still without a hit, but with several albums on Mercury, were in the very first issue of ROCKET. When they finally had a hit single, and I met up with them again, Lol told me that the first time the band’s name was ever on the cover of a rock magazine, it was ROCKET. It was a sign they'd made it.

The article in that first issue included a few photos by me, but I’d assigned the piece to one of my freelancers, Ron Gott. He was primarily a photographer, with creds in Trouser Press and other magazines before we met. While he took pix of King Crimson and Robert Fripp and others, he had a fondness for City Boy, and unusual guys like Andy Bown. He was glad to find ROCKET willing to devote pages to individualistic (if not oddball) musicians. City Boy had "Oddball Dance" on the first album, and other unusual pieces such as "The Man Who Ate His Car."

Lol Mason was City Boy's main lyricist, and I really enjoyed talking to him about his unusual point of view. I was amused when he admitted that even he didn’t have a clue on some of his lines. “Deadly Delicious” mentions a girl who is “sharper than a telephone.” Lol gave a lol (laughing out loud) and said, “I’m still trying to figure that one out.”

The rock world never did figure out City Boy, and it didn't help when they eased from quirky and humorous songs to more and more serious fare, moving to Atlantic for the grimly named albums “The Day The Earth Caught Fire” and “Heads Are Rolling.” Steve Broughton left, and their last album, “It’s Personal” was not released in the USA or UK.

Soon Lol emerged as leader of “The Maisonettes,” writing lyrics with bandmate, Mark Tibenham. "Heartache Avenue" was a slick, jazz-tinged hit. I was a music editor for a well known men’s magazine around that time, and would’ve been glad to talk with Lol Mason again and promote their next album…but there wasn’t one. Thus, Lol Mason managed to be a “One Hit Wonder” in two different bands.

He had to be, at this point, tired of the touring, the frustration, and the royalty checks that deducted the costs of touring, studio time and promo videos. Mason began to find work as a songwriter (material on a pair of Sam Fox albums that went gold, the soundtrack for Oliver Stone’s film “Every Given Sunday,” a song on a Sarah Brightman album).

The lyricist also worked on radio scripts, as the UK still has BBC4 and a formidable tradition in that art form. They snapped up his 6 part script for “Richard Barton: General Practitioner,” starring Robert Bathurst, Moray Watson and Iain Cuthbertson. It’s an easy download over at archive.org. It has its origins in a show by Edward J. Mason (Lol’s father) called “Dick Barton: Special Agent,” a hit in the late 40’s. I wonder if John Cleese ever listened to “Richard Barton.” If he did, he would’ve gotten a kick out of some of the dialogue. A quickie:

Richard: "Don't be funny Professor.”

Professor: "I'm a German. Don't be stupid.”

And don’t mention the war!

The birminghammail.co.uk website interviewed Lol’s wife Kathryn (a professor at City University in Birmingham). She recalled his last days and his enduring achievements: ““We’d had the most fabulous two days, looking forward to life without dialysis. On Monday night, we had a wonderful meal together. On Saturday night, we were listening to his iPod and Still Waters Run Deep was playing (a song he planned to record with a local singer, Madeline Farmer). He said ‘You must think that’s terribly old-fashioned’.”

“He was the most intelligent, brilliant men I’ve ever met. His humour, wit and command of the English language... he was such a remarkable person. Everyone has rung up and said he was such a clever man. I was also struck by how many friends he had, and everyone adored him. He was just one of the most brilliant men I’ve known. I think he got two O Levels and an A Level which made me realise sense and intelligence has nothing to do with intellect. He was absolutely my rock.

“He never wanted the limelight back. It can really mess you up, and you’re left wondering ‘Why can’t I have it back?’ “Lol overcame that extraordinarily well. He was so strong and fascinated by so many things. His work ethic was extraordinary, he’d write every day.”

ROCKET gave big write-ups to some artists that were being ignored by Rolling Stone or Creem or Circus. These unique performers were special to me, and they included all types of styles. I loved spending time with Katy Moffatt, Amanda Lear, Andy Pratt, and Peppi Marchello of The Good Rats...and especially Steve and Lol from City Boy. Lol's work remains as fresh now as it did then. I’d like to think that he knew, living quietly in Manchester, that songs he’d written decades ago were still being played all over the world, still getting plenty of YouTube views, and reaching new fans every day.

