So-called singers are all over Instacrap and Twitter-Twatter and, of course, Farcebook, "networking" to have Mommy and Daddy support their vanity project. No, no, not their actual parents, who know better. Mommy and Daddy INTERNET.
Call me old-fashioned (or better yet, order me an Old Fashioned, and make it a double). It used to be: "Put YOUR money where YOUR mouth is."
If you thought your songs were good, or your book worth reading, you offered samples "on spec." Or the whole thing. You rightly figured IF YOU HAD TALENT, you'd be recognized. And if you didn't, you'd get better or shove off.
My late friend Brother Theodore spent all his life savings to book a hall and perform his one man show. Nobody showed up. Nobody reviewed it. He discovered it would take years and years to amass little credits, get bigger ones, and make a living at his craft.
Even now, a classical musician will often pay to rent a hall, pay a publicist to "paper it" with free customers, and hope for a positive review that leads up the ladder a bit. The odds aren't great (listen to "Mr. Tanner," as sung by Harry Chapin) but it beats "networking" on the Internet and relying on the kindness of strangers. Especially when all that happens is the "artist" has a vanity project that sits in the closet, and a few dozen idiots can brag, "Hey I know the completely unknown idiot who made THIS, and look look, I got a credit as a CONTRIBUTING PRODUCER!"
What a ridiculous time-wasting dreamworld the Internet is.
And what an insult it is to established artists who are forced, in this miserable economy, to try and push past the pretenders to get a LEGIT product funded. I'm thinking of Jill Sobule, among the many formerly on a "major label" who didn't ask Mommy and Daddy for money, but asked her legitimate paying customers to simply pay in advance to make things a bit easier.
Now it's anonymous, self-entitled prigs and piglets mincing around with: "hey, guyyyssssss, you want to see ME be a success, don't you? FUND ME, or...or I won't do it at all." Because you don't have that much faith in it? Because you just want to have a CD you can show off while hundreds remain in boxes in your closet? You want to tell the world you're a writer and NOT include the name of a publisher anybody's heard of?
Mommy and Daddy Internet, aka Kickstarter and GoFundMe, are empty venues where, thankfully and inevitably, half-baked projects go to rot. Some that succeed because of constant nagging (er, networking)? Have you EVER heard of a real success as the result? That book? That CD? That film? Did it EVER get reviewed by anyone legitimate, or sell to any significant number besides the jerks who donated?
The image above is one of thousands I could've chosen. I don't want to name and thereby shame the "arrogant toffee-nosed bint" (some astute blogger's opinion on her) by posting more about her, but I'll say this: NOBODY on the planet has bought her FIRST "crowdfunded" album. That doesn't bother her in the slightest. "WISH ME LUCK!"
And what happens when this amateurish awful project fails? You'll clog up YouTube's bandwidth with your awful performances? You'll tell people to download your junk at Bandcamp? You'll start your own PODCAST?
When you think of how many people have won Simon Cowell's "Got Talent" shows, and all those singing contests, the number who EVER made it to a second CD, are pitifully few. You can count on one hand the number of these people who ever made a career out of their luck. Where is Susan Boyle these days? Anyone proud of Jackie Evancho for growing up to sing at Trump's inaugural? Anyone following the musical career of Ruben Stoddard anymore?
Most of the ones that are still performing in Vegas, after an "America's Got Talent" win (such as ventriloquists Paul Zerdin and Terry Fator) were already seasoned performers with dozens of years of experience before they pretended to be needy amateurs asking "for your vote."
Now, everyone's asking for your SUPPORT on Kickstarter and GoFundMe. Well, you might as well be on ASSkicker and GOFUCKYOURSELF, as far as I'm concerned. IF you've got talent, work hard like everyone else has done over the years. Don't cry and beg and be a brat on the Internet, Understand what Steve Martin once said: "Be so good that you cannot be ignored."
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