Saturday, August 5, 2017

No "Fat Shaming" with GOOGLE. Come aboard, Porky!

You gotta know who your target audience is.

With Google, it's a sedentary, GOOGLE-eyed blimp who always has a bowl of potato chips handy.

The subliminal message: if you start some kind blog (COOKBOOK RECIPES, huh???) you will make EASY money. You can type with one hand, and stuff your face with the other. Your pumpkin-like head will have a jack-o-lantern glow every time you get a GOOGLE gmail telling you how much MONEY they've just transferred to your bank account!

That's right. You don't have to waddle over to the bank. It's a direct-deposit. Like your rump.

The woman in the picture is the ONLY one they wanted to use. The only one that would fit in the frame.

She's hugging herself. She's dowdy, dumpy, ALONE, but god DAMN, she's got a bowl of chips, she can work in her KITCHEN, and she's got a laptop. Which can't fit on her gigantic lap.

"A few reasons why almost 2 million people have chosen AdSense." Uh, let's see: 1) Working at home, you can be as unsightly as you want.

We'll stop right there. Besides, the woman is smiling. She knows her role models include Amy Schumer, and that really really fat woman who is always taking her clothes off on a bad HBO sitcom. Oh, and Kardashian's ass, which has its own zip code.

The way ADSENSE works, is that you create CONTENT and GOOGLE does the rest, festooning your blog with hot links that are unavoidable, banner ads, anything to distract people from READING YOUR ACTUAL THOUGHTS. The more they sit there, agog, the better for YOU.

After a while, thanks to GOOGLE's search engine, you won't even have to write new content. Your old crap will bubble up to the top of the search, by coincidence, and people will be reading and re-reading your page, and my GOD how the pennies roll in.

If you do wish to add more to your blog, and you're bored, just take some crap from NEWSER or DECIDER or any of the other sites that make money by re-writing what somebody else wrote. It's legal now. Plagiarism IS LEGAL NOW. Honest. You can't be shamed. If people can't be FAT SHAMED for being unhealthy and disgusting to look at it, don't worry about being a brain-picking bastard. In fact, if you stick download links on your page, giving away FREE music, that's ok, too. GOOGLE has ways of discouraging copyright owners from jumping through their hoops!

Of you go. GOOGLE wants you to start a blog and gain some...weight.

Big Brother GOOGLE knows what's best.

My blog? I don't have ADSENSE on it. Hot links. Banner ads. I'm not making any money off what I write here. It's a shame. It's just not a fat shame.

No comments:

Post a Comment