Monday, May 13, 2019

No I would not give you Kapplehoff on this Strange & Mournful (Doris) DAY

Yes, she was an ALL-AMERICAN icon.

This was back in a time when being "ALL-AMERICAN" was a good thing.

She was the one who said, not being quite Will Rogers:

"I've never met an animal I didn't like, and I can't say the same thing about people."

Can we ALL agree that there are some dislikable animals out there, as well as people? I've seen many being walked by equally detestable humans. I've also heard them way too often. That's both the barking of dogs and the bitching of people.

But, already, I digress.

My point on this strange and mournful day, is to note that somebody invented DORIS DAY.

Her real last name: Kapplehoff.

Today, "The Hoff" is well known, isn't he? As in "Don't hassle The Hoff." Meaning David Hasselhoff.

Doris lived at a time when you had to have an ALL-AMERICAN name to be an AMERICAN success.

The more simple and wholesome the name, the better.

This was even the case with Norma Egstrom (Peggy Lee) and Clara Fowler (Patti Page) who may not have been darlings of the 40's and 50's without more simple last names.

Doris Day's most famous movie co-stars had their names altered: Rock Hudson and Tony Randall.

Today, an American artist can have an ethnic name. Even an odd name. Or both.

This wasn't the case in the days of Doris.

I had this discussion once with Gene Simmons, whose real name has variously been written as Chaim Weitz (he was born in Israel) and Gene Klein (the name he apparently used in America).

Either way, I once asked him, "Wouldn't it be cool if a rock star could actually be named KLEIN?"

His instant response at the time (circa 1978): "Nobody ever said that was my name." And then he added that he enjoyed being GENE SIMMONS.

I said, "Yeah, but think of the kids named Klein being beaten up because nobody ever heard of a rock star named Klein?"

Consider that when John Lennon wanted to put down Bob Dylan, it was: "I don't believe in ZIMMERMAN."

John insisted he wasn't being anti-Semitic, but just truthful. Yeah? You also didn't believe in STARKEY, John?

In Doris's day, ethnic names were ok if you were running a German delicatessen, or an Italian bakery. Having an Irish name was great for a prize fighter.

Yes, some people changed their names to create an exotic image. William Pratt became Boris Karloff. Emma Matzo became Lizabeth Scott. Betty Perske became Lauren Bacall. Now? Now, it's somewhat rare when somebody changes their name.

Maybe it's because in our diverse world of today, nobody gives much of a damn about being AMERICAN. In fact, the less AMERICAN you are, the better. Ask Congresswoman Omar. Or Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez.

Ask Ms. Ocasio-Cortez about her boyfriend, and you probably won't get an answer. How many know she even HAS a boyfriend? That's because it's a white, red-headed guy with the All-American name of RILEY ROBERTS. That wouldn't sit too well with her Puerto Rican constituents in the Bronx, and her rabid following who admire her as a LATINA and someone who bucks the white status-quo. You almost NEVER see her with THIS guy:

It's possible that a blonde, wholesome-looking lady named DORIS DAY would get NOWHERE now. She might even be told "Change your name to Doris Kapplehoff."

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