'Tis Pity ESPN has No Balls. These gutless worms have no respect for the English language

The word, ESPN, is WHORE.

It's a "bad" word? Really?

The word WHORE goes, as Chris Berman would say, "BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK" a long time.

"'Tis Pity She's a Whore" was performed at, pardon the expression, the COCKPIT THEATRE in England in 1633.

Despite what some feminist cunts might think, WHORE is a fine word. It's an earthier version of PROSTITUTE, that's all. And yet, on ESPN's boxing website, it was censored!

BOXING. How often, in telecast boxing matches, do corner men yell out four-letter words? These go right out over Box Nation, Spike, CBS, NBC and every other channel that broadcasts this stuff.

Oooh, ooh, wait a minute ESPN, you pussies, is it OK to say "BOX Nation?" You know that BOX has another meaning!

Kell Brook was talking about how much of a media WHORE the mere Khan is. And he is.

Let's also note, in case you've forgotten about "Midnight Cowboy," that men can be whores, too.

Brook was referencing the Kardashian clan. You remember them. It all began when Kim Kardashian, a nobody whose father was one of O.J. Simpson's FOUR lawyers, appeared on a "leaked" porn video. PORN.

Is there anybody who doesn't know what Kim Kardashian did to become famous?

Sal Marchiano who once called boxing matches, described the happiest sight being Bristol, Connecticut in his rear view mirror. He was not a fan of that small town and the small-minded idiots of ESPN who built their headquarters there. He was fired.

ESPN has made the news recently for firing a lot of very good reporters, and keeping on some brainless loudmouths who are MEDIA WHORES and get attention just by saying stupid shit.

Now this. I find it OFFENSIVE to see the word WHORE censored into w----. As if we don't know what w---- means.

The late great dirty comedienne Pearl Williams once bitched at a ringsider, "You don't like dirty words?? If yer so refined, how come ya know what I'm sayin'?"

ESPN, let's put it as simply as possible. What you did is fucked up.

If Karnak was still around...

To XXXX the Truth

Oh, here's two fine examples of symbolism. It's the human condition, and BEAUTY, juxtaposed against a sign involving TRUTH.

How would a NY Times or New Yorker critic describe it? Something involving tropes and zeitgeist.

It goes beyond a gymnast demonstrating her balance beam abilities for the panel on the old quiz show "To Tell the Truth."

I consider these two images to be works of art. I'm thinking of transferring them to canvas, and offering them to the Whitney Museum of Art, so they can exhibit them right next to Warhol and Lichtenstein.

First we have XXXX Truth. The lady obscures the sign. And the other one, well, To ---- The Truth. With your crotch.

Orson Bean and Tom Poston know what's going on. It's all about Truth and Beauty.

Thieving News Sites Report on Conan O'Brien Joke Theft!

Wow, all those Newser Gawker Huffity-Puffity web sites ALL reported on Conan O'Brien being sued for plagiarism.

EVERY ONE OF THESE WEBSITES had reporters dig out the story on their own! Right?

The United Nations might as well have a Jolly Roger flag on its roof.

That's how prevalent plagiarism and piracy is today.

Plenty of websites and monetized blogs simply swipe and re-write everything from Associated Press, or one or two struggling veteran sites. (Some of these now beg you: "Please don't use ad-blocker, we need revenue" and "Please subscribe!")

You might remember Claude Rains in "Casablanca," being "shocked...SHOCKED..." at illegal activity...while collecting his winnings.

Fact is, most of the sites chirping and chattering about the Conan O'Brien case are all profiting from somebody else's work. All they did was re-write.

And that's pretty obviously what Conan's writers did. Wrong? Maybe, but understandable.

If your job is to find funny things to say about the day's news, you're going to check Newser, Gawker, Decider, Huffity-Puffity and the various crazies (NY Post, London Daily Mail). Then, maybe, you'll also glance at comedy websites, comedian Tweets, and even wisecracks from wise guys on Facebook.

Is that such a surprise? Lennon-McCartney would sit around saying "Let's write a Chuck Berry tune." Maybe they'd listen to a Buddy Holly number, steal a few chord changes, and come up with something original. Bob Dylan has famously defended plagiarism as part of the "folk tradition." That applies not just to his swiping of lines from a book and inserting them into a song lyric, but taking somebody's photographs and adapting them into paintings. Hell, even Bob's nemesis Joni Mitchell did that. She took a photo from National Geographic, of natives carrying a giant snake, and altered it for "The Hissing of Summer Lawns."

I once asked Jackie Mason if it bothered him that Don Adams stole, verbatim, some jokes and even recorded them. Jackie said he was surprised, but it wasn't such a big deal: "It didn't hurt me. They're buying our personalities."

True enough. The problem here, though, is that a guy who used to write jokes for Leno, and is now tossing them on a blog or on Twitter and hoping to get quoted or get work, gets a few of his jokes stolen (allegedly) instead. He should've been able to do what he (and others) did with Leno, Dangerfield and Rivers: email or fax the jokes and get paid as a freelancer for them.

As Sam Kinison said about wife beating, "I don't condone it...I UNDERSTAND IT!"

So, I'm not condoning Conan's staff for, perhaps (it's just an allegation now) re-writing somebody else's jokes now and then. But in these days, when YouTube is loaded with copied material, PayPal and its sister eBay traffic in dupe photos and every type of unlicensed and stolen property, and when news websites would rather steal and switch than pay staffers or Associated Press...IT HAPPENS.

