It seems that some rednecks and drug addicts are getting their kicks by wearing clown make-up and turning up in odd places, acting like they're about to kill someone or shout "Allah Akbar" instead of "Allakazam." In other words, if they were carrying a bucket, it wouldn't be full of colorful ticker tape made to look like water.
Oh, moans the New York Times, real clowns are upset by the bad publicity.
WHAT real clowns? Democrats? Republicans? Birthers? Westboro Baptists? People who think James Corden is funny?
The New York Times, still thinking Andre Watts is the height of soul music, probably isn't aware that there's the INSANE CLOWN POSSE, and just the other day, a woman happily let a guy chop off her pinky and drink her blood so she could salute them.
The New York Times, who will still devote natter-space to a review of some revival of Godard and Truffaut movies, probably isn't aware of all the best-selling horror movies and DVDs involving CLOWNS with razor-sharp teeth.
So, as is their hacky style, they ran a news story on the trend of people dressing in clown drag to scare people and gave it the personal touch by focusing on...a sensitive clown you never heard of.
Aw, poor "Sir Toony," he is upset that potentially homicidal rednecks are ruining his profession's great reputation as...as what? People who make little kids cry?
Does it even need to be said that clowns in the 21st Century are just very bad stand-up comics who couldn't tell a joke right? (Seinfeld seemed to think so, devoting an episode to how horrifying clowns are).
If they aren't rejected stand-ups, clowns are failed mimes who have to resort to even more ridiculous and garish make-up and schtick even more stupid than pretending to be trapped in a glass box?
Even children under 7 are quickly bored after a) a bunch of clowns get out of a tiny car in the middle of a sawdust ring that smells of elephant manure, and b) after they throw buckets of water on each other and then, running to the ringsiders, throw buckets of...confetti.
The most famous clown was at one time Emmett Kelly, who was a figure of pathos, going back to the "Laugh Clown Laugh" days of opera and a Lon Chaney silent film. An eloquent, even Chaplinesque bit, was trying to sweet a spotlight off the floor. It was quite touching if you saw it. Once.
Today, the most famous clown is an obnoxious huckster for greasy hamburgers, fatty fries, and diabetes-inducing soft drinks. To anyone with red hair, or the first name of Ronald, or both, "Ronald McDonald" is an especially irritating pop icon.
In my experience, I've never met a clown I didn't HATE. For one thing, like poor "Sir Toony," they are a paranoid bunch, forever moping that their corny antics aren't appreciated. They are a clueless lot, too, never coming to grips with the fact that most of them either work kiddie parties for chump change, or work FREE, "practicing" their "craft" on sidewalks or in public parks, calling attention to their pathetic selves by strangling balloons into barely discernible weiner dogs or bunnies. ("See? Those are the ears? Be careful that you don't make it pop...Awwww...don't cry...please don't cry...")
Prop comics from the Planet Hack, they usually stuff their pouchy costumes with sure-fire visual gags like chattering teeth or oversized spectacles. They don't seem to understand why bringing their garish faces down in front of a child and demanding, "Squeeze my nose," gets tears and cringing.
Mostly these stupid clowns rail against how the word "clown" is now a pejorative, along with BOZO. What do they blame all this on? Not their stale sense of humor, their inept miming, or their out-dated make-up. They blame it on John Wayne Gacy and all these decades of people who see the lack of humor and the anti-social hostility behind clown drag.
So we have some people in the Red States dressing up as clowns and scaring people just by...dressing up as clowns. If you want to be generous about it, a clown protesting this, is probably the only time he's getting a laugh.
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