Monday, June 11, 2018

My scary new magazine with SHEMP HOWARD on the cover

As we say in the publishing world...

"Eeb eeb eeb eeb beeb beeb beeb..."

Yarncraft, Rocket, Rave, and now this...

I hate to break it to the fans, but Putrid Mystery Tales has folded.

It's just too difficult to compete with FREE. As in, "Why don't you put it on a blog and NOT charge anything?" And "You can make money with those banner ads I remove with my ad-zapping app."

The numbskulls on the staff suggested that in every issue, we offer something enticing for free, like a gold watch, or a mint five dollar bill. I said, "Morons, what'll prevent someone from browsing and pulling the item out and putting the magazine back? Newsstand dealers these days may enjoy jihad, but only for religious reasons."

This last remark actually ended publication, as a newsstand dealer overheard the joke, and having no sense of humor, actually demanded that the jihad against Rushdie be transferred to ME.

What can I tell you? Like buttonhooks and good manners, everything disappears over time. Paying for magazines and books is ludicrous in an age when anyone who REALLY REALLY wants that kind of thing can download them off a torrent in Croatia. ("Give thanks to Putin! Copyright is copy WRONG. Freedom of speech!")

Movies. TV shows. Songs. Books. If it can be digitized it can be pirated.

The movie "The Graduate" has never offered more timely advice for young people starting out: "PLASTICS!"

Of course, very soon everyone will have 3D printers...

No comments:

Post a Comment