FRED STEINER - THE BULLWINKLE SHOW

The versatile composer Fred Steiner died the other day (February 24, 1923 – June 23, 2011). Comedy fans might recognize the name from "The Bullwinkle Show." Fred wrote the theme song, which is a slightly cartoonish variation on the razzle-dazzle of typical show-biz variety music.

You can enjoy it below.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Steiner composed "Park Avenue Beat," a kind of dark bump-and-grind that suggested some of the forbidden low antics that the high-toned folk on the street enjoyed. It became the theme for 'Perry Mason.' Think about it...after the slow, menacing string introduction, the melody actually swings into an undulating, hip-swiveling bit of jazz. Take out that intro entirely, and you have a tune that rivals David Rose's "The Stripper." Perfect for the times Perry may have asked Della to show him more than legal briefs.

Among Steiner's other major musical credits…the incidental music for many episodes of "Star Trek," as well as episodes of "Hogan's Heroes" and "The Andy Griffith Show," and film scores including "Run for the Sun" and "The Color Purple." His daughter is singer-songwriter Wendy Waldman.

THE BULLWINKLE SHOW THEME

SEAN CONNERY and GEORGE LAZENBY APPLE ADVERT LETTERS

CLICK THEM AND THEY'LL BE FULL SIZE...

Hmmm. So the Sean Connery one was a forgery.

I guess there's little hope for the George Lazenby I just bought on eBay....

When you have a Lemon, make Lemonade. AN AD I'D LIKE to SEE...

Anthony Weiner, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton and friends.

LAMEST JOKE TWEETS of APRIL 2011

Twitter seems to be the place where fortune cookie writers go to die.

It's also a place where washed-up comics recycle bad jokes, would-be comics think they'll become famous, and way too many "wits" engage in bon-NOTS.

I suppose even failed jokes are better than those meaningless Twitter tweets like "I'm having a nice day." They also make a little more sense than those tweet-responses given without telling us what the questions was: "You can say that again!" or "That was hilarious!" or "Only if you do it first!" etc. etc.

It seems Twitter works best for goo-goo eyed Lady Gaga fans and acolytes of other celebs who desperately need to know what the "star" had for dinner.

It's also used by people desperate to tell the world what they're doing in a part of the world nobody cares about. Dennis Miller: "I'll be performing at the FireLake Grand Casino in Shawnee, OK tomorrow night. Come on over." Right, I'm on the next plane, Dennis. Who IS your publicist?

"LAMEST TWEETS" isn't a contest. I didn't actually go looking for inane remarks. I think that if you pick any 12 comedians at random (pretty much what I did) you'll discover a terribly high percentage of terribleness. I thought a half-dozen dozers was enough. (Not counting the person who ASKED Ruth Buzzi to come up with a New York City rat joke.)

Don't squint, if you click the image below it will be larger and more readable.

NOT AT A THEATER NEAR YOU...

MARTIN SHORT - Hollywood and the Stars

"What's that song that they always play when Martin Short makes his grandiose entrance on Late Night with David Letterman?"

And the answer is: "Hollywood and the Stars," perhaps one of the finest, but most obscure of television theme songs. David L. Wolper's short-lived series was ahead of its time, offering a half hour on great movies, stars and genres. Some might fondly remember Joseph Cotten narrating the episode on horror movies, with vintage clips of Karloff and Lugosi.

Back in the early 60's, there wasn't quite so much respect for old movies, and certainly not for guys like Karloff and Lugosi. Clearly Martin Short (who once graced the cover of my magazine RAVE) was one of the few avid, star-struck kids who watched "Hollywood and the Stars" and believed so fondly in movie magic.

Elmer Bernstein wrote the theme, and also penned another memorable TV theme: "National Geographic." You can almost hear the iconic opening trumpet notes, right? Well, time now for the strings to take over, and that rather haunting, and somewhat sadly nostalgic theme for "Hollywood and the Stars." Bernstein's forte was film scores, earning Oscar nominations and/or wins for "The Magnificent Seven," "To Kill a Mockingbird," "Walk on the Wild Side," "Hawaii," "Thoroughly Modern Millie," "True Grit," "Trading Place,""Age of Innocence," "Far from Heaven" and many more.

Bernstein's non Oscar-nominated film scores include: "Animal House," "Airplane," "I Love You Alice B. Toklas," "Cast a Giant Shadow," "Hud," "The Carpetbaggers," "Baby the Rain Must Fall," "Birdman of Alcatraz," "Sweet Smell of Success," "Fear Strikes Out," "Ten Commandments" and "The Great Escape."

YOUR LINK TO hearing and downloading HOLLYWOOD AND THE STARS, Martin Short's theme

"DAVY CROCKETT" Theme sung by STEVE ALLEN

Steve Allen once said to me, all seriousness not aside, "My predominant gift, is for music." Most would say he was gifted with one of the quickest, funniest minds of all time, the original hip quipster. Or quipping hipster. Come to think of it, he was never given enough credit for being hip, either. But as a musician…Steve rarely got any credit at all. One of the snider remarks aimed at his piano was that for all the thousands of songs he wrote, "can anyone name TWO?"

There was "This Could Be the Start of Something Big," yes…and some might have heard his "Gravy Watlz" (if not know it by title). But many singers, from Andy Williams to Ann Jillian, have produced albums solely of Steve's songs. He wrote movie soundtracks, musicals (including "Sophie" and "Alice in Wonderland") and made regular attempts at getting into the Top 10 with novelty singles…either sung or spoken.

Which leads us to "Davy Crockett," an unusual novelty that will have you wondering, "well, when is this going to become a parody?" Steve's serious about his "predominant gift" here, offers an amiable version of a song that was covered quite a bit back in 1955. (The flip side was "Very Square Dance"). The phenomenon of Walt Disney's version of the Davy Crockett story (as played by Fess Parker, and not dwelling on The Alamo tragedy) meant kids were buying up huge amounts of coloring books, coonskin caps, little yellow 78's of the theme song and…some of 'em did buy this one. In the photo, then-"Tonight Show" host Steve is pictured with band leader Skitch Henderson, as he's admired by Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme.

Your link to hearing and downloading DAVY CROCKETT sung by STEVE ALLEN