Giving a bit of BLANK expression to today's News Headlines...

Stephen Colbert is the New Mort Sahl?

It seems people are considering Stephen Colbert the new Mort Sahl.

The timing is ironic.

Colbert now has the highest rating in late night TV, eclipsing Jimmy Fallon.

Mort hasn't even guested on late night TV since Letterman, Colbert's replacement retired. He only appeared once or twice, and the last time was 16 years ago.

Mort made his fame, and the cover of Time, when Eisenhower was president. He made many albums at the time. When Kennedy came to office, Mort made two albums. When Johnson was president: one. Nixon? One. In the past 30 years: none.

Colbert was born when Johnson was president. An irony is that Mort's birthday is May 11 and Colbert's is May 13th.

Colbert's estimated net worth is $45 million.

If you still have respect for Mort, you don't discuss his finances, or what the situation would be if Leno, Woody and others hadn't ignored Mort's personality and instead remembered and supported his undeniable genius and his pioneering style in stand-up.

Today's headline? Colbert and Trump. Did any President ever get into a battle with Sahl? Perhaps it's because back then, nobody took what went on at the Hungry i or on a Verve record too seriously.

Trump turned to Twitter to regularly complain about Alec Baldwin's impersonation of him. Trump actually attempted to sue Jimmy Kimmel. Bill Maher, who gave Obama a million dollar donation, is widely considered one of the "sons of Mort Sahl." And to his credit Seth Meyers actually attempted to book Mort, only for Mort to snub the scheduled booking with only a few days notice. Mort was not ill; he performed his regular gig in front of a few dozen people in Mill Valley a few days later.

Colbert and Maher have both published books.

It's safe to say NOBODY owns a book from the company that published Sahl's biography, and it will be hard to find in any bookstore.

Yesterday, less than a dozen people wished Mort a Happy Birthday, free on Twitter. A few dozen bothered to "like" Mort's Tweet about the publication of his book, timed to arrive for his 90th.

Meanwhile, the iconoclast Stephen Colbert has been the subject of #fireStephenColbert hashtag rage on Twitter, millions watch his show every night, and today's headlines are all about what Trump said about him, and his response.

Well, times change. Some don't remember Mike Nichols on stage and barely remember his credits as one of the nation's finest directors. They don't know what "phone routines" are, and how they made Berman and Newhart famous. They don't remember the headlines made between Jackie Mason and Ed Sullivan. Rappers who say "Nigga" don't own Dick Gregory's autobiography which shocked the world by its title. Lenny Bruce may still be a name Millennials have heard of but they couldn't tell you much about him. Lord Buckley? Will Rogers? The excuse CBS gave for firing the Smothers Brothers? Ancient history.

30 Sahl Fans Can't Be Wrong. But, Could be All

Look, when you're an iconoclast, you piss people off.

When you reach 90, most of your audience has most likely already died.

Or they have other priorities.

That's three reasons why fewer than 30 liked or loved or acknowledged Mort Sahl's birthday/book promo on Twitter.

Considering that political comedy is overloaded with Maher, Colbert, Bee, and another dozen (and that's just late night), and that Mort has made a habit of canceling shows and insulting even his most ardent supporters, it was not much of a surprise to squint to see those very few Tweets about him today.

Only two of Mort's pals posted pix of themselves with Mort, one of them using the past tense. You don't expect Woody Allen to be on Twitter, but it's embarrassing, the lack of interest from the comedy community. Even though Mort once wrote that he wanted to punch Allen in the face "but it looked like somebody beat me to it," Woody's regard for Mort as a comedy icon, led him to still agree to introduce him at what turned out to be Mort's last major venue appearance, at B.B. King's about a decade ago. Likewise, Dick Cavett, routinely back-handed by Sahl for being "America's idea of an intellectual," never took it personally. They are among the few apologists who would say that, to use a Poe phrase, "the ordinary temperament of genius" means that one can accept "moody misanthropy," and even insults or threats of violence.

Less than 500 people watch "The Last Man Standing" when his weekly hour is broadcast on the Net via something called "Periscope." The guy did perform on his birthday Thursday night.

The show is held at a tiny venue in Mill Valley run by a friend who sort of helps get him on stage. He has trouble walking even with a cane, and quickly sits down to talk to an audience of what seems like a few dozen people. Having the camcorder pan around to show the sparse audience was perhaps an unintentional stab at the truth of the man's dilemma.

Seeing the final total of viewers is pretty sobering. Here's a screen cap that shows Mort promoting the book. And yes, that number of viewers you see in the corner didn't get above 300 views. There are silly girls doing off-key cover versions of Taylor Swift songs on YouTube who get bigger numbers. There are guys unwrapping packages they got from Amazon who do better, along with opinionated guys in various basements discussing the PPV sports event they saw the previous night.

Technically, is Mort "The Last Man Standing?" Marty Allen at 95 still performs. Shelley Berman is with us even if he doesn't totter out to a tiny venue to prove it. And contemporaries (younger by only a few years) Bob Newhart, Dick Gregory and Jackie Mason are very much with us, too. Rickles, who reached 90 before Mort, passed on very recently, and was still doing Kimmel's show. Mort's last national late night shot was with Letterman 16 years ago.

Well, it's sad to note that some faint Tweets in cyberspace hardly meant anything considering the iconic birth date and the book combination, and one of them was from the man himself, holding up the authorized bio.