Stephen Colbert 3 Million, Mort Sahl maybe 300

OK, the "ratings" are in, and for the season, Stephen Colbert and his political comedy on Donald Trump, led "Late Night" to victory over puppy Fallon's charades-and-giggles "Tonight Show."

Colbert gets 3 million viewers a night.

BUT...a few times a month, on a Thursday evening for an hour, Mort Sahl can still get about 300 Internet views.

He also might, on a good night, get 30 people in the audience at the Throckmorton in sleepy Mill Valley.

He could probably double those online numbers if the video was more professionally shot. Somebody sticks a camcorder on a tripod and picks up the ambient sound. (It might be a cellphone, not even a camcorder, as the image on the Periscope website is vertical, with squares of nothing on either side). When you've got a guy over 90 up there, his voice is not carrying that well. When the camera is located near somebody who might actually chuckle once in a while (momentarily jerking the volume) it's quite distracting. Being able to lip-read is definitely a plus.

BUT, yes, there are still chuckles to be had. Pigmeat Markham once grumbled about Mort, "I could never work for giggles." Pigmeat is long gone, but the problems of the world not only remain, they get worse.

While much of Mort's act now is nostalgia and anecdotes, he'll still remark on current events. "What's in the news" and how to laugh at it, was popular on stage before Mort (some have actually heard of Will Rogers) and on late night TV which has replaced going to nightclubs (Jimmy Kimmel will offer topical material as well as HBO's enduring Bill Maher).

The world needs more of the "World of Wit," which was the Verve Records catalog name for their best-selling comedy albums in the early 60's. Most members of their "World of Wit" are gone now: Shelley Berman, Jonathan Winters, Charlie Manna and Phyllis Diller among them. The only survivors are Jackie Mason and Mort Sahl, and only Mort is giving it away free on the Internet most every week.

(Screen captures are from the Aug 1st and Aug 8th shows)

Larry King gets DIVORCED for the 7th or 8th time...

What? WHAT? 85 year-old LARRY KING has divorced his young wife Shawn? What could've gone wrong? She's a trophy wife and he's atrophy husband?

Stephen Colbert at the Top of the Heap...and dwarfed by Johnny Carson

It took 25 years (going back to Letterman and Leno), but CBS finally has the "King of Late Night."

Stephen Colbert has been pronounced the winner of this season's ratings war. While I haven't been following it closely since the publication of my book "The Fight for Tonight," I do try to keep up with the dilemma of late night entertainment. The biggest dilemma is finding anyone who wants to watch.

Back when Carson was around, and even when Letterman and Leno were duking it out, talk shows involved entertainment. You could count on a good monologue, some guests you actually cared about, another stand-up comic sometime later on, and maybe even a song you could remember the next day. Raconteurs still ruled. A host could make a last minute call to Tony Randall, Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett or a dozen others, and be saved. Now? The numbers are in.

Stephen Colbert attracts 3.82 million average nightly viewers. That's way ahead of Jimmy Fallon’s 2.44 million. Jimmy Kimmel has 2.04 million.

How...pitiful...are these numbers in a country of some 300 million viewers?

People are almost tuning in to cable TV news-blab in similar amounts!

Sean Hannity gets 3.332 million, Tucker Carlson gets 3.145 million), "The Ingraham Angle" gets 2.591 million and Rachel Maddow, 2.487 million.

During Johnny Carson's last week on the air, back in 1992, he has about 19 million viewers every night.

Ten years later, April 30, 2002, Jay Leno's "10th Anniversary" broadcast managed to attract 11.8 million. But that was a special night.

The ratings continued to sink. In 2006, during the heat of the Jay-Dave battling, Leno's "Tonight Show" averaged 5.7 million viewers each night, with Dave settling for 3.4 million.

Now? 3.4 million is enough to be a leader! If Colbert had 3.4 instead of 3.8 he'd still top second place Fallon.

The only reason Colbert even has so many viewers is that he attacks Donald Trump most every night. People seem to get a good night's rest after hearing a lot of insult-jokes hurled at the POTUS. Viewers have grown tired of Jimmy Fallon's limited bag of tricks, which includes creepy drag, imitating Neil Young and Bob Dylan, guffawing over brainless starlets, and playing the kind of games that kill a late evening party and send everyone home. "One more round of charades?" As for Kimmel, he started out a Letterman acolyte with cruel humor. He enjoyed watching children cry at Halloween (encouraging parents to take out a camcorder and film their kids while explaining how they ate all the candy). He also enjoyed insulting Trump and booking hip guests. His credibility ended when he kept fawning over the Kardashians, and thinking that playing practical jokes on his grouchy old Aunt was something anyone wanted to see.

BWhen Carson was around, late night options were few. Now, a large segment of housebound losers stream Netflix or YouTube, go on the Internet, or play video games. They don't need to watch awkward movie star pretty boys hawk a new movie. They don't find amusement in ditsy sitcom actresses who can't be funny without a script. They can't agree on what constitutes a "musical" guest. Perhaps they all agree that late night hosts need to stop playing to their bandleaders or announcers, as none of that crap is remotely interesting anymore.

What's next? YouTube stars getting 3.8 million hits a night by unboxing iphones, giving inane opinions, or doing jackass stunts? That could be the future of late night. Happily, YouTube only has to pay pennies in monetization and all the "star" needs is a Best Buy camcorder and a lot of nerve.

"ABBEY ROAD" Re-Issue includes Bonus Tracks but NOT the Israeli Pressing

SO disappointing.

For the 50th Anniversary of Abbey Road, there will be a giant boxed set with mono tracks, re-mixes, outtakes...but NOT the Israeli pressing.

Surely that's a mistake. Titled "Rabbi Ode," it featured a special track on side two:

"And in the end the lox you take is equal to the lox you make."

The cover had The Beatles walking right to left.

"LAWYER IN HELL"

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

Something like that.

Take a weasel of a publisher who actually sued me for three million dollars, a creepy lawyer who in unrelated matters was not only no help but a total obnoxious prick who cost me hundreds of dollars...wait a while, shake well, and you've got: LAWYER IN HELL

My caveat is to mention that I knew an excellent lawyer who got me a very satisfying five-figure settlement on a plagiarist author. So, not ALL lawyers belong in hell.

PS, I did NOT hire a lawyer to defend myself against that 3 million dollar bit of bull-shittery. I went to court alone (with an autographed picture of Judge Wepner in my briefcase for good luck) and defended myself PRO SE.

Did I mention I was once called for jury duty in Federal Court? I was excused. Why? I told the very fine judge (Judge Sweet...cute name, too) that, in my opinion, "Most lawyers are worse criminals than the ones they are prosecuting."

I sort of did an impression of the weasel who sued me, in doing the voice of the lawyer in this song. I hesitate to speculate on where the voice of the devil came from.

LAWYER IN HELL on YOUTUBE

LAWYER IN HELL

I’m a lawyer on my first day down in hell.
So many lawyers in here I just can’t take the smell.
I can’t get heat relief. I’m down to my briefs.
Can I get sequestered in a nice hotel?
The Devil said “NO, lawyers all belong in HELL!”

I put on a tie, I said “You Devil you,
I don’t belong in here and I can give you proof.”
He cut my short and said “Lawyers never tell the truth!”

In law school my ambition was to get rich.
As for right or wrong, well, who knew which was which?
But now I’ve got to dwell with the hounds of hell:
The fate of a son of a bitch
And i’ve got boils and rashes and a permanent rectal itch. (ooh, you devil!)

I cried, “Devil my friend, what was my crime?”
He laughed and said, “You’re doing time for jailing honest men
and freeing worthless slime!”

I cried, “Devil my friend, in your burning tower,
can’t I bribe you with money, sex or flowers?”
He said, “You’re here forever. And that’s in billing hours.”

I had one trick left. I said, “I’ve got one last thing to sell.
I’ll swap it to get out. It’s a great deal, you can tell!”
I said, “Devil can i owe you my soul?”
He said “I took that from you long ago.
It’s judgment day, I’m the judge
so GO TO HELL!”

Can i have a work furlough to someplace less hot, like Mexico? NO
Can I declare Non Compis Mentis? NO
Anybody know a good lawyer? NO!

Meanwhile, at the New York Post website....